Chapter Thirty-Two
Iris
Learning to live with my new reality has been a struggle.
It’s been weeks since Remus had his memory wiped, and we are no closer to answers than we were the day it happened.
Everyone has accepted Remus’s choice to end Iriel himself and sees it for what it is—a warning.
Or in my eyes, a blunt reveal of how little control any of us have.
No one has questioned any decisions Remus has made.
Even Ezra has accepted the decision without rebuttal.
Everyone is content to let things settle the way they are, all because they are afraid of what it could mean if they push back.
I see now why, in the past, Remus was so intrigued when I did.
It wasn’t just because he hadn’t seen it in humanity.
It was because no one who surrounds him ever pushes back.
I was so naive back then. I shudder to think of the times Remus smiled and laughed as I argued and fought against him. It was amusement in its purest form, which is chilling to think about now that he has returned to a version of himself that would splinter my bones without hesitation.
I am a refugee. I have no home here or on Earth.
And though Xion has taken me in, her patience is nothing like her brother’s.
It’s beginning to take a toll on both of us as her control of the situation slips away.
Not that she ever had any. Xion has always been an intimidating being.
But now I see where that intimidation extends to.
Remus was in control of everything, making me think of his words to me the night he revealed the truth about the bond.
“I do wish you had remained in the bubble of the false reality I allowed you.”
It seems to be his signature trait, allowing everyone to believe they are in control. It is only when that control is ripped away suddenly that we realize how controlled we were. I can’t help but wonder if it’s a trait he somehow inherited from his mother.
She has yet to return or show a sign of her existence since stripping Remus of his memories.
I don’t know if I should feel relieved or anxious about it.
I have a feeling she’s gone because she’s trying to tie up any loose ends that arose after Remus and I bonded.
With each passing day, the twist in my gut grows deeper as I fear the moment she shows up again.
When that happens, Remus won’t be here to protect me.
“So, you can read.” I look up from the book I was reading to see Xion standing over me.
The book is a light history of the Leviathan society that Ezra gave to me after the incident with Remus.
I’m sure he thought it was just something I was interested in; otherwise, he would never have handed over to me the possibility of finding a way to lock his mother away.
But like the books in the records rooms, this one has nothing about it.
“Remus taught me,” I say, closing the book.
Xion scoffs, shaking her head. In the past, I would have taken the gesture as a dig toward me because she doesn’t like me. But after having my arm fractured by Remus for reading, I understand her amusement. It is a crazy thing that Remus taught me their language amidst taking over my planet.
“I can’t imagine what got into him to teach you our language,” she says, sitting across from me.
I bite back my smile as I recall my tactic to get him to teach me.
But my amusement is short-lived as I am quickly reminded of why I was learning in the first place—all the humans who were counting on me, including Jude.
I shift my attention to Xion, studying her closely for once.
I can see that day vividly, when she and Remus destroyed the resistance.
I pull in a deep breath, pushing the memory from my mind as I rub the top of the book gently, enjoying the feel of the foreign texture beneath my fingertips.
“I get what you mean,” I say. “He had changed a lot, huh?” I ask, desperate to change the subject.
Xion watches me with an eerie gaze, her eyes mimicking her brother’s. She is still wary of me. She and Remus are the same in that regard. She doesn’t allow people to see past her hard exterior.
“Yes. He never once mentioned you, then one day suddenly he’s bonded,” she says.
“Hm,” I say.
I can see that she is trying to find some form of comfort as she speaks to me.
I may have lost Remus, but our emotions were just beginning to bloom.
She’s lost a piece of her brother and is aware of the manipulations her mother used to get it.
She’s probably, at this point, questioning everything about her existence.
“If only he hadn’t bonded with me. All of this could have been avoided,” I say.
Xion doesn’t respond immediately, but then she leans forward, allowing her face to give off what she’s feeling. Confusion slowly appears on her features as she studies me.
“Why did he bond with you? It was stressed so heavily that we do not bond with a species weaker than us. Remus knew this. Why would he disobey her?” she asks.
Now it’s my turn to laugh. “I couldn’t tell you. It was an accident. I pushed him too far, and he made sure I could never attempt something like that again,” I say honestly.
Xion remains confused as she studies me so I explain further.
“He decided that day that he refused to live without me. Whether it was because of an accident or my short life span compared to yours,” I say.
Her expression softens.
“What was it like? Being bonded?” she asks.
It takes me a moment to realize her curiosity comes from her own desire. She’s never bothered attempting because of the warning their mother gave. Now that all these terrible things have happened as a result of Remus’s bonding, I’m sure she wants to know if the risk is worth it.
“I don’t know, exactly. We never got it down.
Remus wasn’t using it as a courtesy to me,” I say.
Xion leans back, disappointment on her features.
But I don’t want to elaborate on our last few nights together.
I don’t want her to think the bond is something she should risk.
Not if it means her mother coming after her lover and wiping her mind as well.
“Did she never say why it was so crucial not to bond with the weak?” I ask.
Xion shakes her head. “She didn’t have to.”
Hatred for their mother burns inside of me as Xion says the words.
“How can you not hate her? After everything you’ve found out. You don’t even know what parts of you are real,” I say.
Xion doesn’t react with anger. “She’s my mother. She’s all we know. We are the only of our kind that exist,” she says.
I shake my head. “I doubt that,” I say.
“Whoever is out there, whoever she is running from, is probably close. That’s why she hasn’t come back. And why she didn’t make sure her handiwork was permanent. She’s got bigger things to worry about,” I say, opening the book once again.
Silence settles over us, and I find that I can’t focus on the words on the page. So, I close it, looking at Xion.
“Has he asked about me?” I ask.
Xion doesn’t respond. But she doesn’t have to. I know he has.
I laugh.
“You give your mother too much credit. And you’re giving Remus too little. He suspects. Which means he’s probably investigating without any of you knowing. It won’t be long before you’re facing issues on all sides,” I say.
Xion narrows her gaze. “Facing issues?”
I nod.
“Remus has never taken kindly to being lied to,” I say.
“Why are you so confident that he suspects something?” she asks.
I bite the inside of my cheek, hesitant to reveal what more happened in that records room. So, I try to reveal as little as I can while proving my point.
“He recognized something he gave me. That’s why he was in the record room. He didn’t remember that he gave it to me, and thought that I stole it. But I’m still here, even if it is with an injury,” I say.
“When he first returned, he would have killed me for sure. But time has passed since, and he hasn’t because he’s curious. His world isn’t adding up. I don’t make sense to him. Whatever your mother did isn’t working this time either,” I say.
Silence follows, and when I look at Xion, she isn’t looking at me.
“Why can’t you just admit that you don’t have any control over this situation?” I ask.
She looks at me, allowing her anger through.
“What would that change, Iris? What would that accomplish in all of this if I admitted that I have no control over this situation?” she snaps.
“It would give me a chance to fight for him. To actually fight for him. To be unafraid of what could happen to me and know that I didn’t turn my back on him,” I say.
Xion stands. “I did not turn my back on him,” she says much louder than she’s ever spoken to me. It’d be frightening if I didn’t understand where it stems from. I can see her desperation.
I pull in a deep breath, closing the book before setting it down next to me. I then stand, meeting her gaze.
“Then admit this is out of your control. Because if you are somehow in control of this situation, and this is as far you’ve gotten to getting him back, then you have,” I say.
Her eyes darken, and she takes a threatening step toward me, resembling Remus more than she ever has as her hair shifts slightly.
I can feel the air growing heavier around us.
She’s angry. I can see it in the way her chest heaves as she tries to calm herself down.
If I were any other human, I would cower before the sight.
But this is the only way I can fight for Remus.
I won’t be backing down because of her shame.
We stand, glaring at one another without a buffer between us. No Remus, no Ezra, no Noah or Sky. Just the two of us finally butting heads.
“Whether or not this is in my control is irrelevant. One mistake, one minuscule mistake, and your life is over. And that would be it. You are a human, Iris. Why can’t you admit you’re out of your depth?” she counters.
For some reason, I laugh. My entire life, I’ve been out of my depth, and look at where I am now. Each time I think about Remus—the life he led unknowingly, my chest aches even heavier than it did when I awoke with the bond gone.
“I guess we’re at an impasse,” I say softly. I can’t help but smile as I say it, recalling how I know the word.
“You can’t keep me hidden forever. Sooner or later, he’ll come to me,” I say, moving back to the couch.
I move my arm in front of me, studying it as I recall the way he twisted my bones to get the truth from me.
He’s probably been suspecting for a long time.
He has no patience when it comes to getting answers.
I look at Xion. “If he does, I’m telling him the truth. I have a better chance of being killed by him for lying than I do for just standing in front of him,” I say. “At this point, I don’t care what happens to me. He deserves to know the truth. All of you do.”
I open the book, going back to the page I was reading, glad to have gotten that off my chest. Xion moves away from me, but I call to her before she leaves the room.
“I’m not the one who is the enemy, Xion. Your mother is.”
My body feels strange. Nausea hits me hard, my insides twisting and melting, and as I try to open my eyes, I am met with complete darkness. I was in bed, asleep. But now I am nowhere. I’m suffocating, I realize. As I try to reach for my throat, my arms won’t move.
Suddenly, the world appears around me. It’s startlingly bright, forcing me to blink a few times for my vision to adjust. By the time I do, the cold air hits me hard.
It stings my flesh, and my feet burn from not wearing any clothes.
But I recognize my surroundings. I am at Remus’s home, Llora shining bright in the atmosphere.
Unfortunately, I am outside.
“How—”
“I needed a way to speak to you without my sister’s knowledge.”
I tense, turning to see Remus in all his glory approaching me in the snow. He’s unfazed by the chill, as he always was in the past. His eyes hold no recognition for me, only calculated precision, and I feel my stomach dipping as nausea strikes me.
I fall to my knees, heaving my lunch into the snow, ignoring the burn of the cold penetrating my hands.
“Teleporting is a dangerous thing for certain creatures. If not done carefully, if you move before I can get a hold of every piece of you, some things may not make the trip. But you have more pressing matters to worry about,” he says, standing over me.
I slowly lift my head, my body already shivering from the bite of the cold. I’m wearing a thin night shirt and shorts, so it cuts through easily.
“In about five minutes, your entire body will go into shock. You’ll be dead in ten.” Remus kneels, his expression forcing me to shiver more violently as the blue within his purple gaze glows in excitement.
“I have questions for you. And I want the truth to be the only thing that leaves your lips tonight…or you will die.”