Chapter 13
Thirteen
The Wedding
After Matt drops me off back on the quad (fortunately only a few minutes late for the family photos), I find Eris waiting for me on the edges of the gathering crowd of guests. Zis face is hard to read, but ze doesn’t seem as open as I’ve come to expect in the past day.
“Everything okay?” I ask, a curl of anxiety tightening my chest.
Eris nods. “You and Matt must have had a good talk.”
I grin, putting my arm around zis waist. “Yeah. Hope Allie wasn’t too hard on you.”
Ze shakes zis head, not leaning into me the way ze did earlier. “She’s funny. Got a dark sense of humor for someone so bubbly.”
“What’d she say about me?”
Eris replies in a string of Spanish, none of which I can follow in my inebriated state.
“En Ingles, por favor?”
Eris snorts. “She says you’re self-centered and conceited.”
“Shut up!” I laugh. “She did not!”
Zis smile doesn’t quite reach zis doe eyes, but that’s all the reply I get.
“Oh, by the way, I hate you.” I elbow zim as we walk into the chapel, where all Siggys are supposed to want to get married. As a born and raised atheist, I haven’t been here much, but Allie’s parents insisted she get married in the same chapel they did. “Really? My lock screen?”
That at least gets a true grin on Eris’s face, but ze only offers up an unabashed shrug.
Catching Eris’s hand, I lace my fingers between zis as we follow everyone into the church, finding a pew near the middle. Like any other Minnesotan small town, anyone who isn’t family sits as close to the exit as possible, so the back rows are full. “Hey, can you drive us to the reception after?”
Eris leans in to loudly sniff me, examining me in amusement, but still distant. “I dunno. I might get contact high from sitting next to you.”
I laugh half-heartedly, my chest tightening. “Well, it’s not too far to walk if we need to.” I’m not sure if the weed is making me paranoid, but it wasn’t that hard to make zim smile this morning. I hate being that person who always thinks everyone is mad at me, but… Is Eris mad at me?
No, it’s probably just the weed talking.
Eris simply isn’t on my level; I’ve smoked a quarter of Matt’s “CBD” and drank most of a bottle of champagne.
I wrap an arm around zis shoulders, wincing as I try to get comfortable on the hard wooden pew after last night.
A reminder that even if Eris is acting reserved now, ze was desperate for me last night.
The wedding is beautiful. Matt and Allie cry and laugh together as they exchange their vows and rings and kiss, their visible anxiety endearing. The two of them are blissfully perfect, like I knew they would be, the way I’ve been dreaming about since freshman year.
For as long as I had deluded myself into thinking I belonged with them, I’m where I’m supposed to be today: Watching them with love and support in my heart, and then returning to my new life, decidedly larger and louder than the quiet one they want to build together.
More stressful and more free, and just more.
A place where all of me fits, instead of being constrained by social norms I never understood and could never follow, because I wasn’t meant to.
Hopefully, Eris wants to be part of that place, too.
At the reception, we stay unobtrusive, though Jessica looks like she might slip arsenic in my drink if she gets too close.
I ignore her, focusing on Eris, who still seems closed off.
However, ze quietly talks shit in my ear and clings to my hand enough to reassure me that I’m overthinking everything.
Zis presence keeps me grounded during dinner when, thankfully, we’re seated with old acquaintances from Sigurdsson who knew me as Allie’s roommate or Professor Ryan’s kid, not as Matt’s ex.
The Jacobsens avoid us like the plague, though Allie’s parents’ greeting is polite (though brief).
After the first dance, Jessica finally works up her courage.
She corners me as I exit a bathroom stall (I prefer the women’s because it’s generally cleaner, and I know the rules there).
“You have some nerve. If I were you, I wouldn’t have even come to the ceremony, and yet here you are, still showing your face at the reception. Shameless.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I must still be a little high, because the water makes my hands tingle as I wash my hands, and I can’t come up with a better response.
“You disappear with the groom before the wedding, get him drunk, and come back with a hickey on your neck and hanging all over him.”
I frown, but force myself to pause. I can see how that might look bad.
“Look, my best friend had some pre-wedding jitters. I was there for platonic moral support,” I reply without looking at her; I’m already irritated by her implication without the sight of her pinched expression.
“Allie handed me the bottle herself and told me to bring it to him. If she trusts me, why are you so paranoid?”
“My sister matters more to me than anyone in the world,” Jessica hisses, edging closer as I dry my hands on the towel. “She needs someone to have her back because she’s too blind to think you would ever do anything wrong—”
“Jess.” Allie opens the handicap stall with a bang, hauling her giant poofy skirt through the stall door. “Shut up.”
“You were supposed to tell me when you needed the bathroom!” Jessica whines, rushing over to fluff Allie’s already fluffy skirt. “That’s my job!”
“I can piss like a big girl all by myself. The detachable skirt is the whole reason I agreed to get this obnoxious cupcake dress!” Allie exchanges a deadpan look with me as she washes her hands. “Enough. Leave Blake alone.”
“But she—”
“They are my good friend, who both Matt and I want at our wedding. They came here to support us, not to get harassed by you! I don’t need you to stand up for me, or fight battles I don’t want fought.
” Allie dries her hands and throws the towel in the bin, putting her hands on her hips.
“I didn’t ask you to be my maid of honor to help me use the bathroom, or to make sure my best friend doesn’t seduce my husband, or to make executive decisions about who to invite to my wedding.
You’re my maid of honor because I trusted that my twin would put me first. And yet, everything is fucking pink! My favorite color is seafoam green!”
Jessica blinks, silent.
I’m left equally speechless. I’ve never seen Allie so assertive towards anyone before, especially not Jessica. After her silence yesterday, I was worried that Allie thought Jessica was right. A sigh of relief escapes me. She wasn’t mulling over her feelings about me at all, just her bitchy twin.
“I asked you to leave Blake and Eris alone today, and you can’t even do that. Maybe I should have asked them to be my attendant of honor instead, if this is how you behave!” Allie grabs my hand. “Come on, Blake. Let’s dance.”
She pulls me out of the bathroom with more force than necessary, because I’m dogging her every step. “You okay?”
Allie nods. Her cheeks are flushed, a determined smirk on her face. “I feel great! That’s been building for months, and Eris helped me figure out what I wanted to say. God, champagne is amazing!”
“Proud of you,” I say, and Allie beams up at me, batting those big blue eyes.
When we lived together, that grin would send my heart to my toes before twisting into endless heartburn from the guilt of being in love with someone other than Matt.
But now, that grin merely gives me a nice buzz, a pleasant high from being home with my best friends.
“But you know I would have been a terrible attendant of honor.”
“Oh yeah, without question!” Allie giggles, fussing with her princess skirt.
“You should’ve been Matt’s best man, though.
I’m sorry that you’re not.” Her grin turns mischievous.
“My new mother-in-law isn’t ready. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from this wedding bullshit, it’s that I need to keep my peace, not hers. ”
We laugh as Allie grabs my hands to pull me onto the dance floor.
In the corner table, I see Eris sitting by zimself, and my chest tightens.
But before I can beckon zim over, Matt pounces on zim with a hug from behind, dragging zim to join us.
Eris’s dress flutters around zis stocky legs as Matt spins zim around the mostly empty space (it’s cute that they thought anyone from Solberg would dance at a wedding).
Eris’s flustered expression makes me smile, knowing ze’s caught in the throes of Matt’s charm.
“You’re staring,” Allie teases me.
I shrug, unashamed. I’m allowed to stare at this point. I hope, anyway.
As my high wears off, and the sleepiness from champagne settles in, it becomes more apparent that Eris is avoiding me.
Not necessarily physically. Ze sits close enough to touch, brings me a much-needed cup of coffee while I get us cake; all the things a real couple would do.
But ze has barely looked at me all evening.
After last night, I thought we’d turned a corner in our…
friendship, for lack of a better word. But Eris hasn’t talked shit about me, or made a dirty joke too loudly, or laughed with that high-pitched cackle since we arrived on campus.
Ze hasn’t called me Bambi in hours.
“Are you mad at me?” I ask quietly as we finish our cake, hating how weak my voice sounds. “Did I do something wrong?”
Eris frowns, shaking zis head. “No, of course not.”
“Then what’s wrong?”
Ze shrugs. “Nothing.”
I wait, in case Eris wants to add anything. Maybe ze isn’t feeling well, maybe Jessica said something that struck home, or maybe the heteronormativity is giving zim a headache. But Eris just scrapes raspberry drizzle off zis plate and sucks on the fork.
I drain the last of my coffee, setting the cup down with a too-loud thunk. “Come on.”
Eris looks up at me as I stand, extending my hand in a silent offer. After a reluctant pause that makes my heart sink, considering how ze clung to my hand on the long drive here, ze rises and takes it. “Where are we going?”
“To dance, duh.” I don’t know what song is playing, but it’s slow and sweet. If Eris is already checking out of whatever we are, I want to cling just a little while longer. Even if it is for pretend, I want to feel wanted. To hold zim while we slow dance, and kiss zis cheek.
Eris dutifully put zis arms around my shoulders, zis face in my neck. In a kitten heel, ze fits perfectly in my arms. I draw zim close around the waist, resting my cheek on zis hair. “Who are you, and what have you done with the real Eris?”
“The fuck are you talking about?” Eris huffs.
“You’ve been quiet. You haven’t insulted me in hours. You’ve been…nice. It’s weird.”
Zis chuckle is silent, but the exhale is hot against my skin. “You told me not to be an asshole. I’m not being an asshole. You’re welcome.”
“I never expected you to be nice, though. Especially to me,” I tease as we sway side to side. The satin of zis dress is smooth under my palms. “What happened to not making yourself small for them?”
“I’m not making myself small,” Eris grumbles quietly into my collar. “I’m just…not drawing attention to myself. For you.”
“Okay, but we’ve established that I like you kinda bitchy.” I kiss Eris’s ear.
Eris sighs, burying into my shoulder. “I just… You’re so much more you here. I’ve never seen you this open, or laugh this much. This place, these people—they’re important to you. I don’t want to ruin things.”
“You couldn’t,” I insist. “I love home, parts of it at least. But nothing you could do would ruin it. I’m here for Matt and Allie, and they like you.
My parents won’t care what anyone says about us, even if I worry about making things harder for them.
Those four are the only ones I care about here. And I… I care about you, Eris.”
Eris’s distressed grumble makes me grin.
“Seriously, I appreciate you so much. I was so anxious about this weekend, and you’ve made it all so manageable.
Yeah, I’m laughing and I’m having fun here, but a big part of that is because of you.
” I pause. “And the weed, but mostly you. You’re the one who encouraged me to come here, to be brave enough to stand up for myself.
You make me laugh, and you make me come so hard I scream,” I murmur, my lips tugging into a grin.
“You know, Matt’s mom hasn’t said a word to me yet today, and you deserve full credit for that.
” Eris snorts into my collar, and I add quietly in zis ear, “And you look gorgeous in that dress tonight, and I’m really looking forward to taking it off of you later. ”
“Shut the fuck up, Bambi,” Eris scowls, cheeks darkening under the dim light of the dance floor. That’s all the warning I have before ze kisses me, hard and hot. Zis fingers tangle in the curls on the back of my neck. “Stop being so fucking sweet.”
“But you like it.”
“Too much.” With a glare, ze kisses me again.
“You want to get out of here?” I ask.
Eris’s glare falters, biting zis lip and looking away. “Don’t you want to spend more time with your friends?”
I glance over to where Matt and Allie are dead on their feet, pretending to dance. Matt is holding her against his chest, letting her hide from everyone demanding too much from her, because that bitch can never say no. “I think they want to leave even more than we do.”