Paralyzed

Chapter 24

N athan began pulling the receipts for the night. “Troy, can you turn the sign to closed for me?” Nathan asked his friend when the clock hit ten.

Troy went over to the door, locked it, and flipped the sign. Nathan started doing his usual tasks to close out the register. He glanced up when he heard Troy open the door. Erik entered, looking sexy as hell in a tight white Henley and faded black denim jeans.

“Hey, angel,” Erik said with a smile when he saw Nathan looking at him.

Nathan flushed, recalling their earlier stolen moments on the phone. “Hey.”

Erik strode toward him, pulled him into a tight hug, and kissed his temple. “How was your day?”

“It was good. Same as usual.”

“Did you get something to eat?”

He shook his head. “No. I wasn’t hungry.”

Erik gave him a stern look. “You need to eat.”

“I really wasn’t hungry. I’ll eat later.”

Nathan broke away from Erik’s hold to finish his task. Fifteen minutes later, Nathan went into the back to clock out. He turned off the lights and followed Troy and Erik from the store. Troy looked at Nathan, one brow raised. He knew he couldn’t avoid the conversation with Erik.

“Is there somewhere we can go to talk?” he asked Erik.

Erik frowned. “Something wrong?”

“There’s just some things we need to talk about.”

“Sure, angel.” Erik’s brow furrowed. “We can go to my house.”

“Troy is going to follow us there, okay?”

“Okay. You’re worrying me, Nate. What’s going on?”

“Just… We can talk when we get to your house.” Nathan got into Erik’s truck and closed the door. Erik glanced at Troy, trying to pick up on what was happening, but he didn’t ask again before getting into the truck, too. Nathan felt more than saw Alan behind him in the truck. He must have gotten in while Nathan finished closing the store.

The ride to Erik’s was tense, and Nathan could practically feel the apprehension from Erik. He wanted to take Erik’s hand, but right now, he wasn’t sure if he could do that and still have the courage to come clean with Erik.

Once they’d reached Erik’s home, Troy sat on one recliner while Erik took a seat on the couch. Alan wandered the living room, pure sadness radiated from him. Nathan paced to the front window and back to the couch. He couldn’t even imagine where to start.

“Talk to me, angel,” Erik said, sitting forward on the edge of the couch cushion. “What’s going on?”

Nathan stopped, picking at one of his fingernails, still not meeting Erik’s gaze. “I told you about the accident when my parents died, but there’s something else I didn’t tell you.”

Erik nodded and waited for Nathan to finish. “While they were trying to save my life, I died on the operating table. For six minutes. They almost couldn’t get my heart to restart.”

An intake of air was Erik’s only response. Nathan swallowed past the lump in his throat. He started pacing again. “When I… When I came back, I came back different.”

Erik frowned. “What do you mean, different?”

Nathan halted and gave Erik a pleading look. “Please… let me get through this before you say anything.”

Erik nodded again while Nathan returned to his nervous pacing.

“I didn’t realize it at first. I just thought they were patients or visitors to the hospital. It wasn’t until I was talking to someone, and a nurse came in…” Nathan glanced at Troy, who gave him an encouraging nod. Sweat broke out over Nathan’s body. “She asked me who I was talking to. I told her I was talking to the other patient standing by the window.”

He peeked at Erik and saw confusion on his handsome face. “The nurse said no one was there,” he whispered. “I kept insisting there was. She called the doctor in and the next thing I knew, they had a psychiatrist in my room.”

True to his word, Erik didn’t ask or say anything, but Nathan could see some comprehension coming over Erik’s features. “I didn’t understand how they couldn’t see him or hear him. It wasn’t until a few days later when I saw someone, a woman with ha-half her skull crushed in, that I realized they weren’t seeing them because… they were dead.”

Nathan wrapped his arms around himself and turned away from the couch. He couldn’t stand to see the pity and disbelief change Erik’s expression. “They said my mind was making things up to protect myself from the tragedy of the crash. From losing my parents. T-the only one who believed me was Troy. My aunts, they love me, but they agreed with the doctors.”

He gave a harsh chuckle, no humor in it. “Aunt Becky didn’t want to admit me to the psychiatric ward, but Aunt Jessica talked her into it. I spent six months there. Finally, I learned to stay quiet and pretend the ghosts weren’t there in order to go home.”

A warm hand coming to rest on his shoulder startled Nathan. When he looked up, he saw Erik standing beside him just before Erik pulled him into a crushing embrace. His voice vibrated in his chest beneath Nathan’s ear when he spoke. “I believe you, angel.”

Tears fell, trickling down Nathan’s cheeks. “Y-you do?” he asked, incredulous.

Erik tightened his arms. “I do.” He pulled away enough to look at Nathan. “That’s why you were upset at the diner that night, isn’t it?”

“You remember that?”

Smiling softly, Erik cupped Nathan’s cheek, running his thumb over the smooth skin there. “I remember everything about you.”

Nathan wrapped his arms around Erik’s waist and burrowed against him. Erik believed him. The knots in Nathan’s stomach didn’t unravel, though. He still had to tell Erik about Alan.

“You still see them then,” Erik said.

Pulling away and swiping at his cheeks, Nathan nodded. “Yes. It’s been six years since the accident, and I still see them.”

Erik took Nathan’s hand and led him to the couch, where he sat and pulled Nathan down next to him. He didn’t release Nathan’s hand, entwining their fingers together instead. “Do they frighten you?”

Nathan shrugged. “Sometimes. They can’t physically hurt me. At least, I’ve never had one try.”

“Do they ever leave you alone?”

Snorting, Nathan said, “Not if they know I can see them.” He glanced at Alan for a second, who had the grace to give him a chagrined smile. “The ones who do… the only way I can get them to go away is by helping them.”

“Helping them?” Erik asked, frowning. “What do you mean, helping them?”

“They’re stuck here because there’s something keeping them here. Usually, they need help talking to their families. There’s been a couple where they had me tell their wives about an insurance policy or something about their finances.”

“Then they go away?” Erik asked.

Nathan nodded. “Yes. They go wherever people go when they die, I guess. After helping them, I never see them again.”

He knew he wasn’t getting to the point and Troy prodded him with his foot. “There’s something else I have to tell you,” he said.

Erik waited patiently. Nathan looked down at their hands lying on Erik’s thigh. “Alan’s with us.”

Silence met Nathan’s declaration. He took a deep breath before looking at Erik. Surprise, sadness, and pain warred for residency on Erik’s face. “I’m sorry, Erik. I wanted to tell you sooner, but I didn’t know how,” Nathan murmured.

“He’s here? With us now?” Erik asked, releasing Nathan’s hand. Nathan bit back the pain Erik’s action triggered. He couldn’t blame him. The man he loved stood a few feet away from them. “Why? How?”

Instead of remaining at Erik’s side to be rejected again, Nathan stood and moved away from the couch. He didn’t approach Alan because he knew Alan’s emotions were no doubt running high with finally being able to talk to Erik. “I met him the same day I met you,” Nathan said. “He got me kicked out of my class because I made a mistake and acknowledged him.”

Alan had tears in his eyes, and he gave Nathan a watery smile. “Tell him I love him. Tell him I miss him so damn much.”

A lump formed in Nathan’s throat, and he had to swallow twice to speak past it. “He says he loves you and he misses you.”

Erik jerked as though struck. Nathan’s heart clenched at the utter wonder and love on Erik’s face. “Alan?”

Nathan stifled the pain he felt. He’d fall apart later when he went back to his apartment. “He’s here and he can hear you.”

“Oh God, Alan,” Erik rasped. “I miss you so much, too. All this time?”

Nodding, Nathan looked at Alan, who moved closer to where Erik sat. “He’s been stuck here because there’s something he needed to tell you. It… It took a while for him to remember what it was.”

“What? What does he need to tell me?” Erik asked, eyes darting everywhere as if he could see Alan.

“He’s standing by the couch,” Nathan said. “To your left.”

Erik turned toward Alan. He didn’t even look at Nathan when he asked, “What is it? Tell me.”

Nathan hadn’t even realized Troy had moved until he stood next to Nathan and placed a hand on his shoulder. He gave Nathan’s shoulder a slight squeeze in comfort and encouragement. “It wasn’t an accident. Someone murdered him,” Troy said. “Your cousin, Matthew.”

Erik whipped his head around so hard Nathan almost found the situation laughable. Almost. “What the fuck?” Erik snapped. “Is this some kind of sick joke?”

“No!” Nathan protested. “He’s telling the truth. Give him the USB, Troy.”

Troy eyed Erik for a moment before heading to his bag near the recliner. He opened the side pocket and took out the drive. “Alan found out Matthew has been stealing from you for years,” Nathan said. “He confronted Matthew with what he’d discovered, hoping Matthew would stop and tell you the truth. He tried to attack Alan, but Alan got away. Matthew followed him, ran him off the road, and Alan hit the guardrail.”

Nathan stopped, needing a chance to breathe. He could see Erik vibrating with rage. “The g-guardrail stopped his car from going over the edge. He w-would have been fine, but M-Matthew rammed him with his truck, pushing him over and into the ravine.”

Troy handed Erik the memory stick. “The proof is on there. Nathan’s telling you the truth.”

“How did you get this?” Erik demanded, standing from the couch.

“Nate, tell him I hated the pink flowers my mother picked out for the wedding,” Alan said.

He gave Alan a puzzled look. “I don’t think that matters right now, Alan.”

“Just do it. He’ll know.”

Erik looked at Nathan. “What’s going on?”

“Alan says he hated the pink flowers his mother chose for the wedding,” Nathan repeated.

Erik stumbled back a step and dropped back onto the couch. “Jesus. He’s really here.”

Nathan hid how much his words hurt. Erik had lied only moments ago about believing him. The pain drove right into his heart, and he stifled a gasp. Nathan nodded at Erik. “He is.”

“Matthew killed him?” Erik asked, his question almost too low to hear.

“He did,” Nathan said. He knew there was no way Erik would want to be with him after this, but he hadn’t expected anything different. No. Erik’s easy acceptance moments ago had given him hope. Now… his hope lay shattered into a million pieces.

Erik got up, grabbed his laptop from the dining table, and moved back to the couch. He set it on the coffee table and opened it. Nathan watched as Erik reviewed the contents of the USB. Rage flooded his features. “How did you get this?” Erik asked, not looking at Nathan.

“When Alan saw Matthew at the picnic, he remembered everything. Including the spreadsheets he’d had on his cloud storage,” Nathan explained. He went on to tell him the details about Gray and what they’d done. By the time he’d finished, Erik looked ready to explode.

“Matthew wants to meet with us,” Troy said. “He’s offering to give us fifty thousand dollars to keep our mouths shut and give him the evidence we have.”

Nathan walked to the window, wrapping his arms around himself. He gritted his teeth to stave off the agony threatening to consume him. Alan came to his side, an empathetic expression on his face. “It’ll be okay, Nate.”

“No, it won’t,” Nathan murmured, keeping his voice low. “He hates me now.”

“No, he doesn’t. He’s just hurt by Matthew’s betrayal. He loves you, Nate.”

Nathan closed his eyes, his chest feeling as though it would cave in because of Alan’s words. “Stop,” he begged.

Losing his parents had been one of the worst things he’d ever gone through. He would never trivialize losing them. Yet somehow Erik’s anger and obvious distrust hit him so much worse. “I think we should agree to the meeting,” Nathan said, not looking at the others. “Set up a time and place, and Erik can be there, out of sight, listening.”

“What? Fuck no!” Troy shouted. “If he killed Alan, what’s to stop him from trying with us?”

Nathan lifted one shoulder in a careless shrug. “It’ll just provide the proof Erik needs. Besides, if he shows himself after Matthew makes the offer of the money, I doubt he’ll try to kill us in front of him.”

“It’s too dangerous,” Erik said. “We have the evidence we need here. We can take this to the police.”

“Do you?” Nathan asked. “Is that enough to prove it was him who killed Alan? They’re not going to believe me when you tell them I heard it from Alan’s ghost. They’re going to think I’m nuts.” Just like you did , Nathan thought bitterly.

“Matthew will still go to jail for embezzling,” Erik said.

“Matthew needs to pay for what he did, Erik,” Nathan replied, still facing away from him. “He doesn’t deserve to get away with Alan’s murder.”

“I don’t want him killing you, too!” Erik exploded. “Damn it, Nathan. Think this through.”

Nathan finally turned to look at Erik. “If you won’t help us, we’ll go without you. I can record Matthew’s confession on my phone.”

“God damn it, Nate,” Troy growled. He stalked to Nathan and grabbed him by the shoulders. “Erik’s right. We can’t risk it. We don’t even know if he won’t just shoot us on sight.”

Glaring at Troy, Nathan wrenched away from his hold. “I’m doing this. With or without you.”

Erik stood. “No. You aren’t.”

“Why not? Why do you care?” Nathan spit, finally unable to stamp down the pain. “I’m crazy, right? Nuts? Because I see ghosts? You’re just like the rest of them!”

Nathan couldn’t handle the pain any longer. He shot past Troy and ripped open the front door, letting it slam against the wall. He took off down the front porch, his leg protesting his fast movements. Before he’d even made it to the sidewalk, he collapsed to the ground, his leg throbbing. Nathan gripped his leg against his chest, rocking at the agony tearing through him.

Curse words rent the air. Erik had followed him out of the house. He rushed to Nathan and scooped him from the ground, gently carrying him into the house. Nathan clenched his teeth so hard that they should have shattered. He didn’t want Erik touching him. It only reminded him of what he’d lost. Erik settled him on the couch, then sat next to him, his hand coming to rest on Nathan’s thigh. “Do you have any pain meds?” Erik asked.

Scowling, Nathan refused to answer him. He glared down at the hand on him. Troy started rifling through his backpack. “The doctors won’t give him any, but I have a few oxycodone left behind from when I broke my wrist. I left them in my bag in case I ever needed them again,” Troy said. “He doesn’t like to take meds at all. Especially if they make him loopy.”

“Shut up, Troy,” Nathan snapped. Erik squeezed his thigh and Nathan shoved his hand off him. “Don’t touch me. My crazy might get all over you.”

“Damn it, angel!” Erik growled. “You haven’t given me any time to adjust to this. I don’t think you’re crazy. That has never crossed my mind, not even once.”

Nathan stubbornly kept his mouth shut, staring away from Erik. His self-defense mechanism kicked in. Anger was the only way to stop himself from falling apart. Troy found the prescription bottle buried in the bottom of his bag. “I found them. I’ll get you some water.”

Troy set the bottle on the coffee table before heading into the kitchen. Erik sighed. “You took me by surprise. Not because you told me about seeing ghosts, but the whole Matthew thing. He’s been my best friend since I can remember.”

“And I’m someone you just met three weeks ago,” Nathan replied, his tone icy. His shoulders slumped in defeat.

“That doesn’t matter to me, Nate. Three weeks may not seem like a long time, but the last three weeks have been the best I’ve had since Alan died. I lost myself for a while after Alan. Matthew helped me through that. To know that he’s the reason—I believed you about being able to see and talk to ghosts. When Troy said Matthew killed Alan, I couldn’t even imagine how either of you could think that.”

Nathan tensed when Erik cupped his cheek, coaxing Nathan to look at him. “I’m sorry for getting angry and not believing you about Matthew. But I never, ever thought you were insane.”

He searched Erik’s gaze for any hint of dishonesty, wanting to trust Erik so badly. Biting his bottom lip, Nathan closed his eyes and leaned into Erik’s touch. Erik stroked his thumb along Nathan’s cheekbone. “Do you believe me, angel?” Erik asked, his voice deepening.

“I want to,” Nathan whispered.

Erik brushed his lips across Nathan’s. “You can, Nate. I promise.”

Nathan tilted his head forward, kissing Erik back. It was a kiss without heat or passion. Just one seeking comfort from another. Erik glided his hand down Nathan’s neck to wrap around his nape. He broke the connection and pressed his forehead to Nathan’s. “Do you forgive me, angel?”

“Yeah,” Nathan murmured. “I’m sorry for overreacting.”

“I understand why you did,” Erik said. “It must have been hard when your aunts didn’t believe you.”

He moved until his head rested on Erik’s shoulder. “Troy did. He got me through the last six years. Everyone else faded away because I made them uncomfortable.”

Erik slid one arm behind Nathan’s back, holding him tightly, and moved to pick up the pill bottle. Nathan shook his head. “I don’t like taking them.”

“You’re in pain, angel.”

“I’m used to it,” he said.

“You shouldn’t be. Please take one. For me?” Erik cajoled. “I hate seeing you suffer. Especially since this is my fault.”

Nathan relented and took the pill Erik extracted from the bottle, swallowing it down with the glass of water Troy had set on the table. Troy hadn’t stayed in the room, obviously giving them privacy. “Troy,” Nathan called.

Troy entered the living room from the kitchen. He sat on the coffee table across from Nathan. “I think we should let the police handle this, Nate. Erik’s right. It’s too dangerous.”

“But we can’t let him get away with murder!”

“The police can still get him to confess. He doesn’t know the email came from you two,” Erik said.

Nathan glanced around for Alan, but with everything that had gone on, including Erik kissing him, Alan had disappeared. He winced at causing Alan more pain. “Alan? Are you here?”

Alan didn’t respond. Nathan tried again. “Alan, please.”

This time, Alan flickered into Nathan’s vision, his form even more translucent than before. “I’m here,” Alan said, sounding sad and exhausted.

“Was Erik knowing the truth enough?” Nathan asked.

“Enough for what?” Erik asked, brow furrowing.

“For him to move on. He’s stuck here because of what he had to tell you. Or at least that’s what we thought.”

Alan shook his head. “I don’t see a light or anything, if that’s what you mean. Just feel weaker.”

“Shit. There’s gotta be something else. Maybe Alan needs justice for his death. I don’t know. All the others I’ve helped were able to move on after they’d gotten their message to their families.”

Erik kept glancing around as though he could see Alan. Nathan nudged him and pointed to where Alan stood. Erik zeroed in on the spot, staring hard. No matter how much he tried, Nathan knew Erik would never see Alan.

“The others, I’d like to hear about them sometime,” Erik said. “If you want to tell me about it.”

“You really want to?” Nathan asked.

“I do.” Erik rubbed Nathan’s back slowly. “Is it okay if I talk to Alan and you can tell me what he says?”

Despite knowing being their telephone would be the hardest thing he’d ever done, Nathan agreed. Erik turned his attention back to Alan, no longer touching Nathan. He shoved aside the bereft feeling and concentrated.

Alan moved closer to them. “Tell him I still love him,” Alan said. “Tell him I’ve thought of nothing except him for the last two years, and I’m sorry for confronting Matthew instead of coming to him first.”

Nathan repeated Alan’s words to Erik, trying to detach himself from the situation. His heart ached at the obvious love on Erik’s face. Erik had loved Alan deeply, and Nathan knew he could never compare to Alan. “I miss you so much, Alan. When they told me you were gone, I lost myself. I buried myself in a bottle and didn’t surface for weeks.”

Tears glistened in Alan’s eyes. “I miss you, too.”

Again, Nathan parroted what Alan said.

“I will make sure they punish Matthew for what he did to you, Alan. I swear it on my life. You’ll always be in my heart, sweetheart, and a part of me will always miss you.”

The tears in Alan’s eyes spilled over, and he choked out a sob. “Tell him… I’m glad he’s finally moving on, and I’m glad it’s with you. He deserves to be happy and to live his life. Tell him to hold on to you and never let go.”

Nathan shifted in discomfort, but he repeated what Alan said. His own throat tightened with emotion.

“I will, sweetheart. I truly hope wherever you are going, you’ll be happy there. We’ll see each other again someday.”

Alan covered his face with his hands and Nathan struggled not to shed tears of his own. He’d helped so many people over the years since the accident, but he’d never gotten close to any of them. Not like he had Alan or Erik. “He—” Nathan stopped to clear his throat. “He’s crying.”

Erik shook his head. “Please don’t cry, Alan.”

Letting his hands fall away from his face, Alan smiled through the tears. “I know we got off to a rocky start, Nate. I know I was a bit of a dick when I tried to hurt you. But I want you to know I would have loved having you as a friend while I was alive. I-I hope you consider us friends now.”

“We are,” Nathan rasped. “I think we would have been great friends.”

“No matter what happens, please, just tell him I moved on. Even if I don’t.”

“Alan, I…” He hesitated. Could he really promise to lie to Erik about the man who’d held his heart? But telling Erik anything else would only hurt him. Nathan knew that, but he still wasn’t sure he could promise to keep hidden Alan still being stuck between whatever planes of reality existed.

“Please, Nate. I don’t want him to be sad anymore.”

Nathan finally nodded. “I will.”

“What’s he saying?” Erik asked.

“Just how we would have been friends,” Nathan lied.

“I-I won’t come back again,” Alan said. “Please be careful with Matthew. He’s dangerous.”

“We will be,” Nathan said.

Alan smiled again, moving closer. He reached out and gently rested his hand against Erik’s cheek. Erik sucked in a deep breath, shivering. Nathan knew Erik had to feel the coldness of Alan’s spirit against him. “He’s touching your cheek,” Nathan murmured.

Erik pressed his own hand to his cheek. Alan gave Nathan one last look before dissipating.

“He’s gone,” Nathan said.

“Gone?” Erik asked. “Like moved on or just left?”

“I-I don’t know.” Nathan could feel the pain pill kicking in. His blood seemed so warm beneath his skin and his mind became fuzzy. “I think he moved on.” Nathan slouched into the back of the sofa. “We still need to come up with a plan to trap Matthew.”

Shaking his head, Erik replied, “We are going to let the police handle it. I’m going to call a friend of mine, a detective. He’ll take it from there.”

He didn’t argue this time. Mostly because the meds were making him drowsy, and he could barely hold his head up. It wasn’t until Erik woke him by lifting him from the couch that Nathan realized he’d fallen asleep. The living room was dark, and Troy had left. “Go back to sleep, angel,” Erik murmured. “I’m just taking you to bed.”

“Okay,” Nathan said. He yawned and burrowed closer to Erik, closing his eyes again.