Paralyzed

Chapter 25

T he early light of morning awakened Nathan. His leg throbbed slightly, but it didn’t hurt as badly as the night before. He sat up and tested his weight on it, needing to use the bathroom. A sigh of relief slipped free when he found he could walk on it, albeit with a more pronounced limp than usual. After he relieved himself and washed his hands, Nathan opened the door to find Erik standing at his dresser, pulling clothes out.

“Good morning, angel,” Erik said, his voice sleep roughened.

“Morning,” Nathan said. He felt uncomfortable knowing Erik knew the truth about him. There was also still a little voice in his head telling him Erik hadn’t believed him. Maybe that voice would never go away and maybe that voice was right. Erik may have greeted him good morning, but he also didn’t look Nathan’s way. He didn’t even try to give Nathan a hug or kiss, something Nathan had begun to anticipate over the last couple of weeks. Instead of either, Erik brushed past him to use the restroom himself.

Nathan dressed in the same clothes as the day before, then made his way downstairs instead of waiting for Erik. His heart ached. Even though Erik claimed to believe him, he treated him differently already. Clenching his jaw, Nathan refused to let Erik see the way it hurt him. He made coffee and texted Troy while he waited for it to brew. Instead of an uncomfortable ride to campus, Nathan would rather have Troy come get him.

The coffee finished brewing by the time he heard Erik’s footsteps on the stairs. Nathan poured a cup for himself and added sugar and creamer. Erik seemed lost in thought when he entered the kitchen. His usual morning smile was gone, and Nathan waited for Erik to say something, anything, but Erik made his own coffee in silence.

Clearing his throat, Nathan said, “Troy is picking me up for class this morning.”

Erik finally looked at Nathan, his brow furrowed. “Why? It’s out of his way. I can drop you off like usual.”

Nathan shrugged. “Just figured it would be better to have him take me.”

The furrowed brow turned into a full frown. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Erik demanded.

“It doesn’t mean anything,” Nathan muttered, looking away from him.

Erik stepped in front of Nathan, and with a finger under his chin, he coaxed Nathan to look at him. “What’s going on, angel?”

“You tell me,” Nathan challenged.

Surprise filled Erik’s features. “What are you talking about?”

Nathan wrenched away from Erik and put some space between them, unable to stand Erik touching him with his heart breaking inside his chest. “You’ve barely looked at me this morning. You’ve hardly even spoken to me. I’m not stupid, Erik. I know that you still think I’m lying or that I’m nuts.”

“That’s not it at all, Nate,” Erik said. “I believe you. I’m just trying to sort out the situation with Matthew in my head. That’s all.”

Hesitation and uncertainty kept Nathan where he was. He didn’t want to continue to sound like an immature kid. Though he supposed compared to Erik, he was. Nathan studied his face, looking for any evidence the man lied.

Erik sighed and took a couple of steps toward Nathan. When Nathan didn’t move away again, Erik closed the distance between them and pulled him into a tight embrace. “I’m sorry, angel. I didn’t mean to make you doubt me. Truly.”

The stiffness went out of Nathan’s body, and he sagged against Erik, tentatively wrapping his arms around his waist. Erik kissed his temple. “I know you’ve been hurt by those who didn’t believe you, baby, but please trust in me when I say I’m not one of them.”

Nathan swallowed before whispering, “I do trust you.”

He didn’t release Nathan, only gripped him tighter. “I spoke to my friend Detective Holt Forrester last night. Holt is already working on the investigation. I emailed him all the files from the thumb drive. He’s pretty sure they can make an arrest later today.”

“I’m so sorry, Erik,” Nathan said. “About Matthew. About Alan.”

Erik ran a hand along Nathan’s back in a soothing manner. “I’ve grieved over Alan. I still miss him, but at least now he’ll have justice. Matthew’s betrayal hurts. Since we were kids, we’ve always had each other’s backs. To know he—” Erik’s voice cracked.

Nathan nuzzled at Erik’s throat, squeezing him a fraction more, hoping to offer some level of comfort. He said nothing else because what could he say? He still worried Erik would hate him for being the messenger that shattered his friendship with his cousin. Wasn’t the phrase “Don’t shoot the messenger” or something along those lines?

Erik broke the extended silence. “Text Troy and tell him not to come. Please. I’d like to take you to get something to eat before class.”

“Are you sure?” Nathan asked.

“Always,” Erik murmured before taking Nathan’s mouth in a soft kiss. There was no passion behind the action, it was more an act of comfort. Erik leaned his forehead against Nathan’s when he broke the kiss. “Whenever you’re doubting anything, angel, talk to me. Ask me. Okay?”

Nathan nodded, closing his eyes for a moment. “Okay.”

“Good. Text Troy.”

Retrieving his cell phone from the counter where he’d left it, Nathan sent off the message and then stuffed the phone into his pant pocket. He grabbed his bag near the couch while Erik went for his keys and wallet by the front door. Once they were in the truck and on the road, Nathan asked, “Did your friend say when they expected to arrest Matthew?”

“Not specifically,” Erik replied. “He just said sometime later this morning.”

Nathan frowned. “Be careful. If he could hurt Alan, he could hurt you.”

“I’d like to believe he wouldn’t physically hurt me, but I won’t be going straight to the office this morning. Going to check on a couple of jobsites, and Holt said it would be best if I weren’t there when they make the arrest.”

“I’m glad,” Nathan said. “Will you text me when you know they took him into custody?”

Erik grabbed Nathan’s hand, kissed the back of it, and laid it on his thigh. “The moment I find out.”

A few minutes later, Erik pulled the truck into a space in front of a small diner. He turned the engine off but didn’t get out of the truck right away. Nathan looked over at Erik, confused. “Are we going inside?”

Shifting until he faced Nathan, Erik reached out and tucked a strand of his hair behind one ear. Then he ran his thumb over the ridge of Nathan’s cheek. Erik’s next words shocked him to his core. “I love you, angel.”

Nathan couldn’t find words, any words. He opened and closed his mouth several times.

Erik smiled softly. “You don’t have to say it back, Nate. Not until you’re ready.” He leaned over the console and gave Nathan a light kiss, his thumb still caressing his cheek. “I can wait,” he murmured against Nathan’s lips.

Then Erik pulled away, opened his door, and came around to open Nathan’s. He sat there, still blown away at Erik’s declaration. “Nate,” Erik said, finally rousing him from his thoughts.

“Oh,” Nathan said and slid out of the passenger seat. Erik closed the door and Nathan followed him into the diner, where he spent most of the time lost in thought over Erik’s words. He’d already wondered if he was falling in love with Erik—more than once—but he had never felt romantic love and didn’t know how to tell if he was in love with Erik.

Breakfast passed mostly in silence. Nathan barely registered the food he consumed, eating on autopilot. Erik left him to his thoughts, only prompting him when the server came to the table. When they were back in the truck again, Erik took Nathan’s hand in his and twined their fingers together. “I’ll pick you up after work tonight like normal, okay?”

“’kay,” Nathan said, staring out of the window without really seeing anything going by.

Erik squeezed his hand gently. “I didn’t expect you to go monosyllabic on me. Everything good with us?”

“What?” Nathan frowned. “Oh, yeah, everything’s fine.”

Slowing the truck to a stop at the curb in front of campus, Erik gave Nathan another kiss, this time a little slower and with a little more heat. A flush warmed Nathan’s cheeks when Erik broke away and leaned his forehead against Nathan’s. “I’ll see you tonight, angel.”

Nathan nodded, grabbed his bag, and exited the truck, closing the door behind him. Erik smiled at him before pulling back into traffic. Troy waited for him at the usual bench, earbuds in, head moving to the music. When he saw Nathan, he took out his earbuds. “Hey, Nate. Any news about Matthew?”

Dropping onto the bench next to Troy, Nathan told him about the arrest and how Erik would let him know once it was done. “He… uh… He told me he loves me,” Nathan murmured.

Troy’s eyes widened, and then the biggest grin came over his face. He slapped Nathan on the shoulder. “That’s amazing, bro! Did you say it back?”

“No. I-I didn’t know what to say.”

“Uh, I love you, too, seems like a brilliant response,” Troy said, frowning. “Do you love him?”

“I don’t know,” Nathan said. “How do I know? It’s not the same as loving family or friends. I don’t know what I feel for Erik.”

“Does he make you happy? Is he the first thing on your mind when you get up in the morning and the last when you go to bed at night? Can you imagine a future with him? Without him?”

Nathan thought over Troy’s questions. Erik made him unbelievably happy. Every single minute of every single day, Erik was never far from his thoughts. It didn’t matter what time of day—beginning, end, middle. The idea of losing Erik made his heart clench and his lungs ache for air. Did all of that equate to love?

“Ah, ah, there it is,” Troy said, grinning and pointing at Nathan’s face. “You love him, Nate. Now just fess up and tell him.”

“I’ll try,” Nathan said, tilting his head forward so his hair hid his features.

“Have you seen Alan since last night?” Troy asked.

“No.”

“Do you think he moved on?”

Nathan shook his head. “I don’t think so. It wasn’t the same as all the others. When they crossed over, I felt a release of energy. Like this giant wave crashing over me. With Alan… he just disappeared.”

“Maybe once Matthew’s arrested, he’ll be able to let go.”

Shrugging, Nathan ran his hand through his hair. “I don’t know if it will be enough. Especially since there’s no evidence of Matthew running him off the road. He won’t go to jail for murder. He’ll go for embezzling and theft. What if Alan can’t move on until he has justice for his death?”

Troy sighed. “Unless Matthew confesses, I don’t see a chance of that.”

“I know!” Nathan’s frustration bled through into his tone. “I wish I knew how to prove it!”

Troy squeezed Nathan’s shoulder in comfort. “Do you need a ride to work after classes?”

“If you have nothing to do,” Nathan said.

“No plans, bro. Probably hang out at the store with you for a bit.”

They both stood and headed toward their classes. Nathan spent most of the day struggling to concentrate. When he hadn’t heard from Erik by noon, he worried something had gone wrong. As soon as he could, he texted Erik to ask if the cops had taken Matthew into custody.

Erik : Matthew didn’t show up at the office this morning.

Nathan : Why?

He paced back and forth while waiting for Erik to reply. Had Matthew somehow known? That was impossible, though.

Erik : I don’t know. He’s always in on time and usually before me.

Nathan : Could he possibly know?

Erik : I’m not sure, angel. Don’t go anywhere alone until we know what’s going on. I’ll pick you up from work tonight. Is Troy taking you in?

Nathan : Yes. He’ll be with me.

Erik : Good. I love you, Nate.

Nathan : Be careful. Please.

Nathan didn’t want to tell Erik how he felt through a text message. He wanted Erik to see the truth in his face when he said it to him the first time. Worry and anxiety followed him for the rest of the day. Where the hell could Matthew have possibly gone? Would he go after Erik now?

After Professor Johns’ class, Troy needed to stop in and see one of his other professors to clarify some information about an assignment. Nathan headed to the parking lot to wait by Troy’s car. He checked his phone again, but there was still nothing from Erik. Sliding it into his pocket, Nathan leaned against the passenger door and sighed, crossing his arms over his chest. He thought about the last few weeks since meeting Alan and Erik.

It seemed almost surreal how he’d met them both on the same day. So many things would have been different if Erik hadn’t had his CDs stolen or Nathan hadn’t accidentally acknowledged Alan in class that day. His chest hurt at the idea that even a single change to the chain of events that day could have led to him never meeting Erik.

Being lost in his thoughts, Nathan didn’t realize a truck had stopped at the back of Troy’s car until Matthew appeared next to him. Absolute terror crashed over Nathan, and he tried to move away, but Matthew stopped him by pointing a gun at him. Nathan froze, his heart pounding so hard he could barely hear what Matthew said.

“Get in the truck, Nathan,” Matthew growled.

Matthew kept the gun low enough to hide it from anyone walking by, but he never took it off Nathan. He motioned toward his truck with the weapon. “Now!”

Nathan knew if he got in the truck, he’d end up dead just like Alan, but what choice did he have? “M-Matthew, wh-what are you doing?” he stammered.

“You know what the fuck I’m doing! Now get in the fucking truck!” Matthew grabbed Nathan’s wrist in a hard grip and yanked him toward the truck. He shoved Nathan until he complied and got into the driver’s seat before clambering over the console as best he could.

Matthew never let go of the gun as he got into the truck and put it in Drive. Nathan glimpsed Troy coming down the walkway toward the parking lot, and he hit the button to lower the window. “Troy!” he screamed.

Troy looked at him, his expression turning to horror, just as Matthew backhanded Nathan with the gun. Nathan cried out in pain, his lip splitting and his head hitting the doorframe. Matthew rolled the passenger window back up while tearing out of the parking lot, almost sideswiping another vehicle. “I don’t know how the fuck you knew about Alan or the money, but you should have stayed the hell out of it, kid. None of this would have ever happened if it wasn’t for you!”

Nathan’s head throbbed from the hits he’d taken. He felt something wet trickle down his temple. His hand came away red with blood when he swiped at it. Memories of the accident crashed over him, and he whimpered. “I-I don’t know wh-what you’re talking about,” Nathan lied.

Matthew snarled at him. “I heard you at the picnic when you were talking to yourself in the bathroom. You know exactly what the fuck I’m talking about. The only thing I can’t figure out is how the hell did you find out?”

“Al-Alan told me,” Nathan said. His words earned him another punch to the side of his face, exacerbating the already nauseated feeling in his stomach and the ringing in his ears. Nathan gripped his head, trying to quiet the sound, but he knew it wouldn’t help.

“Alan’s dead!” Matthew snapped.

Bile rose in Nathan’s throat as the nausea got worse. He knew he probably had a concussion. “I can see and talk to ghosts,” he murmured. “Alan told me.”

The sound of a police siren penetrated the road noises and the squeal of tires as Matthew weaved in and out of traffic. Matthew beat the hand holding the gun against the steering wheel, swearing so badly Nathan could almost see the air turn blue. Hope at being rescued settled into his chest. Troy had to have called the cops.

The idea to talk Matthew into admitting he murdered Alan out loud while Erik listened popped into Nathans head. He reached into his pocket and hit what he hoped was the right speed dial for Erik. He could only pray Matthew didn’t notice or hear if Erik answered.

Matthew’s frustration at being chased by the police and his overall rage drowned out the tinny sound of Erik saying Nathan’s name into the phone. “Why did you do it, Matthew? Why did you kill Alan?”

“Because the stupid son of a bitch wouldn’t take the money that I offered him to keep his mouth shut!” Nathan’s breath caught when Matthew wrenched the wheel to dodge a pedestrian stepping out into the street. The horrified look on the pedestrian’s face registered briefly as they passed the man. “He was going to tell Erik. He would have ruined everything!”

“Erik’s your cousin. Family! How could you murder the man he loved?” Nathan challenged, swallowing again to fight down the need to vomit. Fear, pain, and knowing that if Matthew lost the police car chasing him, then Nathan would join Alan in the afterlife, caused tremors throughout Nathan’s entire body.

Matthew backhanded Nathan a second time, causing Nathan to cry out in agony as his head hit the window this time. Spots danced in Nathan’s vision, and he knew another hit would knock him unconscious. “Shut the hell up! You’re just as annoying as Alan was. Sanctimonious prick! He thought his shit didn’t stink.”

Nathan leaned his head back against the headrest, struggling to keep his eyes open. A new siren joined the one already behind them. The side mirror reflected the flashing lights from the top of the cop cars. Matthew cursed again.

“Where are you taking me?” Nathan asked, his voice strained. “You won’t get away. Not with the cops right behind us.”

“Just shut up!” Matthew screamed, spittle flying out of his mouth. “I need to think.”

The guy had truly fallen off his rocker. Nathan knew if he didn’t get away, Matthew would kill him, too. “Let me go. Please, Matthew.”

“I told you to shut up!” Matthew swung the gun toward him, and Nathan cowered against the door as far as he could. He immediately dismissed the idea of opening the door and jumping out. They were going too fast for him to risk it. Matthew was stronger than him, so getting the gun away from him wouldn’t work, either.

When he glanced out at the front of the truck again, he realized they were heading toward the same place Matthew had run Alan off the road. Praying Erik would hear him, Nathan said, “You’re taking me to the same place you murdered Alan, aren’t you?”

Matthew snarled in frustration. “I told you to shut up!”

Nathan snapped his mouth closed, not wanting to be hit again. Trees rushed by at an alarming speed as they approached the turn. Nathan barely had time to grab hold of the dashboard to keep from slamming into it when Matthew stomped on the brakes. The back end of the truck fishtailed a bit, forcing Nathan’s heart into his throat. If the tires didn’t catch, they could go over into the ravine like Alan had. Thankfully, at the last second they caught, and Nathan almost cried when the truck came to a full stop.

“Get out!” Matthew demanded, jerking the gun to show Nathan should exit the truck on his side.

Matthew climbed over the seat to follow him out of the truck. One police vehicle stopped several hundred yards away from the truck while the other went past and pulled across the road. More than likely to stop any other innocent people from getting close to the scene. Nathan flinched when Matthew grabbed his arm and yanked him in front of him, shielding himself with Nathan. Matthew wrapped his hand around Nathan’s throat, holding him in place. The cops didn’t approach, but they pulled their own guns.

“Sir, put the gun down and let him go,” one officer shouted.

More police cruisers arrived, surrounding the area in a semicircle. Nathan’s heart pounded in his chest, fear causing him to shake, and he squeezed his eyes closed. A few weeks ago, Nathan would have welcomed death and the chance to see his parents again. Death would have been a reprieve from the guilt and pain that had ridden him hard every single day. But now those feelings had dulled. Erik’s presence in his life blunted the sharp edges of them, making him want to live, to see where their relationship would go.

The sound of a car coming to a screeching stop a few moments later caused Nathan to open his eyes. His breath caught when he saw Erik being held back by two police officers. Erik must have sped like crazy to get there so quickly. “Nathan!”

Tears welled in Nathan’s eyes. All he wanted right then was to be in Erik’s arms. Matthew tightened his hold on Nathan’s throat, and Erik stopped fighting to get past the two officers. Even from where Nathan stood, he could see the rage and the fear on Erik’s face.

“Why, Matthew?” Erik demanded. “Why are you doing this?”

Matthew sneered at Erik. “Because you’ve always had everything!”

“What?” Erik asked, incredulous.

“Everything came so fucking easily to you! Grades, athleticism, money, men. I had to fight and claw for every little thing I ever had! Your parents even loved you after you came out. Mom and Dad disowned me when I told them I was gay.”

Erik’s rage dimmed to be replaced by shock. “You never told me that. How did no one in the family hear about that?”

A harsh laugh tumbled from Matthew. “They were too proud and didn’t want anyone to know. So, they pretend like everything is fine when they must.” Growling, Matthew pressed the barrel of the gun harder into Nathan’s temple. “It doesn’t matter.”

Nathan noticed movement in his peripheral, his heart pounding faster when he saw Alan standing nearby. His emotions shifted as Alan got closer. Pain, anger, fear. All of them crashed over him. “Alan,” Nathan whimpered.

“What the fuck did you just say?” Matthew dug his fingers into Nathan’s throat, nails breaking the skin.

Alan met Nathan’s gaze briefly, affection in the look, before he rushed forward. Nathan shut his eyes again, a shudder racing down his spine when Alan’s translucent form engulfed them.

“No! No! You’re dead. You can’t be here. No!” Nathan heard Matthew shriek before he released him.

A loud bang nearly shattered Nathan’s eardrums, and a searing agony ripped through his back, sending him to the ground with a shout. The last thing he noticed before losing consciousness was the police rushing forward and a crashing noise behind him.