Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
Remus
I am not well. I don’t know if it’s from bonding with Iris and experiencing new emotions or my lack of feeding, but I am not well.
My entire life has been dedicated to self-control.
I pride myself on being able to control every aspect of my being.
But lately, my control has waned, and I can no longer put off seeing the one person who can explain the reasoning behind it.
My mother.
I shift my attention to Iris, quietly watching her as she moves around the small town in awe.
Her eyes are wide as she takes in the everyday Leviathan on this side of Xyrannis.
She’s completely forgotten her anger towards me as her curiosity takes over, and I can’t help but smile as I study her.
It’s refreshing to observe someone who is seeing something for the first time.
Her excitement stems from small things like flowers or animals she hasn’t seen before—whereas these things have become blind to my eye.
She has no idea how much she has influenced me simply by being curious.
And more recently, thanks to her questions about my life and childhood, I’ve been forced to look at something other than the future and realize I don’t know my past. My life is a blur.
I always thought it was because I’ve lived for so long, but since my return this time around to Xyrannis, bits and pieces of my memory have come back to me that make me uneasy.
There are things I don’t recall ever doing, but reliving the moments in my mind feels so real.
And it has begun influencing my control.
More often, I’ve been getting headaches that end with whatever object is nearest to me being splintered.
Even my feeding is beyond my control. Taking a small amount is no longer an option, forcing me to not bother with it at all for fear of harming Iris.
I wanted to wait until Iriel’s trial was over to leave Xyrannis, but with everything else, my control on the bond is slipping as well.
As a result, Iris’s emotions have been bleeding into my own, making it impossible to remain focused.
The only time I feel any sense of control, of my usual self, is in Iris’s presence.
Or rather, my desire for her outweighs my stressors.
So instead of attending the last few days of Iriel’s trial, I’ve decided to spend it with Iris before departing.
We only just left the oasis I brought her to earlier to come into the neighboring town.
I figured she would enjoy this town. It is far from the capital, and not as populated or busy.
The Leviathan here live a slow and quiet life.
I doubt they are even aware of the trial happening right now.
I’m pulled from my thoughts as Iris bends in the middle of the street to take in a growing flower patch.
She’s always been this way—curious.
Her hair falls to her upper back and has a slight wave to it as it dries from our earlier bout in the river.
I chuckle to myself as I recall the way she struggled to swim.
Her knowledge only extended to her younger self before we invaded.
So most of our time in the river was spent teaching her to tread water.
I shift my attention to her hair, where my pin sits.
She doesn’t know just how precious that hairpin is to me.
It’s made from a mineral I discovered on the planet Fialta.
I infused it with a small piece of my essence when I was freed from my mother’s watchful eye and discovered the extent of my power.
To me, it signifies my freedom and my growth.
But it brings me joy to see her wear it.
In the past, she would have thrown it out without a second thought because of her anger.
But now, she wears it and allows me the small request of enjoying one another’s company.
She doesn’t realize how different she is now.
“Would you like something sweet?” I ask, moving past her.
I hear her following me as we move deeper into the town.
I know she doesn’t trust my intentions at the moment.
Only a few days ago did I reveal the truth about her situation in a fit of anger, followed by us fighting with one another shortly before I professed my feelings for her both verbally and through the bond.
But I don’t have time to remain angry or indulge her. I don’t know what will happen once I leave, or how long I will be gone. For now, I just want to enjoy her presence, regardless of her resentment of me.
I smile as I hear the quick footsteps of Iris catching up to me. She remains silent as she walks next to me, continuing to take in the small town, and I know without asking that she wants to ask me questions about it.
“This town is called Mallora. It is one of the places with the fewest changes since my mother’s reign. The Leviathan here tend to keep to themselves,” I say, explaining what I know she is too proud to ask about.
She shifts her attention to me for a second before speaking.
“Is that why you’re dressed in disguise?
” she asks, gesturing to my hair. I revealed this ability to her on Earth and haven’t used it since.
I still remember the shock on her expression as she realized how much more there was to learn about me.
There’s so much more I’m keeping from her in terms of my abilities, but once we become more comfortable around one another, I plan on revealing it all to her.
I laugh, nodding.
“The Leviathan here don’t need to be alerted of my presence. It’s normal for me to be seen in the more densely populated cities. But here, it’s unnecessary,” I say.
Now Iris laughs, grumbling to herself but I hear her. “How noble of you.”
We finally reach the stall I’ve been heading for, and I let Iris step in front of me to take in the sweet treats. They are similar to what is known on Earth as shaved ice. Except the flavors consist of naturally sweetened syrups from flowers and fruits native to Xyrannis.
The Leviathan working the stall sees us through the glass, coming out with a beaming smile as she speaks to us in the language.
“Komen, su trapta chave?”1 she asks.
I shift my attention to Iris, letting her try and decipher the language for herself.
She’s been adamant on continuing her education without me.
I don’t know if it’s because of her desire to occupy her mind or sate her curiosity.
But I enjoy seeing the excitement on her face when she realizes she can understand bits and pieces.
After a moment, she looks at me.
“Chave?” she asks. Of course she wouldn’t know what it means.
I smile, quickly responding to the woman, choosing a flavor I think Iris will like. And as she moves to make them, I explain.
“Chave is like a snow cone. Except it isn’t drenched in sugar water and the ice is imported,” I say.
Iris shakes her head in disbelief as she looks back to the Leviathan woman making the treat. Her eyes widen as she hands us two delightful looking snow cones, and I take them from her before we move to a bench.
“You got one?” Iris asks as I hand her the cup made from the wood that grows here with shaved ice in it.
“Of course,” I say.
I note that she is watching me intensely as I bring the spoon to my mouth. I enjoy the chill and lightly sweetened flavor as it melts on my tongue, and as I look at Iris, she is watching me in utter disbelief.
“Is something wrong?” I ask.
She blinks, bringing herself back to the present as she looks back at her cup.
“No…I’ve never seen you eat before. I didn’t know you could,” she says.
I immediately laugh from her words mingled with the expression on her face. And as I do, I feel a sense of warmth wash over me, and I know it’s from her end of the bond. It feels pleasant, making me want to lose myself in the feeling.
“Of course I can. I have all the faculties for it, I just choose not to when the result is unnecessary,” I say.
“So you can…taste?” she asks, once again earning a chuckle from me.
“Yes, Iris. I can taste,” I say, looking at her.
I make sure to keep my expression neutral as I take in her features. Her cheeks have a warm glow to them as she watches me, her curiosity rising without her ever realizing it. I lean into her, enjoying her scent as I speak in her ear.
“As a matter of fact, one thing I enjoy tasting is a snow cone…almost as much as I enjoy tasting you,” I say.
Her cheeks turn a deeper shade of red as she looks back at the shaved ice in her hands, quickly bringing the spoon to her lips, and I have to bite back the laugh threatening to spill from my lips once again.
She doesn’t know how much I crave moments like this.
They force me out of my usual mental state, giving me a glimpse into emotions I otherwise would not understand or even bother having.
It pulls me from the usual routine, forcing me into a different situation—one that I revel in.
I would do anything to hold onto this feeling forever. I only ever feel this way when she is around. And I’m much too selfish to let it go.
“Do you like it?” I ask. She nods, poking her spoon into the soft ice before bringing another scoop to her mouth. It’s an innocent action, and yet it has me wanting to end the day early and spend the rest of it between her legs.
“So…what else do you like to eat that you don’t have to?” she asks.
The question catches me off guard, and I have to compose myself from the thoughts currently swirling around in my mind as I try to answer her question.
I laugh to myself, bringing my spoon to my lips.
“I’ve never really thought about it if I’m being honest. I haven’t eaten much over the years,” I say.
Now Iris laughs. “Don’t you ever miss the joy of tasting?”