Paralyzed

Chapter 15

“ S top thinking so hard and go to sleep,” Erik murmured, causing Nathan to jump. He’d thought he had already fallen asleep. Erik opened his eyes. “Would you rather talk about what happened earlier?”

“No,” Nathan said.

“Then go to sleep.” Erik closed his eyes again. Nathan continued to stare at Erik until he spoke once again. “It would help if you lay down, you know.”

Finally, Nathan couldn’t help it. “What did I do?”

Eyelids flying open, Erik stared at him, confusion shining on his face. “What are you talking about?”

Discomfort caused Nathan to shift under Erik’s intense scrutiny. “I… You… Why didn’t you kiss me?”

Erik sat up, turning his body toward Nathan. “You think I don’t want to kiss you?” he asked incredulously.

Nathan started to get off the bed, uncomfortable, but Erik stopped him, tumbling him beneath him and pinning him in place. “No running away. Not this time,” Erik said. “There is never a time when I don’t want to kiss you, Nathan. I didn’t want to overwhelm you after what happened at the diner.”

Erik ran a finger down Nathan’s cheek in a light caress. “Never doubt that I want you, angel.” He rocked his hips forward and Nathan gasped when he felt the hard length of Erik’s cock dig into his thigh. A smile curled the corners of Erik’s lips. “I want you more than anything, Nathan, but I won’t rush you. When you’re ready for more, you’ll make the choice.”

Nathan blinked at Erik, darting his tongue out to wet his suddenly dry lips. He pressed his thigh tighter against the bulge between Erik’s legs, enjoying the hitch in his breathing. His own cock had stiffened and Erik no doubt could feel it pushing along his abdomen. When he experimentally shifted his leg along Erik’s cock, Erik hissed and shuddered, his eyes darkening. “Nathan,” Erik rasped in warning.

“Kiss me,” Nathan begged suddenly.

A groan rattled in Erik’s throat and then he crushed his mouth down onto Nathan’s, swallowing the sharp gasp Nathan released at the full body contact when Erik lowered himself on top of Nathan. Nathan grasped at him, seeking a port in the sudden onslaught. He opened his mouth and accepted the slick slide of Erik’s tongue along his, granting entrance to the pink muscle. The heat of the kiss ratcheted higher as Erik coaxed Nathan’s lips into an erotic dance, hotter than even the previous night. He couldn’t stop his hands from running down the width of Erik’s back to the top of his briefs and then up again, exploring the smooth skin beneath his palms. Every muscle underneath his fingers felt alive, and he never wanted to stop touching Erik. Nathan arched beneath him, whimpering in need and a quiet plea for more.

Erik never broke the kiss, drinking deeper from Nathan while skimming one hand over Nathan’s side to the lightly furred expanse of Nathan’s thigh. He yanked it high over his hip and aligned their cloth-covered cocks. Nathan cried out, pushing his pelvis upward in desire for more contact. A moan vibrated between them, wrenched from Erik and trickling through Nathan.

“Erik,” Nathan panted, pleading for more with that single word.

Trailing kisses and gentle scrapes of his teeth over Nathan’s jawline, Erik continued the delicious friction with subtle thrusts of his hips, but it wasn’t enough, and Nathan sobbed in need. He wanted more, except he didn’t know how to tell him. Only, Erik seemed to understand, and he plunged a hand between them, first releasing Nathan’s shaft from his boxers and then his own, grasping both with one hot, calloused hand and then stroking them together. Nathan sank his fingernails into Erik’s shoulders, his breathing harsh and loud in the bedroom’s silence, while he undulated his hips, desperate for Erik’s touch. Dizziness assaulted Nathan’s senses. He’d never felt the hand of another on his cock before, and the sensation was beyond mind blowing. Nathan blindly sought Erik’s mouth with his, sucking wetly on his tongue.

Slickness spread quickly over their shafts, easing the friction of Erik’s fingers on Nathan’s sensitive skin and adding to the pleasure mounting between them. “Nathan,” Erik groaned against his lips.

Nathan released Erik’s mouth to toss his head from side to side, loose strands of his hair sticking to the sweat on his cheeks and forehead. The muscles in his lower belly tightened and Nathan knew he wasn’t far off from coming. Toes curling, Nathan almost screamed when Erik latched on to his throat, mouth working the flesh there, tongue swirling over the salty skin. But it was the feel of fiery streaks of liquid splashing over his abdomen and stomach and the sound of Erik grunting that tipped the scales for Nathan. A keening cry broke free from him as he came. Hard shudders ripped through him, and for several long moments, Nathan’s vision went black. Heavy breaths wheezed from his lungs, and he could hardly hear as he collapsed amongst the sheets, Erik a warm weight on top of him.

The first thing Nathan noticed was the tender caress of Erik’s fingers along his shoulder and the light brush of Erik’s lips over his temple, cheekbone, and anywhere else the feathery wisp of flesh could touch. A shiver trickled through Nathan and he opened his eyes, blinking heavily to clear the lustful fog clouding his vision. His lungs labored to pull in air, and he wondered if he would ever breathe normally again.

“Don’t move,” Erik murmured, his voice almost an unwelcome intrusion into the hush around them as he disentangled himself from Nathan’s embrace. Nathan wanted to protest, but he couldn’t say a word as he watched Erik leave the bed and enter the restroom. The light flicked on and then he heard the water running in the sink briefly before Erik came back into the bedroom holding a washcloth in one hand.

A hiss left Nathan’s lips when the cool damp cloth brushed over his stomach, clearing away the white liquid left behind by both of them. After he’d tucked Nathan’s flaccid length back inside his boxers, Erik cupped his cheek and pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. Erik slotted his mouth over Nathan’s, but he didn’t deepen the kiss, merely suckling gently at Nathan’s bottom lip briefly before releasing it with a light nip. Erik dropped the cloth on the floor beside the bed and pulled Nathan into his arms.

Nathan burrowed closer to Erik to hide his scars now that hormones didn’t distract them. They were white lines that varied in thickness and ran across his chest and down some of his bicep. Only his doctors, aunts, and Troy had ever seen them. The lust which had risen between him and Erik had frazzled his mind and he’d forgotten about them for those few moments. He’d never known being touched by someone else could feel so good. Masturbating had never led to such an intense orgasm.

Erik nuzzled Nathan’s temple. “You doing okay?”

Nodding, Nathan rested a hand over Erik’s heart. “I’m good.”

Erik hummed. “I hope better than good.”

A grin curved Nathan’s lips. “Definitely.”

Erik’s chest vibrated with a laugh before he nudged Nathan to roll onto his back. Nathan reluctantly went, but he tensed when Erik’s calloused fingers trailed along his scars. “From the accident?”

Nathan nodded, not meeting Erik’s gaze. He bit his lip when Erik splayed his hand across Nathan’s collarbone near his shoulder. The warmth of his palm radiated through Nathan’s skin and into his muscle beneath. “What you went through must have been awful, but I’m grateful you survived it.”

Swallowing hard, Nathan peered up at Erik from beneath his eyelashes. For the first time in his life, Nathan was feeling happy he’d survived, too. “Me, too,” he murmured.

Erik kissed his temple, settled back down beside Nathan, and pulled him tight to his side. “Good night, angel.”

“Night,” Nathan said.

Nathan tried to sleep, but he couldn’t. The ever-present remorse Nathan lived with every single day bore down on him. He was racked with guilt over daring to be happy when his parents were gone, as well as from the knowledge that he’d sworn to help Alan but hadn’t kept his promise. He remembered the blog posts he’d printed and wondered if there was anything in them which would help him find out why Alan was still here. Erik’s breathing evened out and Nathan heard a gentle snore coming from him.

Nathan carefully slipped from under the covers and trod lightly out of the room and down the stairs. His backpack sat near the front door where he’d dropped it. He picked it up and moved to sit on the couch. The zipper sounded harsh in the silence and Nathan held his breath, listening to see if Erik was still asleep. When he didn’t hear Erik’s feet on the stairs, he pulled out the blog posts and started reading.

A lot of them were about Alan’s college courses and his relationship with Erik. Nathan felt weird reading them, but the only way he could help Alan was to find out what he needed to tell Erik. When he got to one a few weeks before Alan’s death, Nathan’s breath caught. There were no specifics, but Alan mentioned knowing something Erik didn’t and how he didn’t know how to tell Erik without hurting him. Nathan quickly skimmed the rest of the post, but Alan didn’t go into any further details. He just kept writing about being torn about what to do and fearing Erik being upset. Damn, why did Alan have to be so fucking vague?

He read through all of the posts until they stopped. Alan never revealed what it was or even mentioned the topic again. Shit. He’d been hoping there was something. Even just a hint. Maybe the post would remind Alan—if he ever talked to Alan again after the way he’d disappeared.

Nathan stuffed the papers back into his bag, closed it, and stood. He padded into the kitchen to get some water. Alan thought Erik was in danger, so whatever it was must have been important. Nathan opened cabinet doors until he found a glass, filled it with water from the door of the fridge, and took a long drink. Did Alan do something? Maybe he cheated on Erik? The idea of Alan cheating on Erik angered Nathan. But seeing how lost Alan was, knowing the emotions he felt, Nathan couldn’t imagine it being that.

Before heading back upstairs, Nathan sent a quick text to Troy about Erik taking him to school in the morning and that he’d see him in class. Erik remained blissfully unaware of Nathan having gotten out of bed, as he was still sleeping soundly. Nathan slipped in beside him and pulled the covers over his legs. Sighing, he closed his eyes and tried to sleep. He couldn’t be certain when he did finally pass out, but it wasn’t without dreams this time. Dreams of Alan and the disappointment of letting him down plagued Nathan. Those dreams developed into Erik being disgusted by him for not telling him everything. By the time the alarm went off, Nathan felt as if he hadn’t slept at all.

Erik slipped from the bed and Nathan rolled over, burrowing into the sheets and pillows. He heard the bathroom door close and the sound of the shower cutting on before he dozed off again. It wasn’t until Erik shook him that he actually opened his eyes. The scent of Erik’s woodsy aftershave washed over Nathan, and he smiled as he rolled to his back. “Good morning,” he murmured.

Smiling down at him, Erik perched on the edge of the bed. “Were you able to sleep?”

Nathan shrugged one shoulder. “A little.”

“You were restless last night. Bad dreams?”

“Kind of.” Nathan sat up, leaning against the headboard.

“Want to talk about it?”

He shook his head. “Nothing to talk about, really.”

Erik reached out and touched Nathan’s cheek. “Some day you will talk to me, Nate, but I can wait. You’ll find I am a very patient man.”

Not going to happen . “I still need to stop by my apartment to change.”

Standing, Erik held his hand down to Nathan. “Then let’s get going, hmm?” He tugged Nathan out of the bed and right into a firm hug. “Good morning, angel.”

Nathan wrinkled his nose. “Why do you call me angel?”

“You don’t like it?”

“Well, isn’t that something a guy calls a girl usually?”

“Says who?”

“I don’t know. Just never heard it used by a guy toward a guy.”

Erik kissed Nathan’s forehead. “If you don’t like it, I can stop using it.”

Nathan blushed and looked down at their feet while shaking his head. “No, it’s okay.”

“Come on, get dressed. We’re going to be late if we don’t leave soon.” Erik nudged Nathan toward the bathroom, where Erik must have placed his clothing on the counter. “The toothbrush from the other day is still in the holder.”

It only took Nathan a few minutes to relieve himself, brush his teeth, and get dressed in the clothes from the day before. Erik was already downstairs when he left the bathroom. Nathan found him in the kitchen, pouring coffee in a travel mug. “Coffee?” Erik asked.

“Yes, please.”

Erik handed him an already prepared cup. “I picked up some creamer and sugar yesterday. Pretty sure I got it the way you like it.”

Nathan took a small taste and sighed. “Perfect.”

“Good.”

Nathan grabbed his pack and they climbed into the truck. Once they hit the road, Erik reached for Nathan’s hand, and he didn’t pull away this time. His thoughts turned to Alan again though. He needed to find Alan. Maybe he’d be at school.

“Don’t forget to let Troy know to take you home from work.”

Nathan nodded. “I’ll talk to him before classes.”

“I shouldn’t be too long after you’re off work. Maybe I can meet the two of you at the diner and you can go back to my house tonight?” Erik said.

“I really need to study. I think it would be better if Troy took me home.”

Erik looked over at him for a moment. “You could study at my house.”

Nathan lifted his brow at Erik. “Really?”

“I can keep my hands to myself.”

“Somehow, I doubt that,” Nathan said wryly.

Erik chuckled. “Okay. Maybe you’re right. At least call me when you get home. So I know you’re safe.”

“Okay.” It surprised Nathan at just how easily he accepted Erik’s concern and directive. If Troy had said the same thing, he knew he’d have gotten belligerent instantly. But Erik being concerned for him made him feel warm inside, and for the first time in a long time, he wanted to let someone take care of him.

They got to Nathan’s apartment building and Nathan slid from the cab. “Give me five minutes.”

“I can come with you,” Erik offered.

Nathan shook his head. “Really, I just need to change my clothes. I’ll be right back.”

Erik conceded and Nathan rushed up the stairs as quickly as his leg would allow him. He unlocked and opened his door. “Alan?” he called out. “Alan, we need to talk. Are you here?”

Silence met his query, and Nathan frowned. He went into his bedroom, stripped, and dressed in another pair of jeans and a black t-shirt. “Alan, if you can hear me, we need to talk. Please come to the store later.”

It bothered him more than he’d care to admit, how he couldn’t sense Alan and how easily he had disappeared. Had he given up and moved on? Could he move on? Nathan didn’t think it worked that way, but what the hell did he know? Sighing in disappointment, Nathan closed his door, locked it, and headed back downstairs to the truck. Erik was on a call when Nathan opened the door and quietly tried to climb in.

“Just tell them I’ll be there in an hour. Have Victoria give them coffee and set them up in my office.” Nathan heard garbled noises through the cell phone but couldn’t make out what was being said. “No, Matthew, I haven’t. Look, I’ll tell you about it later.”

Erik grunted in frustration. “Fine,” he snapped. “I’ll be there in thirty.”

Erik ended the call and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, angel. We’re going to have to do a quick drive-through for breakfast and then I need to get you to Webster.”

“I can just get something from the vending machine,” Nathan replied.

“No, you at least need something hot to eat.”

“You know I rarely eat much for breakfast, anyway.”

Erik grabbed Nathan’s hand and squeezed gently. “I know, but it’s not healthy for you to skip so many meals. At least let me get you breakfast.”

Nathan wrinkled his nose. “It sounded like they really needed you at work. I don’t want to hold you up.”

“They can wait. Besides, it was just my cousin Matthew being his usual self.” Erik put the truck in Drive and merged into traffic. “He doesn’t enjoy dealing with clients or people. He’s my accountant and spends his life behind the desk. My aunt asked me to get him out of his hole, but Matthew can be extremely stubborn. If you remember, I mentioned he helped me after Alan died, and I couldn’t be more grateful to him. I just wish sometimes he would find the confidence in himself to handle things at the office whenever I’m not there.”

“Did you have a meeting scheduled this morning?” Nathan asked.

Erik shook his head. “No. They just showed up. I knew they were looking to contact my company for a job, but there was no formal meeting arranged. It’s not the first time a client has done that. It won’t be the last, I’m sure.”

He pulled into a McDonald’s drive-through. “Anything in particular you want?”

“I really don’t need any—” Nathan stopped speaking abruptly when he saw the consternation on Erik’s face. “An egg sandwich is fine.”

Erik ordered the meal that came with a coffee and hash browns, then ordered another for himself. He handed everything over to Nathan before getting back onto the main road. Nathan dug out his sandwich and set the bag on the console between them.

“It’s not as nutritional as I would like, but thank you for appeasing me,” Erik said.

Nathan shrugged, unwrapping his sandwich to take a bite. They reached the school a short time later. Nathan tossed the empty wrapper into the paper bag, then grabbed his pack and the travel coffee mug. He’d dumped the McDonald’s coffee in with what had remained in the mug.

“Don’t forget to call me to let me know you made it home safely,” Erik said, leaning over to give Nathan a quick kiss.

“I will,” Nathan said, then closed the door. Troy stood near the front entrance, his shoulder pressed to the wall as he messed around on his phone. He glanced up and smirked when he saw Nathan walking toward him.

“Spending a lot of time with him, huh? You get lucky yet?”

Nathan rolled his eyes. “You need to get your mind out of the gutter.”

Troy laughed. “It lives there, Nate. You should know that after all this time.”

Instead of responding, Nathan just kept looking around, hoping to spot Alan. Disappointment and guilt struck him when his searching proved fruitless.

“You looking for someone?” Troy asked while they walked toward Nathan’s first class.

“Alan.”

Troy frowned. “Why do you want to find him? Wait, he really left?”

Nathan ran a hand through his hair in frustration. “I haven’t seen him since he disappeared.”

“Isn’t that a good thing, though?” Troy asked.

“I can’t let him wander forever! Especially when I’ve seen the way the ghosts who’ve been stuck here for so long end up! Even if I don’t want to do it for him, I need to do it for Erik. He’d never forgive me if I let Alan just stay lost.”

Troy grunted. “All right, all right. I get it. Maybe I can help. I’ve got a free hour later today. I’ll try to do some more digging myself. But if it is a secret, without Alan’s memories I doubt we’ll find anything.”

“Try looking up Erik. See what you can find out about him. Alan is worried about him, like he’s in danger. Maybe Erik is the key to the answer.”

“Okay.”

They separated when they reached Nathan’s class, and Nathan spent most of the day struggling to concentrate on the lectures. He knew he’d have to borrow another classmate’s notes when he saw how little he’d taken himself. By lunchtime, his head was hurting.

When he met Troy for lunch, Troy hadn’t found anything either. “Everything I could find on Erik was about his construction company and the projects he’s done. Aside from work, the only thing was an announcement of Erik’s engagement to Alan.”

Troy dropped a paper in front of Nathan. Erik and Alan were standing together, arms around each other, smiling at the camera. Nathan’s heart tripped, and he swallowed hard. “They look so happy.”

“Maybe Alan’s wrong,” Troy said. “It’s possible there’s really nothing going on and he just can’t let go.”

“I don’t think so,” Nathan replied. “If I’ve learned one thing over these last few years, there is always something keeping them here. They don’t stay just because they want to. There’s a reason.”

Troy grunted and took a bite of his sandwich. In between chewing, he said, “Well, the guy needs to just sack up and figure it out.”

Nathan sighed. “I may need to take the day off from work. See if I can take him around to familiar places to jog his memory.”

A scowl twisted Troy’s features. “You shouldn’t have to lose out on pay because of this asshat.”

“If I don’t do something, he’s never going to be at rest.”

“It’s not your job to worry about him,” Troy muttered.

“I won’t argue about this with you. You know why I need to help him.”

Nathan left it at that and finished the lunch he’d grabbed from the cafeteria. “I’m not going to Erik’s tonight. I need to study.”

“Then I’m picking you up from work.”

Rolling his eyes, Nathan said, “That’s why I told you. I need to get Alan to talk to me before I convince Stuart not to fire me for taking a day off. The usual time, okay?”

“I’m bringing you dinner, too.”

They parted ways and Nathan headed to class, still praying Alan would appear somewhere.