Chapter 8
EIGHT
It faded instantly, but the bewilderment lasted longer. “I— it had to be a trick of the light.”
Jesse said nothing.
“I’m alive! I can’t be— what you are.”
“I know that.”
She swallowed several times. “I don’t want to be something else. I’m bad at being a human, but—”
Jesse exploded off the couch. “Stop that! You are perfect at being a human! You’re better at being a human than so many people in the world.
You show love, you bring beauty to the world, and you care about others.
You get knocked down and you get back up, and then you climb higher.
Sophie, that’s why I love you.” Without thinking about it, he pulled her to her feet, shaking his head in admiration.
“You stand out because you effing shine. Do you understand me? You’re not below normal, you’re above normal.
And— and I’m in love with you, no matter what I am or what you are. I love you because I can’t help it.”
Because I can’t help it. Falling in love, a true and total fall.
“I don’t care what you are, I care who you are. You’re Jesse Smith. You make me laugh, you make me happy, you make me feel beautiful and confused, and above all... like I’m not alone. I guess I’m trying to say— I love you back!” Sophie blurted, jumping into his arms.
“For real?” Jesse exclaimed, holding her tight, a look of joyful shock on his face.
“As real as we get.”
SHE DIDN’T KNOW IT would be like this. Her hair was a mess and her nose was sniffly. She was wearing yesterday’s clothes.
Jesse didn’t care. He kissed her desperately, seeming heedless of his former control, abandoning the idea of “keeping things light.”
Sophie revelled in the feel of his clinging arms. He’d almost lost her. She understood the desire to keep her close, never let her go— she felt the same way, her fingers desperately clutching him.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered between kisses.
“For what? You told me the truth, I’m the one who called you a liar. I’m sorry,” Sophie kissed him back, feeling her aching muscles uncoil in relief. I don’t know what happens next, but it happens with him.
“I’m sorry I’m not normal, not a regular guy.”
“I’m not a regular girl, am I?” Saying it like that, countering his apology, made her feel stronger.
Yes. I am that dark princess, no, a sorceress. I have the power to heal him. My love. “My love,” she tried out the words, her tongue shy.
“My love. My only one.”
“You don’t have to—”
“Soph. I’m not joking. If you don’t let yourself get close to anyone, well— hrm. You don’t get close to anyone.”
“So... you’ve never?”
“Nope.”
“Well. I never, either.”
“We don’t have to!” Jesse reassured. “It’s a big step.”
Sophie nodded. It was a big step, but she realized something as his forehead rested against hers. She wanted to take that scary, wonderful step with him.
Maybe when they were both less of an emotional mess.
“Vampires can live without food or sleep. But we look horrible,” Jesse sniffed in.
“Good to know. Feed the boyfriend.”
“Do you wanna take a nap? With me? I promise I’ll be a perfect gentleman.”
Sophie found herself nodding, letting herself be led to the closed door beside the bathroom.
“I can put on a movie and we can crash. I feel like someone beat me up for the last ten hours.”
“I didn’t sleep much, either. I went through two whole rolls of toilet paper.”
Jesse’s mouth twitched. “Oh. Hrm. I guess some people get upset stomachs when they—”
Sophie elbowed him. “You idiot. I didn’t have any tissues in my room."
Jesse kissed her as she glared at him, transforming her exasperation into a smile. “I like when you say ‘you idiot’ like that. It means you’re not mad at me. You’re not, right?”
“No. I’m kinda mad at the situation itself, but not at you.”
Sighing in relief, Jesse sat on the foot of the double bed dressed in burgundy and black sheets, rummaging around in the litter of sweatshirts and crumpled notebook paper at the edge to find a remote. “Pick something we can ignore.” He yawned. “I have a lot of channels.”
Sophie clicked through, her stomach tense and knotting as she sat on the other side of the bed.
Never been in bed with a guy. Not that we’re having sex.
But still. We could. Because boyfriends and girlfriends do that.
Heck, people on the first date do that. She clicked and clicked, past 200 and still climbing.
“Hey. The college doesn’t have individual cable plans.
Everyone has basic cable included in their dorm fees. ”
Jesse reclined, eyes closing, the lids looking bruised.
“How did you think an undead guy got into college? Or keeps a job? Or gets his driver’s license?
According to the world, I never died, but I’m no teenager.
” He hesitated, then forced his eyes open and sat back up. “You know what I figured I’d do?”
“What?”
“Get a new degree every few years. There are a ton of colleges in New York, Jersey, and Pennsylvania. I thought I’d just keep going to different ones until I’ve gotten a little bit of everything.
I’ll get a degree and a job ‘straight out of college.’ I’ll work where I can until they wonder why I don’t age much, wonder why I have to miss out on every company picnic.
..” He shrugged. “Anyway, if I learn a lot of different skills, I can help people who are like me. So... I got that business degree at NYU Pine Ridge, remember?”
“Uh, yeah.” She was in the sports channels now but ignoring them.
“My next degree was in computer science. I’m a hacker, Soph.
Not a bad one, more like a useful one. The cable company thinks this room has the premium all-inclusive package.
My birth certificate and medical records keep getting ‘adjusted’ every few years.
And of course, you can’t keep up the funds as a business consultant if you’re not cutting-edge, so of course, every few years, another few courses, another degree. ”
“You could be some teen savant millionaire if you keep this up!” Sophie gasped as the implications clicked.
Jesse shook his head sadly. “No. I can’t. I can never stand out. I can never be famous like you can be. If I’m noticed too much, people will talk. If you become famous—”
“Stop. Even if I’m the best cellist in the world, I just want to teach.
I don’t want center stage. Like you, I have reasons to avoid the spotlight.
For one thing— I blind the audience.” She tossed him a smirk, half-hidden in the dark waterfall of her hair.
I joked about how I looked... and it was funny.
To me, it was funny and it didn’t hurt. A bubble of surprised laughter escaped her, blending with his deeper, mellow tones.
“But you could still be some rich recluse?” Finally settling on a channel that showed nature scenes paired with instrumental music, she dropped the remote on the bed and let her stiff spine sag.
He fell back, head on the pillow, arms crossed underneath. “Maybe a semi-rich recluse.”
“You know something?” Her head found the other pillow. Sophie cautiously rolled to her side, arousal at his nearness muted by emotional and physical exhaustion.
“I think I’ve established that I know a lot of stuff.”
“You’re a decent person. You’re a good guy.”
He rolled to his side, too, eyes bright. “That’s all I want to be. This monster is in me. It doesn’t define me.”
What defines me? Sophie let her hand caress his stubbled cheek, marveling at how perfectly the planes and angles of his face connected, a masterpiece in marble.
Like me?
“You’re beautiful,” he whispered, catching her hand and kissing it softly.
Yeah. I think I might be.
SOPHIE WOKE UP AND felt something solid against her. She smiled. Jesse.
Oh, God. Jesse. She squirmed back against him.
“We’ve been napping all day,” his lips pressed her shoulder, wrapped in a clinging ribbed sweater.
“I was tired. My world got flipped, ripped, and sewn back together.”
“It sounds like a pitbull got a hold of it.”
“Well, you do have sharp teeth, but you’re not a puppy,” she laughed and snuggled deeper into the soft pillow, his bedding such a luxury compared to hers.
“And I'll never bite unless you— I’ll never bite?”
Her eyes stayed open now, staring ahead at the Eric Clapton poster on the wall across from her. “Unless I want you to?” she asked, trying not to sound shocked.
“Some couples like it. Pleasurable. I don’t know, but I have a friend, Robbie. I’d like you to meet him one day. He’s like me.”
“How did that happen? What about the neighborhood watch?” Sophie felt her easy, snuggly feelings evaporating.
“Mr. Minegold? The guy who saved me? He saved Robbie, too. Not from a trampy vampire, from cancer. Robbie was dying and he didn’t want to go.
I’m glad he didn’t. Anyway, he and his girlfriend, Charlotte, like it.
When I went home for Thanksgiving, I helped them move into their new apartment and I noticed the bites on her neck when she was moving some boxes.
I also told him I met someone and he started telling me things.
Um. Personal things he thought maybe I ought to know if I were dating a human.
‘Cause Charlotte’s a human. Um.” He coughed nervously.
“Sorry. Can we leave it at ‘I don’t bite’? ”
“Absolutely.”
Slowly the peaceful feeling returned and Sophie noticed that even though both of them were unnaturally cool to the touch, together they seemed to create heat.
He nuzzled his cheek to her shoulder, a big cat marking its owner.
She laughed and rolled to face him, nuzzling her cheek to his until they were kissing.
“Do you— want to— keep things light?” Sophie asked between ever-intensifying kisses, her breath stolen in long, searing sweeps of his tongue.
“No. I want anything you want, everything you want,” Jesse hurriedly confessed, pulling her closer to his chest.
There was no room to go, Sophie realized, plastering herself to him. One of her legs pushed up over his hip and he moaned.