17 | Samaj
The flight home felt longer than it should’ve.Maybe it was the anticipation. Maybe it was the stupid hope sitting in the back of my chest like a kid waiting for Christmas morning. It was Spring Break, and for the first time I’d taken time off work since moving.
And yeah—I said it was to “visit my family and friends.” But I knew the real reason.
I wanted to see Simone. I was craving to be in the same room as her.
I missed everything about her. Missed her voice.
Missed how she made everything feel lighter.
Missed the peace she carried like it was a part of her DNA.
It was the reason I made sure to hit up the group chat and let them know I was swinging by. She hadn’t responded in the group chat, but I was hoping she’d show her face since she knew I would be around.
My first stop when I landed wasn’t even my Airbnb. I came straight to the tattoo shop where Emon worked.
“Bro, what’s good?” Emon asked, dap’ing me up. “Union Heights ain’t chew you up yet?”
“Nah,” I smirked. “Still holding my own.”
Kadeem was sitting on one of the couches, feet propped up, a carton of Chinese food in hand.
“My guy! Long distance ain’t turned you into a hermit, I see. You still look like you touch sunlight occasionally.” He bantered.
“So what’s new around here?” I looked around casually. “Simone and Emaree not coming by today?”
They both froze not dramatically, but enough that I caught it.
“Oh uh… yeah nah,” Emon said quickly. “They both busy.”
“Busy like?” I echoed.
“Emaree got a new man, so she be with him 24/7” Emon replied.
“He won’t be around too long.” Kadeem grumbled.
“How you figure that?” I asked.
He shrugged his shoulders. “I’ve watched enough True crime TV shows. I’m pretty sure I can get rid of him.”
I sucked my teeth. “I don’t even know why I asked. You know hell is hot right? Just in case you forgot while you were over here plotting that man’s murder.”
“I was just joking relax.”
Emon wasn’t convinced. “Nah, you really need help. Do you ever think before you speak?”
He grinned. “Just saying—my baby knows what’s up. She's just bored right now so I’m letting her live.”
I laughed, shaking my head. “You’re an idiot.”
Kadeem continued.
“Anyways, little Miss. Simone been on her I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T she don’t need a man self- care vibes.”
Emon shot him a look, but Kadeem didn’t notice. Of course he didn’t.
“Ion know the details like that, but she been doing her solo things for a minute. And oh.” He snapped his fingers.
“She’s gone this week.”
I blinked. “What do you mean gone? Gone, where?”
“She took a solo trip,” Emon said quietly, pretending to clean something on his station that I’m sure didn’t need to be cleaned. “Spring break getaway. Her and Emaree share locations. Said she took a road trip to some cabin.”
A hollow thump settled in my chest. A solo trip? For a whole week? I forced a nod.
“That’s cool.” But damn, that hurt.
Kadeem must’ve sensed it because he stood up and clapped a hand on my shoulder. “You said you didn’t want us to tell you anything about the girl now look at you. Going out sad.”
I slapped his hands off my shoulder.
Emon threw a towel at him. “Stop talking.”
“What? I’m being supportive!”
I exhaled slowly. “I’m good, man. Seriously.”
Truth was, I was disappointed. Not just because I wouldn’t see her, but that there was a possibility she took the trip to avoid seeing me.
I didn’t want to let it show though. The conversation shifted back to regular banter, Kadeem roasting my hoodie, Emon showing me a new tattoo design, the usual chaos.
That afternoon, I drove over to my dad’s new place. This would be my first time seeing it in person. Our house went under contract the day before Christmas and closed shortly after. My dad bought a two-bedroom condo in Serenity Falls close to his office while my mom had her own spot downtown.
When he opened the door, it felt like I was looking at the man I looked up to all these years when I was growing up. The guy who showed me what it was to love, protect and provide for his family. He looked more relaxed than I’ve seen him in the last six months.
“Hey come in. You hungry?”
“Nah, I’m good.”
“How’s Mom?” I asked. I still hadn’t really spoken to my mom. When I finally started to answer her calls, she was avoidant. It was clear she didn’t want to have the hard conversations yet and I wasn’t going to force her.
He sighed, sitting down. “She checked herself into rehab.” That made me sit straighter.
“She did it on her own?”
“Yeah.” His voice softened. “First time she didn’t need me to push or convince her.”
A lump formed in my throat. “Damn. That’s—that’s good.”
He paused. “It’s only been three weeks, but this time feels different. She said she was tired of breaking her own heart… and ours.”
I nodded slowly, staring at the floor.
“Everyone seems to be doing better, except me.” I said softly but he caught it.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
I heaved a deep sigh. “I’ve been gone for three months, and I come back and things just feel so different. Like life has moved on without me. Seems like everyone is figuring things out and I still feel lost.”
I like Union Heights, I like my new job and my new place, but I don’t know why I haven’t settled in yet. It’s like I’m on a trip that keeps getting extended. Union Heights doesn’t feel like home, but here doesn’t feel like home either.”
“Home is going to be wherever you make it. You’ve got to give Union Heights a fair chance. Right now, you’re just in a routine, but going to work can’t be your whole life. Have you tried to go out, meet new people, try new things? Maybe you need to find a hobby.”
“I be chillin’.”
“You’re surviving and not truly living. I know a part of you died when Shiloh passed, a part of all of us died with him, but you have to find a way to live your life and not merely exist. It’s something I’m working through, so I don’t have it all figured out just yet.
I’ll admit, I still have my days where it’s really hard to get out of the bed, but you know what helps me? ”
“What?”
“Knowing that God must still have a purpose for me to fulfill on this earth. You and your mom being alive gives me something to hold onto. We may not be one big happy family right now, but you guys are forever my heart. Ya’ll deserve the best version of me so I’m taking time off from work.”
“You, taking time off from work?” I was shocked. My dad had always been a workaholic and when he wasn’t in the office he’d bring his work home with him.
“Yeah, I started playing golf again and I’m thinking about buying a boat.”
“That’s what’s up.” I said genuinely happy for him. “Do you think you and mom are going to eventually work things out?”
“I think about it and I pray on it all the time, but I honestly don’t know right now. The ball is still in her court. Our separation can be temporary or permanent, but it won’t change how much I love her.”
“Ya’ll been together since you were teenagers. How did you know that she was the one?”
“I learned that love isn’t just a feeling when you have chemistry with someone, and you enjoy being around them.
It’s a sacrifice. You literally walk down an aisle to an altar and vow to die to yourself.
It’s the scariest and yet one of the most amazing things a person could ever experience.
I knew I loved your mom from the beginning.
I had this unexplainable urge to want to protect and provide for her.
I wanted to do things for her that I wouldn’t normally think to do for any girl.
I felt like I could see her for whom she really was beneath the tough exterior, and I wanted to give her the world… I still do.”
“Even though she asked for a divorce and wanted to sell the house?”
“There’s still a little girl in there that hasn’t fully healed yet.
Letting go wasn’t because I gave up. I was surrendering to the Lord because before she’s mine, she belongs to Him and he’s going to take care of her when I can’t.
If He wants us to be together, no depression, self-sabotage or addiction is going to stop that.
In the meantime, I have to work on myself.
I may be a grown man, but there are still some things I haven’t learned about life, love and about myself so I’m taking the time I need to focus on that. ”
I nodded my head digesting everything he said.
“Enough about my love life. What’s the update with you and Simone?” He asked.
“We haven’t spoken since I left. I came here hoping to see her, but I got here and found out that she’s out of town on a solo trip.
I’m happy for her. She’s doing her thing and working on herself, but I’m not going to lie, I’m fearful that the new version of Simone isn’t going to want me.
The thought alone messes with me. I never knew I could feel this way about a woman especially in such a short time.
I thought these kinds of feelings were reserved for people who’ve been together for years. ”
“If it’s meant to be you’ll find your way back to each other.
Use this time apart wisely. Lock in and work on yourself and when you feel like approaching her again just make sure you’re prepared to go through the ups and the downs without walking away or shutting her out.
And have a plan in place. A real man has a vision and a plan. ”
“Thanks, I needed this.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too, Dad.”
He looked surprised at my choice of words.
“You never mentioned the DNA test. Is it something you’re still thinking about?”
I had given it a lot of thought. I even prayed about it and the answer I kept coming up with is that this man was my dad.
Maybe not by blood but in every way that counted.
The way he was always there took care of me, provided and protected me.
He’d taught me everything I knew and a big part of the man I am today is because of him. I couldn’t just disregard that.
“Nah, I’m good. We’re good.”
He pulled me into a hug and kissed the top of my head.