Chapter 26
Chapter Twenty-Six
W hen Mike brought Janet a fresh cider, I looked around the brewery to see if I could spot Gary, but Gary was still nowhere to be seen. Jack was in the far corner, still on his phone. Ralph and Karen were still holding hands and making google eyes at each other. Something felt off. Like something was out of place. There was a bad feeling stirring around in my gut, and it was only getting worse.
“How’s the thirty-day thing coming along?” Ralph asked Janet when Mike returned to the bar.
“So far, so good.” Janet took an extra long sip.
I felt my heart skip several beats. The thirty-day thing. Day thirty would come around soon. The end of the friendship period. Then the gloves came off. Along with, potentially, everything else. And if that happened, Janet would be even more attached when he inevitably dumped her and broke her heart. If I was going to stop this train wreck from happening, I had to get my act together fast.
“What thirty-day thing?” Karen asked.
“Well,” Janet began. “It’s kind of hard to explain.”
“No, it isn’t,” I interrupted. “It’s actually quite simple. All of Janet’s previous relationships have crashed and burned. We’re talking Hindenburg blimp level catastrophes. She goes too far too fast. She becomes emotionally attached. Suffocation ensues. And then the object of her obsession runs for the hills screaming in terror.”
“It’s not that bad,” Janet mumbled, although her tone was so weak she didn’t look convinced herself.
I continued. “So this time, Janet took a different approach. Before things go anywhere, they have to become friends. Thirty days of nothing.”
“She saw it on TikTok,” said Ralph.
Gary said, “It’s a GenZ thing.”
Karen nodded like it all made perfect sense. “So then, what happens on day thirty-one?”
A devilish grin crept across Janet’s face. “I guess we’ll see.”
“But before then,” I declared, “No hugging. No kissing. Definitely no funny business.” But then I remembered what I had seen after I got hurt at the charity race. When Jack picked me up and held me in his arms. I had seen pink lip gloss on Jack’s lips. Lips that clearly must have come into close contact with Janet’s lips. “Although kissing is allowed now, apparently.”
Janet’s face contorted with indignation. “What? No, it isn’t. Jack and I haven’t kissed. Other than the kiss on the cheek I gave him when he won the medal. Why would you think that?”
Before I could tell Janet that I knew they were kissing because I saw the evidence on Jack’s very lips, Karen asked, “And Jack is okay with this arrangement?”
“Well, he said he was.” Again, even Janet herself didn’t seem convinced.
“Speak of the devil.” Ralph pointed as Jack returned.
“We’re all set!” Jack waved Dick and Mabel over to share the good news. “Ashley made some calls and found out they had a cancellation next month. The place is all yours if you want it.”
Mabel leaped into Jack’s arms. “Thank you, thank you, thank you,” she gushed. Mabel was so grateful it took a combined effort from both Dick and Jack to pry her off.
Janet’s mouth was smiling, but her eyes were doing something else entirely. “That was so nice of your dear friend Ashley to help.”
If Jack noticed the tone in Janet’s voice, he wisely ignored it. “Even better, the couple who cancelled had prepaid the deposit. Nonrefundable!”
I saw the numbers adding up in Dick’s head. “So you’re saying we can use the place on the cheap? Tell your friend thank you for us.”
“She owed me a favor,” Jack said. A favor for what? Janet’s face made it clear she didn’t look favorably upon Ashley’s favor.
“So what happened? The bride or the groom got cold feet?” Mabel asked.
“Oh, it wasn’t cold feet. The bride caught the groom cheating on her with the maid of honor,” Jack explained. I couldn’t help but notice Jack glanced my way when he said maid of honor. Was that a wink? I had to be imagining things.
“That’s horrible,” Janet said.
“Not for us, it isn’t,” Dick said. Dick and Mabel high-fived, then ordered another round on their tab. While they were waiting for Mike to bring them their drinks, the group talked through the logistics. Karen had a friend who was a florist, and she was pretty sure she could get them a deal. One of Ralph’s divorce clients had just opened her own catering firm and a few texts later, the food was taken care of. I had a credit with the furniture rental place I used for house staging, so I offered to take care of the tables and chairs.
When Mike returned with Dick and Mabel’s drinks, he also brought something for Janet.
“What’s this?”
“It’s a microphone,” Mike explained.
“Why are you giving it to me?” Janet looked concerned. But not as concerned as I was.
Mike said, “You’ll see.”
Suddenly, a familiar-sounding keyboard chord played over the sound system. And a familiar-sounding voice began singing, “Now I’ve, haaaad, the time of my li-ife.”
Ralph’s face lit up and his head snapped toward Janet. “Oh my God, are you doing it? Please tell me you’re doing it.” All across the brewery, conversations stopped and heads swiveled as people searched for the source of the voice. Like a colony of prairie dogs scanning the plains for predators.
No, I never felt like this before …
That’s when I spotted him. Gary. On stage. With a microphone. Please, dear God no!
Ralph saw him too, then spun back in his seat to grab Janet by the shoulders. “You’re doing it. You’re really doing it.” Ralph’s face looked like he had suddenly found himself in the middle of Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory. Without the clear and evident safety hazards and child murder. He spun back toward Karen. “They’re totally doing it.”
Karen was clearly confused. “Doing what?”
Jack was too. “What exactly is happening?”
I, unfortunately, knew exactly what was happening. It was the song Gary and Janet had performed during the talent show senior year. A day that will forever live in infamy. If YouTube had existed at the time, the video would have had two billion views overnight.
And I owe it all to you-hoo-ah-hoooo …
“Go Janet go!” Ralph yanked Janet from her chair and practically shoved her toward the stage.
“They’re doing the glee club thing,” Ralph explained to everyone at the table. “They’re actually doing the glee club thing.” Ralph had more glee that the rest of the brewery combined.
The stage lights were on, so Gary was standing in the middle of a swath of white light. His hand was outstretched, beckoning Janet to join him.
The keyboard chord shifted, and the synthesizer twinkled, signaling Janet’s part. Without missing a beat, she lifted the microphone Mike had given her to her lips and sang.
The drum machine kicked in, driving the beat.
Ba bupbup bup ba baa, ba ba, bupbup, bup babaa
Janet bounded up the steps and she and Gary took their positions on opposite ends of the stage, hands outstretched toward one another and fingers wiggling.
I remembered the day like it was yesterday. It was one of those things where it’s seared into your memory for eternity. Like when a president gets shot. Or a terrible catastrophe levels a piece of civilization. Or Starbucks releases a new variation of the pumpkin latte.
Janet and Gary had practiced their routine for months. Every note had been harmonized. Every step had been choreographed with surgical precision. They had watched the movie Dirty Dancing so many times that Janet’s voice began sounding exactly like Jennifer Grey’s voice and Gary’s hair started feathering out on the sides like Patrick Swayze’s.
Back on the brewery stage, Gary began singing about waiting for so long, and finally finding someone to stand beside him. Then Janet sang about feeling a magical fantasy.
“It’s like they’ve been practicing the past twenty years.” Ralph danced in his seat, mesmerized. We all watched as Gary and Janet came together on the stage, arm in arm, face to face. It was a perfect replica of the dance in the movie.
On the night of the talent show, everything had gone great at first too. Both Gary and Janet were on key, perfectly in tune and synthesized with the beats. Their steps were flawless. Like two gazelles floating across the stage. Until the big climax. The part in the movie where Baby leaps into Patrick Swayze’s arms and he lifts her into the air.
You can guess what happened next. I could still hear the screaming. I could still hear the laughing. I could still hear the sirens. Luckily, no one got hurt too badly. Well, except for Mrs. Taylor, who was seated in the first row.
Holding my breath, I watched and waited for the inevitable.
Gary sang, “You’re the one thing,” shaking his hips and twirling.
Janet sang, “I can’t get enough of.” Janet flung her torso backward, arms flailing, then pointed directly at Gary, lips pouting.
Ralph stared in awe. “You don’t think they’re going to try the jump, do you?”
I shook my head. “No way. Not again.”
Gary sang his part.
Together they sang the duet part.
From the left side of the stage, Janet dashed toward Gary.
Together, Ralph and I said, “Oh my God.”
Gary went down on one knee and braced himself.
Janet leaped into the air, her body rising, then falling.
Gary lunged forward and caught her in his arms, then hoisted her high above his head.
Again, Ralph and I said, “Oh my God.”
They started spinning. Janet had her arms and legs outstretched, her back arched. With the grace of an 80s film legend, Gary carried Janet around the stage, together singing.
This time Jack and Karen joined Ralph and me as we said, “Oh my God.”
* * *
After it was over, Gary and Janet were the center of attention. Even complete strangers came over to tell them how amazing they were. Mike gave them a round of drinks on the house. The truth was, they were amazing together. The way they moved was no natural and so free it looked like they had been dancing together their entire lives.
Long after the dust had settled, and the crowds of adoring fans had dispersed, Gary and Janet were still smiling. I couldn’t help but notice the way she was looking at him. I also couldn’t help but notice the way he was looking at her. Finally, after all this time, I had gotten exactly what I wanted. Finally, after all this time, my plan was starting to work.
“You okay Mary?”
“Huh?”
Janet was looking over at me and frowning. “You don’t look so good.”
“Oh, no, I’m great. Good. I’m fine.”
“Another great to fine in the span of two seconds.” Ralph shook his head.
“I’m just tired, that’s all.” But that wasn’t all. I was tired, sure. A little drunk, maybe. But I couldn’t get the picture of Janet and Gary gliding across the stage out of my head. The way he held her against his chest when he dipped her backwards. The lines of the muscles in his arms as he effortlessly lifted her over his head. The fire in his eyes as he thrust his hips when she bent over in front of him. The way his eyes sparkled when he looked at her. Whirlpools in the middle of the ocean.
It was obvious to anyone paying attention that there was some kind of spark between Gary and Janet while they performed on stage. But if Jack noticed, he didn’t seem concerned. “Speaking of tired, I have a delivery first thing in the morning. I better head home for the night.” Jack clapped Gary on the back. “Nice moves up there, champ.”
Gary smiled through his teeth. “Thanks Jack.”
As Jack said his goodbyes out, I knew I had to take advantage of the fortuitous turn of events of the night. Finally, there was some positive momentum. Finally, the Universe had cut me some slack. It was clear to me that there was a budding chemistry between Janet and Gary, even if Jack and Janet and even Gary didn’t have a clue. I had to strike while the iron was hot. Bend fate while it was still malleable to my will.
If I could arrange for Janet and Gary to get a little more time together, the spark that had ignited on stage would grow into a conflagration. One more idea to force Janet and Gary together, while simultaneously pulling Jack and Janet apart.
My mind raced. There was a new indoor rock climbing place near the real estate office. But then I had a vision of Gary dangling upside down from the top of a plastic rock formation, ankle ensnared by a safety rope. Or what about paintball? We could divide up into teams. Gary and Janet on one side, me and Jack on another. But then I realized paintball welts all over my body might not help my cause.
As Jack turned to leave, I became even more desperate. Things were finally falling into place and I couldn’t let it all fall apart now. I decided I would find a church carnival. Bribe the pimple faced teenager manning the ride controls to get Gary and Janet stuck at the top of the Ferris wheel. But then I remembered they put those things up and take them back down in five minutes. With my luck, the wheel would break off with Gary and me still in it. Our screams fading as we rolled off into the sunset.
“Hey, wait a second,” Gary said. “Before you go.” Jack stopped and turned. I think Gary must have seen the panic on my face. Somehow, he knew exactly what I was thinking without me having to say a thing. Maybe all the time we had spent together had paid off. Maybe getting to know each other, really know each other, had created some sort of bond.
Gary’s eyes flashed the question. Do you really want me to do this? I nodded my head. An involuntary blush painted his cheeks reddish pink. Like a paintball welt. Or blood splatter from a tragic Ferris wheel catastrophe.
“We should get together again tomorrow night,” said Gary. If Jack and Janet weren’t watching, I would have kissed Gary right then and there. “I have the perfect idea. We can …”
“Tomorrow night? I’d love to,” said Jack. “But I can’t.”
“You can’t?” Somewhere in the back of my consciousness, a sad trombone player honked a lonely tune.
“I have to fly to Cancun tomorrow after my shift at the hospital.”
“Cancun?”
“That sounds fun,” said Karen. “Blue water beaches. Fancy drinks with little umbrellas. Sounds like a blast.” Karen turned to Janet. “Are you going to?”
Jack answered before Janet could even open her mouth. “Normally, yes, Cancun is totally amazing,” Jack explained. “But I’m going for a medical seminar. So no fun for me. I’ll be locked in conference rooms all day, every day, through the entire weekend. I might not even see the sun at all.”
“Bummer,” said Karen. Bummed seemed to be a good word to describe Janet’s mood, too.
Jack quickly changed the subject. “But I’ll see you all next week at the dragon and dungeon thing, right?”
“Absolutely,” Ralph answered.
“Definitely.” We all nodded our heads.
“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” added Gary.
Jack and Janet said their goodbyes, but that was it. No hug. No kiss. Maybe I had been mistaken about the whole kissing thing after all. Jack barely even glanced back at us as he walked out the door.
Mike started wiping down counters and stacking chairs, so the rest of us said our goodbyes, too. But just as we were leaving, Gary stopped to talk to Janet. “Hey Janet, did you need a volunteer to dungeon master? It’s been a while, but I’d be happy to help.”
It was the dungeon master’s job to create the story and set the scene for the players. Back in high school, Gary was always the dungeon master. He knew the rules better than anybody and had all the best ideas for monsters and traps.
“You still remember all the rules and stuff?” Janet’s mood and tone seemed to brighten.
“Just like riding a bike,” Gary reassured her.
I was pretty sure being a dungeon master was absolutely nothing like riding a bike. One requires at least some degree of physical dexterity and balance. And the other requires one to be a complete and total nerd.
“Sure,” Janet said without hesitation. “If you want, I mean. That would be great.”
When he looked over at me, I saw a twinkle in Gary’s eye. He was up to something. As everyone else made their way to their Ubers, I held Gary back. “What are you up to?”
He only smiled. “Trust me.”