Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
JAYSON
I fucked up.
I can’t believe how badly I’m messing things up with Liz. The more I try to reconnect with her, the further I drive her away from me—from us. I’m about to lose my damn mind. And I’m afraid. Afraid from the past year thinking I was never going to see her again; terrified that she might have died, and I would never know; angry at having her back and not being able to touch her or hold her, kiss her, or wake up to her wrapped in my arms.
A year ago, our lives were so beautifully put together, our futures were bright and full of promise. We were going to live together here at CU. I was going to ask her to marry me. Create a life together and raise a family. Children who would be the best of us. A little girl of our own, who I dreamed would have Liz’s stunning green eyes and blond hair. A rambunctious boy with my silver eyes and her smile. So many dreams of us, and now those dreams are mine alone. Liz’s mind has wiped them all away and has stolen the love of my life.
I’ve been racking my brain while waiting for her to come out of class. Julien’s in there with her. He told me they had the same organic chemistry class.
So, for the last half hour, I’ve been sitting outside under the blazing summer sun, thinking up ways to get my girl back. She fell in love with me before. I need to go back to that time and figure out what I did then, so I can do it again now. But first, I have to apologize.
The double doors push open, and a stream of people walk out of Beecher Hall, Julien and Liz among them. She laughs at something he says, and my brother, all fucking smiles, wraps his arm around her shoulder and places a kiss on the side of her head.
Julien sees me first when I walk toward them.
“We were about to head to the store. I promised Liz a spaghetti dinner. Want to come with?”
Liz warily considers me. I hate that my recent actions have caused her to react that way. Just another thing I’m going to have to fix.
“Count me in.” I look at Liz, so heartsick it hurts. “Can we talk?”
It takes her a moment before she accepts, and those seconds about kill me.
“Um…sure.”
“I’ll just stand here and twiddle my thumbs,” Julien says, and I flip him off behind my back.
As we walk, my arm occasionally brushes up against hers. The temptation to reach out and hold her hand is so strong that I’m forced to shove my hands inside my pockets to keep from touching her.
“I want to apologize for this morning. I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable.”
Her slender shoulders shrug. “It’s fine.”
“No, it’s not fine. I want you to know that I heard you. I’ve been placing a lot of pressure on you to be the girl you were. It’s not fair of me to put those expectations on you, and I need to be more accepting of the life you’re trying to build now. I hope that one day you’ll remember us and the love we shared.” I stop and turn to face her. “Because we did love each other, Liz. So fucking much. And when I lost you…” I swallow. “When I thought I lost you, I ceased to exist. The past year has felt like death.”
Tears drip down her cheeks, but I don’t try to wipe them away. She gently touches my arm, the warmth of her hand like a brand on my skin.
“I’m so very sorry for what you and Julien and Ryder have had to go through, and I get how awful this situation is. We’re all trying to navigate this screwed-up, altered reality the best we can.”
“I know I haven’t done a good job of it lately, but I promise I’ll do better and not push. I promise I can be here for you in whatever way you need me to be and in whatever role you’ll allow. We were always best friends before we were anything else. I hope we can always keep that part of us. But most importantly, I hope that you’ll be able to forgive me for the stupid shit I’ve done lately.”
I catch the smile she’s trying to stop from forming, and my heart soars.
“I appreciate that, and there’s nothing to forgive. I overreacted, so I’m the one who owes you an apology.”
We grin at each other, and it’s like a ray of fucking sunshine spearing down from the heavens.
“Whatever you need, Liz, I’ll be there. I want to be there. The fact you’re here and alive and more beautiful than ever makes me happier than you could possibly imagine.”
She blushes and averts her gaze. “Thank you. That really means a lot.”
Not done with my groveling, I say, “Can I have a second, third, and maybe a fourth chance at being your friend?”
Her laughter brightens my fucking heart. “I would very much like for us to be friends.”
Friends, and hopefully more. The way we’re supposed to be.
“Before I forget, this belongs to you.”
I hold out the rose quartz heart necklace I gave to her on our first date, the one made from a stone I found in the creek near our two houses many years ago.
Liz reverently traces its outline. “It’s beautiful. This was mine?”
“I found it and kept it for you.”
I snuck into her bedroom one night, and after searching everywhere I could think of, I found it but was never able to find her promise ring.
She takes the necklace and opens the clasp. I had a new one put in since the old one was broken.
I wait anxiously as she secures the necklace around her neck. Her fingers rub the polished stone against her throat.
“Thank you for keeping it safe for me.”
On the inside, I’m grinning ear to ear. She’s wearing my heart again, and she’s forgiven me. Now I get to spend the evening with her and my brother.
Spaghetti has never sounded so good.
Liz has been humming the entire time she’s been cooking as she helps Julien and Elijah prepare dinner. I was relegated to staying out of the way. This is how it should have been with us. Me and her in our own space, cooking dinner, relaxed and happy.
“When’s Ryder coming home?” Julien asks as he stirs the spaghetti sauce.
I’m a little surprised when Liz says, “He’s racing tonight and won’t be back until late.” Her head snaps up, and she looks at me. “He, um, texted me earlier.” She goes back to attacking the cucumber for the Greek salad she’s making with a fervor, cutting it into tiny square pieces.
At the sink, Elijah dumps the pot of noodles into the colander. “This is really nice. Like old times.”
Julien points his wooden spoon at him, dripping sauce on the floor. “Not like old times, E. We are making new memories, remember?”
“It’s fine, Julien. I don’t mind if we talk about before.” Liz finishes dicing the cucumber and walks over to where I’m sitting at the counter island. “Open.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
She pops the cucumber into my mouth, then hip-bumps Elijah out of the way so she can wash her hands.
“Salad’s done,” she says. “I made a bowl for Ryder for when he comes home. Got any plastic wrap so I can cover it and put it in the fridge?”
I pop off my stool and go into the pantry to grab it for her.
Elijah places the drained pasta in the pot with the sauce, and Julien mixes everything together.
“Dinner’s ready.”
“Living room?” I suggest.
We take a seat on the floor around the coffee table, laughter and easy conversation flowing between us as we eat.
My heart becomes heavy with nostalgia as I glance between Liz and Julien. It feels like a lifetime of years has passed since we were kids, tangled in innocence, our childhood days spent running through the woods and playing in the creek past sunset. A bittersweet ache tugs at my chest at those memories, because for a fleeting moment, it feels like we’re those kids again, untouched by time or heartache.
Liz flips her phone over when it rings. “I need to take this. Sorry.” Holding the screen in front of her, she smiles brightly. “Hey, Daniel.”
“Hey, sweetheart. Is it a bad time?” we hear over the speaker.
“We just sat down for dinner. Hold on.”
Liz comes around the coffee table and motions for Julien and Elijah to squeeze in so Daniel can see all of us.
“Is Drew there with you?” she asks.
“He sure is.”
Daniel’s camera shifts, and another man comes into view. His face is gaunt, dark purple half-moons under his eyes, and he’s wearing a beanie on his head. His voice, when he speaks, sounds tired.
“There she is,” Drew says. “Looks like you have some company.”
“Daniel, Drew, this is Jayson.” She touches the top of my head to indicate who I am. “Julien and Elijah.” She points to them.
“Ah, yes. The childhood friends. We’ve heard so much about you. It’s good to officially meet you boys and put faces to names. I apologize that we haven’t met you in person yet. That’s why we’re calling.”
“You’re coming?” Liz asks with delight.
“I am,” Daniel tells her. “Drew will stay here.”
She frowns but tells them, “I’ll be there for Christmas break, Drew. I can come for Thanksgiving, too, if you want.”
Drew shakes his head. “No changing your plans to accommodate me. I’m doing well. I promise. I assume she’s told you boys about my health issues.”
“Yes, sir,” I reply. “If there’s anything we can do for either of you or Liz, let us know.”
“Thank you. I appreciate that. I can’t tell you how happy we are that she has some friends there with her.”
“We would do anything for Liz,” Julien says.
Daniel aims the camera at his face. He looks enough like Liz’s dad for me to have no doubt that they were distant cousins.
“I know you boys must have so many questions. I hope that when I visit next week, we can sit down and talk. I sincerely apologize for how we handled things. If the hospital had told us who you really were, instead of the story they gave us, we would have reached out to each of you to let you know where she was and how she was doing.”
“You took care of Liz and kept her safe. We will never be able to thank you enough for that,” I reply.
Liz rests her hand on my shoulder. It doesn’t escape my notice that she’s been acting more comfortable around me after we had our talk.
“Anything interesting happen on your first day?” Drew asks her.
“I met this girl…” Standing up, Liz heads out onto the balcony to finish their conversation.
“They seem nice,” Elijah comments.
Julien twirls his fork in the pasta but doesn’t eat it. “We’re going to have a lot to talk about when Daniel gets here. And we can only hold off Mom and Dad for so long. Maybe we should tell them to come while he’s here.”
I shake my head. “That might be too much for her. Thanksgiving, maybe? It sounded like she was staying here and not going back to Seattle. If she’s up for it, she can come home with us.”
“You know I would love for that to happen,” Julien replies.
“How was the run this morning?” Elijah inquires, leaning over to steal a cherry tomato from Julien’s salad.
Julien chuckles. “Liz did it, all ten miles.”
“You’re shitting me,” Elijah says, seemingly impressed.
My girl was never athletic, but I can see the changes. Changes that can only happen when someone exercises regularly. How different would she feel now compared to a year ago? Before, she was all soft curves and silken skin. And I would know. My hands and mouth have touched, kissed, and caressed every inch of her body.
But now, she’s more muscular. Slender. Just thinking about her pinned underneath me, those green eyes boring into mine as I push inside her tight, wet warmth… fuck .
Julien leans back on his elbows. “I said she did them, but that girl wasn’t happy about it. I had to resort to bribes to get her to finish the last several miles. I’m in it for another round of bad karaoke and a crappy Hallmark movie.”
We quiet down when the balcony door slides open.
“Talk to you both on Thursday,” Liz says, rejoining us on the floor. She looks at our untouched plates. “You guys didn’t have to wait for me.”
“You’re worth waiting for,” I reply, biting a forkful of spaghetti, pleased at the blush that flushes her cheeks.
“How did your classes go?” Elijah asks Liz.
“They were uneventful. Went over the syllabus, stuff like that. I got roped into a Wednesday evening study group for my lit class, but the girl, Meredith, who suggested it, is pretty cool. She’s like this tiny bundle of energy. Oh! Speaking of study groups,” she says to Julien. “Want to study together for chem? It’s just a lot of reading this week, but we can quiz each other with questions.”
“Today was an aberration. Coach gave us the afternoon off. I usually have practice until six or seven every day or games. If you’re up for a late-night study jam, I could do that.”
Liz digs into her food. “I can’t wait to see you play.”
“Ry showed me the video from the track. I didn’t know you could drive like that,” Elijah says.
Liz’s face sparkles with elation. “It was so much fun. Maybe you guys can come next time.”
“You were a badass,” I compliment her.
She really was. There must be so much more to her than I ever knew, and I thought I knew everything about her. These latent qualities that are peeking out intrigue the hell out of me, and I would love nothing more than to peel back those hidden layers, learn more about the girl I have loved most of my life but who is clearly still a mystery to me.
Apparently, Liz has a bit of a bad girl side. It shouldn’t surprise me. She loved watching the races at the Fields, loved that adrenaline rush. She punched Marshall in the face without hesitation or regret. That part of her was always there, hidden just beneath the surface.
The soft chime of the alarm panel beeps twice when the front door opens.
“Something smells good,” Ry’s voice calls out from the foyer.
“There’s a plate in the fridge. Just zap it for two minutes,” Julien shouts.
Ry rounds the corner into the living room, but when he sees Liz, he freezes in place and his entire demeanor shifts.
“Hey, Elizabeth.”
She quickly rises to her feet, her face settling into an easy smile, though her fingers tighten around the empty plate she’s holding.
“I, uh, need to get going. Thanks for dinner.”
I track her hurried movement as she disappears into the kitchen.
What the heck was that all about?