Chapter 33
THIRTY-THREE
JJ
Theo: Who’s excited to see me this weekend?
Finn: You better get me the best seats in the house, Cowboy Quarterback.
Bray: LOL, cause you can’t get your own tickets to a BOSTON football game?
Theo: Um, Tennessee.
Bray: You’re playing in Boston. And sports outside of Boston don’t count.
Theo: That’s not how it works.
Finn: Says the kid who is crying over not playing for Boston.
Theo: I hate you all right now. How’s my sister?
Me: She’s good. I think she’s getting used to the whole single mom thing. Especially since she’s not doing it alone.
Theo: I really appreciate you and the girls helping her out.
Me: I wasn’t referring to myself. I’m talking about Daddy Finn.
Finn: Duck you very much.
Bray: It’s duck. It will never be duck.
Bray: Duck.
Bray: Duck.
Finn: Okay, this was too easy. GOOSE
Bray: Jesus fucking Christ.
Me: Now it works! Ha.
Me: Also, don’t worry, Finn. Turns out you’re not the only one helping out women in the house.
Finn: What’s that supposed to mean? Who the fuck is helping my sisters out?
Me: Not your sister.
Bray: I’d be very careful what you say next. We ALL know you’re holding a very LARGE, very flammable candle for SOMEONE’S sister.
Theo: Will someone just tell me what’s going on? And Finn, I love you, man, but a: she’s too good for you. b: she’s vulnerable. And c: stay the fuck away from my sister.
Me: Okay, let’s all take it down a goddamn notch. I MEANT Bray.
Theo: Bray slept with my sister?
Bray: Holy fuck, everyone calm the fuck down. JJ, I’m going to kill you.
Finn: Answer the goddamn FaceTime, Bray!
Bray: I didn’t sleep with your girlfriend. Calm the fuck down.
Finn: Pick up the goddamn phone.
Theo: Wait, Finn, why aren’t you refuting that my sister is your girlfriend?
Chuckling, I drop my phone. That’s what Bray gets for being a shit stirrer and a judgmental prick.
He won’t get a moment of sleep until he talks to Finn and convinces him that he and Hope are not fucking.
I shiver. Okay, definitely don’t want to think about my cousin fucking anyone.
When there’s a heavy pounding sound on my door, the excitement fades a little.
“Don’t get your panties in a wad,” I say as I stomp to the door. “I’ll tell Finn I was fucking with him.”
I throw it open, and rather than finding Bray on the other side, ready to beat my ass, I come face to face with Adeline.
Adeline in an old Bolts sweatshirt that swallows her figure and falls off one shoulder, exposing her soft bare skin. Adeline with her hair up in a messy ponytail, face glistening and free of makeup like she just washed it. Adeline, looking at me like I’ve lost my damn mind.
“What’s this about fucking with Finn?” she questions.
I shake my head and swipe a hand over my face. Fuck, every time I see her, she scrambles my damn brain cells. Everything goes soft inside me.
Okay, not everything, I guess.
Grasping the doorframe, I grin. “I thought you were Bray.”
With her tongue pressed to her cheek, she looks me up and down, gaze heating. “So this is how you answer the door for Bray?” Her lips twist, mischief flashing in her eyes. “I can see it.”
I duck, assessing myself, and chuckle. I’m wearing a pair of shorts and nothing else. “I just got out of the shower.”
“Ah,” she says, lips twitching. “I’ll get out of your way so you can wait for Bray.”
She turns, that bare shoulder taunting me.
Before she can walk away, I snag her by the elbow, spinning her back. “Why did you come by?”
Her brow creases. “Isn’t it time to call Avery?”
I slide my phone out of my pocket and check the time. Fuck, she’s right. Motioning her in, I head for the bed and get settled. As I hit the FaceTime icon, I pat the spot beside me.
She hesitates, though not for long, before easing herself onto the mattress.
I offer a smile, but Avery’s face appears quickly, and the two of us focus on her.
“Hey, Avey girl,” Adeline says.
“I told you they’d call,” Vivi says in the background. “She was nervous that she’d miss the call, so we’ve been staring at her iPad for the past half hour.”
I chuckle, my heart squeezing. “Avey, you know we said nine. If we couldn’t get a hold of you, we’d have called Vivi.”
“I told her that too,” Vivi says.
Avery nibbles on her lip. “I wish you were here,” she says quietly, her eyes filling with tears.
Dammit. My heart fucking breaks.
“I wish I was there too.” It’s the hardest goddamn thing about this job. I’m not around enough to be the parent I want to be for Avery. She deserves to have at least one parent who’s present.
“But you know what’s exciting?” Adeline says, squeezing my knee like she knows I’m struggling for words.
“What?” Avery asks, voice cracking.
“Your daddy and I will be home this weekend, and your Uncle Theo is coming to town. We’re all going to watch him play football on Sunday.”
Avery’s little brows tug together. “He’s not my uncle; he’s my cousin.”
Adeline coughs out a laugh and nods. “You’re right. I heard that your cousin Theo is bringing cowboy hats for everyone and he wants us all to wear them to the game. What do you think? Should we ask for pink ones?”
Avery’s lips part in surprise. “We could match?”
With a big smile on her face, Adeline nods.
“Can we wear pink jerseys too?”
Her responding laugh is light. “I’ll see what I can do.”
My heart lights up at the way they interact. It eases so much of my worry knowing how good Adeline is at calming Avery’s anxiety. She has no idea how much it means to my daughter, but I’ll make sure she knows how much it means to me.
“Can I call Mimi and Pops after this?”
I nod. “I’m sure they’d love to hear from you.”
“And Auntie Chloe and Uncle James?”
A low chuckle rolls out of me. “I’ll text them and let them know you’ll be calling.”
“Yay,” she says with a clap.
“And Mommy?” she asks.
Adeline glances away from the screen and I clear my throat. “I’ll text her too. If she’s around I’ll let Vivi know, and you can call her. Okay?”
Avery sighs, her little shoulders sinking like she knows her mother won’t be around. “That’s okay. It’s getting late. Maybe she’ll call me tomorrow.”
I’ve hated Tabitha for a lot of things over the years, but lately, with these conversations coming up nightly, I’ve come to despise the woman in a way I didn’t know was possible.
The pain that comes with watching my daughter come to terms with the fact that her mother doesn’t care is unlike anything else.
“I love you, Avey girl,” Adeline says, her soft voice pulling me from my spiraling thoughts. “Thank you for letting me FaceTime with you tonight.”
Avery’s blues lights up. “I love you too. And you can FaceTime whenever you want. Sometimes I get sad when I’m away from my daddy, so I’m guessing you get sad when you’re away from your mommy and daddy.”
Adeline smiles, and I swear there are tears in her eyes. “I’m sad when I’m away from you.”
“My daddy always says he’s right here.” She points to her chest with one tiny finger. “So you can be right there too, and then you won’t be sad, okay? I’ll keep you right there.” She pats her chest with her whole hand this time, and now I’m blinking back tears.
Mimicking her, Adeline presses her hand to her heart. “And I’ll keep you right here.”
Avery nods. “I like that. Oh, and remember, sleep with my daddy tonight. I don’t want him to be lonely.”
I bark out a laugh. Adeline chuckles too, and Vivi is giggling in the background of the call.
“What’s so funny?” Avery asks, her little face scrunched in confusion.
I shake my head, smiling so wide my cheeks hurt. “Nothing, Avey girl. Go make your phone calls. I love you.”
“I love you too. Bye, Addie.”
“Bye, Avey.”
The screen goes blank, and for a long moment, we’re both silent, just staring at the device.
Interacting with Adeline isn’t awkward, but I know if I speak now, she’ll say she should go.
And I’m not ready for that. It’s nice to just sit by her side, even if only for a few seconds.
Like this, I can pretend a little longer that life could ever be that easy. The two of us, together, raising Avery.
When she blows out a breath, I decide I can’t ignore her any longer just for the sake of keeping her here.
I turn, the bed creaking beneath me. “What’s the heavy sigh for?”
She gives me a wary look, studying my features. “I’m just waiting for you to ask.”
Confused, I frown. “Ask what?”
“What my plan is.”
“Oh.” I lean back on my hands. “I’m not pushing.”
Her face contorts in response, making my stomach twist. Fuck. She’s not happy.
“But you gave me an ultimatum.”
The twisting sharpens as regret seeps in. “That was shitty of me.”
She blows out a breath, her body relaxing a little. “Yeah, it was.”
“Listen, I know you don’t trust me, and I know that’s my fault—”
“JJ—”
I force an uneasy smile. “Just let me finish, please.”
She nods
“I love you.”
Eyes widening, she sucks in a harsh breath.
“I don’t want to wait and tell you that when I’m deep inside you because I don’t want you to think I use the words lightly.
I don’t want you to think my love is contingent on getting yours in return or any kind of commitment from you.
I love you. That’s it. And that’s what I should have told you four years ago.
You were right. I shouldn’t have pushed back then.
I should have given you space to figure out how you felt.
” Head lowered, I close my eyes and inhale deeply.
“And if you were sure you didn’t want to be a stepmom, then I should have taken friendship.
I’m not going to make that mistake again.
I love you and you deserve my support. It’s that simple.
So I trust you to do what’s best for you. ”
Her eyes well and her lip quivers. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Just tell me we can be friends, Adeline. Tell me you trust that I have your back.”
Looking away, she swipes at her tears with the back of her hand. “I’m trying to. I really am.”
With a deep sigh, I nod. That’s the most I can ask. “I have a lot to prove when it comes to you, but I’ve never been afraid of putting in the work. Especially with something so precious. And that’s what you are to me. The most precious person.”
She rolls her tear-filled eyes and, voice wobbly says, “No, that’s Avery.”
I shrug. “It’s different. She’s my daughter. I’ll do anything for her and I love that little girl more than life itself. But I choose you, Adeline. I love you. Loving Avery doesn’t change that. I have room for you both.”
With her lip clamped between her teeth, she nods. “I think I’m beginning to understand that.”
“Do you…” I shake my head. Why am I pushing my luck here? “Never mind.”
“Do I what?” Her voice is soft, her eyes warm. It’s enough to make me just a little brave. Hell, maybe a lot.
I swallow thickly, my anxiety ratcheting up. “Do you still not want kids?”
She shakes her head. It’s quick. Too quick. Like she wishes it weren’t the case.
My stomach rolls, but I manage to croak, “Okay.”
I don’t like it, but I’ll respect it. She didn’t ask for this.
Avery may have been a surprise for me, but she was never an unwelcome one.
I have to accept that this may be the issue we can’t overcome.
I can fix many things—my career, my marital status—but Avery and I are a package deal, and I can’t change that.
I wouldn’t. My daughter is part of me. And if Adeline doesn’t want that, then friendship it is.
Brows knit together, she searches my face. “Okay?”
Grasping her hand, I squeeze it. “Yes. Okay. I may wish things were different, but I’d never push this on you. Friends no matter what, right?”
She’s searching my face again, this time frowning, like she’s puzzling something out. “JJ,” she breathes, “Avery doesn’t count.”
I jolt, certain I’m not understanding her, despite how simple the words are. “What?”
“I don’t want my own kids. That’s the truth. But Avery doesn’t count. She’s—she’s part of you. She’s Avery.” An affectionate smile plays at her lips. “I love her and I’ll always be there for her. In whatever capacity I can be.”
A rush of hope floods me, and though I try to temper it, it swamps me completely. “Meaning if things were different with everything else, Avery wouldn’t be a deal-breaker?”
Her cheeks go this pretty rose color. “Avery sweetens any deal, JJ. But—” That smile turns into a grin. “This is all hypothetical because we’re just friends, right?”
I smile back stupidly. “Right.”
“Then hypothetically speaking, if things were different, when I say I don’t want kids, I mean I don’t want other kids. I’d want your kid, JJ.” With tears in her eyes and her fingers pressed to her lips, she whispers, “I want your kid.”
The room brightens. Hell, the world does.
All that anxiety and worry fade, the stress lightens, and I swear I’m floating. She wants my kid. She loves Avery. And I can’t help but believe deep down that she still loves me too.