Chapter 31
Chapter Thirty-One
Belle
“This is my office,” I recite out loud for the sixteenth time.
My statement is factual. From the moment I moved into this particular apartment three years ago, this second bedroom has been my office. The wooden desk I’ve carted with me since childhood is planted next to the only window in the room, the view from which is nothing to write home about since it faces the parking lot.
On top of my desk is my laptop and a mess of notes from my most recent project, which I emailed to Percy last night with a short note to say I hoped the book would live up to his standards.
And because I’m a reader as much as I’m a writer, I have disorganized bookshelves packed full and lining three of the four walls in here. I can only see the top three shelves right now from my vantage point, lying like a starfish in the middle of the floor, my gaze mostly aimed at the blank ceiling.
I’m trying to reorient myself to my own space, but...
All I can think about is how my book collection pales in comparison to Percy’s library.
At this point, I’ve spent the last twenty-two hours back home comparing life in my apartment to life with the pack in pretty much every way possible.
Life here comes up short in every way.
The bed is too small and lonely. My shower is cramped, and there’s no soaking tub. The small television in my living room doesn’t have a very clear picture. My apartment’s views are either a parking lot, a brick wall, or the overgrown grass in the empty lot next to my building. I’ve now added my lacking book collection to my list of complaints.
And don’t even get me started on the fact that I added salt, lemon juice, and vanilla to my cereal this morning while thinking about Rhys.
Nearly spitting out my first bite of breakfast was the first time I’ve felt the comfort of home since I walked back into my apartment yesterday afternoon.
I was so proud to be able to afford this apartment when my book sales picked up, but now I’m faced with a new reality: This place blows. In all fairness, I think any place would pale in comparison after feeling like I was living in a dream at the cabin.
I’ve always loved nature. One of my favorite things is taking a book into the woods and finding a place to set up my hammock for a day of reading. So, living in the woods? A dream come true. Deciding to come back here was crazy. I can’t think straight here. All I can think about is how much I miss my alphas.
“I could masturbate,” I muse, but I dismiss that idea quickly.
No reason to give myself yet another thing that will fall short of expectation now that I’ve had a taste of the good life. I can’t ruin orgasms for myself!
With every passing minute, the answer I came to seek becomes clearer.
My place is with Knox, Rhys, and Percy. My alphas. At home, in their cabin, lost in the wilderness with them... thirty-ish minutes from town. I genuinely don’t believe they’ll ever lie to me again like they did. They made a split-second decision that I’m not angry about in the slightest, so I’m not going to let that keep us apart.
The truth is, I needed to come home and think about what merging our lives would look like. Now I know. There’s nothing here that can’t be left behind besides a few pieces of sentimental furniture and my more personal belongings.
I don’t even think packing will take long.
“Knock, knock,” Mia calls from the doorway.
I roll over onto my tummy to look at her with a sheepish smile, knowing I probably look like a little kid lying on the floor the way I am. “You can come in.”
“Are you sure?” She raises an eyebrow. “Because I’m pretty sure I woke up to the sound of you announcing you were going to touch yourself.”
I slap my hand over my face as my cheeks flush. Of course she heard that. I sort of forgot she was still here, sleeping on my couch after our long night of wine and gossip. She knows pretty much everything there is to know about my alphas besides some more personal details, so she should know better than to think there’s a real threat of me touching myself.
My thighs are still achy and shaky from the aerobics of my heat.
“I’m just teasing you,” she reassures me as she wanders further into the room and plops down on the floor next to me. This is why we’re such great friends–Mia is always happy to join me rather than judge me. And the true test of a friendship is how much two people are willing to make fools of themselves together.
Based on some of the dance moves we performed last night while intoxicated, we’re truly the best of friends. My hurt from the bar is far behind us, though I know we’ll still have to talk about her scent-match eventually.
I’m not quite ready.
“I slept in so late. You’ve always been an earlier riser.” Mia yawns as her eyes skim my office. She doesn’t come in here often. “How are you this morning?”
“A little sad,” I admit.
She nods thoughtfully, waiting for me to say more.
“So many things are about to change, and that’s scary because the last time things changed for me in a big way was when I lost my mom.” My dads struggled to cope, moving away to a new house soon after, since they couldn’t bear the memories.
We still spend holidays together when we can, but none of us has ever quite been the same. My mom was always the glue of her pack. We’re all a little lost without her.
“Your mom always knew the right things to say,” Mia reminisces with me.
She’s right. If my mom were here, she would know just how to encourage me to go after what I want instead of hiding scared from the rest of my life. If she were the one I called to pick me up, she would have taken one look at the guys and left my ass with them.
My mom always believed in facing things in life, especially when the things were hot men. She let my dads get away with murder sometimes and still looked at them with stars in her eyes.
I wonder if I look at my alphas that way, too?
I’ll never know if I don’t hurry back to them.
“I can’t give advice or pep talks as well as your mom,” Mia says slowly, “but I think I know what she would want me to say to you right now.”
“What’s that?” I perk up, interested.
She smiles as she reminds me of something my mom said often to me, “There aren’t many things in life better than being loved right.”
Mom always put extra emphasis on loved right to make sure everyone knew she was making a sex joke. Her crude humor could rival Rhys sometimes.
“That’s the best pep talk I could have asked for.” I lean over to wrap my arms around her in a tight hug. I’m lucky to have a best friend who cares so much about me. And even though I miss her so much that my chest aches thinking about it, I’m so glad my mom always said such wild and memorable things so that her silly wisdom could live on.
I think I’m done moping around my apartment. I don’t need weeks to confirm what I already know, that I’ve been loved so, so right.
I push up to my feet and march toward the door.
“Where are you going?” Mia scrambles to her feet and chases after me through the apartment.
I only pause at the door long enough to grab my door keys and smirk back at Mia, who has committed herself to going along for the ride since she’s stuck around this long. “We need to run to the store.”
“For more alcohol?” She frowns.
“Nope.” My grin widens. “For moving boxes.”
I have some packing to do.