15
Penny
“Hurry up,” I say over my shoulder to Beckett as we make our way through the maze that is the hospital corridors. “God, you’re so slow!”
“I’m coming, woman.” He chuckles to himself, following closely behind me, distracted by the image of our baby in his hand. “Tell me again what they said.”
Too giddy with relief and excitement to be angry with him, I grin from ear to ear as I repeat myself for a third time. “Laura brought in the radiologist to look over the images she took, and to put my mind at ease. He said despite the anterior placenta, which they’ll keep an eye on, I’m measuring right on track, and everything looks perfect. Perfect .” I sing the word as I continue down the long hallway, following the signs to get to the exit as quickly as possible. “And he said I should be able to feel subtle movements any day now.”
The thought has me placing my hand on my stomach.
Everything’s going to be okay.
The baby is healthy, and strong, and incredible . I saw so, with my own eyes. Now, there’s only one thing left to do. We just need to get the fuck out of here to do it.
“Ah, so I was right about the placenta,” Beckett teases as shoves the photo into the pocket of his black pants and falls into step beside me.
“Yeah, yeah. You were right.”
And thank God for that.
By the time we reach the parking lot, the sun is beginning to set; the beautiful pink and orange sky a welcome sight after staring at those sterile white walls for what felt like hours.
Immediately, I look around for a spot with a more scenic backdrop than the ocean of parked cars in front of us, and then I spot it. An old, weathered gazebo, smack bang in the middle of a lush green, grassy area surrounded by old gumtrees.
“Where are you going?” Beckett calls as I take off in the opposite direction of our cars.
“Come on. Keep up.”
Two large strides and he’s at my side, and then, once we’re both situated in the centre of the small structure that I assume the nurses and doctors in need of a little quiet and some fresh air, utilise during their breaks, I impatiently tug the cream-coloured envelope Laura gave me at the end of my appointment, from my handbag, and I hand it to Beckett.
“Here.”
“What is it?” he asks, turning the slightly crumpled envelope over a couple of times, examining both sides.
“ That is going to tell us the sex of our baby.”
His eyes go comically wide as he looks down at me. “Seriously?”
“Mhmm. Now rip it open before the sun goes down and it’s too dark for us to read what is says.”
Not missing a beat, he clumsily tears the envelope open, and I shuffle around to his side, and lean in so that I can read what Laura wrote at the same time he does.
IT’S A BOY!
“A boy,” Beckett whispers, his hand trembling, causing the bold black letters to blur a little from the movement. “We’re having a boy.”
I have no words. None of them would even be able to articulate what I’m feeling in this moment, anyway, so instead of trying, I just allow the silence between us to linger. We both stare down at the three little words as I absentmindedly run my hand over lower belly, and then something, that feels a hell of a lot like an involuntary muscle twitch, deep inside me, has me pulling in a short breath through my teeth and glancing down at the spot my palm is now firmly pressed against in wonder.
Was that…
“What?” Beckett asks, immediately dropping the card and placing his large, rough hand over mine. “What’s wrong?”
“I think…I think the baby is moving .”
Beckett drops to his knees, right there on the concrete floor. “Where? Here?” he asks, gently moving my hand out of the way so he can press his palm against my stomach.
I can’t help but grin as he remains perfectly still and stares at my belly, as if waiting for something to happen.
“ Here ,” I whisper, moving his hand a little to the right as the fluttering returns.
I’ve never felt anything like it; but the unfamiliar sensation combined with the look of awe on Beckett’s face has me feeling things I thought I’d buried so far inside myself that they’d never resurface.
“I can’t feel anything,” he whispers, leaning forward so that the tip of his nose presses into my t-shirt.
“I can,” I choke out, my emotions getting the better of me.
My breath catches in my throat as he looks up at me, so much love and gratitude radiating from him. “You can feel him? Like, right now?”
I nod, and for a moment, I allow myself to get lost in his eyes and the feel of his hand as it caresses my stomach through my shirt. That is until reality comes knocking in the form of an asshole honking his horn and wolf whistling at us as he speeds down the road adjacent to the gazebo.
We both glare at the silver Commodore station wagon until it turns right and disappears from sight, and then, I shake myself from my momentary amnesia and take a step back, leaving him there, on his knees as I wipe the emotion from my eyes and straighten my spine.
This changes nothing.
Fine. He didn’t fuck someone else. But he betrayed me and what we had. He chose her instead of trying to fix us . He chose her, period.
So, pull yourself together.
“Penny-”
Beckett’s cut off by the loud chatter of a small group of nurses as they round the corner of the hospital, and it feels a little like being saved by the bell.
“Shall we go?” I ask, faking a smile as I look from the crowd slowly approaching us to him.
“Sure,” he says, mimicking my expression and climbing to his feet. “Whatever you want.”
We walk in emotionally charged silence, side by side, back the way we came, and as we round our cars, I divide the rest of the ultrasound photos I was given, so that he can show them off to whoever he wants to. I pass them to him, and tell him as much, but to my surprise, his miserable expression doesn’t falter. I thought he’d be happy he could tell everyone now. He is the one who demanded we do so after this appointment, after all, even if it was my plan originally.
“You okay?” I ask before I can stop myself.
After everything, you’d think I’d be able to force myself into not caring.
Apparently not.
“Yeah,” he whispers, raising his hand between us and reaching for my face. I don’t have time to tense, or to move out of the way. The moment his fingers graze the skin of my cheek, my eyes flutter shut and then, like it was never there, the warmth of his hand is gone, and the stray pieces of hair that had fallen out of my ponytail earlier are now securely tucked behind my ear.
Just as he opens his mouth to say something else, an older woman, clutching her purse with one hand while holding her phone to her ear with the other, walks past us, speaking loudly to the person on the other end. “Gayle, all I’m saying is that it’s going to be one hell of a lonely life, if you push away every person that makes a mistake…”
Okay, universe. Thanks for that.
Beckett visibly stiffens, and I do the same, holding my breath until she’s out of earshot.
“You drive safely, yeah?” he murmurs after a tension filled minute, and then he leans back against his car, giving me some space. I nod, glad to be given an out, and as I swing my door open, Beckett catches it and holds it there as I slide into my seat. “Don’t touch your phone, and go five, no ten k’s under the speed limit, okay?”
I roll my eyes, pull the door closed, and lower my window after starting the car. “Yes, dad . Whatever you say.”
My words are meant to lighten the mood, but as Beckett’s eyes darker, and the corners of his lips twitch into an almost smile, I realise they’ve done the complete opposite.
“ Dad ,” he murmurs, stepping back from my car to once again lean against his own. “I like that.”