Chapter 32
Tori
Gabe stayed true to his word to my father and slept in the guest room. I was ready to have him in my bed again if only to feel his secure hold on me. To wake in his arms and experience the thrill of seeing his lazy smile when my eyes opened.
The tension eased even more the next day, and I could see he had won my family and Cindy over.
We spent the morning with Reid opening the belated birthday presents from my parents and celebrating my father’s upcoming birthday at lunch.
Gabe surprised me again by adding his present to mine.
He hadn’t mentioned it, and I wondered if he’d been waiting to see if he was welcome.
My father loved the UConn engraved pen set he gave him, and I elbowed him when my gift got pushed aside.
“This is where you were,” Gabe said, bringing me from my thoughts. We were standing in the main sitting area of the lodge, the fireplace flickering and warming the air. My father had suggested I give him a tour, but it seemed Gabe’s memory was sharp enough to remember.
He dropped to Reid’s level. “I saw your mommy there when she was your age,” he told Reid, pointing to the spot.
“You did?” Reid’s eyes were large as he stared at the rug.
“Yup. She was coloring on the floor.”
“And did you love her then?”
My mouth dropped open, and Gabe nearly lost his balance.
“Why would you say that?” I asked him.
“Because he loves you now. Ti amer? sempre, luna mia.”
Gabe glanced back at me, but I was too stunned to say anything. He cleared his throat. “We were just children, and we didn’t know each other then.”
A simple answer that I hadn’t been able to form.
“But you do now.”
“Yes, we do. We have for a long time.”
Reid’s keen eyes evaluated Gabe. “Are you going to marry my mommy?”
“Yes.” Confident, bold, powerful, with no hesitation. My heart flipped, my stomach twisting into nervous knots.
“So, you’ll be my daddy?”
Oh God, this was moving too fast, and I should have known because that was how Reid moved.
His thoughts came out with the same unwavering confidence as his father.
Gabe peered back at me, his brows knitted.
I hadn’t prepared myself for this conversation, thinking we’d have it after Gabe and I had gotten through more dates.
As if we could go back to the beginning.
We couldn’t, just like he’d said. I knew his touch, craved it, had imagined it for years, and he knew every detail of my body and how to break it.
I had insisted we go slow, and I didn’t know if it was for my protection or Reid’s.
“Maybe. Let’s get a snack and look around more.” Gabe’s answer was an easy one with redirection that had Reid talking about the chocolate chip cookies my mother insisted on having fresh for guests.
Gabe took my hand while Reid held his other and led me away, but my mind was still on the conversation, still fighting internally through what to do.
Was I being fair to Reid by not telling him the truth?
Or was I protecting him because the fear was still there?
And maybe that was it. As much as I had confessed my love, asked to move faster, wanted Gabe back, I was still scared.
Because this was how we’d been before my world came crumbling down around me.
Happy and in love. My hands shook, and I tucked them into the pockets of my coat.
Reid and Gabe were chatting to Kate, our front desk clerk, and Gabe glanced at me, reading me too easily.
“Kate, would it be okay for Reid to hang out with you for a few minutes?” he asked.
Kate, who was like the mother hen of the resort, beamed. “I’d love that. Wanna help me get another batch of cookies, Reid?”
Reid was pulling her back to the kitchen within seconds.
“We’ve got him,” John, the other front desk clerk, said, shooing us off.
Gabe took my hand and led me out of the resort. There were several hiking paths that led from the main entrance, and he followed one, keeping my hand tight in his until we were far enough for privacy. Halting his steps, he turned to me, pushing my hair back and tucking it behind my ear.
“What’s wrong? Was it my answer to Reid? I went too fast, didn’t I?”
“Stop,” I told him. “You did nothing wrong.”
His eyes creased, the hazel a rich mossy color. “Then what is it?”
I sat against the rock that jutted into the path. “It’s..” My sight drifted ahead of us, watching a bird flutter in a tree. “He needs to know the truth. To know you’re his father.”
“But?”
Eyes flitting back to his, I saw the anguish reflected in them. I wanted to leave the pain and the past behind us, but saying it was so much easier than doing it. “I’m scared, Gabe.”
His expression dropped, his shoulders with it.
“Everything was so perfect, just like it seems now and then everything fell apart, and I know I can’t handle that again, but Reid…I never want him to experience that pain. He’s already so attached to you, and I fear him getting hurt.”
He lowered to his knee and took my hands in his.
My chest hammered at the move and the emotion in his eyes.
“All I can do is promise you I will never hurt him, and I won’t ever hurt you again.
I will give everything up to keep that promise.
I can’t take away your fear, and I know that promise is the one I made you the day I asked you to marry me, but I mean it, Tori.
I would die before I hurt you again, and if I had any doubt in my ability to keep that promise, I would have turned my back on you that day in the hotel and never let you into my life for fear of hurting you again. ”
A tear slipped down my cheek.
“Please don’t cry, luna mia. I don’t want to be the cause of your tears anymore. If this is too hard, if your fear is too great for Reid, I’ll walk away.”
My inhale was like a knife slicing my throat. “Could you?”
“No, but for you…for him, I would.”
My belief in him was pure, not desperate or blind, but complete and unreserved. It drowned the fear, sending it far from my consciousness to an abyss where my pain and hurt were finding space.
I wiped my tears and stood. “Stay here,” I told him when he rose.
“Tori?”
“Just stay here, please, Gabe. I trust you. Trust me and let me do this.”
Determination guided my steps. Years of excuses, of avoiding the questions, of crying after every lie had built to this moment.
My life had been a series of safe moves since Gabe had left me, when before it had been adventurous and thrilling.
Running in rainstorms, making love in the kitchen, sneaking kisses at the zoo.
Moments I’d taken with abandon and not rationalized.
And I wanted that back. I wanted to be free and alive again.
Needed the veil of our past to lift and let me live.
Reid had chocolate smeared on his fingers and his mouth when I found him.
“Where’s Gabe?” he asked with a mouthful of cookie.
“Outside waiting for us. We’re going to take a walk around the property.”
Kate handed me a paper towel, and I cleaned him up. “Can you say thank you to Kate and John?”
“Thank you, Kate and John.”
“We’ll be back after our walk,” I told them. I knew Gabe wanted a tour of the resort. His ideas for restructuring hinged on turning some of his properties into ones closer to the family feel that made my parents’ so unique.
Reid ran in front of me, racing down the path to Gabe, and I knew I was making the right choice.
I couldn’t let my fear hurt my chance at a happy ending or Reid’s.
He rushed into Gabe’s arms, and a swell like a rogue wave constricted my chest. Gabe picked Reid up and placed him on the rock where I’d perched only minutes before.
They were talking about chocolate chip cookies by the time I reached them.
“Gabe’s favorite cookie is chocolate chip, too!”
“I know,” I replied, giving them a smile.
Gabe returned my smile, but there was hesitation behind it. He was still waiting for my move, trying to determine what I was up to. “Are we taking a walk?”
“We can,” I answered. “But first, we need to talk.”
“Boring,” Reid said, picking a piece of chocolate from his fingernail and sucking on it. I pushed his hand down and gave him a scolding look.
“Talk about what?” Tension lined Gabe’s features, and I stopped it, bringing my hand to his cheek and giving him a kiss.
Reid’s giggle had me laughing.
“Don’t worry. It’s all good stuff,” I told Gabe.
The tightness in his jaw didn’t fade. Turning to Reid, I tipped his chin up so he would look at me. The words froze in my throat, and with them the fear returned. This was more difficult than I had imagined. But Reid deserved to know the truth.
“Do you know why your hair is brown and mine is black?” I asked him.
He shook his head.
“Because you have your daddy’s hair.”
Gabe went stiff beside me.
“And why your eyes are so special?”
He shook his head again.
“Because they come from your daddy.”
“Tori…” Gabe warned.
“Shush, he deserves to know the truth.”
Reid scrunched his eyes as he waited for me to say more.
“Do you know someone else who has brown hair like yours and eyes like yours?” I wasn’t so sure he was at the age where he could piece things together like this, but my son was sharp, just like his father.
He peeked around me at Gabe.
“Gabe?” he asked, his eyes inquisitive.
“Yes. Before you were born, I met the most wonderful man. He was handsome and funny and sweet, and he swept me off my feet. I loved him so much that it hurt to be without him. But he had to leave for reasons he can explain to you one day.”
“When I’m older?”
I laughed, squeezing his hands. “Yes, when you’re older.”
“But that man loved your mommy,” Gabe said, putting his arms around my waist and resting his head next to mine. “She was the light in his darkness, the smile to his sadness, the salve to his pain. She was everything.”
“Then why did he leave?”