Chapter 26
B right light caused Nathan to squint. Where was he? There was nothing surrounding him except white. No doors. No windows. No people. He walked for several minutes, but it never changed. “Hello?” he hollered, a hand stretched out in front of him, hoping to touch something. “Is anyone there?”
Nathan stopped walking when no response came. Panic and anxiety set in. Was he dead? He remembered Matthew abducting him from the campus parking lot, and the police chasing them through the city streets until Matthew stopped where Alan had died. He recalled Alan rushing at him, Matthew yelling, and a loud bang. Then nothing.
A shadow formed several feet in front of him. His anxiety ratcheted even higher. What was going on? The shadow took the shape of a man, forming further by the second, until Nathan realized Alan stood before him. “Alan? What’s going on? Where are we?”
Alan smiled at him, reaching out to take his hand. “Everything’s okay, Nate. It’s over.”
“Am I… dead?”
Alan tugged him into a tight hug. “Thank you, Nate. For everything. For being there for me, helping me find out the truth. And for being there for Erik now and in the future. I owe you so much.”
Nathan couldn’t help noticing Alan didn’t answer his question. “It’s over? You’re truly able to move on now?”
Nodding, Alan released him. “I am. Please tell Erik I love him.”
He opened his mouth to respond when a loud voice echoed through the empty white space. “Clear!”
Nathan slammed his hands on top of his ears at the deafening volume. Alan said something else, but Nathan couldn’t hear him. “What?” he shouted.
An electrical charge surged through Nathan, and he arched his back, screaming at the intensity of the current. Alan gave him one last smile and then, using both hands, he shoved Nathan. Hard. A cry caught in Nathan’s throat as he fell backwards, his stomach dropping out. Blackness engulfed him.
T he indistinct murmur of voices and a steady beeping noise awakened Nathan. He blinked his eyes open, squinting. Once his eyes adjusted, Nathan saw the pattern of the hospital ceiling panels clearly. His heart clenched and his stomach knotted. He didn’t want to be in the hospital. Not again. There was no way he’d be able to avoid the ghosts tied to there.
When he tried to move, a hand on his shoulder stopped him. “Relax, angel,” Erik murmured.
Nathan turned his head to see a very haggard, very exhausted-looking Erik sitting in the chair next to the bed. Erik’s eyes were red-rimmed and there were dark circles under them. A five o’clock shadow dusted his cheeks and neck. Nathan tried to speak, but his throat felt tight and scratchy. Erik stood from the chair. “Let me get the doctor, baby. Don’t talk yet.”
Erik opened the door and leaned out, calling for the nurse. “He’s awake.”
He didn’t remain there long, returning to Nathan’s side quickly and then brushing a strand of hair back from his forehead. “I’m so glad you’re all right,” Erik rasped. “I thought I’d lost you.”
Nathan realized an IV ran into his arm and he felt sore all over. “Wh-what ha-happened?”
“Matthew shot you,” Erik replied. “The son of a bitch shot you in the back.”
Before Nathan could ask any more questions, the door swung open and a nurse came in. “Hi there, Mr. Bryant. I’m Nurse Kline, and it’s good to see you awake. The doctor will be by shortly. Is there anything you need? Are you in pain?”
“Water,” Nathan said.
“I’m afraid until the doctor sees you, you can only have ice chips.” She checked the IV drop bag. “I’ll be right back with those ice chips, sweetie.”
The nurse left, and Nathan turned his head toward Erik. His breath caught when he saw tears in Erik’s eyes. “Erik?”
Erik leaned over the bed, buried his face in Nathan’s neck, and breathed deeply. A shiver trickled through Nathan at the feel of the sharp scruff against his skin. “When I heard the gun go off—” His voice cracked.
Nathan laid his hand on the back of Erik’s head. “I’m here. I’m okay.”
Erik’s shoulders shook, and Nathan gently stroked the strands of hair at Erik’s nape. Warm wetness dampened the skin of his throat, causing Nathan’s heart to clench in agony at Erik’s pain. “I promise I’m okay,” Nathan murmured.
The sound of the door opening had Erik sitting back and scrubbing his face to wipe away the tears. A man in a white coat, who Nathan assumed was the doctor, came toward the bed. “How are we doing this morning? I’m Dr. Whitley.”
“I’m fine,” Nathan replied. “Just thirsty.”
“That’s to be expected after what you’ve gone through. Mr. Moore, I’d like to speak with Mr. Bryant, if you could wait outside for a few moments.”
“No,” Nathan protested. “I want him here. Please.”
“Very well. We extracted several bullet fragments from your spinal column. During the surgery, you crashed and were unresponsive for several minutes.” Nathan heard Erik suck in a sharp breath. “Are you feeling any pain right now?”
Nathan shook his head. “No. I feel all right.” He tried to move his legs, wiggle his toes, but they were unresponsive. Slight panic set in. Even after everything with the accident and his time in the hospital with both legs being broken, he’d never not been able to move them. “I can’t feel my legs. Is that normal?”
“After what you’ve been through, it’s not surprising. We won’t know if there is any lasting damage until the swelling goes down. No need to get anxious just yet.”
“Okay,” Nathan murmured, his heart racing despite the doctor’s words. Erik took hold of Nathan’s hand and squeezed gently.
“You are a very lucky young man, Mr. Bryant. We’ve had similar cases that didn’t turn out so happily.”
“I really want to go home,” Nathan said.
“Patience. We’ll have you out of here in no time.” Dr. Whitley patted Nathan’s shin. “I’ll be back by a little later to check in on you again.”
As the doctor left, his aunts and Troy entered the room. Becky scowled at Nathan before giving him a gentle hug. “You just can’t help but take more years off my life, can you, young man?”
There was no true heat behind her words, and he saw the tears in her eyes. Remorse stabbed Nathan straight in his chest. “I’m sorry, Aunt Becky,” Nathan said. “I wasn’t trying to.”
“We’re just happy you’re okay,” Jessica said, leaning in to kiss his cheek. She brushed his hair back from his forehead.
Troy gave Nathan a fist bump. “You’re like a cat. You’ve got nine lives, bro.”
Nathan gave him a weak smile. “I think I’ve used them all.”
Troy looked at Erik. “You better take care of our boy. You feel me?”
Erik chuckled and gave Nathan’s hand a light squeeze. “As much as he’ll let me.”
The four of them stayed with Nathan until he started dozing off again. Becky, Jessica, and Troy gave him a half hug before they left. Erik remained at his side. “I’ll be here when you wake up, angel,” Erik murmured.
Nathan didn’t know how long he slept, but when he woke, the room was empty, and he could see it had grown dark outside. Tension set in quickly. So far, no spirits had appeared to him, but he knew it wouldn’t be long before one wandered into his room. Despite the promise he’d made to help others, he couldn’t quiet the panic he always felt whenever he encountered one. Before his anxiety could get too high, the door opened and Erik appeared. A sigh of relief rushed from Nathan. “Where’d you go?” he asked.
Erik came straight to his side. “Sorry, angel. I was just stretching my legs and grabbing a coffee. Is something wrong? Do you need the doctor?”
He grabbed Erik’s hand when Erik turned away to go get someone. “I’m okay.” He bit his lip and dropped his gaze to his lap. “It’s just…”
Using his foot to drag the chair closer, Erik sat, never letting go of Nathan. “You’re worried about seeing the dead.”
Hearing Erik say it so matter-of-factly felt strange to Nathan. Alan hadn’t been wrong about Erik. The big, strong, amazing man had accepted every facet of him without reservation. Emotion crashed over him and before he could chicken out, Nathan whispered, “I love you.”
A sharp intake of air and the tightening of Erik’s grasp on his hand sent uncertainty through Nathan, even though Erik had already said it more than once. Everything that had happened could have made him change his mind.
“I love you, too, angel.”
The ball of fear in Nathan’s chest released at hearing Erik say it again.
Erik stood, bent over the bed, and captured Nathan’s mouth in a gentle kiss. Nathan sighed into the kiss, tilting his head back and opening his mouth. Lightly tracing Nathan’s lips with his tongue, Erik coaxed Nathan’s out to play. The kiss didn’t last long, though. Erik broke away and leaned his forehead against Nathan’s. “I’m not leaving you, Nate. If one shows up, I’ll be by your side to deal with it together.”
The calm acceptance, the promise to stay with him, shattered the last of the wall Nathan had erected around himself. His parents’ deaths and then his friends and family not believing him had happened so close together, it had left him reeling. He’d spent so much of his time these last six years with a wall up to stop himself from being hurt again that he’d become so paralyzed. Not really living life. Not opening himself to the possibility of anything or anyone. Erik had entered his life like a wrecking ball, smashing into the wall and dragging him out into the light.
Tears spilled over and Nathan covered his face with his free hand.
“Hey, angel, what’s the matter?”
Through several stuttered, choked words, Nathan explained the epiphany he’d just had. Erik smiled tenderly at him and tucked a strand of hair behind one ear. “Baby, I saw all of that the moment I met you. None of it deterred me from wanting you. All of us have scars. All of us have things in our past or future which may challenge us and leave us wondering if we can trust anyone again. I will never break your trust, Nate.”
The tears fell harder, and Nathan couldn’t stifle a small sob. Erik stayed quiet, seeming to know Nathan needed the cleansing cry, and he waited patiently until Nathan calmed down. When he’d settled, Erik sat back in his chair and handed him a tissue from the nightstand. Nathan wiped his cheeks first, then his nose.
“Better?” Erik asked.
Nathan nodded. “Thank you.”
“No thank you needed, angel. I am here for you whenever you need me.”
“Even… Even if I can’t walk again?”
“No matter what, Nate, I will be here. For your sake, I hope you can, but if not, it doesn’t matter to me. I meant it when I said I love you. That means we are each other’s port in the storm. I’m not going anywhere.”
Nathan gave Erik a wobbly smile. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you. I can’t believe you didn’t just walk away with how acerbic I was to you at the beginning.”
Erik gave a shrug. “I didn’t see it as you being acerbic. You were only trying to protect your heart from more pain. Knowing everything I do now, I can understand why. Losing your parents, blaming yourself, and then to be abandoned by the people you call friends and your aunts not believing you… Anyone would have a hard time trusting after all of that.”
“Alan was so right about you,” Nathan murmured, a small smile tugging at one corner of his mouth. “He told me you’d believe me.”
“He knew me very well.”
A memory tugged at Nathan’s mind, and he frowned. Alan… Eyes widening, Nathan sucked in a breath. “Erik. Alan… I remember being with him. In a white room or something.”
Erik sat up straighter, frowning. “When were you with him?”
“I don’t know. It wasn’t before.” Nathan furrowed his brow. “He told me everything was going to be okay.”
“Wait… the doctor said you died for a moment, and they had to bring you back.”
“Like the first time,” Nathan whispered. “It must have been then. Alan was saying goodbye.”
“Does that mean he moved on?” Erik asked.
Nathan took a steadying breath. “He wanted me to tell you he loves you. He told me everything would be okay. “I think he did what he’d been here to do. I don’t feel him anymore. And he hasn’t been in my room. At least not while I’ve been awake.”
Erik stood and then sat on the edge of Nathan’s hospital bed. “You said after the accident, you started seeing the ghosts, spirits, right?”
“Yes.”
“They had to bring you back then, too, yes? What if this time it reversed it? You haven’t seen any since you woke up, have you?”
Nathan shook his head. “No, but that means nothing. I didn’t see them right away before either. And I haven’t exactly been awake that long.”
Erik hummed, lost in thought. Nathan picked at a small thread in the blanket. Was Erik right? There wasn’t any proof in either direction. It had taken several days last time to realize he could see them.
“Let’s just wait and see what happens,” Erik said. “Do you want me to get you anything? You slept through lunch and dinner.”
Nathan’s stomach chose that moment to growl. Erik laughed. “I think that’s my answer. Let me go see what I can scrounge up, okay?”
He watched Erik leave the room and leaned his head back with a sigh. Hope warred with his usual dose of guilt. On the one hand, he would be ecstatic about no longer seeing the ghosts. But it also made him seem like an asshat because then he would no longer be able to help anyone.
Erik returned with a plastic-wrapped sandwich and apple juice. He handed the sandwich to Nathan and opened the drink, setting it on the rolling stand next to Nathan’s bed. “What happened to Matthew?” Nathan asked around a bite of his sandwich.
Pain, anger, and sadness drifted over Erik’s features. “He went over into the ravine.”
The bite Nathan had taken sat like ash in his throat. It took several tries to swallow it. He set the sandwich down and laid his hand on top of Erik’s. “I’m so sorry, Erik.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for. I should apologize to you,” Erik said.
“What? Why?”
“If it wasn’t for Matthew, for me, you wouldn’t be in here.”
Nathan shook his head. “It’s not your fault, Erik! You didn’t know. Even if you hadn’t come into the store that day, we still would have met because of Alan. Who knows what would have happened then? Matthew was still your cousin, your family. You loved him and trusted him.”
“I had no idea he was going through so much,” Erik said. “I thought we told each other everything. To know he thought so little of me…”
Giving Erik’s hand a light squeeze, Nathan said, “Sometimes we can’t see what the other person is going through because they hide it so well. If his parents really didn’t want the rest of your family to know about disowning him, they hid it, too.”
Erik sighed. “I guess so. It makes me wonder if I even knew him at all.”
“Hey,” Nathan said. “You knew him how you knew him. That’s the memory you need to hold on to.”
Giving Nathan a slight smile, Erik turned his hand over and intertwined their fingers. “Thank you, angel. For being here for me. Listening to me about the man who put you in here and may well have taken away your ability to walk. You’re so much stronger than you give yourself credit for.”
Blushing, Nathan traced a finger over the back of Erik’s index finger. A tiny scar caught his attention. The roughness of Erik’s palm and the blunt fingernails were a direct reflection of Erik’s hard work while building his business. “I don’t feel strong. I’ve spent so many years hiding out of fear that I’ve missed out on a lot.”
“You can change, if you want to. There are so many years ahead of you.” Erik slid two fingers under Nathan’s chin and tipped his head up enough to meet his gaze. “I hope you’ll spend as many of those with me as possible.”
Nathan turned his head and kissed the inside of Erik’s wrist. “I want to, more than anything.”
“Good,” Erik said. “Now, eat.”
A couple of days went by, and Nathan hoped his curse had truly been lifted. He hadn’t seen a single spirit during those two days. The doctor would give his final analysis of Nathan’s injuries in an hour. Erik hadn’t left his side for longer than a couple of hours. Mostly to go home, shower, change, and come back to the hospital. More than once, Nathan had tried to convince him he’d be okay on his own so Erik could go to work, but Erik had insisted on staying.
Troy came to visit every day, staying for a couple of hours. He kept Nathan entertained whenever Erik wandered off to talk on his phone to his assistant. Nathan told him about possibly no longer being able to see ghosts.
Of course, Nathan knew he wasn’t supposed to move on his own, but he’d spent the last two days trying to move his toe, his foot, anything he could. His heart dropped into his stomach every time they didn’t obey his thoughts. He finally had a chance at a normal life, and now this uncertainty hung over his head.
Tension and anxiety roared through Nathan when the doctor entered the room. Erik stood and grabbed hold of Nathan’s hand in support.
“How are we feeling today, Nathan?”
“Good, Dr. Whitley,” Nathan replied.
“That’s good to hear. Now, let’s see what we’re working with, hmm?”
Nathan nodded. Dr. Whitley folded the sheet back, exposing Nathan’s feet and most of his lower legs. “Excellent color,” Dr. Whitley mused.
He took a pen out of his pocket and ran the end along the bottom of Nathan’s foot. Nathan snorted out a laugh. Dr. Whitley smiled. “Tickles?”
“Yeah,” Nathan said.
“That’s a good thing, isn’t it, Dr. Whitley?” Erik asked. He tightened his hold on Nathan’s hand.
“It’s a wonderful thing, Mr. Moore.” Dr. Whitley poked Nathan’s big toe. “Can you feel that, Nathan?”
“Yes!” Nathan said excitedly.
Dr. Whitley did more prodding and sliding touches with his pen. He also requested Nathan to move his toes and feet. Elation replaced the anxiety and tension when Nathan successfully twitched his toes. “You’ll have to go through some physical therapy, but I’m confident you’ll regain full use of your legs.”
Nathan released the breath he hadn’t even realized he was holding. Tears of relief and happiness stung his eyes. Erik leaned in and kissed his temple, sliding an arm around Nathan’s shoulders. “Thank you, Dr. Whitley!”
“It’ll still be a day or two before we can release you, but after that, you’ll be able to return home. I’ll write up the referral for physical therapy and hopefully we won’t see you back here for a very long time, Nathan. Please follow up with your primary care doctor for the aftercare for your wound once you’re released.” Dr. Whitley smiled, made some notations on Nathan’s chart, and patted Nathan’s shin before leaving the room.
“See, angel?” Erik said, kissing Nathan’s temple again. “Just a little bit of faith and things will work out.”
“I can’t wait to tell my aunts and Troy,” Nathan said. “Maybe I can go back to class soon, too. I don’t want to miss any more than I have to.”
Erik perched on the edge of the hospital bed. “There’s something I wanted to talk to you about, Nate.” Nathan gave Erik a questioning look. “Maybe it’s time you live for yourself instead.”
Nathan stiffened. “I am living for myself.”
“But you aren’t, baby. Music brings you to life. I see it every time you’re playing at the café. You should see where that takes you. Just think about it, please. For me.”
He’d spent so much time the last six years working toward paying his aunts back for everything they’d done for him. Where did he go from here? The possibility of concentrating on his music brought hope bubbling up inside of him. But he still owed his aunts for everything. The hospital bills hadn’t been cheap after the accident. He wasn’t even sure how he would afford the current bill, which was no doubt getting higher while he was here. Not to mention the aftercare and physical therapy. “I don’t know if I can,” Nathan murmured. “I owe my aunts everything. There’s no way I’ll be able to afford the bill right now either if I don’t make money sooner than a career in music will give me.”
“Your aunts love you. I’m sure they don’t expect you to pay them back for taking care of you, angel.”
They had told him that more than once, but it was his fault they’d even had to do any of it. Sighing, Nathan clenched his hands on his lap.
“And don’t worry about this hospital bill because I’m going to pay it,” Erik said.
“What?” Nathan asked incredulously. “No. It’s going to be too much!”
Erik shook his head. “No, it’s not. It’s partially my fault you’re in here. If my cousin hadn’t shot you, you wouldn’t be here.”
“It’s not your fault!” Nathan protested. “I was helping Alan. It could have happened no matter what.”
Erik gave him a tender smile. “Did you hear what you just said?”
Nathan frowned.
“It could have happened anyway.”
He still didn’t understand what Erik was saying. “Okay?”
“Just like your parents’ accident could have happened as well.”
Nathan opened his mouth to reply but closed it abruptly. He didn’t know how to respond. Erik gently unfolded Nathan’s hands, spreading his fingers out and running his own index finger along the ridges of each of Nathan’s. “I’m not trying to downplay anything that has happened. Whether the situation which landed you here now or the accident from years ago. But playing the what if or blame game won’t change a single thing. All it does is make us question ourselves, question the people around us, and leave us with a heavy burden to carry. I love you, Nate. Whatever the future may bring, we’re in it together. I want to help with the bill. Not just because it was my cousin who shot you, but because I can and because I want to. Please let me.”
Stubbornness rose in Nathan, and he would have protested again, but before he could, Erik covered his mouth gently with one hand. “Please, angel.”
Sighing, Nathan nodded. Erik gave him a blinding smile. “Thank you, Nate.”
Nathan grumbled, but he didn’t fight Erik any longer on paying the bill. He’d find a way to pay Erik back, too. The last few weeks had been such a whirlwind, Nathan could barely keep his thoughts in a straight line. Right now, all he wanted to do was concentrate on his recovery and loving Erik. Everything else could wait.