16
Penny
You know what doesn’t feel great?
Rocking up to your best friend’s house to tell her that you’re pregnant AFTER calling ahead, only to find that your baby daddy beat you there.
That’s why I’m now ignoring the bitch.
“Penny! Penny, you open this door, woman!” Molly’s voice echoes through the house as I lift my steaming pink mug to my lips.
It’s only 7:00AM, Evie’s still in bed, I’ve barely slept because my stupid brain spent the entire night replaying every moment Beckett and I shared yesterday at the hospital, and this coffee, is decaf, so, yeah, I’m not in the mood.
I roll my eyes as the pounding on the front door continues and take a tentative sip of my drink.
Suddenly, the banging stops, and I hear the jingle of keys, followed by the sound of the door opening and closing.
Finally remembered she had those, did she?
Instead of staying in here, and being forced to stand while having this conversation, I move to the living room.
“Penny, you do not tell a person that you’re pregnant over the phone, hang up on them after saying you’re on your way, and then never show up!” she rants from across the house as I lower myself onto my cream, three-seater sofa. “And then send them a text message hours later saying, ‘talk tomorrow.’ As if that’s just fine and dandy! I get it. You obviously rocked up, and found Beckett’s car sitting in the drive, but seriously?” She finishes her sentence just as she enters the living room, wearing nothing but a black cotton nightie, an open, bright pink, fluffy robe, the matching slippers, and three love heart shaped pimple patches on her face.
“I didn’t hang up on you. My phone died,” I say, from my spot in the middle of my couch, cradling my mug in my lap. “ And you look ridiculous.”
“I know!” she huffs, throwing her hands in the air. “Is there coffee?”
The question comes out of nowhere, and I can’t help but snort. “Of course there’s coffee.”
With a nod, she spins around, stomps into the kitchen, and returns moments later with a mug in each hand, and a very dishevelled looking Evie by her side.
“This better be important,” Evie mutters, wiping the sleep from her big brown eyes while tugging at the hem of her pale-yellow nightie. “I was having such a good dream.”
“Penny’s pregnant,” Molly says, narrowing her eyes at me as she moves the ZZ plant in the centre of the raw timber coffee table in front of me to the left and places both mugs down. “With Beckett’s baby.”
Her words have Evie’s eyes popping out of their sockets. “I beg your pardon?”
I sigh and lean back into the couch cushions. “Look-”
“I don’t understand why you kept this from us,” Molly says as she rounds the coffee table and takes a seat beside me. “We don’t keep secrets, Penny. Ever. Why? Just… why ?”
I look from her to Evie, as she grabs her coffee and lowers herself onto the recliner to my right. “I mean-”
“I’m sorry if Beckett stopping by last night upset you. I was going to tell him to come back another time, but he was upset and-”
“I’m upset!”
“How was I supposed to know that?” She retorts; her tone as sharp as my own. “You were so casual on the phone, as if being pregnant isn’t a big deal! I don’t understand why-”
“Molly, lower your voice,” Evie gently scolds, tucking her legs underneath herself while skilfully balancing her mug in one hand.
I groan, my own eyes beginning to sting. I’m still getting used to being this emotional, and honestly, it’s exhausting. “I just, I needed a minute…”
“A minute, sure,” Molly says. “But you’re literally halfway through your pregnancy, Pen.”
Oh, good. Beckett told her that little fact, did he?
“I know, but-”
“Did you think we wouldn’t support you? Because we would have-”
“I know that!” I snap, growing more and more irritated by her inability to let me finish my sentence. “But I didn’t want to be supported, okay? I wanted to make my own decision, and I needed to know that everything was okay before I told anyone. I thought I’d hurt the baby. Do you understand how that feels?” She looks at me, wide-eyed and speechless. “No. Of course you don’t. Because you’re you, and I’m me. I knew you’d be there. I knew you’d cheer me on and tell me everything was going to be okay, Molly. But the reality was, it may not have been, and that would have been my fault. I needed to make sure!” I choke out the last few words and inhale through my nose, willing myself not to start crying.
Evie leans forward and places her mug on the coffee table before coming to sit beside me. She squeezes my thigh and waits until I look at her before saying, “Hey, it’s okay. How about we all just take a collective deep breath, start at the beginning and go from there?”
Molly deflates beside me and nods, and so I do just that; I breathe, and I start at the beginning.
Five minutes later, I sigh and collapse back against the couch cushions, feeling lighter than I have in months. “So, yeah,” I say, rolling my head from one side to the other. “That’s everything.”
The room is silent for a moment before they both practically leap on top of me. I’m showered in coffee scented kisses and my stomach is practically raw by the time they’ve finished rubbing it and cooing at the baby inside me. It isn’t until I beg for some personal space that they finally give in and move back to their own seats.
“So, wait,” Evie begins once she’s got a handle on herself. “Beckett’s ex-fiancé is Paige Whitner . The blonde chick from all those luxury car sale commercials?”
“Yep,” I say, rolling my eyes and running my finger around the rim of my mug.
“Ugh, I hate her,” she says, scrunching her nose as she reaches for her coffee. “Who the hell gets so excited about cars ? And I swear she tweaks her nipples before they shoot every ad. They’re always pointing directly at me through the TV screen.”
I chuckle, and take a sip of coffee just as Molly asks, “But he didn’t actually have sex with her? You just heard her-”
“Finger banging herself on his tattoo bed. Yes.”
“Classy,” Evie whispers.
I nod, and Molly scrunches her face in confusion. “So, you were together, then? You and Beckett, I mean.”
Um…
“We weren’t technically together, I guess, but we weren’t… not together,” I reply slowly, my own logic slightly confusing me.
Evie snorts from beside me, and I glare at her. “Something to add?”
After clearing her throat and wriggling around to make herself more comfortable, Evie sighs, licks her lips, and says, “It just feels like you’re purposely downplaying what you and Beckett were to each other, and I can’t figure out why…”
“I… what ?”
She quirks her eyebrow at me. “C’mon. You think I didn’t notice that you spent more time at his place than here? That I didn’t see the giddy smile you’d come home wearing after spending time with him? I never mentioned it, because I figured, given your aversion to men and commitment, that maybe you needed a little time to realise what the two of you were. I mean, you even said yourself, you went to Inked on Agnes that night to tell him that you loved him. Deny it all you like, but, Pen, you guys were together ...”
“Yeah? Well, maybe you should tell him that. He’s the one who fucked around.” I wait for them to nod in agreement, but instead, they look at each other with pursed lips and raised eyebrows.
“What? What’s with the look?”
Evie rolls her lips together and gives me a sad smile. “I just think it’s a little more complicated than that…”
“Obviously,” I reply sarcastically, gesturing to my stomach.
“No,” Molly interjects. “What we mean is that we kind of thought that you and Beckett had a fight, and he went out and found a random woman to have sex with. And, of course, we both wanted to strangle him for being such an asshole. But, Pen, from what you just told us, it kind of sounds like he told you he loved you; you got scared, broke up with him, and then you changed your mind. It doesn’t excuse-”
“So, you’re on his side? He literally sat there and watched his ex-fiancé finger-fuck herself while I was walking my ass around town, trying to find him. And you’re on his side?”
“Of course not!” Evie says, reaching for me, but I brush her hand off the moment she places it on my leg. “Penny. Don’t be silly. We get it. He hurt you. Betrayed you, and your trust in him. We’re not excusing that-”
“But?” I ask, louder this time while I place my mug on the coffee table and climb to my feet, knowing there’s one coming and that I’m probably not going to want to be sitting between them when it’s verbalised.
“I get why you feel the way you do. After watching your dad walk out on your mum. After watching him leave her for another woman, I get it, babe. But…” She pauses, looks from Molly to me, and exhales harshly. “But you can’t blame someone for leaving you if you push them out the door.”
Jesus Christ, just stab me in the fucking heart, why don’t you?
Molly nods sadly from her spot on the couch, agreeing with the statement as I furiously I rub at my eyes, willing the tears to fuck right off. “Right. Well. Thanks for that,” I mutter, grabbing my phone from the coffee table before turning around and storming out of the room.
“Penny,” Molly calls, her footsteps following closely behind me as I walk down the hallway. “Don’t leave. Just stay and talk to us. We’re sorry-”
“I need some air!” I yell back over my shoulder as I reach my bedroom.
I feel like I’m fucking suffocating.
This is not how I expected that conversation to go.
I expected support, compassion, and maybe a little anger because I kept so much from them.
I did not expect judgement, or pity, or… whatever the fuck that was.
When I’ve tugged on a pair of tights and the first over-sized jumper I can find, which just happens to be blue, I turn back around to find both Evie and Molly standing in the doorway.
“Move.” I force my way through them, stomp back down the hall, grab my keys from the entryway table, and tug the front door open; the cold gust of wind that blows through the house, being the thing that forces me to stop and take a deep breath.
“Penny,” Molly calls, as I step onto the porch.
“Let her go,” Evie says as I let the door swing closed behind me. “She’ll come back.”