Chapter 16
Chapter Sixteen
T he morning of the Thompson Family Fun Run, I rolled out of bed at the crack of dawn. Technically, it wasn’t really a roll. More of a stumble and a trip. Purrfect had decided the floor right beside the bed was a good place to stop and lick herself.
As I shuffled through my morning routine, every muscle and bone in my body protested the rude awakening, but I powered through. I had been up half the night thinking, mind racing. Now it was time for my body to race, too. I had a job to do, and I would not let sheer exhaustion stop me.
I fed Purrfect a can of tuna flavored cat food and made a banana kale protein shake for myself. When I grabbed my keys to go, Purrfect seemed annoyed that I was leaving so early. But then every other day, she would seem annoyed that I was leaving so late. Our relationship was still in the love/hate phase, skewed toward hate.
When I got to the park, it looked like the circus was in town. Tents lined up and down the sidewalks. Food trucks parked along the road. A clown made balloon animals … for the children.
As I made my way across the parking lot, I saw vendors hawking protein bars, gym memberships, and chiropractic adjustments. I picked up a coupon from an amiable lady who was advertising her pet therapy services. I figured Purrfect had some issues to work through and could use the help.
As I navigated my way through the chaos, the humidity made it feel like I was wading through a bowl of warm soup. The sun was barely up over the trees, but the pavement was already hot enough to grill pancakes. It wasn’t long before sweat puddled in my cleavage and my spandex sports bra started chaffing my nipples.
When I arrived at the registration area, I scoped out the scene. Like a grand master surveying the chess board, making sure each piece was strategically placed.
Jack, the king piece, held court in the sponsors tent, chatting with Nurse Kelsey. I’m not sure what kind of piece she was supposed to be. Whichever one is closest to a shameless, slutty whore. Bishop maybe?
I watched them from afar, assessing the situation. Nurse Kelsey threw herself at Jack like she was stranded on a deserted island without her vibrator. She wore a formfitting crop top that showed off her perky boobs and washboard abs. Her spandex running shorts left nothing to the imagination. Even from where I was standing, I could tell her bikini lines were freshly waxed.
Pulling my eyes away from Nurse Kelsey, I found the Queen of the chessboard at the snack table, cutting up bananas and oranges. Janet wore a neon yellow T-shirt that said VOLUNTEER, completely oblivious to what was happening in the sponsor tent behind her.
That’s why Janet plus Jack would never work. Jack was like some kind of rock star, surrounded by bra flinging groupies, throwing themselves at him wherever he went. And as Janet’s best friend, I couldn’t stand idly by and let her get hurt. Just like she had rescued me from Jack twenty years ago at prom, it was now my turn to rescue her.
My attention shifted to the pawns in the game, Gary and Ralph. Ralph’s assignment was to run interference, keep Karen far away from Gary, so I could get Gary close to Janet. Then I could get close to Jack. Ralph had been readily agreeable to the idea, which was strange, because Ralph was never agreeable about anything.
I spotted Ralph and Karen chatting by the playground. Kyle and Cary were playing on the swings, taking turns pushing each other back and forth. For not friend-friends, they seemed to get along just fine. I didn’t see Gary, but at least he was nowhere near Karen, which meant Ralph was doing a good job distracting her. So far, so good.
Keeping an eye out for Gary, I entered my name on the sign-in sheet at the registration table. Susan, the receptionist from Jack’s office, collected my ticket. She wore a yellow VOLUNTEER T-shirt, just like Janet. Luckily, she didn’t seem to recognize me.
“Are you green or are you purple?” Susan asked, holding up two numbered race bibs. One race bib was green. The other one was purple.
“What’s the difference?” I asked.
“Purple is for the Family Fun Run,” Susan answered.
Out of curiosity, I asked. “What exactly is supposed to be fun about it?”
“There’s a massage station at the halfway point. For foot massages. One of the other sponsors is a podiatrist.” Figures. Susan continued, “There are misting stations all along the route, and a water balloon toss at the mile markers, you know, in case you want to cool off.” Susan’s smile was too big for this early in the morning. “Best of all, at the end, they’re giving out ice cream sundaes.” Susan paused for dramatic effect. “With sprinkles!”
“What about the green one?” I asked, pointing at the other running bib.
Susan’s smile faded. “The green one is for the competition runners. That’s the race where they’re giving out medals.” I looked over at the sponsor tent. Jack wore a green bib. Because of course he did.
“Is there a foot massage station in that one?” I asked.
Susan shook her head.
“Misting stations?”
Susan shook her head again. “But that course goes right past the lake. You just have to watch out for the alligators along the bank. And the snakes. Oh, and somebody said they saw a wild boar over there earlier this morning.”
I opened my mouth to ask my next question, but Susan must have read my mind because she said, “The green race doesn’t have any ice cream either.”
Susan held out both bibs. One purple. One green. “So what’ll it be?” It was the equivalent of being asked if I wanted to go to the spa for the full body hot stone massage or get a swift kick in the vagina.
I glanced back over at Jack, still wearing green. If I was going to get close to him, obviously I had to enter the same race that he did. The purple race bibs all seemed to be worn by children in strollers, overweight housewives, or elderly seniors with walkers and colostomy bags.
I chose the vagina kick.
As I was pinning the green bib to my chest, taking care not to puncture a boob, a familiar smell wafted my way. Vanilla scented massage oil. Cherry-flavored lube. The sickly sweet scent ripped open old memories before I even heard her voice.
“Mary? Mary Burns? Is that you?” The voice weaseled into my ears and wormed into my brain. Burrowing past the logic and reason parts, boring directly into the fight-or-flight survival zone. The part that cave women used to fight off hungry dinosaurs. Or horny cave men.
Somehow, even though I was already soaked, my body sweat doubled, every pore like a fire hose. My heart felt like it was trying to claw its way out of my chest. “Oh my gosh, Mary Burns, I can’t believe you’re here!”
I slowly turned to find myself face to face with Ashley Griffin, Jack’s old girlfriend from high school. The girl responsible for the most humiliating moment of my entire life.
“It is sooooo good to see you again,” Ashley squealed. Before I knew what hit me, her arms wrapped around me in a giant, I’m pretending it’s so good to see you again, hug. It was like being in a group hug with a dead corpse, a penguin, and a vampiric Eskimo. An icy chill shuddered through my body as her hands brushed my bare skin.
Ashley said, “I can’t believe it. Mary Burns, after all these years. What are you doing here?”
Momentarily dumbstruck, I pointed at my green runner’s bib. “Running?” I didn’t mean it as a question, but it squeaked out that way. “What are you doing here?” I asked. It was a minor miracle that the rats and mice in the area didn’t mistake my voice for a rodent mating call, and come swarming out of the trees.
Ashley thumbed toward her yellow T-shirt, stretched tight over her double D surgically enhanced, probably bionic, bosom. “Volunteering?” Ashley mimicked my cracked inflection and mouse like tone.
Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, Ashley said, “You remember Bridget and Heather, right?” I hadn’t noticed at first, but two of her mini-skirted goons from back in her cheerleading days flanked Ashley.
Bridget, wearing a matching yellow VOLUNTEER shirt, smirked. “Good to see you again, Mary.”
Heather, also in yellow, asked, “How’s your leg?” She was referring to the leg that she, Ashley, and Heather had caused to break when they dropped me from the top of the cheerleading pyramid.
“All better. Good as new,” I squeaked, glancing toward the trees to see if any rats were stampeding.
“Glad to hear it,” said Heather.
“For sure,” said Bridget.
All I wanted to do at that moment was scamper away like a beaten dog, tail tucked between my legs. But both my body and my brain were paralyzed. I couldn’t talk. I couldn’t move. It had been over twenty years since that night at prom, but I was still traumatized. I wished for a sinkhole to form under my feet and swallow me whole. Put me out of my misery for good.
The dictionary defines a miracle as an extraordinary event that defies the known laws of nature, attributed to divine intervention. For example, bringing the dead back to life. Oceans parting to create safe passage. Justin Bieber releasing a new single that doesn’t make you want to vomit. I never believed in miracles before. But I did after what happened next that morning. And it wasn’t some supernatural presence that created the miracle. It was Gary.
“Mary, there you are! I’ve been looking all over.” I felt his hand on my shoulder, gentle, but firm. “The race is going to start soon. We should go stretch.” I felt his hand slip down from my shoulder to take my hand. He pulled me away, just like Janet did all those years ago. I couldn’t believe what had happened. Gary saved me.
* * *
We kept walking through the gathering crowd of runners and spectators, Gary leading me by the hand. He only let go once Ashley and her friends were well behind us.
“You have quite the grip.” He rubbed at his palm and flexed his fingers.
“Sorry.” I didn’t realize I was holding on to him so tight.
We found a spot with a bit of shade under a sprawling oak tree. Gary grabbed one foot and pulled it back behind him, stretching his quads. Stretching seemed like a good idea, so I followed his lead. Across the lawn, I spotted Ashley and her henchman slinking back over to the sponsor tent.
“You okay?” Gary asked.
I nodded. Even though I wasn’t okay. Not okay at all. “You remember Ashley Griffin? Jack Thompson’s girlfriend?”
“How could I forget?” The look on Gary’s face suggested he remembered her just about as fondly as I did. He bent over to touch his toes.
“Thanks for rescuing me.” When I bent over, I could barely reach my shins.
Gary nodded. “I was over at the registration table and saw them talking to you. You looked like you could use a friend.”
I needed more than just a friend at that point. When I woke up that morning, I was determined and focused. I knew the odds were against me, but I had faith that somehow, some way, I would distract Janet from Jack. But after one thirty-second encounter with Ashley, all my confidence had melted away like a sand castle hit by a tidal wave. I looked down at my hands. They were shaking.
“Want to talk about it?”
“Not really.” Mercifully, Gary didn’t push.
I dug deep for my last tattered scrap of resolve, forced a smile. “I’m fine, really. Just looking forward to the race.”
“I guess you really do love running.” Gary pointed at my green bib. “At first, I thought you said you enjoyed running just to get under Karen’s skin.”
I had been so thrown off by my encounter with Ashley that I had forgotten all about the harsh reality that there was still a race to be run. “Where’s yours?”
Gary unzipped his warm-up jacket, revealing a purple bib underneath. “Kyle and I are doing the Fun Run together.”
“With Karen?”
Gary nodded. “Yeah. She thinks you’re the competition, you know.”
“The what?”
“Competition.”
“Competition for what.” Realization came in like an uppercut. “You mean she thinks I’m competing with her for YOU?” Gary’s sheepish grin confirmed the truth. The laugh shot out of me like a cannon. “She thinks …” I waggled my finger between us.
“I’m afraid so.”
I searched Gary’s face for any sign that he was joking, but from what I could tell, he was not. Karen thought I was after Gary??? The idea was ridiculous. Ludicrous. Completely out of the realm of any conceivable possibility. I said, “Never in a million years.”
“Not in two million,” Gary agreed, shaking his head.
“Three million,” I added, driving home the point. A wooden stake through a vampire.
We could see the playground from where we were standing. While Ralph took turns pushing Cary and Kyle on the swings, Karen was going through her pre-race routine. Jogging in place. Deep breathing exercises. Jumping jacks.
“I think that’s why Karen is taking this race so seriously,” said Gary. “Like whoever wins this race will win my affections.”
“That’s insane,” I said.
“Insane, right? If I was going to hand out any affections, it wouldn’t be based on a race.”
“Oh, no?”
Gary shook his head.
I was genuinely curious, so I had to ask. “What would it be based on?”
“I’m thinking cage match.”
“Bare knuckle?”
“Is there any other way?”
I allowed myself a moment to indulge in the fantasy. The roar of the crowd. The glare of the lights. Blood. Sweat. Tears. I imagined punching. Throwing one fist and then another. Left, right, left, right. But it wasn’t Karen’s face I was imagining. It was Ashley’s.
“You’re smiling,” Gary said.
“I am?” I hadn’t realized I was smiling. “Can’t I smile?”
“Not like that, no.” Gary must have seen the bloodlust twinkling in my eyes. “You know,” Gary started. “When I saw you show up at little league practice, I thought.” His voice trailed off.
“You thought what?”
“I thought you were going to try to convince me to go on some sort of crazy scheme.”
“Crazy scheme?”
“Yes,” Gary said again, his face serious. “Crazy scheme.”
“My schemes are never crazy,” I replied. “Well, maybe a little crazy. What kind of crazy scheme?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Like, hey Gary, let’s go spelunking in this abandoned mine shaft. Janet’s really into caves.”
“That’s ridiculous. I don’t like enclosed spaces.”
“Or, hey Gary, Janet loves circus performers. Why don’t we dress you up as a clown and shoot you out of a cannon?”
“Actually, that’s kind of brilliant. You should have brought that one up sooner.”
Gary crossed one foot behind the other and leaned sideways to stretch his hip flexors. “So you’re not really here just because you have some sort of plan to set me up with Janet?”
It took every ounce of my being to keep a straight face. “I’m not trying to trick you, Gary. Janet really does like you.”
“I know she liked me. As in past tense. Twenty years ago in high school.”
“So you knew Janet had a crush on you in high school?”
“I am capable of recognizing when someone is flirting with me.” Gary’s eyes lingered on me a bit. “Unless, of course, it was your idea to join the Dungeons and Dragons club.”
“No, that was definitely all Janet.”
“I figured.”
And that’s when it happened. The eureka moment. Realization came crashing in like a collapsed mine shaft on top of a spelunker’s head. “It wasn’t just Janet who liked you. You liked her too.”
At first, he didn’t answer. Then, “She was the first girl I ever loved.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I always knew that Janet was in love with Gary back in high school, but I didn’t realize that he had been in love with her, too. It was all just too perfect. Long-lost loves, reunited at last. Soul mates, adrift in the endless universe, finally pulled together by fate. Or, technically, me. But it was no longer about me anymore. It was no longer about Jack. Cosmic destiny was at play.
“But that was a long time ago.” Gary resumed his stretching, bending forward in a lunge.
“It’s never too late for love,” I said. Trying to convince Gary. Trying to convince myself. “How come you never made a move?”
“I made a move. The night of senior prom. I asked her to dance.”
Every second of that night was still etched in my brain like it had happened five minutes ago. But I never remembered seeing Gary that night. And since I spent most of that night with Janet, surely I would have noticed. “Janet never told me.”
“She probably forgot all about it.”
“You never forget your first dance.”
“We didn’t dance.”
“Janet said no?”
“No. She said yes.”
“Wait. So Janet said yes when you asked her to dance, but then you didn’t do any dancing?”
Then Gary explained. “We were on our way to the dance floor when she saw you.”
“Saw me?”
Gary nodded. “Saw you with Jack.” It all made sense then. I had been alone when Jack approached me that night. Just standing off to the side, minding my own business. Janet and Ralph had gone off to get some punch. That must have been when Gary asked her to dance.
“I saw what happened,” said Gary. “I saw the whole thing.”
I didn’t know what to say.
But Gary did. “I’m sorry that happened.”
“Yeah,” I agreed. “Me too.”
A voice amplified by a megaphone shattered the lingering silence. “All Fun Run runners, please report to the purple banner. The Family Fun Run is about to begin.”
A few seconds later, a second megaphoned voice rang out. “All competitive runners, please report to the green banner. The Competition Race is about to begin.”
Gary’s eyes drifted back down to my green bib. “You know, I bet they would let you switch over to purple. That is, if you wanted to switch.”
Over Gary’s shoulder, I could see the volunteers setting up the ice cream sundae station. In the distance, misting stations released a cooling mist of water vapor into the breeze.
“You can run with Kyle and me,” said Gary.
It was a tempting offer, I had to admit. And not just because of the ice cream. It made absolutely no sense, but a tiny little voice in the deepest, darkest recesses of my subconscious brain told me Gary was the better choice. The safer choice. The right choice. Even though Gary had almost gotten me killed multiple times.
But just as I was about to take Gary up on his offer, I glimpsed Jack leaving the sponsors tent, heading toward the green banner flapping on the horizon. He wore his green racing bib like a sponsor’s badge on a race car.
Another megaphoned voice rang out, “All runners report to your designated starting areas. The races are about to begin.”
“Mary?” Gary waited for my decision.
I told the tiny voice to keep its mouth shut. “I think I’ll stick with green,” I said. Gary may have been the safe choice, the easy choice, but too much was at stake. I couldn’t afford to take the safe and easy route. I had a job to do, no matter how hard or how difficult. It was too late to turn back now. Besides, no risk, no reward, right?
Gary smiled, but it was a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. He said, “Okay. Good luck then.”
“Yeah. You too.”
He turned to leave.
“Gary. Wait.”
He stopped. Turned.
“Maybe I’ll see you after?”
“Maybe.” The smile still didn’t reach his eyes. And now it wasn’t on his mouth either.