Letter to Tucker
Dear Tucker,
I had to write you another letter because you won’t answer my calls and I need to tell you a few things.
Again, I need to say that I’m sorry. For not being with you and loving you sooner. For getting sick; I know that’s a lot to handle. I don’t blame you for leaving, but I still hate that you did.
My cancer is bad. I’m home now, with a nurse that comes over a lot, and not officially on hospice, but that’s kind of what it feels like.
And while no one says it, that’s where this is headed.
Whether it’s next week or even a year from now…
Basically, I just get to stay home instead of living at the hospital like Lucy did.
It’s kind of insane how quickly I went from feeling fine to feeling so sick all the time.
That’s where I’m at right now, sick and weak.
And I’ve got headaches nearly all the time.
I’m not really sure how Lucy was so happy all the time if she felt anything like this.
I’m grouchy and snap at everyone, so while I hate that you aren’t here, I’m glad you don’t have to see me like this.
I also wanted to talk about something other than cancer. Back to the whole soulmates thing from my last letter. Because I’ve been thinking about this a lot. About how maybe for this moment in time, you got to be mine and I got to be yours. And if soulmates are a thing, I think you’re mine.
This letter isn’t a goodbye, but I guess it also sort of is, because I don’t know if you’ll ever come back. Which is breaking me into a million little pieces.
I was talking to Dad about this right before we left the hospital, and he said a few things that I need to share.
Maybe we’re only destined to have one soulmate, or maybe we get more than one in our lifetime.
But if you find that person (or persons), the one that looks at you like you’re the sun and moon and stars, hang on.
Love them deeply and tell them again and again how you feel.
Don’t walk away if you don’t have to. Because life is too short to live with regrets and to live without the one your soul longs to be with.
So, take the leap, say the words, and dream big.
Because in the end, you’ll be glad you did.
So, this is me saying the words. I love you, Tucker. I love you so much that it hurts. I didn’t know that you could find your soulmate at eighteen. I don’t know if that’s what we are—all I know is that something has always drawn me to you, and that you’ll be in my heart, always.
I also want to say that I believe in you.
You’re going to do great things and write great music and change so many lives with your songs.
So please, please, please don’t give up.
Even when things are hard. Keep going, keep trying.
Keep thinking of me and hanging onto my belief in you.
Because you are already a rockstar—you’re my rockstar, and I can’t wait to cheer you on from the stars.
I love you. I always will. And I just needed you to know that.
Love you always,
Rosie