Paralyzed

Chapter 21

D inner wasn’t as bad as Nathan expected. His aunts gave Erik the third degree, but they seemed satisfied with the answers. Thankfully, they didn’t bring up the mental institution or the accident. Afterward, Becky stopped Nathan near the back of Erik’s truck. She hugged him tightly. “I’m so glad to see you finally living again, Nate. Your parents would want you to live your life, and I can see he makes you happy. I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen you smile so much. Please, both of you come by the house soon, okay?”

“Sure,” Nathan mumbled. Then he frowned. “Who moved the furniture back? You never let us know you were ready.”

“We got our neighbors to help. Don’t worry, we didn’t move it on our own.” Becky kissed his cheek before joining Jessica in the car.

Nathan watched them leave the parking lot. Jessica tossed her hand out the window in a wave.

“They care about you a lot,” Erik said, sliding his arm around Nathan’s shoulders.

“I’m so sorry about all the questions,” Nathan said.

Erik shrugged. “They’re your family. It’s normal for them to be concerned. I didn’t mind answering their questions.”

Tilting his head back to look up at Erik, Nathan said, “Thanks.”

“For what?”

“Being you.” Nathan couldn’t stifle the blush he could feel heating his cheeks, but he wouldn’t take back what he said.

Erik gave a tender smile, brushing a strand of Nathan’s hair behind his ear. He leaned against the side of the vehicle, pulling Nathan against him before his hands settled on Nathan’s hips. Nathan placed his hands on Erik’s chest and rose on the tip of his toes to kiss him. He’d never instigated a kiss before, and he could feel the blush in his cheeks when he pulled back. Erik flexed his fingers on Nathan’s hips, sliding his index fingers through the belt loops on Nathan’s jeans. Tugging gently, he coaxed Nathan into another kiss, one which quickly grew heated. A moan vibrated in Nathan’s chest when Erik slid his tongue over Nathan’s bottom lip.

“Stay the night with me?” Erik asked when he broke the kiss.

Nathan nodded, and they climbed into the truck. Erik’s reaction to his aunts’ nosiness gave him hope that he’d take Nathan’s ability in stride, too. Maybe, just maybe, Erik wouldn’t think him completely nuts. He still felt trepidation at the idea of telling Erik, but the longer he went about saying nothing, the harder it would be in the end.

T hey settled into a routine over the days leading up to the picnic. During the remainder of his exams, Nathan stayed at his own apartment, studying, and after that, he stayed at Erik’s house every night. Erik set up an area for him to study and do homework and would leave him to it. During the days and some afternoons, Troy and Nathan would hang out and talk about Alan or the details they were still trying to figure out. Alan only showed twice, and only when Nathan was home. Both times, Nathan noticed his form seemed more transparent than the previous weeks. He didn’t really know if that was because of how long Alan had been lingering after his death or if something else had changed.

Guilt also struck him because he could see and feel how sad Alan was. He avoided the subject of Erik when Alan was around so he didn’t make him any sadder. They planned for Alan to come to the store on Sunday, before Erik arrived to pick him up for the picnic. Nathan asked Alan to talk as little as possible while they were at the picnic. He also asked Curtis for the night off, just in case something happened at the picnic or the stress triggered another migraine.

Saturday night, Nathan couldn’t calm the nerves in his stomach. Not even playing at the café could distract him. The next day, he’d most likely meet the person responsible for Alan’s death. The idea not only terrified him, but it also brought him one step closer to revealing the truth about everything to Erik.

Sunday dawned bright and clear, with not a single threat of rain anywhere. Nathan went to work as usual. He spent the four hours of his shift waffling between wanting Alan to remember and wanting the situation to fade away. Quinn tried more than once to joke around with him or engage him in a conversation. Each time, Nathan found a reason to change the subject to work or avoid the conversation all together.

Alan appeared ten minutes before Erik was due. Nathan gave a small nod to him but said nothing, since Quinn was standing a few feet from him. The knots in Nathan’s belly just got tighter, causing painful cramps. A slight tension headache settled into the base of his skull. He prayed it wouldn’t become one of the excruciating ones.

Some of that faded away, though, when he saw Erik, and Nathan smiled widely.

Erik came toward the counter, where he leaned in to give a quick peck at Nathan’s lips. “Hey, angel. How was your day?”

“Better now,” Nathan murmured, his cheeks heating at his bold words.

Erik’s gaze grew dark, lustful. Nathan bit his lower lip, the embers of his need for Erik rising to the surface. They’d made love that morning in the shower, but Nathan knew he’d never get enough of the man. “Don’t tempt me, angel,” Erik rasped. “I don’t even want to go. Not when all I want to do is spend the rest of the day ravishing every delectable inch of your body.”

Fire flicked along Nathan’s entire being. The blush in his cheeks grew hotter, and he dropped his gaze to the countertop, embarrassment fighting with his desire for Erik to do just that.

But Erik didn’t let him look away. He tucked a couple of fingers under Nathan’s chin and lifted his head until their eyes met. “Don’t hide,” Erik rumbled, his thumb caressing over Nathan’s bottom lip.

Quinn grunted beside Nathan, interrupting the intense moment between them. “Get a room, you two.”

Nathan flushed even more and then shame hit him because he’d completely forgotten about Alan’s presence. When he glanced over at him, Nathan saw utter devastation and so much pain on his face. Clearing his throat, Nathan pulled away from Erik’s touch. “Need to clock out,” Nathan mumbled.

He scurried into the back room to get his backpack and punch his time card. Alan said nothing as Nathan followed Erik to his truck, but Nathan could feel his despair and anguish. It settled onto his skin like a heavy sheen of oil, making Nathan’s guilt skyrocket even more. When Erik closed the door, Nathan said, “I’m sorry, Alan. I really am.”

“It’s not like I expected him to pine forever,” Alan said, his tone somber and pained. “It’s just hard seeing him falling in love with someone else. I… I’m glad he’s happy, though. He deserves it.”

Nathan would have said more, but Erik opened the driver’s side and climbed into the truck. “Ready?” Erik asked, smiling as he started the engine.

Not in the damn least. “Yes.”

The entire way to the park, Nathan couldn’t stop fidgeting. He twisted his hands, watching out the window and wishing they had more time. He wasn’t only nervous because of the possibility of running into the person who’d hurt Alan. No, he was meeting for the first time people who mattered to Erik. People who could point out just how unsuited Nathan was for the older man. People who may just finally open Erik’s eyes to his flaws.

He jumped when Erik’s hand came down on top of his. “Relax, angel. They’re going to love you. There’s no reason to be nervous.”

Nathan chewed on his lower lip, staring at the dark tan of Erik’s hand against his pale white skin. “I-I’m not nervous,” he lied.

Erik glanced at Nathan, consternation obvious on his features. “Want to try that again?”

Sighing, Nathan picked at a thread on his jeans. “I’m just afraid they aren’t going to like me. Stupid, I know.”

Erik gently squeezed his hand. “Nothing you feel is stupid. Do you think I wasn’t worried about your aunts? That they would think I was too old for you or wasn’t good enough for you?”

Surprise brought Nathan’s gaze to Erik. “Really?”

“Really. It’s always nerve-racking to meet someone’s family. But whatever happens, I’m not going anywhere, angel. You matter more to me than what anyone else thinks.”

Nathan’s breath caught in his throat, and tears stung his eyes, which he quickly blinked away. Pure agony washed over him—a pain so deep Nathan couldn’t suppress a gasp at the intensity of it. His chest grew tight while his heart seemed to shatter. Fuck. He knew where the emotions had come from: Alan.

Erik frowned. “Are you okay, Nate?”

“I’m fine,” Nathan said.

He didn’t look convinced, but he let it drop. The headache that had started at the store came flaring back hard. Nathan winced and pulled in a deep breath. He couldn’t change what Alan had heard or seen. All he could do was apologize again when they were alone.

They reached the park and Nathan’s heart pounded harder when he saw the sizeable crowd. He could hear music that was muffled by the windows of the truck. People were laughing, chatting, and drinking beer. Smoke wafted from the grill next to the pavilion. Several kids were running around chasing each other with what Nathan could only assume were water guns. A bounce house sat off to the side, with several more children jumping around inside. There were even a couple of ponies, a karaoke stage, and several carnival-style food carts: cotton candy, funnel cakes, and snow cones.

“Don’t worry, angel. Just have fun. Come on.” Erik opened his door and climbed out.

Nathan sat there, trying hard not to hyperventilate. He glanced over his shoulder at Alan. “You’re going to have to point out who Matthew, Becca, and Owen are. If you see or hear anything that triggers something, please try to wait until we’re alone to talk.”

Alan shimmered for a slight moment. Nathan furrowed his brows. “Are you okay, Alan?”

“I’m fine,” Alan replied, his tone exhausted and low. “Maybe we should just call this off, Nate.”

“No. I can’t do that.”

Erik opened Nathan’s door before Alan could reply. “Nate?”

Nathan gave a strained smile and slipped down to the ground. “Sorry. Just a little overwhelmed.”

“You don’t have to meet everyone. I just want you to meet my cousin and a couple of others.” Erik took Nathan’s hand and tugged him toward the pavilion. Everyone kept calling Erik’s name, saying hi or tossing a wave at him. Nathan tried to hide his limp, but his knee protested the movement and he stumbled slightly. Erik gripped his elbow to steady him while a flush heated Nathan’s cheeks.

“Is your leg bothering you?” Erik asked, his entire focus on Nathan.

Nathan shook his head. “No. I just stepped wrong.”

“Erik!” A dark-haired man around Erik’s height and with muscles upon muscles came toward them, a broad smile on his face. The two men embraced in a man hug, giving each other a backslap before Erik placed his hand on Nathan’s lower back once more.

“Thomas, I’d like you to meet Nathan. Nate, this is Thomas. He’s my foreperson on the jobsites and helps keep the show running.”

Thomas held his hand out to Nathan. “Nice to meet you, Nathan. You must be the reason Erik is smiling all the time.”

Blushing, Nathan accepted the handshake. “Hi.”

“We’ll have to spend some time getting to know one another,” Thomas said. “I bet I can tell you all the good stories about our Erik here.”

Nathan smiled. “I’d like that.”

“Let’s make the rounds first. Then you can listen to the no doubt embarrassing stories Tom is going to tell you about me,” Erik groused good-naturedly.

By the time Nathan met Becca, Erik’s assistant, and Owen, an assistant architect, his head was swimming. Becca seemed super sweet. She gave him a kiss on the cheek and insisted they get to know one another soon. Owen seemed more reserved. Despite that, he didn’t strike Nathan as devious enough to commit murder. Of course, he didn’t exactly have a measuring stick on how to calculate if someone was a killer or not.

His phone vibrated in his pant pocket when Erik went to get them both a drink. Nathan took it out and saw a text from Troy asking for an update on what was going on. Alan had kept quiet the whole time, just hovering nearby while Nathan met everyone. He’d felt nothing except the same pain, a touch of anger, and not a small amount of despair. His heart hurt for Alan.

Nathan sent off a quick message that everything was fine and nothing had come up yet. Alan floated closer, his gaze on some kids tossing a football around. “We were going to adopt.”

Doing his best to keep his mouth from moving, Nathan replied. “I’m sorry, Alan. I really am.”

“It’s not your fault, Nate.” Alan moved to Nathan’s side.

“I know, but I’m still sorry. I can feel what this is doing to you,” Nathan mumbled. “Maybe this was a bad idea.”

“No. We can’t stop now. What if whoever did this wants to hurt Erik, too?”

The idea had crossed Nathan’s mind before, but he’d brushed it off. If the person wanted to go after Erik, they’d had two years already.

Erik returned then and handed Nathan a soda can. “See? Nothing to worry about. Everyone has loved you so far.”

Nathan popped the tab on the can and took a drink. “Everyone’s been really nice.”

“Come on. There’s one other person I want to introduce you to.” Erik led him over to the funnel cake cart. “Matt!”

A man—who you couldn’t doubt was related to Erik—smiled widely at them. They had the same flared nose, square jaw, and full lips. The major difference was Matt had green eyes while Erik’s were a gorgeous hazel. “I wondered when you’d get here, cuz. What took you so long?” Those green eyes turned to Nathan. “Is this him?”

Nathan’s brows went up. Erik had told Matt about him? “Angel, I’d like you to meet my cousin and best friend, Matthew. Matt, this is Nathan.”

Matthew held out his hand. “It’s so nice to put a face to the name! Erik’s done nothing but talk about you for the last two weeks.”

“Hopefully all good,” Nathan joked uncomfortably.

“Nothing but! You are definitely as gorgeous as he described, too.”

Nathan’s jaw hit his chest, and another blush worked its way over his face. “Matt,” Erik growled. “Stop embarrassing him.”

“Embarrassing him or you, cuz?”

Erik rolled his eyes at his cousin. “Time to change the subject.”

Matthew laughed. “Erik also mentioned how good you are at the guitar and that you have the voice of an angel.”

Nathan groaned and slapped his hand over his face. “Really?”

What Matthew said next didn’t register. Fear beyond anything Nathan had ever experienced, even when he’d first realized he could see spirits, crashed over him. It was so heavy it almost brought him to his knees. Black dots danced over Nathan’s vision, and he wondered if he was going to pass out.

“Nate? Angel? Are you okay?”

He couldn’t answer. His throat closed over in horror and Nathan knew Alan had remembered something. Something that caused him such terror Nathan could almost taste it. He was only vaguely aware of Erik leading him to a nearby table and having him take a seat on the bench. Someone thrust a water bottle into his hand and Erik rubbed the other one between the two of his.

“Talk to me, Nate. What’s going on?”

Nathan took a sip of water and then another. Alan had moved far enough from him that the sensation of a hand at his throat, squeezing, faded away. He dragged in several deep breaths and let them out slowly. “I think I just needed a minute,” Nathan finally said.

Erik cupped Nathan’s cheek and turned his head toward him. “Talk to me. Please. What just happened?”

“Just overwhelmed for a minute,” Nathan lied. He bit back a wince. He’d lied so many times to Erik. Would the man ever forgive him when he could finally tell him the truth?

“Do you want to go home?”

“No! I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure.”

Nathan glanced around, trying to find somewhere he could go to be alone so he could talk to Alan. He needed to know what the hell had just happened. “Is there a bathroom nearby?”

“Just that building there.” Erik pointed to a small two-door building close to where they sat. “Do you need help?”

“No. I can make it on my own.” Nathan stood and headed toward the restrooms, praying Alan followed him. He entered and locked the door behind him. Leaning his ass against the sink, Nathan crossed his arms over his chest and rubbed his upper arms. Alan appeared a second later.

“Get out of here, Nate!” Alan exploded. “It’s him. Matthew. He’s the one who ran me off the road!”

“What? Are you sure? Why would he want to hurt you?”

Alan shook his head. “It’s still a little fuzzy. I was at Erik’s office. Erik wasn’t there, but Matthew was. I recall being angry with him and I-I can see myself yelling at him. He… Oh God. He had a gun!” Rubbing his temples, Alan stared at the floor, his face filled with absolute horror. “Somehow, I got away before he could shoot me. I-it was raining. I could barely see. Then I saw his headlights in my rearview mirror.”

Tears streamed down Alan’s cheeks. “He hit the back of my car. I couldn’t stop. The sound of the metal on the guardrail was so loud. But it kept my car from going over the ridge. I couldn’t get the door open to get out. It had jammed or something. Then all I remember is the loud sound of Matthew’s truck crashing into the back of my car and the ground and trees rushing toward me.”

A sob echoed in the tiled bathroom. Alan lifted his gaze to Nathan’s. “Matthew killed me.”

Erik’s words describing Matthew as his cousin and best friend resounded in Nathan’s head. How could he possibly convince Erik that Matthew had a hand in his fiancé’s death? “Are you sure it was Matthew, Alan? Do you remember why? What were you arguing about?”

Alan ran a hand through his hair. “I’m trying. It was something about books, but I don’t know why that would have made him so angry.”

Nathan frowned. Books? What the hell could make someone mad enough to commit murder? Nathan’s mind flashed to the ledgers at work. The ones he filled out at the end of every shift when he closed out the register. “Alan, isn’t Matthew Erik’s accountant?”

He could see the moment the realization hit Alan. “He was stealing from Erik,” Alan whispered. “I remember now. He’d already taken over a million dollars. I found out by accident. I was in Erik’s office, waiting for him to return from a meeting with a client. Erik let me use his computer sometimes to work on some of my classwork. He’d left a couple of spreadsheets open on his desktop and I got bored waiting, so I just started looking at some figures.

“I noticed a discrepancy in one column. A couple thousand dollars. Erik trusts Matthew, so of course he’s not going to double check Matthew’s calculations. I went to the folder where Erik had stored the sheets and started looking over the others he’d already saved there. Month after month, there was always a discrepancy. Sometimes a thousand, sometimes ten thousand. I went back to the beginning of the year and then opened a sheet from five years prior. The same thing.”

Alan scrubbed his face with his palms. “I grabbed every file and copied them to my cloud storage where I kept my homework assignments. I didn’t want to say anything to Erik yet, because I wanted to wait until I had all the details. Later that night, I went through every sheet for the previous years and the total came out at just over a million dollars. A million dollars! I couldn’t believe Matthew would do that to Erik. They’re like brothers!”

Rage crowded Alan’s features. “I confronted Matthew the next night. I had to know why, to make him see reason and return the money. Matthew got angry. So angry. It was stupid of me to go on my own, but I couldn’t imagine hurting Erik like that if I could get Matthew to stop. That’s when Matthew pulled out the gun. You know the rest…”

Nathan wanted to hug Alan but knew it wouldn’t be possible. He could feel the anger, the sadness, and the abject horror coming from the other man. “Did you save the documents, or did you erase them?”

“I didn’t delete them. I wanted them as proof. But surely, by now, Erik would have discontinued my storage. No way the company would have kept anything over the free two gigs they provide when signing up for an account.”

“But you don’t know that,” Nathan pointed out. “I’ll have Erik drop me off at my apartment instead of staying with him. We’ll see if the account is still active and if we can retrieve the files. Okay?”

Alan nodded. “Okay. Please… be careful, Nate. I don’t want you to be hurt because of me.”

“Erik needs to know the truth, Alan. It isn’t fair to keep him in the dark out of fear. If the spreadsheets are still there, and we can prove it, I’ll bring it to Erik. I don’t know how we can prove Matthew killed you, though.”

“It doesn’t matter. At least they’ll arrest him for stealing from Erik. It’s all I care about.”

“He shouldn’t get away with murder, Alan!” Nathan shouted. “It’s not right.”

“Right or not, unless he confesses, there’s no way to prove he did it, Nate.”

Nathan wanted to continue arguing with Alan, but Alan was right. Unless Matthew told the truth, there was no evidence to prove it. He also knew he had no choice except to tell Erik about his ability now. How else could he explain how he’d gotten hold of the incriminating spreadsheets? “Meet me at my apartment tonight.”

Alan agreed and then faded away. Nathan took a deep breath, opened the bathroom door, and stopped short. Matthew stood there, a strange expression on his face. His gaze flicked to behind Nathan, then back to Nathan’s face. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah. Just needed a minute.” Nathan gave a strained smile before hurrying back to where Erik stood near a picnic table, talking. Erik took Nathan’s hand the moment he reached his side. Nathan felt awful for lying to Erik, even if just by omission. Things were getting so much more complicated, and his silence wasn’t helping. He spent the rest of the picnic avoiding Matthew while trying to watch the man. He didn’t know what he was even looking for. It wasn’t like Matthew would wear a great big sign that said “I’m a murderer!” But Nathan couldn’t stop staring at Erik’s cousin, waiting for something to happen or the guy to yank out a gun and shoot Nathan. Which was dumb, too, because Matthew couldn’t know Nathan even had a clue about Alan’s discovery.

He didn’t breathe easily until Erik asked if he was ready to leave. “Do you want to leave?” Nathan asked. “We can stay longer.”

Shaking his head, Erik said, “It’s almost four. The picnic should wrap up pretty soon.”

“Okay. If you’re certain,” Nathan replied. “Do you need to say goodbye?”

“I already did.” Erik held his hand out to Nathan. “Let’s head out.”

To Nathan’s dismay, Matthew stopped them near Erik’s truck. “You leaving already, cuz? Wanted to talk to you about the McMillan account.”

“You know I prefer business to remain at the office. Is it critical?”

Matthew glanced at Nathan and then shook his head. “Nah. We can talk tomorrow.” He turned to Nathan. “It was great to meet you, Nate. Hopefully, we’ll have time to chat again soon.”

Nathan nodded and gave a tense smile. Matthew gave him an oddly intense look before turning away and heading back to the picnic.

Once they were on the road, Nathan said, “Is it okay if you drop me at my apartment? I have some homework to work on with Troy before tomorrow.”

Erik frowned. “He’s more than welcome at my home if you two have a project together.”

Nathan bit back a wince. “It’s just easier at my place, is all.”

Pulling to a stop at a red light, Erik looked over at Nathan. “What about after you’ve finished? I was hoping we could talk.”

Anxiety spiked in Nathan. “Talk? About what?”

“About what happened back at the picnic.” Erik turned his attention to his driving.

“Nothing. I was just feeling overwhelmed. That’s all.”

Erik didn’t appear too convinced by Nathan’s words, but he didn’t press for more. They pulled up in front of Nathan’s apartment building a short time later. The rest of the ride had been tense, and Nathan worried Erik grew tired of his half-truths. He fidgeted in his seat, fingering the strap of his backpack, and glanced at the windows of his building.

Maybe he should start backing off now, before the truth of everything came out. They were so close to the answers for Alan and, hopefully, Alan could be at rest soon. He hated to think of seeing Erik withdraw from him. Especially after everything they’d shared and how Erik made him feel. His heart hurt at the idea of seeing Erik’s face filled with anger and betrayal. The idea of never seeing Erik again, never touching him, never feeling his firm hands on his body, the brush of Erik’s lips over his, made his soul cry out in pain.

“Thanks,” he murmured, his throat tight with emotion.

Erik grabbed Nathan’s wrist when he went to exit the truck. “Nate, what’s wrong? Talk to me. I can feel you shutting me out. I thought we meant something to each other these last couple of weeks.”

Agony burned in the depths of Nathan’s belly. He lied for the hundredth time. “Nothing is wrong. I’m just tired.”

Erik looked wounded by Nathan’s words. “You’re lying. What happened today?”

Guilt stabbed Nathan, hard. He shook his head. “Nothing happened. I really am tired.”

Erik released Nathan’s wrist and put both hands on the steering wheel, his fingers tightening until the knuckles turned white. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow night, then.”

This time, Nathan winced visibly. “I may have to study with Troy again. I’ll let you know.”

“Fine,” Erik ground out.

“Erik, I…” What the hell could he say? “I’m sorry,” he whispered, then hopped out of the truck and took the stairs as fast as his bad leg would let him. He slammed his apartment door behind him and leaned against it. A sob broke free and tears spilled down his cheeks. He couldn’t fall apart now. He would have to wait until this was all over and he said goodbye to Erik for good.