Paralyzed

Chapter 13

N athan couldn’t be sure what woke him: the knowledge of sleeping an entire night without the usual haunting nightmares or the unfamiliar sensation of a large, warm body wrapped around him. The only nights he had slept without dreaming of the accident were the ones when he had been doped up on meds in the hospital. So, knowing that he had gone the whole night without reliving the worst day of his life was monumental. It disturbed him on a deep level at the same time as making him aware of just how being held all night had kept the nightmares at bay. He felt a hard bare chest beneath his cheek and muscular arms holding him tight as he opened his eyes. It took him several breaths to realize the chin resting on the crown of his head belonged to Erik, the very man he’d planned to break it off with the night before, and he’d slept in the man’s bed last night after having an orgasm in his pants just from a heavy make-out session with him.

Heat suffused Nathan’s cheeks, which only deepened when he realized the object poking him in his soft belly was none other than Erik’s morning erection. Nathan wondered if he could wiggle free of Erik’s embrace without waking him. The thought went out the window when Erik stirred, and Nathan found Erik’s brick-like thigh sliding between his legs to push against his answering hard-on. A moan stuck in Nathan’s throat. Especially when Erik rocked his thigh along Nathan’s cock, adding friction to the pressure.

“Er-Erik,” Nathan murmured, hoping to wake Erik enough to let him go.

In a rustle of sheets, Nathan found himself on his back and Erik hovering over him, his mouth being plundered, morning breath apparently not a factor in Erik’s mind. Nathan gasped, eyes opening wide before slamming shut, and he grasped at Erik’s biceps, holding on as Erik ravaged him. The scrape of early morning stubble rasping over his chin and cheeks sent a delicious tremble through him.

Nathan moaned, sliding his tongue over Erik’s, meeting his silent demand for Nathan’s participation in the obvious attempt to leave him breathless. Erik slid his hand beneath the hem of Nathan’s shirt, fingers deftly stroking over the quivering muscles of his belly. Nervousness settled over Nathan. He wanted Erik, but he couldn’t quite stop the trepidation he felt at possibly disappointing him. After all, Erik had a lot more experience with sex than Nathan. The only thing Nathan had ever done was jerk off a few times.

Erik broke their kiss and pulled his hand away from Nathan’s stomach. He rested his forehead on Nathan’s shoulder. “I’m sorry,” he said, voice husky.

Nathan hesitated and then brought his hand to the back of Erik’s neck, running his fingers through his hair. “Sorry for what?”

“Getting carried away and scaring you.”

Nathan may have laughed if the situation wasn’t so damned pathetic. “You didn’t scare me.”

Erik lifted his head to look at Nathan, a frown gracing his kiss-swollen lips. “Don’t lie to me, Nathan.”

“I’m not lying,” Nathan protested. He dropped his gaze to the whorl of hair at the top of Erik’s chest. He hesitantly slid his hand down to tease it with his fingers, tugging gently. “I got nervous,” he muttered.

“Nervous?”

Nathan flushed. “I’ve never… I don’t…”

“Nathan,” Erik breathed, and then he kissed Nathan within an inch of his life again. Until Nathan couldn’t think, couldn’t see anything beyond the two of them, and Erik’s large, warm body left him a boneless, quivering mass of flesh. He tried to follow Erik when he broke the kiss, but Erik pressed him backward, splaying one hand across Nathan’s collarbone with a chuckle. “If we start that this morning, neither one of us will make it out of this bed, baby, and we both have somewhere to be.”

The endearment had Nathan’s heart fluttering in his chest.

“But I promise you, we will finish—” Erik brushed his lips over Nathan’s cheek one last time. “—when you’re ready. I will never push for more than you are okay with.”

Nathan looked up at Erik, loving the way his hazel eyes had changed to a liquid green in the early morning light peeking in from the blinds over the window. He nodded in acknowledgement of Erik’s promise. The more he was around Erik, the deeper he found himself pulled under, and the harder it would be when shit went south, as it invariably would. Biting his bottom lip, Nathan considered ripping the bandage off right then and telling Erik the truth, telling him about Alan and how he could see spirits.

But Erik took the opportunity out of his hands by suddenly rolling out of bed and then reaching down to grab Nathan’s hand with a grin. “Come on. Time to get up. Want to get some breakfast in you before I drop you off at school.”

Erik wore only a pair of tight dark blue boxer briefs that hugged his ass and cock like a second skin, leaving absolutely nothing to the imagination. Nathan’s mouth went dry as he stared while Erik grabbed his freshly laundered clothing from a nearby chair and went to hand them to him. All the toned, muscular, tanned skin made Nathan’s cock perk up and he stifled a moan. It was the sound of Erik growling that brought Nathan’s gaze from Erik’s body to his face. A feral, lustful look dominated the masculine features.

“If you keep staring at me like that, I’m going to forget about everything else and we’re going to end up back in that bed,” Erik said, his tone silky with desire.

Nathan buried his face in his clothes, groaning. He felt Erik’s arms wrap around him and then Erik pulled him from the bed and against his chest. “If for one second I thought you were ready for that, I’d spend the entire day fucking you into the mattress, baby, but I want you to be more than ready. I want you to be sure beyond any doubt when I take you for the first time,” Erik murmured into Nathan’s hair. “Now, get dressed before I lose my head. There’s an extra toothbrush under the sink.”

With a small push, Erik urged him toward the bathroom and Nathan scurried in and shut the door. He leaned against the wood and breathed in deep to soothe his nerves. When he’d calmed down enough to move, he went through his morning routine fast, relieving himself, brushing his teeth, and finger-combing his hair with a bit of water. He didn’t bother with worrying about shaving, not really one for growing a lot of facial hair fast. He winced when he noticed the purple bruise on his throat. His shirt didn’t cover but half of it, and he knew Troy would certainly notice it when he saw him on campus this morning. A red flush came over Nathan’s cheeks, but he couldn’t help noticing a sparkle had replaced the usual haunted look in his green eyes.

When he exited the bathroom, Erik had mostly dressed for the day in a pair of faded blue jeans and a white T-shirt. His feet were still bare. He kissed Nathan’s temple on his way into the bathroom like it was the most natural thing in the world, and Nathan couldn’t help the flood of warmth that spread through his chest and down into his belly at the simple gesture. “Give me five minutes and I’ll be right out,” Erik said.

Nathan nodded and went to locate his shoes. He found them in the hallway by the front door. Perching on the edge of the couch, he pulled on his socks and shoes, tying them afterward. He didn’t stand right away, nervously waiting there instead. He looked around and spotted a framed photo of Erik hugging Alan from behind, both smiling brightly, love for each other shining in their eyes. Guilt struck him straight in the chest.

Nathan swallowed hard as he picked up the frame from the small table next to the couch. He’d been too worried about ending things with Erik the night before to notice it. Alan looked so blissful and jovial in the image. Nathan couldn’t stop himself from wondering how things would have been different if Alan hadn’t died. Nathan certainly wouldn’t be sitting on Erik’s couch, and he wouldn’t have spent the night in his bed.

“That was our engagement photo.”

Nathan jumped, almost dropping the frame. He quickly set it down on the side table. “I’m sorry,” he said immediately.

Erik came around to where Nathan sat, took his hand, pulled him to his feet, and smiled at him. “It’s okay. I know you must be curious.”

Shaking his head, Nathan tried to protest, but Erik stopped anything he may have said. “It’s natural to want to know things, Nate. It really is okay. Let’s go get some breakfast and we can talk about it.”

“I don’t think—” Erik gave him a look and Nathan shut his mouth with a sharp snap of his teeth.

“Come on. We have enough time to eat and then get you to school so you’re not late.” Erik released Nathan, and after grabbing his wallet and keys from the table by the front door, he motioned Nathan outside. Nathan slid his backpack on and preceded Erik out onto the porch.

Nathan waited while Erik locked the door and then followed him to his truck. It didn’t take long before they were on the road. He tried to imagine doing this every morning and found it wasn’t hard to see himself waking up beside Erik, getting ready, and heading out for breakfast. What surprised him was just how much the idea appealed to him. He wanted that. More than anything he’d ever wanted in his life.

On the heels of that thought came the sharp bite of guilt. What right did he have to desire anything? Especially anything that made him happy? Nathan drew the hood of his jacket over his head and leaned his forehead against the cool glass of the window, his thoughts morose and bitter. Another day had gone by where he hadn’t kept his promise to Alan. Another evening had slipped by where he’d selfishly clung to the one thing he knew would drown out the anguish he’d felt since his parents’ death.

The feeling of Erik taking his hand and twining his fingers around Nathan’s caused him to jump. “Penny for your thoughts?” Erik asked casually as he trailed his thumb over Nathan’s wrist in a caress.

Nathan bit his lip, closing his eyes. “They aren’t worth even that,” he muttered.

“I’m sure they’re worth something. Talk to me, Nathan.”

Shaking his head, Nathan attempted a smile. “It’s nothing.”

Erik lifted their joined hands and kissed the back of Nathan’s. “You sure?”

“Yeah.” Nathan didn’t want to drag Erik down into his mess. He wouldn’t stain Erik’s wonderful life with the tragic chaos of his own. Erik seemed to accept his answer and let it go, content to hold Nathan’s hand the rest of the way.

They had breakfast at the same Denny’s as the morning before. Nathan once again opted for just a bagel with cream cheese, much to Erik’s dismay. He tried to get Nathan to order more, but Nathan declined, not really a big eater in the morning, or at all really.

“Did Troy actually get you a cell phone?” Erik asked.

Nathan frowned. “How did you know?”

“Well, you said something about calling Troy to come get you at my house last night. I kind of figured that meant he had.”

“Oh. Yeah. He did.”

“Can I have the number?” Erik asked.

“Of course.” Nathan took out the phone, along with a spare hair tie he left in his bag. He quickly tied his hair back. “I don’t really know the number myself, but I guess I can call you and it should show in your call log.”

Erik gave him his cell number and Nathan called it. He ended the call after a couple of rings. Smiling, Erik said, “Now I can text you to make sure you eat when I’m not with you.”

Nathan rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I guess so.”

He tried to keep the topic off Alan and the picture of him and Erik, but Erik either didn’t take the hint or wanted to get the subject of Alan out of the way.

“I told you how I met Alan already and how he died,” Erik began while they waited for their food.

Nathan shifted in his seat with discomfort. “You don’t have to talk about it,” he said, taking a sip of his coffee to hide just how uncomfortable he was talking about Erik’s fiancé.

Erik reached out and set his hand on top of Nathan’s—the one not holding the mug of coffee. “I want to. Alan’s gone, and I want you to know that there won’t be a ghost between us.”

Nathan flinched, causing the hot liquid to splash over the side of the mug and spill over the back of his hand. He set the mug down immediately and grabbed a napkin to wipe his hand. The damage was already done. Erik swore under his breath and fished an ice cube out of the glass of water the server had brought him. He grabbed Nathan’s wrist and carefully ran the ice over the pink skin. “I didn’t mean to spring that on you like that.”

“Not your fault,” Nathan muttered, biting down on his bottom lip. He almost laughed at the irony of Erik’s words. If only the man knew just how wrong he was about a ghost being between them.

The ice felt good on the burn and Nathan sighed as it melted over his skin. Once the cube was gone, Erik retrieved another one and repeated the motion. “I’m so sorry, Nathan.”

“It’s fine. No permanent damage,” Nathan replied. He couldn’t take his eyes off the way Erik’s tanned fingers stood out against his pale hand or stop the light tremble at just how gentle Erik was being while taking care of him.

“Do you not want me to talk about him?” Erik asked quietly.

That brought Nathan’s attention to Erik in a heartbeat. “What?”

“Every time I mention Alan, you seem to get agitated. Does it bother you if I talk about him?”

“No!” Nathan answered, horrified. He saw the hurt in Erik’s eyes. “Alan was a large part of your life. It’s natural for you to want to talk about him, Erik.”

Erik stilled, his fingers just holding the ice on Nathan’s hand. He had a strange look on his face. One that made Nathan furrow his brow. “What?” he asked.

“I like it when you say my name,” Erik said, eyes darkening.

Nathan licked his lips, suddenly nervous at the obvious desire on Erik’s face. He didn’t know how to handle being wanted like that. His entire being went hot and his body felt tight, too tight. “I-I—”

Before Nathan could form a reply, the server came over with their food. Nathan jerked his hand away, dropping it into his lap to cover the very prominent bulge tenting the front of his jeans. He could feel the heat in his cheeks and when he peeked through his lashes at Erik, he could see Erik still watching him with the same hungry expression. Nathan’s belly twisted and his cock jerked in answer. God, there must be something wrong with him to jump to full-blown hard-on despite the mention of Alan mere moments ago.

“Eat. I don’t want to make you late for class,” Erik prodded, his voice raspy.

Nathan wasn’t even sure if he could get an ounce of food past the lump in his throat now. Clearing his throat, he grabbed one of the small containers of cream cheese and started prepping half of his bagel. He took another sip of his coffee before attempting a bite. Surprisingly, he cleared his plate and sat back with a satisfied sigh.

Erik smiled at him, flashing bright white teeth. “Good?”

“Yeah,” Nathan answered.

“Don’t see how a single bagel can be enough to eat,” Erik said. “Gotta have some meat in there, too.”

A noise left Nathan, a snort at Erik’s words. He knew Erik hadn’t meant it to sound so… dirty, but Nathan could only imagine the field day Troy would have had with the turn of phrase Erik had used. He couldn’t help the peal of laughter that flowed out of him after the snort, or the full-on belly laugh that followed. Tears spilled over, trickling down his cheeks, and he swiped at them, still chuckling. “Sorry,” he gasped out. “Just—”

Erik chuckled around a bite of hash browns. “I got the joke. A little foul minded this morning, are we?”

“Couldn’t help it,” Nathan managed. “Totally something Troy would have pounced on.”

“You said you’ve known him since middle school, huh?”

Nathan nodded and grinned. “Since day one. He’s my best friend. Couldn’t live without him. He saved my life.”

Erik tilted his head in curiosity. “Saved your life?”

Tensing, Nathan mentally berated himself for slipping up. He tried to shrug it off. “Yeah. He kept me sane after my parents’ accident.”

“Ah. Of course. I’m glad he was there for you. I’m sure having someone helped a lot.”

Nathan frowned. “Did you have anyone to help you after Alan died?”

Erik set his fork down. “My dad came back for a while and my cousin Matthew really gave me a lot of support afterward. Really, if it wasn’t for Matthew, I may have done something stupid.” Erik’s lips twisted in a sardonic smile. “I got lost in a bottle for a while. Matthew helped get me out of it.”

“I’m sorry,” Nathan murmured.

“It’s okay. I was weak. I let my grief overwhelm me and it was easier to numb the pain with alcohol than to accept it. Matthew got me in to see a grief counselor, and even though it took me a long time, I finally accepted Alan was gone. I miss him and I don’t think that will ever change, but—” He paused and looked straight at Nathan. “—I’m ready to move on with my life.”

Nathan swallowed hard and dropped his gaze to the table. He started toying with his napkin. Erik’s words had sent a sharp thrill through him, as well as a damning sense of guilt. He had so many things he hadn’t told Erik, so many secrets, yet Erik seemed so sure he wanted to start over with Nathan. “You barely know me,” Nathan said.

“But that’s the best part,” Erik replied softly. “Getting to know one another, learning everything about each other. I want to know all there is to know about you. Everything. The good, the bad. All of it.”

The weight of what Erik was saying pressed down on Nathan and panic set in. They’d only known each other for a short period, and Nathan wasn’t ready for such a heavy burden. He already carried so much.

“I scared you,” Erik said, his voice flat. Some of the fear must have shown on Nathan’s face because Erik seemed to have read his mind. “We can take it as slow as you need, Nathan. I’m not going to cut and run just because we go at your pace. I told you before, the moment I met you, I felt a connection, something between us. Tell me you don’t feel it too. Tell me you haven’t felt it from the second we met, and I’ll leave you alone.”

Nathan couldn’t say the words because Erik was right. The moment Erik had entered the music store, Nathan had been drawn to him, wanted to be near him. It was why he couldn’t fight the desire inside him to give in and stay by Erik’s side, no matter how wrong it was. Nathan tore at the napkin, shredding the paper into bits and letting it rain down on the tabletop. He closed his eyes when Erik’s hand came down on top of his, stilling his nervous motions.

“Nathan?”

“I can’t,” Nathan croaked.

“Can’t what?” Erik asked.

“I can’t tell you that.”

Erik tightened his hold on Nathan. “I need to kiss you,” Erik rasped.

Nathan nodded, unable to speak. He was barely aware of Erik paying the check or standing. As soon as they were outside, Erik had him crowded up against the side of the truck, and Nathan raised his face to Erik’s, eagerly expecting the kiss. A moan rattled in his throat when Erik’s mouth crashed down on his, his lips parting to allow Erik’s tongue access to explore the deep recesses, no doubt tasting the coffee and remnants of cream cheese from his plain bagel as he could taste the hint of eggs and bacon on Erik. Erik snaked an arm around Nathan’s waist, hauling him closer, aligning their chests to one another, and thrust his large hand into the hair at the back of Nathan’s skull, holding him steady for the onslaught. Erik broke the kiss long enough to growl Nathan’s name before capturing his mouth once more.

It didn’t make a difference that they were out in public or that anyone could stumble on the two of them hidden between two vehicles. The only thing that mattered was the intimate connection between them, the slide of tender flesh over tender flesh, the rasp of early morning stubble over sensitive skin, no doubt leaving red marks behind. Nathan didn’t want it to end. He wanted to remain wrapped in Erik’s arms, tasting his kiss, for the rest of his life. The thought terrified him at the same time as making his knees weak, and if it wasn’t for the hard hold around his waist, he would have collapsed at Erik’s feet right then.

Nathan gasped when Erik broke the kiss, his entire body trembling with need and want. When Nathan finally opened his eyes, he could see Erik was just as affected by their kiss. His cheeks were ruddy, lips swollen, and Nathan saw at some point he’d messed up the perfection of Erik’s dark locks with his hands. Reaching up with shaking fingers, Nathan tried to smooth them back into place.

Erik gave him a tender smile and caressed the side of Nathan’s neck. “I want to forget all reason, say to hell with taking you to school or going to work. Just take you back to my home and make love to you for the next several days,” Erik growled.

Eyebrows going up, Nathan gave an unsteady chuckle. “Days?”

Erik hummed and leaned his forehead against Nathan’s. “I’m not even sure that would be long enough, Nathan. Every time I touch you, it’s like touching a live wire. It stirs something inside of me, and I only want more. I don’t want to scare you more than I already have, baby, but I can’t stop thinking about you, the feel of your skin, the smell of your hair, the taste of your lips. When we’re apart, I can’t wait to see you again.”

Every word uttered by Erik struck Nathan hard in his heart and he closed his eyes, his fingers curling over Erik’s biceps as he tried to keep himself in check. He didn’t want to freak out over Erik’s confession. He wanted to be happy. On one hand, he was, but on the other, he felt terrified at how quickly he was becoming attached to Erik. Especially considering the secrets Nathan still hid from him. “Erik,” Nathan breathed.

Erik slid his fingers through Nathan’s hair, dislodging the tie Nathan had used to wrangle the annoying strands away from his face and allowing the silken sheath to cascade around his face. “I’m not asking for anything more than you’re ready to give. Like I told you, we can go as slowly as you need. I just need you to know how you affect me. To understand how much I want you. We have all the time in the world, okay?”

“O-okay. J-just… slow, okay?”

“Anything you need, angel,” Erik murmured before lifting his head to kiss Nathan’s forehead. “We should go.”

Nathan couldn’t meet his gaze as Erik released him and opened the truck for him, but he didn’t pull away when Erik took his hand again once they were on the road to the college. In fact, Nathan couldn’t quite keep his lips from curling with a small smile and kept his head turned toward the passenger window as they rode in silence.

When they reached Webster’s campus, Nathan went to open the door, but Erik stopped him and leaned over to kiss him, brushing his lips lightly against Nathan’s. “I’ll see you tonight,” Erik said.

“I have to work.”

“I’ll pick you up afterward.”

Frowning, Nathan replied, “You don’t have to do that.”

“I don’t have to do anything, Nate, but I want to. Now get to class before you’re late.”

Nathan started to argue, but Erik pressed a finger to his mouth. “I’m picking you up, sweetheart, end of story. Go. Troy’s waiting for you and he looks kind of antsy.”

Swiveling his head around, Nathan spied Troy waiting in his usual spot with a scowl on his face and winced. He’d forgotten to tell Troy he wouldn’t be home this morning, so most likely Troy had gone to his apartment to pick him up. Damn. “Shit.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I forgot to call Troy and let him know not to pick me up this morning.”

“Might want to tell him not to bother tomorrow, either,” Erik said.

Nathan gaped at Erik for a split second. Then he said, “I have to go home tonight. I need clothes.”

“We’ll stop by your place to get some clothes for you and then we’ll go back to mine.”

“Awful sure of yourself, aren’t you?”

Erik shook his head. “I just want to wake up next to you again.”

Nathan’s irritation at Erik’s high-handedness died an immediate death. After hearing that, how could he feel agitated? Nathan flushed and fumbled with the strap of his book bag. “I uh…”

Smiling, Erik patted Nathan’s thigh. “Go. We can talk later.”

Without a word, Nathan shoved open the door, climbed out, and slammed it shut behind him. He scurried toward Troy without glancing behind him. He could feel Erik’s gaze burning a hole in his back and rolled his shoulders, attempting to dislodge the sensation. When he finally looked toward the curb, the truck was gone.

“What the hell, bro?” Troy growled and punched Nathan on the arm.

“Ow!” Nathan grunted and rubbed at the sore spot.

“I should be pissed as hell at you right now, but I’m guessing you finally got lucky, considering who dropped you off and the fact that you’re wearing the same clothes you wore yesterday!” Troy exclaimed with a grin. “Congrats, Nate.”

Nathan groaned as heat flooded his cheeks. “Shut up, Troy! Nothing happened!”

“Oh yeah, sure! And that hickey on your neck is nothing?” Troy challenged.

Horror flooded Nathan, and he slapped his hand over the spot Erik had been sucking on last night when he’d embarrassed himself by coming in his jeans.

“Or maybe those beard burns are just razor burns?” Troy taunted.

“Troy, shut the fuck up!” Nathan snapped. His face felt like it was on fire.

Troy cackled and slapped Nathan on the back before slinging an arm around his shoulders. “You’ll have to tell me the dirty deets at lunch, bro. Well, not too dirty. I’m not looking for a play-by-play.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake!”

C lasses went by quickly. Nathan didn’t see a glimpse of Alan, but he knew it wouldn’t be long before he did. Troy caught up with him at lunchtime and demanded the details of what happened the previous evening. No way in hell was Nathan giving him any information about shooting off in his pants, and he convinced Troy he’d done nothing except a heavy make-out session with Erik.

“You trying to give the guy blue balls?” Troy mumbled around a bite of his sandwich.

Nathan almost choked on his own food. “Jesus, Troy!”

“He’s not exactly inexperienced, Nate.”

Wincing, Nathan brushed a loose strand of hair back from his cheek. “I know he’s not. I’m just not ready to jump into bed with him.”

Nathan didn’t really want to explain to Troy that he was afraid of disappointing Erik. He didn’t have any experience aside from his own hand, and he hadn’t done a lot of that either, considering he’d spent so much time trying to keep himself sane during the last six years.

He’d seen a couple of porn movies, but those weren’t based on fact, and the men in them had way more knowledge of sex than Nathan did. What if he couldn’t last longer than sixty seconds like the night before? Oh God, what if he came in his pants again? Or if he couldn’t satisfy Erik? The idea of not being able to sexually please him terrified Nathan more than even the idea of encountering a new spirit. A cold sweat popped out along his back and under his arms.

Troy raised an eyebrow at him. “Why the hell not? It’s not like you need a commitment from him or anything to get laid.”

“Because I’m not, okay? Besides, he still doesn’t know about everything.”

“It’s just sex, bro. Someone has to pop your cherry someday.”

Nathan scowled at Troy to cover his discomfort. “You’re an ass, Troy. You know that?”

Troy shrugged. “I’m just stating the obvious. You don’t have to get so defensive.”

“Maybe I don’t want to be just another notch on some guy’s bedpost. Maybe I want someone to care about me before I let them pop my cherry ,” Nathan said. “Can we just drop it? I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

“It’s not like you got a hymen for crying out loud,” Troy muttered.

Nathan stared at Troy, mouth open in shock at Troy’s words. He dropped his sandwich onto the paper and stood, anger surging through him. “I don’t know what the hell set you off. If it’s because I forgot to call you, I’m sorry, but it doesn’t give you the right to be such a fucking prick.”

He started to stomp away, but Troy grabbed his wrist, stopping him. “Nate.” Mouth set in a tight line, he refused to look at Troy. Troy sighed and stood, pulling Nathan into a hard hug. “I’m sorry, Nate. You’re right. I am being an ass.”

“Why?” Nathan asked stiffly.

Troy stepped back and ran a hand over the nape of his neck. “Ever since you met Erik, it’s like you’re slipping away from me. We hardly hang out anymore, and this morning when I got to your apartment and you weren’t there…”

Nathan winced. It was true. Before now, they’d been attached at the hip. Troy would always pick him up for school and they were never apart. “It’s not on purpose. Things just seemed to move fast with him. I’m not even sure what this is.”

A rueful smile crossed Troy’s lips. “Come on, Nate. You really don’t see it?”

“See what?” Nathan asked.

“You’d have to be blind to not notice that you guys are completely into one another. If it hadn’t been a short time, I’d think you both were already in love with each other.”

Nathan jerked, eyes widening. “What the hell, Troy? I barely know him!”

Troy held his hands up in a placating gesture. “I know, Nate, but it doesn’t take long to care about someone. This isn’t me saying you are, and I’d say you were crazy if you believed you were. I guess I’m just a little jealous of how much of your attention he has.”

“Troy, we’re best friends. No matter what. I wouldn’t be here without you. No one will ever come between us. I’m sorry if you felt otherwise.”

“And I know that. I’m happy you’ve found someone and you’re finally willing to let someone in besides me. You deserve to be happy, Nate, despite what you tell yourself in your head.” Nathan flinched and Troy grabbed his shoulder. “You forget how well I know you, bro. I know you blame yourself for your parents’ accident and you think you have to spend your life paying for it, but you don’t. It wasn’t your fault. The guy was drunk. He ran a red light. End of story. Stop beating yourself up over it. Let it go. Be happy. Just… don’t forget I’m here for you.”

“Never,” Nathan murmured, ignoring the rest of Troy’s words.

Troy pulled him into another brief yet fierce embrace. “I love you, Nate.”

Nathan’s throat tightened, and he had to swallow several times before he could return the words. “Love you too, bro.”

They broke apart and shuffled their feet in discomfort before Troy coughed. “So… uh… let’s finish eating. I’ll take you to work after school so we can hang out for a bit, huh?”

“Sure. That’d be great.”

They both retook their seats to finish their lunch, and Nathan changed the subject to Troy’s girl at the diner to ease some of the tension.