Chapter 21
Chapter Twenty-One
ELIZABETH
The evening turned out better than I expected. Jayson has been giving me space and respecting my boundaries. Julien and Elijah are so adorable together, and their jokes are hilariously awful. If only Ryder were here, everything would be perfect.
I hate that we need to keep what’s happening between us a secret, just as much as I hate knowing the happiness I feel with Ryder will become someone else’s pain. But I can’t bury how I feel. I won’t live in a prison of denial, sacrificing my own heart and the life I want to build. Try to make everyone else happy while I’m left miserable and fading in the shadows of others’ smiles.
When I hear the front door open, my erratic pulse goes into overtime.
“Something smells good.”
“There’s a plate in the fridge. Just zap it for two minutes,” Julien shouts.
My heart thuds in anticipation when Ryder comes around the corner, all six feet of him, looking sexy as hell in a black T-shirt and jeans.
His footsteps falter when he sees me, and that’s when I realize that I completely forgot to text him about having dinner with Julien and Jayson.
“Hey, Elizabeth.”
I quickly get to my feet. “I, uh, need to get going.” I try to control the breathiness of my voice and fail miserably. “Thanks for dinner.”
Slipping past him, I drop my plate into the sink and go back to the living room to grab my stuff.
“How was the race?” Jayson asks.
Ryder’s handsome face splits with a smug grin. “We did some quarter milers. I won all four times.” He sends me a silent message with a quick glance. “I need a shower. Be right back.”
Securing my phone in the front zipper pouch of my bag, I ask Julien, “Are we running again tomorrow?”
“We don’t have to do the full ten miles.”
I aim an accusatory finger at him, and his eyes widen innocently. “You’re tricking me, aren’t you? I cut out early, and you get to weasel out of karaoke.”
Elijah kisses his shoulder. “She’s got you there.”
“I would never,” Julien replies a little too emphatically.
“Uh-huh.” I fish out my car fob and tuck it into my back pocket. “Do you mind if I use the restroom before I go?”
“Liz, you don’t have to ask our permission. This is your home, too,” Jayson says.
It strikes me with a direct blow to the chest. I don’t know what home is for me anymore. My memories of where I grew up no longer exist. No white picket fence, no familiar smells of childhood, or rooms I can vividly picture. No memories of mornings sitting around the Christmas tree opening presents or dinners spent catching up on everybody’s day. I can’t remember my bedroom, or if I even had one that felt like mine.
Home is supposed to be tied to a place, a specific address where you belong, but maybe a home isn’t that at all. Maybe it’s the people you build a life with. Maybe I’ve already found my home…and it’s them .
Saying thank you feels trite, so I let my nod show my gratitude.
When I get halfway down the hallway, I peek over my shoulder to make sure no one is watching before carefully slipping inside Ryder’s bedroom. I close the door behind me with a silent click and immediately stop breathing when I see his naked back. Holy shit.
I slump against the door, hand to my chest, trying to physically calm my pounding heart. I am in so much trouble with this man.
“Hi,” I whisper.
Before Ryder can say anything, I’m on him. He gives a small grunt when I push him back on the bed and climb up his delectable body.
His hands pull at my waist, and I drop down on top of him.
“Hi,” he whispers back, his smile dazzling.
Our kiss is different from the wild, passionate one in the music room. It’s slow and sensual but just as potent. Every part of me throbs with need, especially when I feel how hard he is beneath me.
“Fuck, Elizabeth.”
I love that I’m able to make him needy with just a simple kiss.
I trail my lips across his stubble to his ear, inhaling his woodsy cologne. He always smells so good. I bite the lobe of his ear, then press a kiss to his helix. “Just wanted to tell you good night.”
I slide off him, and he props up onto his elbows.
My attention immediately goes to the bulge straining the zipper of his jeans, and my core clenches with need at the sybaritic thoughts that take root.
“Think of me when you take care of that.”
“Elizabeth,” he groans, eyes hot.
I hold my finger to my lips as I open his door, making sure the coast is clear.
Humming all the way back to the living room, I grab my bag off the floor. “Good night, boys,” I sing-song, so happy in this moment from my second kiss with Ryder that I feel like I’m levitating across the floor.
Elijah gives me a wave from the sofa. “Bye, Liz.”
“Do you need me to follow you home?” Jayson asks.
“I’m good.”
“Text us when you get in, so we know you’re okay.”
“Will do. See you in the morning, Julien.”
As soon as I walk inside my apartment, I text the guys to let them know I’m safe and sound. I take a quick shower and slip on my boy shorts and a tank top to sleep in. Snuggling under my covers, I take a selfie and send it to Ryder.
Me: Did you touch yourself?
Hellcat: Touching myself now after getting that picture.
Damn, that’s hot. I imagine him naked, his hand wrapped around himself. I lick my lips. I can still taste him.
Me: Thank you for saying yes.
Hellcat: Thank you for asking me.
Me: Was this how it was like before between us? I feel like my body is on fire.
I’m half-tempted to slide my hand under the covers and give myself some relief. But I don’t. Because I want my first orgasm to be his. Which is stupid because I know I’m not a virgin. Julien basically said that Jayson and I slept together at prom.
Hellcat: This is so much better than before.
Me: I’ll see you in the morning after Julien and I get back. Bring more donuts. donut emoji
Me: Good night, Ryder.
Hellcat: Sweet dreams, baby.
Baby .
For the first time since I arrived, my dreams are full of only Ryder. Fantasies of him keep my nightmares away, and I wake up the next morning more than ready to tackle Julien’s ten-mile run. I’m already tired just thinking of the long day that awaits me.
Checking my bag to make sure I have everything before I leave to meet Julien, I grab my calculus textbook off the kitchen island. A silver origami star falls out and flutters to the floor.
Curious, I pick it up and unfold it to find a message.
“You aren’t just a star to me, you are my whole damn sky.”