Chapter Thirty-Five
Iris
The last time I had a fitting, I was nine years old.
It was for my elementary graduation. I was finally moving into intermediary, or fifth grade.
My mother thought it was ridiculous to give a ceremony for kids who were only moving up a grade, and not actually graduating.
But my father thought it was a big deal.
He took me to the dress shop and let me pick out whatever dress I wanted to wear under my graduation gown.
I chose a purple dress with flowers on the bottom trim.
It was the first and last time I had ever had a fitting.
And one of the last times I had chosen something for myself to wear.
As I stare at myself in the reflection, in the soft purple gown, there’s a foreign emotion washing over me.
It makes my skin itch and my chest heave.
But I swallow it, trying to calm my breathing as I look at myself in the mirror.
From the moment we met, Remus has always chosen my clothing for me. And he’s never had to take my measurements from what I saw. He also only ever put me in one color, and I rarely ever looked at my appearance in the mirror.
This dress fits perfectly, hugging me in all the right places. The slit climbs up my leg, leaving a trail of fabric that drags the ground around me. It moves with me, breathing as if it’s alive. The material is fascinating to me.
“How does it feel?” I’m pulled from my ogling as Sky steps into my reflection.
She’s wearing a gown herself, the blue standing out against her warm skin.
Her dress is similar to mine, though instead of being strapless, it has one sleeve that splits her upper arm, going over her shoulder and hanging off the side.
“Like I’m being primped for my death,” I say, earning a laugh from Sky, who steps closer to me to look at herself in the mirror. I watch her closely as she reacts to herself in a beautiful gown.
“What?” I ask, curious about the confusion I see there.
“I’ve never worn anything like this before, not on Earth. Even at my college graduation, I was too young to be able to wear something so…mature,” she says.
My confusion deepens as I study her. “College? But that would make you—”
“I graduated everything early. By the time I was close to getting my PhD, I was fourteen,” she says.
I don’t hide my shock, shaking my head at Sky’s intelligence. I understand now why she was in charge of Ezra’s research, even though she’s so young. She was probably the smartest mind in the rebellion. I wouldn’t put it past her to have been the person who deciphered the inhibitors.
“No wonder you were in charge of Ezra’s research,” I say, laughing as I look at myself. “And here I was remembering my elementary graduation.”
Sky smiles as well, laughing with me. It feels good for once to just laugh with another human.
I feel myself drifting away in my mind, pretending that there was never an invasion.
Sky and I are normal friends who decided to go dress shopping for some special occasion.
I slowly wrap my arm around Sky’s, laying my head on her shoulder as I stare at our reflection.
We are two women uprooted from our lives and dropped into this one.
I’ll never know what my future held, but Sky’s looked promising.
I can’t imagine being her in this situation.
A Leviathan rounds the corner, breaking the trance I had settled into.
She smiles at us gently, but I know it’s only because Ezra is near and she is honored to have one of the Divine Three choose her.
She gestures to Sky, saying something in her language that I briefly understand as getting her measurements.
Sky follows her around the corner, leaving me alone, and the silence slowly sets in, leaving me to contemplate Noah’s words this morning.
He wasn’t outwardly saying it was my fault. But he was implying that everything would be simpler if I just went away. I am the issue in all of this. I am the problem Remus brought back to disrupt their way of life. I’m sure it would be simple for everyone if I just disappeared.
“Choosing life isn’t so bad, is it?”
I gasp as the memory washes over me. He was wrong. Choosing this was a terrible decision. It has only come with pain and disappointment for everyone. I release a trembling breath, slowly sinking to the floor. We are all at our end with this situation.
“You’ll dirty your gown if you sit on the floor like that.”
I gasp, standing so quickly that the fabric tears slightly as I step on the long train, the force causing me to tumble.
The world spins as I fall, but I don’t hit the ground.
Strong arms wrap around me, holding me firm as I look into the most stunning ethereal eyes I have ever seen.
My breathing hitches as Remus looks down at me, and though his features are set in disdain, it takes my mind a second to remember he isn’t the Remus I know.
I quickly pull myself out of his arms, smoothing my dress as my cheeks burn. I can’t bring myself to look at him.
“What are you doing here—” My words hitch in my throat as Remus’s fingers gently glide through my hair. His eyes follow his motion before settling back on my face, making my heartbeat faster as I realize how close he is to me.
He tilts his head slightly, something he does when studying me before speaking.
“What did you do with my gift?” he asks.
My eyes widen as tears spring into my eyes. He remembers? I take a step forward, reaching for him, but he steps back, disgust forming on his features as he narrows his gaze at me. I tense as the familiar pressure of his forcefield lingers at my fingertips.
No, he doesn’t remember.
I look away, praying my tears don’t fall as I respond. “I hid it,” I say.
Remus watches me for a moment before speaking. “Why?”
“You said to keep our meeting a secret. And I didn’t want Xion to notice it—”
“She has bigger things to worry about than a hairpin,” Remus says, frowning.
“Make sure you wear it from now on,” he says, before I can ask him to elaborate.
“Why?” I ask.
Remus narrows his gaze.
“Did I not explain it to you when I gave it to you the first time?” he asks.
It’s eerie speaking to a version of Remus, that finds it revolting to be in the same vicinity as me, about his past self. He’s so matter-of-fact as he talks about it, not in the least traumatized by the possibility of his past being wiped out. And I still don’t know if he’s aware of who did it.
“No,” I say.
“Then I must have had good reason,” he says, slowly circling me.
I shake my head in confusion.
“I don’t understand. If you believe me, why haven’t you destroyed the rings yet? Why am I still hiding with your siblings?” I ask.
The air grows heavy, and I turn to face Remus just as he steps closer to me, making me stop, my breath hitching in my throat as he leans over me, his eyes glowing menacingly.
“You’re mistaking tolerance of you as affection. You do not dictate what I do, nor do you question me,” he says.
I slowly nod, my mouth suddenly too dry to form a response.
But Remus isn’t satisfied. He steps even closer to me, forcing me to step back until my back is flush against the mirror and his hand finds my throat.
He doesn’t squeeze, but the threat is there as he runs his thumb over the dip of my throat.
“You are a puzzle piece, nothing more,” he says.
His words cut deeper than anything he’s ever said to me. But I ignore them. He isn’t himself right now.
I laugh, looking away.
“You’re lying,” I murmur. I don’t know how the words leave my lips, but they do. If he were going to kill me, he would have that night in the snow. He’s made the mistake he usually crushes his enemies with. He’s shown his hand.
He leans in closer to me, his heat melding with my own as his lips hover inches from my cheek.
“Am I?” he murmurs.
I flinch when I feel the icy pull of him feeding, and I gasp, my fingers flying to his arm. His eyes meet mine, focused on me intensely and I watch in horror as they grow brighter, glittering from his feeding.
“Iris!” I recognize Ezra’s voice, as does Remus, both of us looking in the direction it came from.
One second, I feel his touch around my throat, and in the next instant, he is gone—as if he were never here.
My breathing is shaky as I slowly sink to the ground, using the mirror for support.
The air isn’t as heavy, making breathing easier just as Ezra rounds the corner.
His eyes fall on me, taking in the tear in the dress, and he clicks his tongue in disappointment, having no idea that Remus was here seconds ago.
“Get changed. We have to go to the capital,” Ezra says. There’s a slight hint of panic in his voice as he speaks.
“Why? What’s going on?” I ask.
My heart sinks as I think of Remus’s visit, telling me to wear that hairpin. Is that why he visited? Is something bad happening? Maybe their mother has returned?
“I don’t know yet. The council has summoned us.”