36. CHAPTER 36
“ H ave you had enough?”
“Mmhmm,” I hum as I pick the last bit of grilled whitefish from its bones. “It’s so much better than trout.”
“It really is.”
Taking the piece of aluminum foil I’ve been using as a plate, I wrap up the bones and sweet potato skin then hold out my hand to Eden. After I’ve collected his, I walk to the truck and put it in a bucket with all the other trash on the floor of the cab.
“You should probably get an early start tomorrow morning," I say.
“Yeah? And why’s that?”
I lean back against the closed truck door. “You only filled half your quota.”
“But we got more than ten fish.”
“A promise is a promise, I’m afraid.”
“Is that so?” Eden laughs. “Then you best get used to sleeping out here alone, cause I’m not waiting around for you to find a turkey.”
“I haven’t even tried yet. I might find one first thing.”
“I’d say there’s a better likelihood of me driving into Daintree and buying a frozen one.”
My eyes widen, but I hold in my words.
In the light of the full moon, I watch Eden climb down from the camping chair to sit on the small tarp by the fire. “Come here,” he says, holding out his hand.
My bare fingers are already starting to tingle from the cold, and as I step closer to Eden, warmth flows through my body like a wave until I’m whole again—sitting between his legs with his arms around me. Nothing can get me here. It’s safe. This is the real world. It’s our real world.
“I don’t need anyone but you.”
Eden kisses the top of my head and squeezes me tighter. “Then I hope you don’t get sick of me.”
“I’ve never fished, or hunted, or baked bread before being with you.”
“When was the last time you took a hapkido class?”
“A few years ago.”
“Why did you stop?”
“I went as far as I could as a junior, but it changes when you turn eighteen. I didn’t want to show up to tournaments and fight men that look like you.”
“I’m sure there’s some irony in there somewhere.”
“Why do you ask?”
“I’d like you to teach me.”
“Not in a million years.”
“Why not?”
I reach up and take hold of Eden’s face so I can hold him still while I talk to him upside down. “Cause I’m not giving you any more advantages. If you know my secrets, then I’ll never stand a chance.”
“I’ll never hurt you like that again.”
“But I like knowing I can still choke you with my thighs when you let your guard down.”
“Don’t tease me, Jin.”
“You’re the one leading the conversation.”
“Then tell me some more about your thighs around my head.”
My hands fall from his cheeks and I just look at him; the light of the fire flickering on the right side of his face while the left is shaded by the night. “Have I been a good boy?"
"The best."
"Does that mean you'll tell me, now?"
"About what?"
"You thinking about me. About me using a… Remember in the truck this morning?"
"I do."
"So will you tell me?"
"What do you wanna know?"
"Eden," I whine at the smug look on his face. I try to sit up but he pulls me tighter to his chest.
"The first time was last Christmas. Before Shawn came to stay. D'you remember the night we played UNO?"
"You mean when you cheated?"
"I didn't cheat."
"You can't stack plus cards."
"You can if everyone agrees."
"I didn't agree."
"You came in part way through. It wasn't up to me to tell you. You should have asked."
"But I've never played that way. How would I know to ask?"
"You're gonna make me hard again."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"It was after midnight, I was about ten beers deep, and your pissed off little face was turning me the fuck on."
"You were horrible to me."
I feel Eden shift behind me. "The more you reacted, the harder I got."
"You kept staring at me."
Eden digs his fingers into my inner thighs and forces my legs apart. "I kept imagining myself balls deep in your ass. And that made me mad."
"I wanted to hurt you so bad."
He drags his hand down the inside of my leg until he's rubbing me through my pants. Slow. Not enough to get me anywhere, but more than enough to drive me crazy. "I wish you had."
"What was I meant to do? Tek was there."
"He was more drunk than I was. I don't think he'd have noticed if you walked around to the other side of the coffee table and sat yourself in my lap."
I arch my back and grind against him. "And what would you have done if I did?"
"Jin." His breath is like fire as he exhales by my ear.
"If you already hated me. If me just being there made you so mad… What would you have done if I sat in your lap?"
I try to reach behind myself so I can rub Eden, too, but he harshly throws my hand away then forces his way into my pants. With his fingers wrapped around my shaft he tells me, "I'd have fucking killed you," and starts pumping me slowly.
"I thought about you that night."
He falters, his grip tightening. "Don't you dare lie to me."
"I'm not… Why do you think I left?"
"You said I should rot in hell, then stormed out."
"You weren't the only one who was hard."
"Tell me what you did," he whispers in my ear then kisses my neck.
"I went straight to my room… I slammed the door… I screamed into my pillow… I didn't want to touch myself."
"But you did?"
I nod. "I had to… I had to know—"
Without any say in it, Eden has me turned around and kneeling before him. With one hand holding my waist, he slides his other into my hair. "I need to look at you when you tell me. I need to see in your eyes how much you wanted me all the way back then."
"But I hated you."
He lets go of my waist to pull down my sweats and bare my ass. "Show me what you did."
Without looking away, I spit into my hand and start jerking myself off.
"Is that all?"
I shake my head; no.
"What were you thinking?"
"About you… About you bursting into my room and catching me.
" Eden gropes my ass and I steady myself by holding onto his shoulder with my free hand.
"I thought about you making fun of me… Calling me names…
Swearing… But then you crawled into bed with me.
I screamed, and you shut me up by kissing me. "
"Did you think about me fucking you?"
I shake my head again. "I didn't last that long… I'd… I'd never…"
Eden holds my jaw and whispers against my lips, "Is that when you knew?"
"Yes," I answer him.
"You've wanted me since then?"
"No… I knew I liked guys. I still hated you."
"Fucking hell," he growls and wraps his arms around me. My dick squashes against him. I tug at his hair with both hands as we eat each other alive. It's dirty. Sloppy. I'm burning and freezing at the same time, and it feels so good.
Eden pulls back just long enough to spit on his fingers, then his lips are back against mine.
I feel him knead my ass with one hand while the fingers of his other tease my hole.
"You… You… You need to tell me, too," I pant out in the little space I have between breaths.
"As soon as I heard your bedroom door close, I was out of there.
Nothing made it go away. Not even a cold shower.
I called you so many names but I couldn't deny how much I wanted you.
How much I wanted to see you." Eden sinks his fingers inside me.
I know by now that it's more than one, and it's already not enough.
"I convinced myself that you were doing it, too.
That you were up in your room fucking yourself with a toy because it made me feel better.
Like I wasn't the weird one for wanting to come to the thought of my best friend's little brother. "
"What was I doing?"
"You were on your knees; backside up off the bed, your face mashed into the covers with a dildo in your ass."
"I wanna do that for you."
"Do you mean it?"
"I wanna do everything for you. Everything you've ever thought of me doing."
"You can't take it back now you've said it," Eden grins up at me then digs his fingers deeper. Harder. I double over, my chest falling against his shoulder. He knows what I like. He can find my spot so easily now.
I try to reach for him again, but he abruptly stands, taking me with him.