Skyler
Life is a funny thing.
The way it shifts, changes, flowing easily from complete bliss to complete and utter chaos.
One day there are kisses, and laughter, and long nights spent between the sheets, and little love notes left on napkins.
The very next, there are tears, and promises broken, and two chests aching with the pain of lies.
It happens so fast, and yet in slow motion, it seems.
But I can’t change what’s happened. I can’t go back to yesterday, to Kip’s arms around me, to his lips on mine. And I can’t take back what I’ve done, the lies I’ve told, the deal I agreed to just to appease Erin. All I can do is take my Little’s advice.
“Stop running from this secret, from this stupid game. Make him understand. Show him how you really feel. Don’t give up on him. Have faith.”
Those words cycle through my head on repeat, over and over, each time growing louder as my feet carry me across the ship. Clinton calls out for me as I run past, but I keep going, my heart pounding hard and fast in my ears.
I can’t lose him.
I won’t lose him.
When I round the corner toward the stairs, I slam right into Kade, knocking us both off balance before he catches me at the elbows. His eyes watch me under bent brows, taking in my erratic breathing, and he doesn’t even ask. He just points.
“He went up to the top deck,” he says, but then his face breaks. “He’s a mess, Skyler. He wouldn’t listen to anything I said.”
I swallow, nodding before taking off again. My legs are weak, the tears still drying on my face as I sprint through the ship and up the stairs four decks to the top.
When I reach the top floor, I run even harder, my ribs aching, chest heaving as my legs pump faster and faster.
The wind whips my hair around wildly, the moonlight casting an eerie glow over the water as I scan the deck for Kip.
I have no idea what I’m going to say when I reach him, words won’t form in my head as I run.
All I know is that I have to find him. I have to explain.
I can’t lose him.
I won’t lose him.
This game ends tonight.
My chest is burning when I finally spot him, his back hunched, arms resting on the railing as he stares at the light cast over the waves by the moon. I push harder, sprinting through the pain, but it’s even harder to breathe when he turns to face me.
Kip’s eyes are wide, searching, and when recognition hits him — when he realizes it’s me — the hardness that falls over his features is enough to knock what little breath I had right out of my chest. He shakes his head, turning to face the water again as my run slows to a walk, and then to nothing.
I stand there and watch him.
He stands there and watches the water.
And now I need to speak, and I have no idea where to start.
Kip won’t turn to face me, like even looking at me makes him sick — and I can’t blame him. I’m still trying to catch my breath, bending at the waist for a moment before standing as tall as I can.
“Kip, please,” I start, breath still ragged. “Let me explain.”
Even as the words leave my mouth, I know how pathetic they are. And as he should, Kip just laughs.
“Don’t bother, Skyler,” he says, voice low but firm. “You played your game, and you played it really fucking well.”
I cringe.
“Are you sure you’re sold on the poker world?” he continues. “Because with the performance you gave, I think you might want to move to Hollywood.”
Ouch.
His words are harsh, and even though I deserve them, it doesn’t lessen the sting. I want to retreat into myself, to throw my hands up in surrender and crawl back to my room with my tail between my legs to cry the night away.
But that’s not me.
That’s not what Skyler Fucking Thorne does.
So, instead, I reach for his arm and whip him around to face me.
“Okay, you’re mad,” I say. “And you deserve to be. But don’t you dare treat me like that. You’re going to let me explain myself and you’re not going to say a word until I finish, and then you can make up your mind about me.”
“I don’t have to—”
“Damn it, Kip!” I cut him off, desperation slipping through my voice as it cracks. “Let me fight for you!”
My heart squeezes, tears stinging my nose, but I don’t let them show.
“If you don’t want me after you hear me out, I’ll let you go,” I concede, swallowing the awful possibility of that like a jagged, dry pill. “But I’m not going to do that until I know I’ve fought to keep you.”
Kip’s jaw ticks, his eyes flickering over mine. I wait, wondering if he’ll shrug me off, if he’ll turn back around, but when he just stands there, I take a deep breath and a step closer.
To which he takes a step back.
I roll my lips together, closing my eyes as I confess.
“It’s true,” I say, and instantly anger shades his face.
“But it’s not what you think,” I add quickly.
“The night I met you, Kip, I wanted you. For me. You completely captured me. And then when I saw you in class, I knew it would only be a matter of time before you would be mine.”
“Cocky, are we?” he clips.
I narrow my eyes. “Right after that, I went back to the sorority house and Erin called us into her room. She told us the story about you guys that summer and then she dropped the bomb that you were here. And when she said your name, everything changed. She came up with this…” I wave one hand in the air.
“Sick game, and like a fool, I agreed. But Kip,” I plead, stepping closer again.
“I tried to get out of it. I gave Bear’s Little money to buy me at the auction.
I tried to stay away from you. I tried to make you not want to be around me, but the more I tried to avoid you, the more I fell for you.
And that?” I smile, just barely, a reaction of the heart.
“That was not a game. That wasn’t fake, it wasn’t a lie, it wasn’t pretend. ”
My hands shake as I confess everything, washing my slate clean yet revealing all the inky smudges forever left behind. My eyes flood with tears, and I have to take a calming breath to hold them there.
“Kip,” I whisper his name as I take another step.
He doesn’t move, doesn’t back away this time.
“That night at the dance, it broke me, too. And seeing you with Erin? It…” I shake my head, and it releases the tears I was trying so desperately to keep at bay.
“I can’t even explain what it did to me.
I’ve never cared about anyone the way I care about you.
I would have just let any other guy go without so much as a second glance.
” The truth of that rings like a bell in my ears, and I realize another truth as the words slip from my lips. “But you have changed me.”
He’s changed me.
The weight of that sits on my chest, but not like an uncomfortable pressure. No, more like a blanket, like a warmth, a comfort, a piece of me that had been missing and now is found.
“You’ve opened up the side of me that I have tried so desperately to hide and I’m not even sure why,” I confess, thinking about my time at PSU, how I’ve tried so hard to just fit in and blend.
“You like me when I’m being me, no matter what I’m wearing or who I’m with or what I’m doing.
You care about my love for poker and no one has ever taken the time to appreciate what I love the way you have. ”
His face morphs at that, a shade of something coloring his anger. Is it remorse? Sympathy? Whatever it is, I take it as my cue to slip through the crack in his walls.
“You made it impossible to play Erin’s game because you came at me so fiercely and without apologies and you…” I choke. “You made me love you, Kip.”
Oh my God, I said it. I said I loved him.
I don’t have time to panic, because it’s true, and the truth is all I can offer Kip right now.
“And I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry for what I’ve done,” I continue, tears streaming, heart squeezing. “But I’m not sorry for loving you.”
Kip’s hands snap out for me and in the next instant, I’m in his arms, his body engulfing mine as I melt into him and completely break. I fist my hands in his shirt, my tears soaking his shoulder as relief pours through me like sweet champagne.
“I’m so sorry,” I repeat, words muffled by his shirt.
Kip kisses my hair, his lips lingering there as he forces a long exhale. “Stop, it’s okay. It’s okay.”
“It’s not okay,” I argue, pulling back. “None of it was okay and I knew it then just as much as I know it now. But it’s over, and I promise I will never lie to you again.
I don’t want to keep anything from you. Ever.
You’ve always given me nothing but honesty, and that’s what I want to give to you. I’m sorry. Please, please forgive me.”
Kip’s nose flares, his own eyes glossing over as he pulls me back into him. It’s indescribable, what I feel when his arms are wrapped around me, when my ear is pressed against his chest, his heartbeats connecting to mine.
“I do,” he says softly, stroking my hair back as he kisses my forehead. “I forgive you.”
I didn’t know I had more weight to give him until those words slipped free, and I melt into him even more, my knees weak, hands gripping onto him for dear life. Kip takes my weight easily, his stance never wavering. Slowly, he pulls back, his eyes searching mine.
“I love you, too,” he whispers.
My lip quivers, more tears slipping free, but this time from a different well. I smile, shaking my head as Kip wipes them away with his thumb.
“I don’t deserve you,” he adds. “I’ll never be good enough for you, but I love you, nonetheless.”
He presses his lips to mine before I can argue, and I kiss him hard in return, sealing our vows of love in the only way we really can.
Kip’s hands slip to frame my face, his own kisses coming harder as heat builds between us.
We’re all hands and grips, breaths and groans, and when he presses my back against the railing, his grip tight on my hips as he trails kisses from my lips to my jaw and down my neck, I whisper the only thing I want in the world right now.
“Take me back to your room.”
***