November Rain
Jordan
Everything is where it is supposed to be, and I whisper my thanks up to the sky. Although that had nothing to do with it, it was all Sandy and the rangers.
Shit, that would be an outstanding name for a band.
I don’t know what they’re saying to everyone to explain my absence. If we time it well enough, it won’t be that noticeable. Until we spring this surprise on them.
Of course, there is no guarantee of that. I am a pretty fucking noticeable guy. Someone will be missing me already.
I’ve fucking loved every second of the last few days with my family and friends. Everything went off without a hitch.
It was touch and go everyone would take the invite and get on the plane. I’d been wracked with nerves until Stone called to say they were all on board the jet.
We didn’t want to speak to anyone, but Alessa convinced me Ciro was the exception. She didn’t tell him any details but talked him into coming along.
My woman’s subterfuge knows no bounds. She loves deceiving everyone. It’s her kryptonite.
Ciro man, that guy. I need to do something about him. I’m not blind. Him and Brooke slipped away at the album launch party a couple of years back, and she came back with just fucked hair.
I know that look only too well. On Brooke’s side, it was a fling.
I’m starting to get the feeling it was more to Ciro. I like the guy and want to help but I’ll fucking kill him if he steps up on Archer. Brooke is his woman, and I won’t see anyone trying to break that apart.
I just need to set his sights elsewhere.
Alessa keeps telling me to stay out of it, but I know she wants me to help. She’s always telling me the opposite of what she wants me to do.
I’ve been grilling her for information on Ciro. I want to know his likes and dislikes. The type of woman he goes for. I have complete faith I can find him his true love.
And a baby. A fucking BreakNeck baby on the way. It makes perfect sense it's Adam. He was the first of us to fall to his knees for a chick.
I’ll be a fucking awesome dad one day. We haven’t talked about kids. That seems like it should be a joint decision.
I’m gonna be one hell of a fucking uncle to Adam and Jenna's baby. After all, Jenna is my sister. And no amount of arguing and rebuttal by Adam will ever change that fact. Even Sandy agrees with me.
I walk to the edge of the path and lean against the rail, overlooking the waterfall. It’s loud, but not deafening.
Ouzel Falls is one of the most impressive waterfalls on this trail. Also, one of the most popular, which came with its own set of issues. It took a lot of wrangling and planning to get this place closed off. And a sizeable donation to the park.
Never in a million years could I have imagined myself standing here.
When I was a teenager, the thought of moving to LA terrified me. Then coming back to New York after ten years in LA was a headfuck.
Finding the ranch in Colorado was perfect. Seeing Alessa’s face light up when she saw those horses, that was when I knew this is how my story is supposed to go.
There is no fear anymore. All I care about is making her happy. This place reminds her of her home, and I want to give her that.
It also reminds me of the first time I worshiped her body. We’ve recreated that scene more than once at the stables here.
We won’t be spending as much time here as we’d like. Knowing it is here when we want it is like being wrapped up in a warm hug.
I check my watch. I don’t have time to spend on this contemplation. I can guess at the reactions about to come my way, but it will all be worth it. Just like this trip has been worth it.
This entire scheme is Alessa’s idea. The intrigue will make them come, she’d said. And she was right. I like to think it was about more than that. These guys love us as much as we love them and will do anything for us.
I have to admit though, it is a pretty good plan.
We all need the break too. Whether anyone admits it or not, we work hard. We give a hundred and twenty percent all the time. We need our time. And I could think of no other group of people I want to spend my time with.
I’m happy they got to see my ranch. The looks on their faces when they realized I’d bought the place were priceless. And they thought it was hilarious I’d named it ‘Morning Glory.’
Nick wants to name a song after it, which I, for one, am all for. They once wrote us a tasteful, pardon the pun, and obscure song about licking pussy. The subtexts in their lyrics were found out pretty quickly by the fans.
B never let us release it as a single, much to my disappointment. They pulled that shit off, like the awesome song writers they are. So any lyrics they put down about the mighty erection, will be just as epic.
I laugh to myself as I pull off my hiking boots, tossing them to the side of my bag. I can’t hang around reminiscing anymore.
I take a quick peek at the viewing point over the waterfall. The park people did a pretty fucking spectacular job of reimagining Alessa’s vision. I couldn’t have asked for a better backdrop.
Marcello appears, following the path around a huge rock until he stands by where I’m changing. He averts his eyes, but it isn’t necessary. I’ve mastered the whole no shame, balls to the wind no matter who is around, thing.
“How far away are they?”
“Just spoke to Stone. You have about ten minutes.”
“Roger that,” I salute him. He rolls his eyes and mutters about going to check on something as he turns away.
Once I am ready, I pull the hip flask from my inside pocket and take a quick shot. I am careful with alcohol these days. I’m not an alcoholic by any stretch, but I could have been at one point, if I’d allow my excesses to continue.
For a while there, I’d let it be too big of a part of my life. Breaking my arm while showing off drunkenly on a skateboard made me miss our European tour. That brought it home to me. Nothing said stop this fucking reckless shit better than not being able to play with my band.
I’ve been better about it since then. In fact, a lot has changed since then.
I met Alessa.
I’ve heard people talking about that lightning bolt. The one where you see a woman and you just know, but I didn’t believe in that shit. Until I saw her. And fuck, did she hate me in return. I couldn’t understand why, I am a fucking delight to be around. I made it my life’s goal to convince her of that.
It wasn’t my finest hour, and my relentless irritating actions could have backfired, but after Jenna’s advice, Alessa started paying attention. She saw the fun side of me, rather than the exasperation of me being under her feet.
Then she let me sweep her off her feet.
And that shit just bowls me right over. She ruined me for every other woman out there, and I’m not even mad about it. Now, she’s my life, my heart, and I can’t wait for the sun to set on this day, knowing she is mine and always will be.
I stare down at the waterfall. It’s fucking nuts, and we’d get arrested but I fantasize about stripping her bare and fucking her underneath that spray. It would be like an epic music video, albeit an X rated one.
I ignore the realities of that situation. The freezing water, possibility of being arrested, and the danger to our lives. Thinking about fucking my woman is a pastime I excel in.
Marcello pops up again and indicates for me to follow him.
Fucking hell. My heart bangs out a beat my drums would be jealous of.
I follow him up to the clearing where everything is set up and take my position behind a large tree. Everything looks normal, like a regular viewing point for the falls. I can’t help but laugh. They’re gonna shit themselves in less than five minutes’ time. I fucking love this.
A rustling to my left has my heart hammering. I glance over, expecting to see a bear or a fucking reindeer or some shit, but it’s just Sandy.
“Your stealth knows no bounds, Mama.”
“I thought a rabid squirrel was after me,” she whisper-shouts. “Little fucker ran at me, not away from me.”
“It must have thought you had food for it.”
She grumbles and kicks off her boots, stepping into some pretty dope black and silver doc martins. She shimmies into a wraparound red dress over her top. I avert my eyes as she pulls down her shorts from beneath it.
“How’s my hair?” she asks.
“Like a rabid squirrel has set up its home there.”
“Oh fuckin hell,” she tries to pat it down.
“I’m just kidding,” I tell her. “You look fantastic. I mean it. Thank you Sandy. I don’t think I could have pulled this off without you.”
She gets misty eyed, probably at how genuine I sound. But I mean it. Alessa might have dreamed it up but Sandy worked on all the organization.
“Are you sure you want to do this?”
“What?” I flinch back.
“Not this,” she waves her arm around her. “I mean, without your folks.”
“They’ll understand,” I assure her. “My parents know I’m a fucking law unto myself, Mama.”
“Okay…”
“How’d you get away?”
“Stone told everyone I twisted my ankle and carried me off.”
“And Jenna just let him?”
“He moved too fast for her to stop him.”
I laugh, then give Sandy the critical eye. Is she blushing? My mouth drops open.
“Don’t you fucking dare,” she points a finger at me.
“You like him,” I accuse.
“No, don’t be ridiculous, I’m old enough to be his-”
“MILF?”
She slaps my chest in surprise, but she is laughing.
“Sandy, I’m pretty sure Stone is like forty-six or something. What are you again?”
She doesn’t balk at telling me, like some women would. She isn’t offended. In fact, I think hearing how old Stone is has made her lose all of her senses.
“Forty-nine.”
I hold out my hands. “You have my blessing, Mama, but I will need to have a talk with Stone.”
“Talk about what?”
We both nearly jump out of our skin as the man himself appears behind us. Sandy’s cute little cheeks flush and she is stunned to silence. No mean feat for Mama Montanari.
“Your intentions,” I turn and cross my arms.
Stone frowns, like he doesn’t have a clue what I’m referring to. But I see the way his eyes move over Sandy’s dress. He can’t fool me.
“We will discuss it later,” I tell him, giving him the stink eye, which makes Stone even more confused.
“Just go with it,” Sandy finds her voice.
She gives Stone a cheeky little wink. A move I like to think I taught her, but I’m certain Sandy needs no tutorage in these kinds of things. And it works because Stone walks towards her, never taking his eyes off her.
“Come on,” he says, putting his hand on her lower back. “You need to get ready.”
I almost slap his hand away from her. Until we have that talk, he needs to check himself.
Before they immerse themselves in eye fucking one another, Sandy turns back to me.
“Are you good, sweetheart?”
“Best I’ve ever been,” I tell her.
She kisses my cheek, then heads off to her position.
Not a moment too soon either, as we hear the group heading into the viewing area. I want to laugh. I told them to bring their fancy clothes as a ruse. It really threw them off.
Bringing them up here where they’re all dressed like lumberjacks and hikers is hilarious.
“Oh my God, Nick, look at this!” Elsa’s voice fills the air. “Oh, it’s so beautiful. I love it here.”
The same words are spoken by a few of the others and I’m a little put out. No one seems to have noticed I’m not there. I peer around the tree and watch my friends as they all take in the view. They’re all so preoccupied, they haven’t noticed Alessa and Sandy have vanished either.
Until.
Shit.
I duck back behind the tree. When I peep back around, Ciro is still looking at me. His arms are folded. He has a look on his whole face you could class as an eye roll.
I grin at him, and he shakes his head, dropping his arms and turning away. No way he didn’t see what I’m wearing.
Jack bounds over to him and throws his arm around his neck, snapping a selfie before the surly guitarist can push him off.
I like Jack, he reminds me a lot of me. I need to have a chat with him about his behavior towards women. He needs to be taken under somebody’s wing, shown that life doesn’t always revolve around random pussy. Although he’s young, I should let him spread his wings a little.
A little squeal draws me out of ideas for that teachable moment. Brooke is standing still with her eyes closed tight and her fists clenched at her side.
Archer is laughing beside her. “Babe, it’s just a twig.”
“A twig that slithers,” she says through gritted teeth. “It’s a fucking snake!” she yells.
Everyone turns at that. Archer is still trying to calm her down when he screams.
“I told you!” Brooke yells.
“It’s a fucking snake.” Archer darts across the clearing, pointing at something.
Dawson walks over to Brooke. I peer around and watch as he picks the thing up. It is, in fact, a fucking snake.
I straighten up and look around at my own feet. Fuck, are there more of them? I could be standing in a pit of vipers and be none the wiser.
“It’s just a garter snake,” Dawson's voice rings through the clearing. “They’re often found by bodies of water, and in forests. They’re very common and harmless to humans. More scared of us than we are of them,” he explains.
“I don’t care if it wants to buy me a coffee and talk about the latest episode of Stranger Things. Get it away from me.” Brooke is still freaking out.
“Oh, he’s so cute.”
Is that Adrestia? That girl has done some wild things in the name of her sister. Petting a snake is not out of the realms of probability for her.
“Ooh, look at his tongue,” Ocean joins her. “It’s red and black.”
“They have dual-colored tongues,” Dawson speaks up again. “They also come in a wide variety of colors, but most of them have three stripes running down their bodies. See,” he pauses. There are noises of affirmation that they have indeed examined this snake. “The color of each individual snake depends on its species. They can have intricate patterns and stripes. Their bite isn’t venomous at all. But why don’t I just go set him down out of the way?”
“Yes, you do that,” Brooke’s shrill response comes.
“Dude, when you realized that was a snake, I think I saw your soul leave your body.”
“Fuck off,” Archer snaps at Nick, who laughs back at him.
“Can I take its picture?”
“Elsa, for fuck’s sake, let the man take it back to where it lives.”
“It lives here, Brooke,” Elsa tells her, matter of fact.
“I hate nature.”
“Oh my god, you sound just like Chunk,” Jenna laughs. “Remember, from The Goonies.”
“Did you just compare me to an overweight, prepubescent boy?”
Brooke’s voice has reached a pitch we’re all scared of.
“Brooke, just chill. It’s gone and I’m sure…” Jenna pauses. “There are no more around here.”
I’m not the only one still checking around for them, obviously.
“Can I have your attention?” Dawson is back, without his little slithery friend, looking bemused. “If I can give you some background on the waterfall, then we can move on? This is our last stop, so we will head back shortly.”
“Thank you, Jesus.”
“Oh, come on, it’s not that bad,” Jack speaks up.
“Don’t anger the beast,” Nick whispers, comically loud.
“It isn’t funny,” Brooke says, sounding less angry and more upset.
Fucking hell, this is unraveling. I turn and look over at Marcello and Stone. They’re watching the whole thing, trying not to laugh.
I wave my hand until Marcello sees me and I make a motion with my hands to move things along. He nods and heads to a large rock. There, he bends down and flicks a switch on the generator we brought up here.
Fairy lights illuminate the area. They’re set up around the trees, the guard rail, and along the ground. It creates a makeshift aisle. Everyone goes quiet. I risk another peek and see them all turning and looking about in surprise.
“Is this to scare away the snakes?” Adrestia whispers.
“I don’t think so,” Nash says, looking suspiciously around. “Wait, where are Alessa and Jordan?”
“Fucking finally,” I mutter. “Ungrateful assholes didn’t even notice we aren’t there.”
Which means my beautiful woman has slipped away to get herself ready too. I take in a deep breath and let it out as Marcello performs his next task.
‘ When You Love A Woman’ by Journey plays through the speakers strategically placed around the area. They’re all questioning what is going on, but they shuffle back as Sandy walks out from her hiding place.
“What the fuck?” Adam breathes out.
“I knew it,” Archer shouts.
Elsa has her hands up to her mouth in absolute rapture.
“I don’t understand,” Adrestia says.
“Seriously?” Ciro asks her.
“Everyone, if you could gather around,” Sandy interrupts them.
“Mom?” Jenna calls out.
And I step out. They all turn to look at me. In my tuxedo. With a huge fucking smile on my face.