Chapter 49
Forty-Nine
BLUE
I'm bored and antsy. When Kevin gets done with his shift this evening, he's going to be so mad about how many funny videos I've sent him. I don't mean funny videos on social media; I mean fucking hilarious ones I have of him over the years.
Kevin may seem like a hard ass and all kinds of serious like Janine, but when he lets loose, that man is absolutely wild. Like Janine. I've wondered if they're siblings a few times, both being when I was high.
When Roman walks through the backdoor around three, I'm suffering from a self-induced headache. My goal is not to overthink anything and just relax because there have been many days I wish I could just lie on the couch and be a potato. Turns out I'm shit at being a potato.
"Miss Bennett..." Roman drawls. "Were you bored today?"
He waves his phone around, making me laugh. I may have googled funny things to say using only emojis. Roman happened to be my practice dummy.
"Did you understand any of them?" I question, still giggling.
Roman smirks and drops his phone on the kitchen table on his way toward me. "Not even one."
Tossing my phone to the side, I stand to greet him. They've been so great, and I feel no reason to continue making them make all the moves.
His cologne wraps around me just before his arms do. I inhale, enjoying his warmth and comforting scent. Roman's my safe place, the one I know can always comfort me. Not that the others can't or don't, there's just something about Rome that is centering for me.
I tilt my head back and kiss the underside of his jaw. "Did you have a good day?"
He smiles and kisses me slowly. There's a flare of worry about how intertwined we're all becoming, but how can something that feels this good be bad? I finally feel like I'm where I belong when I'm in their arms.
Roman hugs me tighter, then pulls away to answer my question. "It was alright. Levi pestered me about you all day."
"Oh! Did you put in a good word for me so he can tell Kevin I'm ready to go back to work?" Please, please, please.
Roman laughs and swoops me up into his arms. I squeak and hold on tight, not wanting to let go when he plops me on the kitchen island. Releasing him with a pout, I await his response.
"I did, but you're not going back until Kevin says, Petal." Roman winks and starts pulling out ingredients for dinner.
"I can do that," I wiggle, trying to get down, but he stops me by pointing a box of noodles at me. "Stay there," he orders.
Huffing, I resituate myself. "When did you start cooking and baking?"
Getting to know them again feels weird, but I'm missing eleven years of information and hobbies they've tried. If this is going to work, then I need to figure out if I can love the men they've become. I'm not about to admit I'm already partially there.
"When Declan got out of the hospital after jumping into the pool in college, the guys and I made sure he stayed off his feet.
We used to fend for ourselves when it came to food, but at that point, I started cooking for Dec, too.
Then I realized how much I enjoyed being in the kitchen and cooking for my family. "
Nodding, I allow more of my curiosity free. "And personal training? How did you get into that?"
He glances at me, and pain flashes in his brown eyes. Clearing his throat, he turns back to the fridge and grabs a slice of cold pizza from last night's box. He hands it to me and waits for me to take a bite before answering. He's always feeding me.
"After my parents admitted to manipulating us, I threw myself into anything that would distract my mind. School, working out, cooking...I filled my schedule so I could sleep at night."
"Roman..." I don't know what I'm going to say, but he cuts me off anyway.
"It just is what it is, Blue. I love my job, I have skills to feed my family, and a degree in something I don't think I'll ever use. But I'm educated," he adds with a shrug and comes to stand between my legs. I set my pizza aside. "And now you're here, in my arms. I'm happy, Blue."
"We lost so much time," I whisper, feeling emotional.
Roman nods sadly and drops his forehead to my shoulder as if he's breaking right in front of me. "I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry, Petal."
I allow the tears to fall and gather the man I'm falling for in my arms. He's no longer the boy who broke my heart. "I forgive you," I whimper, burying my face in his neck.
We hold each other for a long while, or at least until the water begins to boil and splash the hot burner. Sadly, he moves away to turn the burner down before coming back to me.
I have one more question I need to ask. I don't even know if I've already asked it, but I do know it's still bothering me, which means I'm not done talking about it.
"Why didn't you try to reach out? Text, call? Anything?"
Roman hangs his head for a moment, then reaches a trembling hand up to hold the back of my neck. When he looks me in the eye, all I see is regret and sadness.
"We didn't feel worthy of you. And I know, I fucking know, that is not a good reason, nor does it excuse the choice we made.
But Blue..." His gaze bounces between my eyes as if he's seeing into my soul.
"We were angry. I was depressed. Declan, Jared, Felix.
..we all struggled with something. It was ugly and scary for a long time.
You didn't deserve to deal with four broken men just trying to survive each day. "
"He's right," another voice agrees. Declan comes around the other side of the kitchen. "We were a mess. No way we could have groveled enough to win you back. Christ, I even think Roman forgot to tie his shoes for a while. That's how out of it he was."
"Thanks, man," Rome says dryly as Declan eats the slice of pizza I set on the counter.
I smile and sniffle at the same time. "We went from Washington to Minnesota for a few years, then to Chicago when I turned twenty-one. I've been all around trying to stick by Violet's side. You guys probably wouldn't have been able to deal with all of our moving and life with a teenager."
So maybe everything happened exactly how it should have.
"We would have done it without a second thought," Felix says, also entering the kitchen. Did they all get off work early today? "But we definitely wouldn't have been a good influence on Violet, nor would we have been able to support you as well as we can now."
I think about that as Felix comes to kiss me on the cheek. Felix moves to the fridge, and Roman leaves me to put the noodles in the pot before all of the water evaporates. Declan takes Rome's spot between my thighs and splays his hands across the sides of my asscheeks.
"What's going on in here?" Dec murmurs, referring to my mind as he kisses my forehead. So many kisses all the time.
I wrap my thumbs in his belt loops. "I was thinking that had you come to me like how you're describing, I wouldn't have allowed you near Violet. My main goal was keeping her away from toxicity, drama, and any kind of harm."
They nod, seeming to agree that I'm making sense. "Then I was wondering if fate isn't such a writhing bitch after all. You found me at the right time."
"Starting the night off with the deep ones, huh?" Jared joins us with a smile on his face and his black button-down partially undone.
Damn, give me another slice of pizza and take Jared's shirt off, and I'd do anything. He's frowning, though, so I reach a hand out to him. Jared comes to me immediately and kisses the two fingertips on that hand without nails. The bandages came off a few days ago.
"We were clearing the air, healing some wounds, realigning our chakras," I joke, wanting to remove the frowns from his eyebrows.
Jared nods seriously. "Of course. The usual."
I laugh and Declan joins me. Finally, Jared's frown disappears, and he asks me to catch him up on the conversations.
"We were debating how everything could have unfolded had you tried to find me sooner.
Bottom line is, I think you found me at just the right time in my life and hopefully yours.
Oh, fate is not always a bitch, and I forgive you.
" I look around, taking the time to connect with all four of my men. Yes, mine. "I forgive all of you."
The air shifts and warps into something easier. Lighter. As if the space between the five of us isn't weighed down by bad choices and awful pasts. I think we've finally become just five fucking adults who share a bond, some trauma, and a childhood together.
My phone begins to ring, breaking the moment, but once I see that it's Violet trying to video chat with me, I lose my annoyance. I miss her. "Mind if I take this?" I ask the room, showing them the screen.
"Here," Felix says, grabbing my phone and propping it up against the toaster so V will be able to see all of us. "Now we can all see her."
My God. I think this is the moment I fall in love with four men.
Violet's face brightens my screen, then Roman, Declan, Jared, and Felix bend to look right in the camera, cutting me out. They say hi, ask about her day, tell her they miss her, and invite her over for spaghetti tonight.
My heart is so beyond full that my love for them spills over in a wave of tears. I meant I was going to leave the room to chat with her, but they didn't seem to think that was even an option.
The care my men are showing my daughter relieves me of any uncertainty. All four men are sweet to my kid, kind to my friends, and provide the utmost care and love to me.
Here, sitting on their kitchen counter, I give up the fight and refuse to run anymore. I'm theirs. Heart, mind, and soul.