Chapter 19
Nineteen
FELIX
Waking up in an empty bed does not put me in the right frame of mind. If I'm being honest, I haven't had my head screwed on right in days. The one-week mark is fast approaching, and even though it's almost three days away, I'm terrified we will reach that point without any more information on Blue.
So, waking up without Declan beside me and at three a.m. after hearing everything Bethany told us a few hours ago is not okay. I need him just like I need Blue.
His pillow is cold to the touch, which worries me even more. How long has he been gone? We went to bed clinging to each other like we could hold the other one together.
I had felt bad knowing Roman and Jared didn't have anyone to hold tonight. Nobody should be alone after learning what we did. If we were at Blue's apartment, we all would have camped out on the living room floor. Guilt stabs me in the gut as I realize we should have done that tonight, too.
Flinging the sheets back, I swing my legs over the side of Declan's bed and step into my sweatpants. I bite back a groan as I lift my arms to pull my white T-shirt on.
My muscles are screaming at me to stretch and go to the gym, but there's no time. The tension in my body is born of stress and anxiety, and unfortunately, I don't have a fucking outlet.
With my arm across my chest, I stretch to loosen the tension. There are other ways to do that, but the man I need isn't in bed. I peek my head into Jared's room and see his sleeping form on top of his comforter. He's fully dressed, and I wonder how deeply he's actually sleeping.
The light is on in Roman's room, but I'm more interested in the fact that he's standing at the bottom of the stairs with his arms crossed.
Since he's quiet, I am as well as I descend the staircase.
My best friend peeks up at me and nods in greeting before putting his finger to his mouth to shush me.
I nod and lean against the banister once I'm beside him. Whispering, he says, "Look."
My entire body stiffens once again when I see what he had been watching. Declan, my sweet fucking Declan, is hunched over the dining table with a glass of amber colored liquid in his hands.
I ask the dreaded question. "How much has he had?" Fucking hell, I thought we had his drinking under control.
"None," Roman answers, still watching his younger brother with narrowed eyes. "He's been down here for about fifteen minutes just staring at it. I thought about stopping him when I saw him reach for the bourbon, but decided to see what he would do."
Roman's response shocks the shit out of me. "Why wouldn't you fucking stop him? Look at him. He's struggling." The longer I watch Declan, the more my heart twists. He's not crying, but he's also not moving.
"He's never going to get better if he doesn't try by himself." Roman turns to me then. "I know you want to slay everyone's demons, but sometimes having confidence in them is more than enough, Felix. It's okay to only offer support sometimes."
What the fuck?
Roman raises a brow at me. "No, don't turn into the Hulk. You and I both know you're possessive and overbearing. Well, everyone knows." I growl and cross my arms, but he ignores me and continues. "While those are great qualities in appropriate doses, you have to allow people to grow on their own."
"Don't get all mushy on me," I grumble, not appreciating his old man wisdom.
He grins, and it's a sight for sore eyes. "The more you hover, the less the sun will shine on them. Give them water when they need it, then step back and watch them grow. Sometimes the wind will steal a petal or two, but that's how they strengthen their stems."
"Jesus, Roman. Have you been drinking my bourbon?"
He chuckles and focuses back on my boyfriend. "That was quoted almost word for word. It was from one of those betrayal and grovel books my brother is hoarding on our family KU plan."
My eyes roll. "Am I the only one who hasn't been reading that shit?"
"Careful," Roman teases, "that's where we're getting all of our ideas to win Blue's heart once she's back home. You'll come in last if you don't start studying."
"That's what we're calling it? Studying?
" I'm not actually opposed to reading these books; I just want to shoot the shit.
Ribbing each other is like flexing one of my weakening muscles.
I miss my friends and having normal conversations, even though there's a strong undercurrent of uncertainty that threatens to pull us into a negative spiral.
"Yup," Roman responds, then gestures back to Declan with a fond look on his face. "Look."
I look over just in time to see Declan stand from the table and walk to the kitchen sink. He doesn't hesitate to empty his glass.
"Not a sip?" I whisper.
"Nope," Roman confirms, pride obvious in his tone, "not one sip."
I'm not even a little mad that my expensive shit just went down the drain. Proud is an understatement for what I'm feeling right now. I need to show Declan what I'm feeling.
Moving down the final few steps, I pat Roman on the back and dismiss him. "Good night, Rome."
A huff of laughter escapes him, but thankfully, he doesn't say anything besides, "Good night, man." I should have known better, though, because Roman adds, "Please keep it quiet. I don't need to hear that shit."
Tossing one final glance over my shoulder, I grin and aim to make him even more uncomfortable. "You'll need to get used to it at some point if we're all going to be sharing our blue-haired beauty."
"Yeah, yeah." Smiling while waving me away, Roman climbs the stairs and leaves me with a dejected-looking Declan.
Time to water him.