Paralyzed

Chapter 23

N athan woke the next day, sore and sated. Erik had been practically insatiable the night before. He’d taken Nathan three times and left him gasping for more. He got out of bed, pulled on a pair of lounge pants, and padded into the bathroom. After relieving himself and doing his usual morning routine, he got dressed in the clothes he’d brought with him and went downstairs to find Erik.

Erik stood at the stove cooking breakfast, and Nathan leaned on the doorframe to watch him. His broad back looked amazing in the light blue polo shirt he wore. But Nathan’s gaze dropped to the firm, rounded bottom hugged so deliciously in a pair of dark wash blue jeans. Erik turned and smiled at Nathan, his hazel eyes sparkling. “Good morning, angel.”

“Morning,” Nathan said, moving to sit at the table. Erik dished some eggs and bacon onto the plate in front of Nathan and kissed his temple.

“I hope I didn’t wear you out too much,” Erik said, a knowing look on his face.

A flush worked its way over Nathan’s cheeks. “Not at all.”

Erik poured him some coffee, then prepared his own food before sitting across from him. “Do you and Troy still have to work on your project together tonight?”

“I’m not sure,” Nathan replied. He knew Troy had told him his friend would have the file ready by morning, but he wasn’t sure if they’d work on it at lunch or after classes. “I can let you know later on.”

“Did you get a lot done yesterday?”

Once again, guilt stabbed Nathan. He gave a vague reply and changed the subject. They finished breakfast and left the house. Erik gave him a scorching kiss before Nathan climbed out of the truck in front of campus. Troy waited for him on the usual bench, a smirk on his face. “I see you still ended up over at Erik’s last night.”

Nathan shrugged, unable to erase the smile he wore. “And?”

“Nothing. Just glad to see you so happy.” Troy stood and stretched, groaning as several bones popped.

“Anything from Gray yet?”

Troy shook his head. “Morning to him could be 11:59 a.m. I’ll keep checking my emails. I moved all the sheets to a thumb drive, just in case. Once we get the rest of the evidence, you can give the entire thing to Erik.”

Something Nathan completely dreaded. There was no way he could hand that off to Erik without an explanation of just how he’d come to have it or how he’d even known about Matthew. “I’ll see you at lunch,” he said as they parted ways.

The morning seemed to drag on and Nathan kept watching the clock. He dreaded Gray sending the file at the same time as being ready to just get everything over with. His nerves couldn’t handle the constant suspense any longer. Even if they got the corrupted file over to Matthew, there was no guarantee the man would even open it. Then, if he did open it, Gray would have to dig through everything on Matthew’s computer to find whatever evidence was possible.

He met up with Troy at noon, and Troy confirmed Gray had sent him the file. They spent most of their lunch break working on the email and what to say. Nathan couldn’t even imagine eating. His nerves had his stomach twisted so tightly into knots, he felt as though he’d vomit if he ate. Sweat broke out all over his body when Troy finally hit the Send button. Now all they had to do was wait. “How will Gray know if he opened the file?” Nathan asked.

Troy shrugged. “How does any hacker know when someone has opened anything they’ve sent? I didn’t ask him, but I figured there’s some kind of alert. He said he’d let me know as soon as Matthew did. I already told him what’s going on, brief details, and what he should look for. He’s going to send me everything he can find.”

Nathan chewed on his lower lip. “Matthew won’t be able to detect him in there?”

“No. I doubt a small company like Erik’s has high-tech anything to detect him in there. Besides, Gray knows what he’s doing. He actually said it would be one of the easiest jobs he’s ever done.”

They went their separate ways until their class with Professor Johns. Nathan couldn’t concentrate in any of his classes and knew he’d need to borrow another student’s notes again. Troy showed him the text from Gray, confirming Matthew opened the spreadsheet.

“I don’t know if I’m going to survive this,” Nathan muttered.

“Relax. There’s no way Matthew can trace it back to us.” Troy clapped Nathan on the shoulder. “Just concentrate on Professor Johns. The day’s almost over and then I’ll take you to work.”

Nodding, Nathan tried to keep his focus on the professor, but his mind kept wandering. He barely heard anything the man said and took zero notes. The end of class couldn’t come soon enough.

Troy drove him to the music store afterward and hung around instead of leaving. “You aren’t trying to get with that server still?” Nathan asked while restocking some returns.

“Nah. Turns out she has a girlfriend already,” Troy said.

Nathan grinned at Troy. “Another strikeout, and there’s not even a chance for overtime.”

Rolling his eyes, Troy replied, “Shut it. We all can’t be you and find our perfect match the first time around.”

He raised a brow at Troy. “You’ve had several perfect matches. You just keep running.”

Troy’s penchant for bailing the second things got serious came from his mother. She’d been through at least a dozen boyfriends since the messy divorce from Troy’s father. The fights and the distrust between Troy’s parents had left a sour impression on Troy. He’d never come out and say it to Nathan, but Nathan knew Troy well enough to see him following in his mother’s footsteps.

A scowl creased Troy’s features. He fidgeted with a row of CDs. “I do not.”

“You do, too.” Nathan moved over to Troy’s side, where he placed his hand on Troy’s. “Not every relationship ends up like your parents’, Troy.”

“How would you know?” Troy bit out. “You met Erik, what, three or four weeks ago? Now you’re an expert?”

Nathan flinched and pulled his hand away from Troy’s, shocked at his attack. They rarely ever fought, and Troy’s tone sounded downright mean. He knew the words were an automatic defensive shield, but they still hurt. “Shit,” Troy cursed. “I’m sorry, Nate. I-I didn’t mean that.”

“Didn’t you?” Nathan asked, stepping back from him. “You’re not wrong. I don’t consider myself an expert, but my parents had an amazing relationship before they died. My aunts? They’ve been together for as long as I’ve been alive and still love each other. So, maybe I don’t know everything about being in a relationship. Hell, I’ve even doubted myself since things with Erik started.”

He paused and looked away from Troy. “But I know what happened with your parents sucked. I’ve always known you’ve never stayed long with any of the girls you’ve dated because of them.”

Troy stepped closer and yanked Nathan into a hug. “I’m sorry, bro. I didn’t mean what I said. You know I love you, right? I’m happy for you, and as long as Erik treats you right, I won’t have to kick his ass.”

A laugh bubbled up in his throat. Erik had a couple of inches on Troy and at least thirty pounds of muscle. Troy had defended him in high school a few times when the jocks got it into their heads to pick on him, especially after he came out, but he didn’t think Troy could take Erik in a physical fight. “I think I’d like to see that,” he joked.

“You never will if he keeps making you happy.”

Nathan hugged Troy tight and then let go. “I gotta get back to work.”

Just like that, the spat was over, and they moved on to other subjects. Alan showed up two hours into Nathan’s shift. “Any luck?” Alan asked, causing Nathan to jump.

“Fuck, Alan,” Nathan growled. “Wear a damn bell or something.”

Quinn glanced at him and frowned. “You okay, Nate?”

“I’m good,” Nathan replied. He was getting too comfortable with not seeing ghosts anymore. At least while dealing with Alan. Nathan knew after he helped Alan, they’d probably come out of the woodwork again. Facing the front of the store, Nathan whispered, “We emailed Matthew a few hours ago. Troy’s friend confirmed he opened it. Now we just have to wait until the guy digs through and locates whatever evidence he can find.”

“How long is that going to take?” Alan asked.

“I don’t know. It could be a couple hours or even a day or two.” Nathan straightened some vinyl albums in their rack and moved a couple that were out of order into their correct placement.

Alan sighed. “I’m just ready for everything to be over. Do you know how long it feels since the accident? Decades. We don’t exactly have a sense of time when stuck. The only way I could know the date was by looking at a computer screen or someone’s phone. And…”

“And what?” Nathan asked. Alan’s tone and entire aura had darkened. Usually, Nathan interpreted that as sadness. “And what, Alan?”

“I’m getting weaker,” Alan murmured. “It’s taking more and more energy for me to remain here. I don’t know what will happen when I run out. I’m scared.”

“Alan,” Nathan whispered. He rubbed his chest, feeling Alan’s depression like it was his own. “There has to be something better out there. Otherwise, where do the rest of people’s spirits go? Maybe you’ll move on. It can’t all be a bad thing.”

Alan sniffled. “I have a terrible feeling about it, Nate. If I don’t finish this, I don’t think I’ll be going on to any place good. I’ve never been an overly religious person. Never grew up with it in our house and there are so many raised in the church who hated me, hate others like me, just because of who we are. Do you think there’s a Heaven, Nate?”

The conversation had just taken a very serious turn. Nate sighed. “I don’t know, Alan. I’ve wondered the same thing. But if there’s a God, how could He let my parents die the way they did? How could He let me live and take them away? Maybe there is and maybe there isn’t, but I have to believe there’s something good on the other side of that veil. There has to be.”

When he turned around, he saw Quinn standing only a few feet away from him with a concerned look on his face. “Who the hell are you talking to, man?”

“Myself,” Nathan lied.

“You call yourself Alan?”

Shit. Quinn had heard the whole thing. “He’s my alter ego,” Nathan joked.

“If you say so,” Quinn said, obvious skepticism in his tone.

Instead of replying, Nathan shrugged and went back to his task. Troy left for a little while to get some coffee and something to eat. He’d offered to grab something for Nathan, but he’d refused. The idea of eating still made him nauseous.

When Troy returned, Nathan asked, “Any word?”

“No. It’s probably going to take him a while. If he finds anything at all. I don’t think the guy would be stupid enough to keep records of his crimes.”

“He sent the spreadsheets to Erik.”

“Which Erik never really spent any time reviewing, apparently.”

Nathan sighed and banged his head on the counter twice. “I just need this to be over.”

“You both still need to be careful,” Alan said. “If Matt finds out you sent the spreadsheet or that you have any of this stuff, he could come after you, too.”

“How can he possibly find out?” Nathan grumbled. “It’s not like we signed our names to the email.”

“Matt’s not stupid,” Alan pointed out. “I never really got to know him well enough to know how much he knows about computers.”

Nathan lifted his head to stare at Alan. “You think he could know how to figure it out?”

“How?” Troy asked. “There’s no trail leading to us. Anonymous Gmail account. No identifying information on the email itself. Pretty sure he won’t have a clue.”

Alan frowned at Nathan. “I don’t know. I was never really into computers much beyond social media, my blog, and what I needed for school.”

Nathan’s nerves wound tighter. If Matthew murdered Alan to keep his crime hidden, he could only imagine Matthew would have no issue with killing him and Troy. “God, I hope he can’t.”

“Relax, bro,” Troy said. “He’s not going to figure it out.”

Nathan’s phone vibrated in his pocket, and he pulled it out to find a text from Erik.

Erik: Tell me I can see you tonight.

Nathan glanced at the clock. He still had three hours left before the store closed. “Do you think you’ll need me tonight, Troy?”

Troy smirked at him. “Erik wanting his snuggle bunny, or he can’t sleep?”

“Shut up,” Nathan grunted, growing flustered. “Will you need me or not, Troy?”

“Nah. If anything comes up, I’ll text you, but I’m pretty sure Gray won’t have anything until tomorrow at the earliest.”

Nathan: Yes. The usual time.

Erik: Miss you. Can’t wait to have you in my arms again.

Smiling, Nathan closed his eyes for a second to savor the butterflies taking flight in his belly. He craved being around Erik, being touched by him, and Nathan didn’t have a clue how he’d survive if Erik ended it when he found out about Alan.

Nathan: Miss you, too.

Erik: Miss the sounds you make when I’m inside you.

His face caught on fire, and Nathan turned away from Troy, hiding the blush. Nathan’s cock swelled when the memory triggered by Erik’s words flashed through his mind.

Nathan: You’re going to cause me to embarrass myself.

Erik: Did that turn you on?

Chewing on his bottom lip, Nathan shifted his stance, trying to diffuse some of the arousal in his groin. It didn’t work.

Nathan: Maybe.

He watched the three dots as Erik responded. His next text caused Nathan to choke, and he gave a rushed excuse for using the restroom before hurrying to the back. He ran into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

Erik: Do you know, right before you cum, you make this sexy mewling sound? I wish I could hear it right now instead of being in this meeting.

Nathan: You are trying to embarrass me! I had to go into the restroom, or I would have!

Erik sent a devil face emoji. Nathan leaned his head back against the door, palming his hard cock through his jeans.

Erik: Take your cock out.

Nathan: What?

Erik: Take out your cock.

Oh God. Nathan used his free hand to unsnap the button on his jeans and slide the zipper down. The cool air brushing over his heated flesh caused Nathan to hiss. He wrapped his hand around his shaft, squeezing slightly. Nathan closed his eyes. He’d never considered doing something so sinful as jerking off in public.

Erik: Stroke yourself. Imagine my hand on you, touching you. I can almost hear the sounds you make when you’re close.

Panting, Nathan licked his palm, then slid his hand up and down his dick. With his trembling free hand, he responded.

Nathan: I’ve never done anything like this before. God, I wish you were here.

He moved his hand faster, his breathing growing deeper. When his phone rang, Nathan jumped, surprised at the loud noise in the bathroom’s quiet. He saw Erik’s name and answered. “H-Hey,” he moaned into the phone.

“Fuck, I wish I could see you right now,” Erik growled. “Tell me what you’re doing.”

The rustle of fabric came through the line. “I-I’m touching myself.”

“Your hand is on your cock? Stroking it? Imagining it’s my hand?” Erik groaned.

His cheeks grew hot, but Nathan couldn’t bring himself to stop. “Y-yes.”

“Tell me how your cock feels,” Erik demanded, his breathing getting shakier.

“H-hot.” Nathan whimpered. “So hot and hard.” He swiped his thumb over the head, smearing the clear fluid. His prick wept copious amounts, slicking the length of his shaft, driving his lust higher.

“Do you want my mouth on you? Taking you down my throat?” Erik snarled.

“Oh fuck, yes,” Nathan said with a moan, tugging himself faster.

“Can you feel it? My tongue sliding over the smooth, heated flesh of your cock, angel?”

Nathan’s balls pulled tighter to his body as he approached the edge of bliss. He couldn’t have stifled the grunts and moans he let out with each hard jerk of his hand. The vein lining the underside of his shaft throbbed in tandem with the beat of his heart. He tucked the phone against his shoulder, freeing his hand to cup his testicles. “Erik.”

“Are you going to cum, angel?” Erik’s words sounded shaky, and Nathan knew the man had to be close himself. The knowledge of such a sexy, gorgeous man like Erik masturbating to the image of sucking Nathan off pushed him right to the brink.

“So cl-close,” Nathan panted.

Erik grunted in his ear. “Cum, angel. Cum for me while I swallow every drop.”

The words were exactly what Nathan needed. His toes curled inside his sneakers as Nathan shouted and arched his back away from the door. Seed spurted from the tip of his cock and hit the vinyl floor in hard splatters. His chest heaved with every breath he sucked into his burning lungs. Head spinning, Nathan slumped against the door, his hand still holding his dick. “Holy shit,” Nathan rasped.

Erik hummed in agreement, huffing right along with him. “You are amazing, angel.”

Embarrassment hit Nathan hard. Not because of what he and Erik had done, but because he knew there was no way someone hadn’t heard him. “I can’t believe I did that.”

“Next time, I want to see you,” Erik said. “I’ll be there to pick you up at ten.”

“Yeah,” Nathan murmured. They disconnected the call, and Nathan groaned as he cleaned himself the best he could with toilet paper. He stuffed his softened dick into his pants before wiping the floor clean, too.

When he exited the bathroom, he stopped to take a deep breath. The second he stepped out of the back, Troy gave him a knowing smirk. Quinn looked everywhere but at Nathan. Heat flooded his cheeks, but he kept his head high, ignoring them. Alan seemed to have disappeared. Shit. No way Alan hadn’t heard either.

“Not a word,” he snapped at Troy, who held his hands up.

“Not saying a word,” Troy said, eyes twinkling with mirth.

The rest of the time flew by quickly. A half hour before Erik was due to show, Troy got a text from Gray letting him know he’d found what they wanted. Matthew really must have been stupid enough to keep the records. Nathan guessed he never intended to get caught, since Erik trusted him and the one person who’d known the truth was dead. Gray sent Troy the files to the same email they’d used to plant the malware on Matthew’s laptop. Troy immediately saved those to the same thumb drive where they had Alan’s files saved.

While in the inbox, Troy also found a reply from Matthew’s email address. “Fuck,” Troy murmured, reading it. “He wants to meet. He’s offering fifty thousand dollars for the copies and to keep our mouths shut.”

“Are you kidding me?” Nathan demanded, moving to Troy’s side to read the email. “Jesus Christ.”

“Maybe we can use this to our advantage,” Troy said. “Talk to Erik. Tell him, Nate. The truth. Then Erik can be there to confront him.”

Fear and anxiety slammed into Nathan. He hadn’t expected to have to tell Erik the truth so soon. After what they’d done on the phone, Nathan couldn’t imagine dealing with that right now. But Troy was right. Erik needed to know, as much as his heart hurt at the idea of Erik turning his back on him when he revealed everything.

“I’ll be there, Nate,” Troy said. “I can help him understand.”

“You mean help him think I’m not insane?” Nathan asked bitterly.

“He won’t think you’re insane.” Nathan almost jumped out of his skin. Alan stood a few feet from him, a sad smile on his face. “Erik will believe you, Nate. You must know by now, he loves you.”

“What?” Nathan asked. “It’s too soon. We’ve only known each other for a few weeks.”

Alan shook his head. “It was fast with us, too, and I can see it when he looks at you. Even if he hasn’t told you yet, he loves you.”

Nathan stumbled slightly, grabbing hold of the edge of one of the wooden CD racks. “How can he love me when he doesn’t even know me?”

“He knows you, Nate. Better than you think. If there’s one thing I am certain about Erik, it’s that he knows you. He sees your heart. He’s always been good at that.”

“If he’s so good at seeing someone, then how does he not know about Matthew’s true nature?” Nathan challenged, afraid to believe such a kindhearted, beautiful man could ever love him.

“He’s blind with Matthew because he believes Matthew is a good person. They’ve been there for each other since they were kids.” Alan shrugged. “I wasn’t even sure if I showed him the spreadsheets that Erik would believe me. I still had to try, but I never got the chance.”

Troy glanced at the spot Nathan was speaking to. “I may not know everything he’s saying, Nate, but I believe Erik loves you. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. The way he worries about you.” Troy moved to Nathan’s side and set a hand on his shoulder. “You’re my best friend, Nate. We’ve been there for each other through a lot of bullshit. I would never tell you something that would get you hurt. Erik loves you. Give him a chance.”

Tears burned the back of Nathan’s eyes. He couldn’t lose Erik. His life had finally started having meaning again. For once, he’d believed that maybe he deserved a future. One that wasn’t saturated with death and guilt. “I do-don’t wanna lose him, Troy,” Nathan replied, his voice cracking in agony.

Troy shook his head and squeezed his shoulder. “You won’t, Nate.”

“How can you be so sure?” Nathan asked.

“I know this is a shitty way to answer that, but I just do. I can feel in my bones Erik won’t hurt you by walking away.”

Nathan searched Troy’s gaze, looking for answers. Of course, there weren’t any. Life didn’t work that way, though God knew Nathan wished it did. He gave a shaky nod. “Okay.”

Alan gave Nathan another sad smile. “I know he’s right, Nate. Even though it hurts, I want you to know that I am glad you found each other. He’s happy again. I don’t want him to be heartbroken for the rest of his life. He deserves to be with someone who makes him smile and laugh. Even if that person can’t be me.”

Then Alan chuckled and winked at Nathan. “Even if I’m obviously more handsome than you.”

Nathan gave Alan a trembling smile. “I may disagree with you there, but thanks, Alan.”

Rolling his eyes, Alan said, “Now stop worrying. Everything is going to work out. If Erik even thinks for a minute that you aren’t telling the truth, I’ll haunt him for the rest of his life until he gets his head out of his ass.”

He gave Alan a watery laugh. “Hopefully it won’t come to that.”

“It really sucks not being able to hear both sides of the conversation,” Troy said in complaint.

Nathan laughed harder. “Would you rather be able to hear and see Alan then? You’re already at each other’s throats. Imagine him being able to haunt you.”

Troy gave Nathan a horrified look and shuddered. “Hell no! Jesus.”

He couldn’t help it. Nathan threw his head back and laughed even harder. Tears began rolling down his cheeks. When he’d finally calmed down, Troy gave him a goofy grin. “It’s good to see you laughing like that, Nate.”

Nathan cleared his throat and glanced away. Troy was right. He couldn’t even remember the last time he’d laughed until he’d cried. He looked at the clock and saw only ten minutes remained until closing. “Wait here while I get started on balancing the register. Erik said he’d be here at ten.”

“Is it cool if I bounce? I got a test tomorrow to study for,” Quinn said when Nathan reached the front desk.

“Yeah, sure. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Quinn headed into the back to clock out and grab his stuff. When he came back out, he stopped at the counter. “Nate, I’m not sure what is going on, but I heard some of the conversation between you and Troy. Be careful, okay? People who steal get angry when someone threatens the money they’re after.”

Nathan’s mouth dropped open for a split second. He hadn’t realized Quinn had heard all that. “Oh, uh, yeah, I don’t plan on approaching the guy.”

“If you need help or anything, call me, okay?”

“Thanks, Quinn,” Nathan said.

Quinn smiled. “No worries, brother. I’ll see you tomorrow, right?”

“Same time, same channel.”

“I’m holding you to that, Nate.” Quinn tossed a wave at Troy before leaving.