10 | Simone #3
“We haven’t known each other that long,” he said carefully, “but the thought of something happening to you..” He didn’t finish his sentence. He didn’t have to.
“Hey, look at me.”
He turned his head slowly in my direction. “You don’t have to be embarrassed. You’re still grieving your brother. I get it.”
His attention was back on the storm. “I don’t want to scare you off or pressure you to stay,” he exhaled shakily. “If you could just wait until the storm calmed down to leave. If by then you’re too tired to drive I can drop you off or you can sleep in my room or the guest room.”
“I’m not going anywhere tonight.”
He turned to face me again, his eyes searched mine.
“You sure?”
The storm rumbled again, but this time he didn’t look out the window.
“I’m sure.”
He leaned forward slowly until his forehead rested against mine. The tension finally left his body.
“Thank you.”
The sound of the rain faded into the background.
“You care about me?”
“I do.”
“You should’ve just said that.” I whispered. I lean up on my toes, pulling him down to meet my lips, kissing him in a way that I hope coneys how much I care about him as well.
Our second kiss was soft at first, then deeper, warmer, almost consuming. His hands moved to my neck, mine to his back, and for a moment everything in the world blurred. Then he pulled back, breath shaky, and his forehead rested against mine.
“We gotta chill,” he murmured.
“Yeah…” I agreed, though my heart was still racing.
“You think your parents will be OK with me spending the night?”
“Yeah, what’s the problem? We’re grown and they won’t mind.”
“Grown or not, this is still their house, and I don’t want them looking at me like I’m fast.”
“Baby, I promise they’re not thinking that but if it makes you feel better, I’ll ask.”
Before I could object, he called his dad and placed the phone on speaker.
“Maj what’s up? Aren’t you in the house?”
“Yeah, where’s mom?”
“She’s right here… Hey baby what’s wrong?” she asked.
“Nothing, can Simone spend the night?”
I covered my mouth, embarrassed as if they could somehow see me.
“Yeah, that’s fine. She’s so sweet Samaj. I really like her—” he cut her off. “And you won’t think she’s fast right? Because Simone is not like that and I can’t have ya’ll thinking she is.”
“Oh no she’s good. Tell her no one is going to think that.” His mom said.
“Cool. Bye.” He hung up but not even a minute later a text came through his phone. He turned the screen to me so I could read the message.
Dad: Don’t be having sex in my house. Be grown at your own house.
“Samaj!” I said playfully, slapping his arm. I wasn’t a virgin; however, Samaj knew that I was abstaining until marriage. It was a topic that I wasn’t sure how to bring to him at first, but I knew was important to talk about.
I’ve discussed it a couple times before with guys from my past and it didn’t go so well.
Even with Bryson, whose parents are preachers and often visit our church.
He had the nerve to tell me that waiting until marriage was fine, but we could still do other things.
I never ended a conversation and blocked someone so fast in my life.
When I finally brought it up to Samaj, he was honest and told me that although he never thought about waiting until marriage, he respected it and was willing to practice abstinence.
Call me na?ve, but I believed him, and so far he’d given no reason not to.
If I’m honest there’s still a small part of me was also hesitant about moving forward because I didn’t want the choice to be solely up to me.
I wanted him to have his own conviction.
If I’m honest, being abstinent these past three years hasn’t been the hardest for me in my walk with God, however I realize a lot of the ease came with the fact that I wasn’t seriously dating anyone during that time.
I chose not to casually date so you’re either categorized as my brother in Christ meaning you’re in the friend zone or we’re establishing a serious relationship that will lead to marriage.
We stayed up until the early morning watching the nineties sitcom Martin. Laughing until our stomachs hurt and our eyes became heavy with sleep. From there we went our separate ways.
As I lay down in the guest bedroom wearing one of Samaj’s T-shirts and basketball shorts I couldn’t help but replay the events from earlier in the night.
The way I saw a vulnerable side of him that broke my heart.
If anyone knew how hard it was to lose a loved one it was me, and I don’t think it’s ever fair to compare losses, but my parents had passed almost 11 years ago, and I’ve had plenty of time to grieve and attended therapy for years while his brother had only passed a few months ago.
How could I reveal something so devastating when he was already dealing with so much? Even though guilt twisted in my chest, even though the secret between us felt heavier than ever I made the hard decision not to disclose what I knew.
Not because I didn’t think he deserved the truth but because I was afraid that in his already fragile and emotional state something like this would take him over the edge.