Chapter 43 ALEX #2
sexting counts as sex
But nudes don’t?
i’m not nude
Close enough.
i'm close enough
How close?
almost there
Get there for me, sweetheart.
Right now.
i miss you
I just missed you, too.
This doesn't count as sexting, right?
shut up
***
Theo takes me to a nice restaurant on Saturday, and I sit on the same side of the booth as him, pressing myself against him and flirting with him as I drink too much champagne and we eat oysters.
He slips his fingers through mine and kisses me just under my jaw when no one is looking, and I’m giddy.
I love having a nice, normal date with my nice, normal boyfriend who doesn’t stalk me anymore.
When Theo drops me off at my apartment and kisses me good night, I grab his jaw and slip my tongue into his mouth, unable to stop myself from crawling into the driver’s seat and straddling him. He freezes, his body tense beneath me, his hands shaking against my waist.
“Alex, is this-” I cut him off with a long, deep kiss, grinding down into him.
“Theo,” I beg quietly against his lips, “please.” He lets out a low, aggressive sound and drags me against him, my every nerve lighting up at the feel of his fingers digging into me as he kisses me desperately.
He’s entirely himself again, and it feels so good to touch him, to feel his hands grip my ass hard, to hear him moan when I reach my hand between us and rub my palm against his length.
He starts pushing my dress up, his fingers grazing against me through my thin lace panties, and I gasp when he circles them against my clit.
I reach for his belt, undoing it frantically as he slips one long finger inside of me, and I cry out in pleasure.
“Oh, fuck, I missed you,” he mutters as he slips a second finger inside of me, and I drop my forehead against his shoulder, panting hard as I undo his pants.
He swears loudly when I take him in my hand and start to stroke his cock, and I start begging incoherently for more as he fucks me with his fingers.
“More,” he agrees in a guttural whisper, pushing me back against the steering wheel and crooking his fingers hard inside me. I accidentally lean back into the horn, and the loud sound startles us enough to break the moment.
We both freeze, breathing hard and staring at each other, his fingers inside of me and my hand tight around him. Theo’s shaking underneath me, his fingers inside of me but unmoving, his pupils wide and his expression starving.
He’s holding himself back, barely, and I adore him for it.
Still, I have to get away from him immediately, or my restraint will completely break.
“I need to get out of the car,” I say, forcing the words out.
He shakes his head furiously. “Please don’t.”
“I’m going,” I choke out.
“You could come first,” he pleads.
“We’re not having sex.” Theo raises his eyebrows and glances down between us.
“Sweetie, what do you think we’re doing right now?” His voice is condescending and desperate, and I exhale a laugh that’s more of a groan than anything else.
“No, Theo.” He nods, his face pained as he slips his fingers out of me, and he makes a slight noise of protest when I release him. I barely stop myself from reaching back down and guiding him inside of me, grabbing my bag and opening the driver’s side door instead.
Theo grabs my hand, pressing a soft kiss to the inside of my wrist.
“We can hold off as long as you want, sweetheart, I mean it. Whatever you need. I’m not fucking this up again.” My chest fills with warmth and my body aches for him, but I force myself to get out of the car and walk to my door alone.
I send another photo that night and get one in return, and I have to stop myself from begging him to come over. Going slowly with Theo is getting impossible, but I have to keep trying.
I’m not ready to tell him yet.
***
I see him the following Monday, and I force myself not to drink anything because I’m barely holding on to my inhibitions as is.
“Not thirsty?” He teases, staring at me hungrily.
“Very thirsty,” I mutter into my water, and he laughs.
He walks me home, our interlaced fingers somehow becoming the warm, comforting presence of his arm around my shoulders. When we get to my apartment, he pulls me tightly against him and kisses my neck in a way that makes me moan.
“You’re so fucking needy, honey,” he whispers just below my ear before nipping at my neck. I whine and reach for him, and he pulls back and laughs at the look on my face.
I freeze. For a split second, it’s October and he’s my stalker making me beg for sex, and I hate how much I want him. I involuntarily step away from him and blink hard, staring at him, trying to figure out how I feel. He immediately looks concerned and frustrated.
“Fuck, Alex, I’m sorry.” I shake my head, smiling at him, figuring out what to say.
“No, I just…you…it felt like before.” His face falls instantly, and I realize he doesn’t understand that I liked being back there with him, that it’s so much fun to have him act like this again.
I’ve realized that I like all versions of Theo, even this fragile, moody version who thinks I hate him.
“Great. Sorry,” he says tightly, looking away from me with a clenched jaw.
“I liked it,” I say quietly, and he looks back at me like I’m insane.
I shrug, smiling a little. “I like you. Come here.” He steps towards me tentatively, and I pull him down into a searing kiss, burying my hands in his hair and pressing up into him.
He makes a harsh, wanting sound in the back of his throat as his hands grip my hips and he hauls me closer.
I lean back and look up at him, smirking as I feel him hard against me.
“I’m not the only one who’s needy, huh?” Theo laughs weakly and lets me go as I back away from him, staring at me with a bemused expression. I have to force myself to step backward towards my apartment, both of us staring at each other hungrily as I open the door.
I don’t think I can hold out much longer, mostly because I don’t want to.
***
By the time I get off work on Thursday, I’ve decided to end the no sex rule. I sprint towards Theo’s place, ready to throw myself at him. The second I see him I can tell something’s wrong, and all thoughts of sex fly out of my head instantly.
He’s worked up, pacing on the porch, not looking at me or answering anything directly, his body vibrating with tension. I sit down on one of the porch chairs and gesture to the other, but he shakes his head and keeps pacing.
“What’s wrong?” He huffs out a frustrated breath and rolls his eyes at me.
“I’m fine, Alex.” I cross my arms and raise my eyebrows at him, trying to be patient with him.
“Please talk to me, Teddy.” He freezes and gives me a look that tells me he thinks that me using the nickname is playing dirty, which it is.
“I said I’m fine,” he snaps, and my patience breaks.
“Your one chance hinges on you being honest with me, remember? Sit down and talk to me, right now.” Theo shoots me a desperate look and nods tersely, perching on the edge of the seat and bouncing his knee quickly as he looks down at his feet and runs his hands through his hair.
“Therapy is very fucking difficult,” he grits out. “Tuesday was bad, but today was worse. Dr. Mills fucking sucks,” he spits.
“Can’t you get a new therapist?”
He rolls his eyes. “I’d have to petition the court, and ‘I don’t want to talk to her’ isn’t a good enough reason. I’m on parole for another year and a half, but I only have six months of therapy left, so the less I interact with the system until I’m done, the better.”
“Do you want to talk about what happened?” I usually don’t ask about his sessions, but this is such a massive reaction that I think I should. Theo’s face is drawn, and he won’t look at me.
“You asked me to try, so I’m trying,” he says miserably, “and I fucking hate it. Now that I’m being even slightly more open with Dr. Mills, she’s been asking all these invasive fucking questions about my impulses, and my family, and my relationship with Ashley, and my friendship with Kevin, which is all shit I don’t think about.
She’s so goddamn nosy and she’s digging deeper than I want her to, and it’s fucking awful. ” He shakes his head, exhaling harshly.
“What’s worse than that is she keeps getting in my fucking head about this.
The better things go between us, the harder dealing with her gets.
I can tell she’s always thought us dating was a bad idea, but she seems very against us being together now, especially because I’m almost positive she knows I was stalking you.
” I look at him in surprise, and he shrugs.
“I was so fucked up after Christmas that I tried to actually talk to her, and it was a huge mistake.”
“How much does she know?”
He snorts. “Nothing concrete. I’m delusional, honey, not stupid, but everything was so hard to deal with that I accidentally let some things slip. I can tell from her questions that she’s put it together, she just has no evidence to give to the parole board.”
“Well, I’m not surprised she’s figured it out.
You’re a pretty bad liar, except to yourself.
” This earns me a pained look, and I shoot him a small smile and tap his foot with mine.
“So, she doesn’t even know everything and still thinks we shouldn’t be together?
” Theo runs his hands through his hair and lets out a derisive laugh.
“Yeah, pretty much. Dr. Mills thinks that this relationship is keeping me from addressing any of my issues, which is wrong, and that you haven’t dealt with how deeply traumatized you are from Danny, which I’m positive she’s right about, and she keeps insinuating that you probably feel coerced into giving me a chance, which I’m terrified of, or that I’m taking advantage of you and pushing you into some fucking codependent situation, which I have no idea about, but she’s probably right about that, too. ”
No wonder he doesn’t like his therapist.