Chapter 12
“ W hat?” Nathan squawked.
“Relax. I don’t bite. I figure this way we have privacy to talk. Okay?” Erik soothed.
Nathan bit his bottom lip and fidgeted with the strap of his backpack. Erik climbed out of the driver’s side and went around to him. Nathan flinched at the sound of the passenger door opening but didn’t move right away.
“Nathan?” Erik prompted.
He tentatively stepped down out of the truck, carefully avoiding brushing against Erik, and moved away to wait as Erik closed the door and started toward the front porch. Nathan cautiously followed along the cement pathway, eyes darting everywhere, taking in the neatly landscaped yard and the gleaming original color of the wooden railing leading up to the porch. There was a swing he could see himself sitting in and maybe writing a song or two.
The house was a light yellow, and Nathan felt as though each detail had been lovingly chosen by Erik as he’d built the home he’d intended to share with Alan for the rest of their lives. The knowledge left a sharp pang in his chest and reminded Nathan of what he’d come here to do. With that in his head, he pulled himself together and held himself tighter as he trailed Erik into the house.
The inside was as nice as the outside. Nathan couldn’t help gawking at the light oak-colored hardwood floors, matching furniture, and beautiful riverbed stone fireplace which dominated almost half of one wall in the living room Erik led him into. Erik gestured for him to have a seat on a large brown suede sectional sofa in front of the fireplace. A low wooden coffee table squatted in front of the sofa.
“Would you like something to drink?” Erik asked.
Nathan sat, instantly swallowed into the soft cushions of the couch, and shook his head. “No, thank you.”
Erik took Nathan’s bag and set it beside the sofa before choosing to sit next to him, angling his body slightly toward Nathan. His leg was close enough to Nathan’s that he could feel the heat from Erik’s thigh seeping into his. Suppressing a quiver at the almost intimate situation, Nathan swallowed and tried to look anywhere except at Erik.
“You wanted to talk?” Erik prodded.
Nodding, Nathan cleared his throat. “I uh… I don’t think we uh…” His voice trailed off when Erik slid his hand over Nathan’s. He hadn’t even realized he was twisting his hands together in his lap in nervousness until Erik halted his movements.
“Nathan,” Erik said in a gentle tone.
He looked down at where Erik’s hand rested on top of his. The warmth of Erik’s skin heated the clammy coldness of his own and trickled up through his forearms to his chest. He nibbled on his bottom lip, knowing he needed to push the words out, to stop himself from giving into the cowardice of not saying them. “We shouldn’t see each other anymore,” he whispered.
Erik tightened his hold for a brief second before relaxing. “Why?”
“Because we just shouldn’t,” Nathan muttered, trying to pull his hands away from Erik, but Erik wouldn’t let him go. Instead, he firmed his grip and moved to sit on the coffee table, peering into Nathan’s face.
“Nathan, look at me.”
Nathan resisted at first, keeping his eyes on their hands.
“Please, Nathan.”
Giving in and knowing he shouldn’t, Nathan lifted his head and raised his gaze enough to look into Erik’s eyes. Erik’s expression was soft, affectionate, something he’d only ever seen on his mother’s or aunts’ faces before. It surprised him, and Nathan tried to jerk away from Erik again. “Why do you think we shouldn’t see each other anymore?” Erik asked.
“Let me go,” Nathan said.
“Tell me.”
“You wouldn’t understand.”
“You can’t know that unless you talk to me, Nathan. Try me.”
Nathan’s heart beat a rapid dance of hope and anguish against his rib cage. He wanted to believe so badly that Erik could accept him, accept everything about him, but he knew he couldn’t trust in that hope. “I can’t,” Nathan replied, his voice cracking.
Erik reached out his free hand to cup Nathan’s cheek. “Why do you carry so much on your own? You were so ready to give me a chance this morning. What changed?”
For a brief selfish second, Nathan leaned into Erik’s touch, eyes closing halfway in pleasure at the caress. Then reality came back. Quinn’s words from earlier echoed in his ears and he gave Erik a sad smile as he turned his head away from Erik’s hand. “Nothing changed.”
“Bullshit. If you aren’t lying to me, then you’re lying to yourself, Nathan. I can’t tell which it is.” Anger vibrated in Erik’s tone.
Surprise held Nathan’s tongue for a moment. He hadn’t expected Erik to get mad. He freed himself and stood, pacing away from the couch to stop near the front window, staring out onto the street. “Even if I am, it’s none of your business!”
A frustrated grunt came from behind him and then Erik was next to him, grabbing his upper arms and spinning him toward him. “Is it so wrong having someone care about you? Why is that a bad thing?”
“Because it is!” Nathan exploded, knocking Erik’s hands off him. “Because I don’t deserve it! I’m damaged, okay! You shouldn’t even be touching me!”
“What?” Erik asked, a stunned look on his face.
Nathan’s eyes burned and he could feel his cheeks were hot. He turned his back to Erik, not wanting Erik to see him so upset. “Just forget it. It doesn’t matter. This was a mistake. I’ll call Troy to come pick me up.”
Nathan went to retrieve his bag, to leave, but Erik stopped him, his arms closing around him from behind. Shock held Nathan immobile, and his breath froze in his lungs. “Wh-what are y-you doing?” Nathan wheezed.
Erik ignored him and just held him. Nathan remained stiff for several long minutes until finally he gave in and went limp, a shudder racking his body and a sob sticking in his throat. Tears spilled over, silent and steady, dripping down his cheeks and onto his shirt, soaking the material. Erik rested his chin on the crown of Nathan’s head and never let go, anchoring him as the storm raged through him. Nathan gripped Erik’s forearms, his pale fingers shining bright against the tanned furred skin.
“I’ve got you, angel,” Erik murmured almost unintelligibly.
Even during the months after his parents’ deaths, Nathan had barely accepted comfort from Troy or his aunts, and yet being there in Erik’s arms felt so right and made him feel whole in a way he hadn’t in a long time. At some point, Erik moved them to the couch and Nathan found himself curled up in his lap, his head resting on Erik’s shoulder, but his tears were gone. Doubts and knowing he shouldn’t be allowing Erik to comfort him set in once more and Nathan tried to find it in him to pull away, but he couldn’t. He wanted to be selfish, to cling to Erik for just a few more minutes. For later, when he’d be all alone again and he’d need something to remember in the darkness, when the pain became too much to bear on his own.
He realized he’d burrowed his face against Erik’s throat, the woodsy scent of his aftershave tickling the hairs of his nose and the sweet draft of Erik’s breath whispering over his cheek. Nathan swallowed audibly when Erik moved, and he could feel Erik’s hard thighs flex beneath his bottom. Their combined breathing sounded loud in the silence of the living room, reminding Nathan of just how alone they were. He tried to move from Erik’s lap, but Erik tightened his hold, bringing one hand up to slide his fingers through Nathan’s hair briefly before cupping the side of his neck, encouraging Nathan to look up at him. At first, Nathan fought him, but eventually he gave in, lifting his gaze to meet Erik’s.
The brush of Erik’s lips over his caused his heart to speed up, beating fierce and fast against his rib cage. Erik broke away for a split second. Long enough for Nathan to notice a tiny scar at the corner of his mouth. He vaguely wondered how Erik had gotten it, but the thought flitted away as Erik leaned back toward him, covering Nathan’s mouth once more. Nathan couldn’t stop the low moan he let out, warmth surging through him, sending an electrical current spiraling along his nerve endings straight to his groin. Slipping the arm not trapped between their bodies around Erik’s neck, Nathan tangled his fingers into the dark hair at the back of his head. He gave himself up to the taste of Erik’s kiss, the firmness of his lips, and the soft, slick tongue sliding in to glide over and explore the depths of his mouth.
He felt Erik reposition him until he sat straddling Erik’s lap, bringing their erections flush with one another, wrenching a gasp from him. “Oh!”
“Nathan,” Erik growled into their kiss. His hands, which had been gripping Nathan’s waist gently, slid underneath the hem of his hoodie and splayed out along the width of his back. Nathan could feel the heat of Erik’s palms through his shirt, practically burning him through the material. He gripped at Erik’s shoulders, steadying himself, fingers digging into the hard muscles beneath the shirt Erik wore.
Nathan let out a moan when Erik began trailing kisses along his jaw toward his ear. Shudders tore through him the moment Erik’s lips touched the soft skin of the lobe. He couldn’t control the panting breaths escaping his lungs.
“Er-Erik.”
“So sexy,” Erik murmured into his ear before nipping at the flesh there and then soothing it with his tongue.
“Ah!” Nathan cried out, trembling at the pure fire suffusing his entire body. The unfamiliar sensations raging through him were overwhelming, leaving him lost in pleasure and lust. His entire body throbbed with need. “I-i-it’s too much,” Nathan panted.
“What’s too much?” Erik asked, still touching and exploring, his mouth and tongue continuing to tease Nathan.
Nathan shook his head. He didn’t even know how to explain it. Erik rolled his hips upward, grinding their cloth-covered cocks together, causing a delicious friction Nathan could feel deep down in his belly. All the while, Erik never halted his assault on Nathan’s exposed skin with his heated mouth, this time targeting the tender flesh of his throat. A scrape of strong teeth over the racing pulse just beneath the skin sent tingles straight to Nathan’s balls. But it was the way Erik latched on and suckled at his neck that sent Nathan over the edge, come pulsing from his cock and coating the inside of his boxers and soaking the fabric. Nathan couldn’t contain his cries or the trembling of his body, his eyes squeezed shut tight, arms clutching Erik closer to him, hips thrusting forward.
Erik groaned, the sound rattling against Nathan’s throat, and Erik laved at Nathan’s wet, bruised skin, soothing the mark he’d no doubt left behind. His hands caressed along Nathan’s back and down to his rear to grip him tight, urging his erratic movements to continue. Nathan made a keening sound and arched his back. It felt as if his entire soul was being wrenched from his cock and he couldn’t stop it.
“Oh God,” Nathan said with a whimper.
Finally, the last spurt spilled from him, and Nathan collapsed boneless against Erik, his breath wheezing from his lungs, his body quivering. As Nathan came down from the high of his orgasm, the knowledge of what he’d done hit and embarrassment rocked him. He couldn’t believe he’d just come in his pants like a teenager. He struggled to get away, to run and hide, to never have to face Erik again. Erik refused to release him.
“Let me go,” he pleaded, unable to meet Erik’s gaze.
“Nathan, it’s okay,” Erik said huskily.
“No,” Nathan sobbed. “It’s not. I’m sor—”
“No. Don’t apologize.”
Nathan reddened even more as he dropped his forehead down to Erik’s shoulder. Erik ran a hand along his spine.
“There’s nothing to be embarrassed of, Nathan. It felt good, right?”
He managed a shaky nod.
“Then that’s all that matters.”
“But—”
“Stop,” Erik murmured. “It was beautiful watching you come apart in my arms like that.”
Nathan’s breath caught at Erik’s words. He didn’t know how to respond. His body still throbbed from the high he’d experienced, his crotch felt wet and sticky, and the heat from Erik’s long length against his heightened his awareness of Erik even more. When he shifted in discomfort, he could feel Erik was still hard beneath him and bit his lip. Curling his fingers around Erik’s shoulders and gathering his courage, Nathan asked shyly, “Wh-what a-about you?”
A light tremble went through Erik, and Nathan felt him brush a kiss to his temple. “I’ll be fine,” Erik rasped.
Nathan frowned and sat back to see Erik’s face, forgetting his embarrassment and the uncomfortableness of his damp clothes. The movement caused his bottom to press harder into Erik’s lap, and Erik let out a small groan. “But that’s not fair to you,” Nathan said.
Erik chuckled, albeit a bit breathlessly, his face flushed from what Nathan could see beneath the deep tan. He cupped Nathan’s cheek. “What happens between us, Nathan, isn’t about returning the favor. Just because I made you come doesn’t mean you have to do something you don’t want to, understand? You never have to feel like that with me. Ever. I got pleasure just from getting you off. Okay?”
Nathan chewed on his bottom lip for a moment and then nodded. “Okay,” he whispered.
Smiling, Erik leaned in and kissed Nathan, running his tongue over Nathan’s bruised bottom lip. When he broke away, he slid his hand to Nathan’s neck and touched at the spot he’d abused during their passionate moments. “Although I think Troy is going to want to kick my ass tomorrow when he sees you.”
Eyes widening, Nathan immediately brought his hand up to cover the spot. “What? Why? Is it bad?”
Erik laughed gently and tangled his fingers with Nathan’s, lowering their entwined hands to their laps. “A little. I’m afraid I got carried away.”
Heat flooded Nathan’s face, and he knew he must be as bright red as a tomato. Troy would tease the shit out of him when he saw it. But a bit of pride and happiness settled into Nathan’s chest. He’d never had a hickey before.
“Will you stay here tonight?” Erik asked him, pulling Nathan from his thoughts. Surprise caused Nathan’s breath to catch, and his gaze snapped to Erik’s. “Just to sleep,” Erik rushed on. “Nothing will happen that you don’t want to, Nathan. I promise.”
Nathan’s head spun with the abrupt turn of events. The entire night hadn’t gone as planned. He’d fully intended on breaking up whatever they had started and insisting on never seeing Erik, and now he’d not only made out with him, but he’d had a full-on orgasm in the man’s lap! Now he wanted him to spend the night! Nathan opened his mouth to say no, to tell Erik to take him back to his apartment, but the word that tumbled out shocked him. “Okay.”
Erik smiled, eyes crinkling in the corners. “Why don’t we get something to eat? I bet you’ve had nothing all night, right? And I bet those pants are getting uncomfortable. I’m sure I have something you can wear while I wash your clothes.”
It wasn’t until Erik had pointed it out that Nathan noticed how the semen in his boxers had cooled and was drying. “Would… uh… it be all right if I took a shower?” Nathan asked.
“Of course,” Erik said while helping Nathan stand.
Nathan’s eyes instantly dropped to the very hard bulge of Erik’s crotch, and he could see a dampness there, which brought his gaze down to his own. A huge wet patch was obvious on the front of his jeans and Nathan let out a sound of dismay, covering the area with both hands.
Erik hugged Nathan. “Relax, Nate. It’s okay.”
Nathan lifted his head enough to stare at Erik.
“What?”
“That’s the first time you’ve called me that.”
Erik gave Nathan a quizzical look.
“You always call me Nathan, not Nate.”
“Oh. I guess I just like the way Nathan sounds. Nate is cute, but Nathan is so much sexier.”
Nathan’s mouth dropped open, shocked at hearing his name described in such a manner. Erik laughed and slipped a finger beneath Nathan’s chin, coaxing his mouth to close. “You’ll catch flies like that,” he teased, eyes twinkling.
Stammering, Nathan couldn’t form words, and Erik kept one arm around his shoulders as he guided Nathan down a hallway to the bathroom. “Towels are under the sink. Hop into the shower, and I’ll find some clothes for you to wear. Leave yours on the counter. Don’t lock the door, okay?”
Nodding, Nathan watched Erik close the door as he left Nathan alone. It took several breaths before Nathan shook himself enough to move. He turned on the water and let it heat while he started stripping his clothes off, grimacing as his boxers stuck to his skin. I definitely don’t want to repeat coming in my pants again . He folded everything and laid it on the sink, then stepped into the shower and closed the curtain. The hot water felt good, and he sighed as it rushed over him. Nothing about this situation seemed normal. The entire day hadn’t turned out like he’d expected, and now he had another nail in his coffin on what to tell Alan the next time he saw the guy. Shit. He knew Alan had given him the go-ahead on being with Erik, but he still couldn’t help the guilt spiking through him. Especially since he hadn’t even gotten close to carrying out his promise to help Alan move on.
The sound of the bathroom door opening disrupted his thoughts and Nathan jumped, but the translucence of the shower curtain blurred most of Erik’s shape as the man set the change of clothes on the counter and grabbed Nathan’s. Nathan felt decidedly vulnerable considering the fact nothing except a thin sheet of plastic separated him and Erik.
“Come out to the kitchen when you’re done. I had a rice casserole dish in the refrigerator. It’s in the oven and should be almost heated by the time you’re finished,” Erik said over the running water.
“Okay, thanks,” Nathan said. He didn’t move again until Erik left, shutting the door behind himself.
Nathan finished washing and shut off the water. It didn’t take long to dry off, and he dressed in the soft blue T-shirt and black running shorts Erik had left on the counter for him. His scars being exposed made him uncomfortable, but he didn’t really have much of a choice. He stared at himself in the foggy mirror for a few minutes, wondering just what the hell he was doing. Why wasn’t he leaving? Why couldn’t he seem to stick to his resolve around Erik?
Leaning closer to the mirror, Nathan realized the dark circles under his eyes had faded a bit and the usual tightness around his mouth had loosened slightly. When had that happened? Nathan couldn’t figure out what was so special about Erik. Granted, Erik was the first guy he’d met who had captured more than a passing interest from Nathan. He knew that much, at least. Nathan still hesitated to place much hope of Erik understanding or accepting his ability to talk to and see spirits. Especially once he knew Nathan could see Alan.
Sighing, Nathan pushed away from the cabinet and left the bathroom. He followed his nose to the kitchen, the scent of spices and cheese sauce drawing him and his empty belly. Erik stood at a stainless steel stove, his broad back to Nathan. He’d also changed into dark gray sweatpants and a white T-shirt, one which clung to every single muscle, sending strands of arousal and awareness trickling through Nathan, who nervously pushed his hair behind his ears. He’d lost the band he used to keep it tied back. Nathan cleared his throat, letting Erik know he stood there.
Erik turned to look at him, a smile stretching across his full lips. “Ah, good. Just in time. Have a seat at the table. Would you like soda, water, milk, or tea?”
“Water is fine. I can get it, though,” Nathan said.
“Nope. Not tonight. Sit.” Erik pointed at a gleaming oak wood table, already set for two, with four matching chairs. He picked up a small pan of piping hot cheesy rice casserole and brought it to the table, setting it in the center on a potholder. “If you want, I can make some garlic bread or a salad to go with, but you’ll have to wait a few minutes.”
Nathan shook his head as he slipped into one seat. “This is perfect. I’m not a big fan of bread or salads, anyway.”
Erik raised a brow and removed the gloves he’d worn to carry the pan, setting them aside. “Really? Bread is the best part, I believe. Makes the meal usually, but I know you must be starving. You really need to eat better. I think I’ll make it my life’s goal to bring you dinner at work.”
“You don’t need to do that!” Nathan protested.
Erik sat and picked up a large spoon near the pan. “From what I’ve seen, you don’t take care of yourself enough, and now that I’m around, I intend on making sure you do.”
Nathan frowned. “Why?”
Picking up the plate in front of Nathan, Erik scooped two large dollops on it and set it back in front of Nathan before he replied, looking directly at Nathan. “Because I care about you, Nathan. And because I want to.”
Nathan couldn’t hold Erik’s gaze and stared down at the table. He twitched in his seat, uncertain on what to say. His first thought was to protest, but he couldn’t ignore the tendril of warmth curling through his belly and up into his chest, either. None of the times his aunts or Troy had wanted to do something for him had ever inspired him to roll over and let them. Quite the opposite, in fact. Nathan had always vehemently denied them the right to do so. He’d insisted on doing everything for himself, especially after he’d gotten out of the hospital.
“I can take care of myself,” Nathan finally said.
“I’m sure you can. I just like to help you is all.”
Eyeing Erik, Nathan opened his mouth to protest again, but Erik stopped him. “Now eat. It’s late and I’m sure you have class tomorrow.”
Nathan’s teeth snapping shut sounded audible in the surrounding silence. He didn’t move as he watched Erik take several bites. His natural reaction urged him to say to hell with it, stand, and leave. But the other half of him, the one that wanted to crawl onto Erik’s lap and let the man take care of him, screamed at him to do as Erik said.
Nathan took a small bite of the casserole. Within five minutes, he found he’d consumed the entire plate Erik had given him. Erik had a smug expression on his face as he dished another smaller portion onto Nathan’s plate, and Nathan glared at him but kept quiet while he worked on demolishing the next bit of food. By the time he’d finished, he couldn’t quite stifle the yawn working its way out of him and he could only just keep his head off the table.
“Sorry,” he mumbled.
“Don’t apologize,” Erik admonished gently, standing. He came around the table and helped Nathan stand. “Come on, let’s get you to bed.”
Nathan hummed, leaning heavily on Erik, who easily supported him. They made it to the stairs, but when Nathan stumbled after the first couple of steps, Erik swept him up into his arms.
“I can walk!”
“Hush and let me do this for you,” Erik grumbled.
Nathan swore he heard Erik mutter the word “stubborn,” but he was too far gone to do more than press closer to Erik’s chest and close his eyes, breathing in the woodsy scent of Erik’s aftershave. “Smell good,” Nathan murmured.
“Do I?” Erik chuckled as he set Nathan down on what he thought might be a soft cloud.
Blinking heavily, Nathan peered at Erik through his lashes. “Uh huh.”
Erik pulled the comforter back and then Nathan was airborne again for Erik to slide him under the blanket. “Well thank you, Nate. I think you’re adorable when you’re sleepy, by the way.”
Nathan wrinkled his nose at Erik and snuggled down into the pillow. “Am not,” he struggled to squeak out past a yawn. Erik gave another small laugh. He felt Erik card his fingers through his almost-dry hair as sleep pulled him under, and then he sensed Erik’s body heat briefly before a brush of lips across his forehead. Then blessed darkness swamped him.