Chapter 7 #3
“Oh... Being selfish. My mom is getting older. She’s a little confused sometimes,” another sad smile, “especially since I haven’t aged in a few decades.
She wanted me to get out and live my life.
Go to college. Try living on my own. After all,” he coughed, clearing a catch in his voice, “as she likes to point out, she won’t be around forever and then I’ll be alone. ”
“God, Jesse.” Sophie looked at him with stricken eyes.
“This is not a pity party!” he spat, pacing in a tight line in front of her.
His hands swung as he declared, “I know I could lead a pretty comfy life if I wanted to! You know, some vamps probably do the big city thing, live the night life, sleep with a different girl—or guy—whenever they want, make new friends every couple of weeks, and then vanish. I’m different.
I’m pathetic. Okay, this might be a pity party.
” He collapsed suddenly, landing on the broken couch.
Sophie yelped and slid next to him as the battered piece of furniture gave up the ghost. “Sorry. Okay. I told you the long version. I could have said, “I got bitten and I’m trying to live the most normal life I can for a sunlight-challenged fangy freak.”
She found herself leaning weakly against him, exhausted. “I think the long version was better.”
Jesse craned his neck, looking down at the dark silky hair on his shoulder. “Yeah?”
“Kinda.”
“Um. You’re still here.”
Her head lolled back, regarding him with weary eyes. “I noticed.”
He shifted, unsure of what to do. “I’m sorry. But you can see why I don’t go around announcing it.”
“I can totally see that. I’m not even sure if this is real. Maybe I wrecked on the way home from Thanksgiving break and this is all a really weird coma-dream.”
He pinched her arm sharply, making her yelp. “Nope. You’re here. So am I.”
“Again, I noticed.” She closed her eyes, shutting the world out. A jumble of fact, fiction, and their messed-up offspring were warring in her head. Maybe if she slept on it, she’d wake up and it would all magically make sense.
Jesse, on the other hand, seemed to have been enlivened. “You’re not running. Or screaming. Or scared?”
“I’m plenty scared. I think I’m going nuts, but I’m not scared of you. Which might also be proof of going nuts,” Sophie yawned.
“This is why I told you I didn’t want to get into anything heavy, you see? Not because I don’t like you. But you’d never want to be with someone like me. I mean... would you?”
Sophie bit her lip.
Someone like him.
Needs a liquid diet.
Like someone on a feeding tube?
Has no reflection.
At least he’s not vain.
He’s not alive.
But he’s trying to live his best life.
“This is hard.”
“I know. I shouldn’t have asked that. You need more time to think.
Or— if you know, you can tell me. And I’m okay if we’re just friends.
I love having you in my life. I hated hurting you more than anything I’ve ever done,” he rushed to explain.
“I wanted to be with you so much that I was selfish, I guess. I tried to think about what would make you happy.” His eyes melted into hers.
“Then you made me feel things I’ve never felt and I forgot to stop myself. ”
Sophie felt sleepiness fading away as he gave her a hopeless smile. “Never felt?”
Jesse suddenly became interested in the corner of the ceiling.
“Never let myself feel that way. It’s hard to be happy if you won’t let yourself try it, if every time you think you see a chance, you hurry up and run the other way or push it away.
You’re the only one I kept pulling closer and when I let you in all the way,” his voice broke and he coughed to cover it, “I screwed it up and chased you off. I’m sorry. ”
“I came back,” Sophie said simply.
He nodded, face closed over, and chest tensed as if struggling under the weight of hoping she’d stay.
“You probably don’t want to be with me,” Sophie whispered, her voice emotionless. “It makes sense now. I’ll age and you won’t.”
“I don’t care about that anymore,” Jesse said thickly. “You know... some people only get a couple of years together anyway. Accidents happen. Demons happen, especially in Pine Ridge.”
His dark humor still made her smile. Slowly, that grin was replaced by a confused frown. “Jesse?”
“Mhm?”
“You thought I was a vampire?”
“I was wrong, I’m sorry. Please don’t be angry. More angry.”
“Why? Because I’m pale like you?” Sophie repeated his words from earlier, her arm held out beside his.
He swallowed. “I don’t want to go into all of this now.”
Sophie shifted back to the other side of the couch, eyes steady but not unkind. “I do. I— I never felt this way, either. I want to be happy. I don’t think we can do that with secrets. Not big secrets.”
“Okay. Right. You said you’re adopted?”
“Yeah, what about it?”
“Again, not wanting to upset you, but I wonder if your birth parents weren’t something a little bit extra.”
“Like what?” Sophie felt a sudden bolt of heat in her chest. “I’m monster spawn?” All those bullies were right? I’m a ghost, I’m a vampire? ‘Hey, Goth Girl, don’t you know Halloween is over?’”
“Sweetheart,” Jesse’s voice was soft and easy. “Look at your hands.”
Sophie looked down, eyes widening. Her dead white skin was still white as the thick frost that lay across campus, but from under nail beds came a reddish glow.