Chapter 46
Forty-Six
FELIX
“Alright, time to explain yourself." I've lost my patience. I'm incredibly confused about the change of plans.
Don't get me wrong, I'm fucking thrilled that Blue is sleeping over for the foreseeable future. This is what I wanted to begin with, but she hasn't explained why she had a change of heart.
What's even more confusing to me is that I figured once Violet and Blue had their deep conversation, they would be tied at the hip for the next few days. Instead, Blue stood up, wiped her tears, and tiptoed into the kitchen.
Yes, I had been watching them like a hawk.
Their fight this morning rattled me, I'm not going to lie. I don't love how Blue ran away from the problem, but she didn't go far, thankfully. It seemed like space and Jared were exactly what she needed.
Then, with swollen eyes and shifting feet, Blue asked if she could come stay with us for a few days. Of course, we said yes, but when I went to ask her why, she was already shuffling away to snuggle with Violet again.
Once again, Blue avoided a hard conversation. I just don't know if it was intentional with us or not.
Now, with Blue munching on a bowl of grapes on the floor of my living room, I can't hold my questions back. I let her have time with Violet. Then I allowed her to be silent on the car ride over, but it's time I get some answers.
My blood pressure rises when the blue beauty on the floor pops another grape into her mouth and raises a fucking eyebrow at me. "Blue," I growl.
Declan huffs a laugh and tugs on my hand to make me sit down. I don't want to sit down. I want to scoop the sassy woman up and read her fucking mind.
"Felix," Roman groans, shaking his head at me. His eyes implore me to chill out. This time I actually listen and take a deep breath.
"Nice," Blue mumbles and points a finger at Roman. "You'll have to teach me how you did that."
"Did what?" Roman questions, looking down at her. His eyes are soft and sparkling with happiness. She is exactly what we need.
Blue glances at me before looking back to Roman. "You tamed the beast with just a glance."
Jared snorts into his beer. He's sitting above Blue, bracketing her shoulders with his thighs. I have no idea what they talked about this morning, but whatever it was, they seem closer.
Jealously isn't a common feeling for me, but I'd say I'm feeling envious of their growing connection. Every time I try to talk to her, it comes out sounding harsh and strange even to my own ears. I wonder if it's because she brings out emotions in me I'm not used to.
Blue challenges me, while Declan is my safe place.
Still, even with the awareness of my douchiness, I can't help myself. Glaring at Jared and Blue, I cross my arms and refuse to take a seat. I'm hovering over everyone, but holding on to this annoyance is easier than relaxing into the torrent of protectiveness and worry I have for Blue.
"Blue," I grit out. "What changed? Why did you ask to stay here?"
A flash of hurt crosses her face, but it's gone a second later. "Sorry, did you not want me here?"
She pops another grape into her mouth while my anger rises. "You know all I've fucking wanted was to bring you home with us, Blue. Tell me what changed."
"Can you say fucking please?" Her tone is tight, and I might be imagining the shine in her eyes, but it still gives me pause. "You're so rude sometimes, Felix. Don't you think I've had a hard enough day? I was going to tell you what was going on after my snack. I'm hungry."
A tear slips down her pale cheek, and Declan kicks me in the shin. Fuck, I'm such an asshole.
Instead of sitting beside my boyfriend, I drop to my knees and shift around until I'm sitting on the floor. Maybe being on her level will help us connect better. I can't stand over her, dictate to her, or control her. That would be wrong. It has been wrong.
"I'm sorry, sweetheart," I say, attempting to embody a calm persona for her.
"I'm struggling to—" Hesitating to share my feelings, I glance at Roman, who nods and gives me a small smile.
"I'm having a tough time managing my emotions.
There was a lot of scary shit going on, and not having you close after what happened has been really hard.
I'll work on my attitude, I swear it's coming from a place of care and concern. "
Blue watches me for a moment as she continues to eat her grapes. I'm glad I didn't ruin her appetite. She lost out on days’ worth of food. If Roman could have a snack in her hand at all times, he would. It's been my best friend's mission to feed her.
"Thank you," Blue acknowledges what I said, then swallows. "Violet needs some sleep. I've been keeping her awake at night with my nightmares."
"How so?" Declan asks, leaning forward. "Do you go get her or something?"
"Um." Blue fidgets and pulls her knees up to her chest. Jared runs his fingers over her scalp, careful not to pull on her messy bun on top of her head. "No. I've been waking up screaming multiple times a night."
My heart stutters and breaks. I should have demanded she come live with us. I fucking knew she needed more support, someone to protect her. Why did I let her decide?!
"Felix," Blue calls gently as if I'm a child about to have a big cry. Maybe I am. "Thank you for respecting my wishes. I needed to try on my own."
I know she's trying to make me feel better, and her words do just a little. I still feel like I failed her, but I push my feelings aside because this is about Blue right now. The others and I will talk about our decision-making skills later.
"Now what do you need, sweetheart?" It's easier being soft for her when I'm given something to work with. The more she communicates, the better I feel. She's just such a closed book with us these days, and it puts me on edge.
Blue rubs her hands on her legs, and leans her head on Jared's thigh. We've had a long day, and since we got her in our car after dinner, she's been getting drowsier. Maybe an early bedtime for her tonight is needed, especially since she hasn't been sleeping.
"This is hard for me to ask for, so please don't make fun of me," she begins explaining while staring down at her lap.
"We would never make fun of you," Declan promises. She looks up at that and gives him a look of disbelief. "Well, not about anything serious. I know how to read a room, Blue. No jokes right now, I promise."
She sighs and gives him a grateful smile. "I want to be held at night. Every time I wake up, I feel so alone and cold. I'm...I'm afraid every night that I'll wake up and be back in that shed."
"Never again," I state, my throat tight with the same fear she has. "We haven't been sleeping well without you under our roof either, sweetheart. Who would you like to hold you tonight?"
Giving her more of my emotional side and honesty is progressively getting easier the longer she's near me. Blue deserves to know my mind and my heart. I know they will be safe with her.
"Jared. Please." She yawns and snuggles into his leg.
I stand up, offering her my hand. My envy holds no space when my woman needs something or someone, even if it isn't me. "Why don't you go take a shower and get ready for bed? Jared will be up soon."
Thankfully, she only nods and doesn't fight me on my bossiness. Unable to help myself, I tilt her head back and give her a soft kiss. It's barely more than a graze of our lips, but it sets my skin ablaze.
"Thank you, sweetheart. Proud of you for telling us what you need."
She blushes and pulls away, murmuring, "Good night."
Every night will be a good one from here on out with her under our roof.