15. Rhodes
15
Rhodes
T here’s only so much of this I can take alone. I have to tell someone. To get this off my mind so I don’t accidentally say anything to Paige.
“Don’t freak out.” I put my car in park, thankful there isn’t anyone behind me in line.
Amber crosses her arms over her chest and leans against the drive-thru window frame. “Now I’m guaranteed to freak out.”
She has on one of her favorite cream sweaters. Maybe it’s beige? Honestly, I can barely tell. All she wears is neutrals, and they’re basically all the same and smell like coffee.
I sigh and stare forward. “I have to tell you something, but I don’t want you to say a word to anyone.” There’s a disclaimer to this because it’s not just anyone I want her to keep this from. “Not even Paige.”
She leans on her forearms, drawing my attention back to her overactive eyebrows. “Hm. This should be interesting. Go on.”
I should probably have thought this through more before showing up at her coffee stand drive-thru to talk. I couldn’t risk accidentally using the wrong phone and sending this information to Paige when I meant to send it to Amber .
I take another steadying exhale. “You know the experiment Paige is doing?”
“With the three guys? Duh. It’s bringing me so much joy right now. I’m currently in the process of scrapbooking the whole thing.”
“Really?”
She laughs. “No, dufus. Now, what is it?”
“Well, I…she…and me…I’m…”
She throws her head back with a groan. “Come on, Rhodes. You’ve got my line backed up!”
“Okay, okay, okay,” I say in a rush, peering through my rearview mirror to see one car pull up behind me. “I’m one of the guys.”
She squints at me with a quizzical look. “Explain.”
I force my eyes to hers so she doesn’t think I’m lying. “You know how she’s been talking to three guys?”
“Yeah…”
“I’m one of the three. Delia asked me, and I agreed.”
I can feel her gaze burning me like a magnifying glass reflecting the sun. “No way. I don’t believe you.”
My brows draw together in a harsh V. “Why? Is it so unbelievable?”
“No.” She shakes her head. “You’ve just done a bang-up job of hiding your feelings for Paige since, hm, forever? Maybe earlier. And which guy are you? If you even say Delia’s cousin, Pickup Line Jason, I will throw hot coffee in your lap.”
She isn’t bluffing. Amber might seem like the normal, nice one, but her protective best friend aura has always been strong.
“I’m not her cousin.”
“Boltface?"
“God, is that someone’s name?” I ask. “Or nickname?”
“Real name. He’s the one who sends the sexy photos of his boat. ”
My entire face drops into a frown. “You’re kidding.”
“Wish I were,” she says with an exaggerated eye roll. “So, you’re Roger Who Cleans?”
Suddenly, I’ve lost all of my confidence. “Yes?”
She shakes her head. “You dog !”
“Delia roped me into it, okay? Told me I needed to be one of the guys and wasn’t giving me another option.” My speech is rushed. “I figured it was time.”
“You finally did it. You’re going to tell her how you feel,” she says, reaching further out the window to slap my shoulder. It’s a long way since my car hood barely crests the bottom of the window frame. “Wait. Your name isn’t Roger. When exactly are you going to tell her it’s you? Liar.”
I didn’t think my feelings had been that obvious, but apparently, I was so wrong.
“I…don’t know,” I say slowly. “I’m just trying to take things one day at a time.”
The person behind me honks their horn, probably after noticing Amber was hanging out her window without making or giving me any coffee. People in the Pacific Northwest do not mess when it comes to their caffeine.
She flippantly waves at the car behind me. “But you’re going to tell her right?”
“Yes…maybe.”
“Rhodes,” she warns.
“You said yourself I’ve been obvious about how I feel for a long time. Don’t you think she would have noticed? Won’t it be weird if I say something now? What if she thinks our whole friendship has been a sham? I’ve also watched her date every male in our state and parts of Canada. I’m not exactly ready to tell her how I feel—”
“You have to,” she blurts. “You’ve had these feelings forever. They aren’t going away, and you’re the miserable one.” She leans closer and lowers her voice. “If it wasn’t one of these guys, it’ll be someone else one day. Do you really want to wait for that moment to happen? When they get married and start having kids? When you’re their daughter’s godfather?”
“Godfather? This isn’t the mafia, Amber.”
“It might as well be!” she shouts. “You’re going to miss your chance if you don’t tell her.”
I lived with these secret feelings for longer than I ever thought I would. I figured I’d just go to sleep, and they’d eventually be gone, or I’d wake up and Paige would have feelings for me. But it hasn’t worked like that. She hasn’t been ready for something serious, and the longer I’ve waited, the more afraid I’ve been to ruin our friendship—the one tie keeping us together. But there’s always been something against us. Boyfriends and college, jobs and family stuff. In high school, my dad’s health took a turn, and he had his first stroke. Even thinking about telling Paige didn’t feel right. I didn’t want her to have a sympathy crush on me.
But how is this any better?
Now, I’m hiding from her in plain sight.
“I’ll think about it.” I don’t have to make any rash decisions right now. We’re…getting to know each other. Or at least, getting to know each other on this level.
“Good,” she says. “Keep me posted.”
I will not be doing that. “Sure.”
“That didn’t sound convincing enough. You told me all of this for a reason. ”
I rake a rough hand through my hair. She’s right. “Okay, I will.”
“And no dick pics.”
I glare at her.
“I’m serious,” she touts. “That isn’t the way to her heart. Plus, I don’t want to see any of that, and you know she’d show me.”
“I can handle—”
A bell dings from the other drive-thru window, and Amber turns to see who it is. “Hi! Constance and Paige. I was just talking about you!”
“Shh-shh-shh!” I scream-whisper at her, hunkering further down in my seat so Paige can’t see me. The likelihood of her seeing my car as she drove in is low considering how the coffee stand is situated on a corner with two street entrances. But the problem now is having to leave without her pulling out right in front of me.
My knees jam into the underside of the steering wheel, and my spine decided to wake up a contortionist this morning because it’s arching at an angle it’s never bent before. Not sure if I should be proud or afraid of this fact.
Amber keeps the window open and walks to the other one, talking loud enough that I can still hear her perfectly. “How are you both today?”
She sounds like a robot and is far less convincing.
Paige hesitates before answering. “G-good. Why are you—”
“Constance!” Amber shouts. “How about a lollipop?”
“I’m not five,” Constance retorts. “I’m an adult now. I want three.”
Amber shuffles around, and I can hear her finagling the bin of suckers open. “Here you go. And you, Paige? What do you want? Other than a happily ever after.”
I imagine Amber winking right now, and I cringe a little. She’s not good at playing it cool. I need to get out of here .
“I have to tell you something. But you can’t tell anyone. Not even Rhodes.”
I slowly unravel so I don’t throw my back out—the joys of being thirty—when I hear Paige say my name.
“Uh…okay,” Amber drawls. “What is it?”
My ears are on fire.
“Swear it.”
Paige sounds serious.
“Ooo, make her take a blood oath.”
“Shove it, Constance. That’s creepy,” Paige says.
“I know.” I can hear the smile in Constance’s voice.
“I swear,” Amber replies in a somber tone.
I’m dying to know what it is. Why is Amber being sworn to secrecy? What is she going to tell her?
“Machete Lady thought Rhodes and I were…a…couple,” Paige says, squeaking the last words. “That’s…weird, right? I know other people have assumed or thought that, but this is my neighbor, someone I rarely talk to. I don’t know, it made me feel—”
“Wait a minute,” Amber starts as I try to lower my window a little more to hear every single thing. “Machete Lady thought you and Rhodes were dating. How is that swear on your life top secret?”
“That was Constance who wanted you to swear on your life—”
“I said blood oath.”
“Whatever,” Paige snaps. I’d bet she even rolls her eyes. “And it’s top secret because it’s Rhodes . We’re not even close to dating.”
Closer than you think .
Amber’s laugh is strangled. “Yeah, and you guys spend like every second together, so I don’t see how it’s that shocking. You both are like a relationship waiting to happen. ”
There’s a silence that follows Amber’s words. My heart is begging for Paige to just put me out of my misery and confirm all my worst fears that I’m not dateable. That she will never like me like that, she isn’t attracted to me. I’m not good enough for her.
But she doesn’t.
Instead, she says, “But nothing has happened.”
Amber barks another laugh. “That’s what you think.”
My mouth falls open hearing her say this, and I want to curl up under the front seat and hide forever. I can’t believe she just said that.
“What do you mean—”
“We have to go,” Constance cuts her off. “No time for coffee now. Paige owes me printer ink because she used all mine to print flyers that read Snowflake for President . Snowflake is a cat, mind you.”
Constance guns it without saying goodbye, of course, and I’m left with a gaping mouth and too many questions.
Amber walks to the open window on my side and peers down.
I look up and gulp. “You suck at lying. At this rate, she’s going to find out by the end of the week.”
“I thought that was the point?”
“It…” I don’t finish my thought because she’s right.
It is the point.