Chapter 14
Chapter
Fourteen
Fox
I know why I’m sitting at one of the tables in the outdoor dining area. I don’t know why Bear is with me. No, I do know why. He’s been grilling me off and on for the last few days about Kitten.
She’s the one good thing I have in my life. But there’s no future with Fox. Hell, at the moment, there’s no future for Ryan either.
I still don’t know what I’m going to do about my meds. I mean, I have few options, and all of them are awful.
So obviously, I’ve got other things on my mind. But still, Kitten has been taking up the rest of the space in my brain that isn’t consumed with life and death.
Bear reaches over and steals some fries off my plate—they’re already getting cold and soggy but weirdly crunchy at the same time.
“Are you going to call her?”
“Fox talks to her all the time. It’s Ryan that’s been radio silent.” I show him my burner phone. “See.”
Kitten: This is just a physical relationship, right?
Kitten: Because I guess it would be hard to go out to dinner with you. The mask might make it difficult to eat.
Bear looks at the screen and then back at me. “You didn’t answer her.”
“Because she’s right. We can’t have both.”
My best friend rolls his eyes at me. “But Ryan can. You can. Take her out, make her laugh. Then fuck her until she can’t walk straight. This is a no-brainer, man.”
“There are too many unknowns. Keeping feelings out means that she can be safe.” I’ve run the scenarios over and over. Every outcome ends with heartbreak, for me and for her.
Fox normally answers her in an hour, but we’re rolling on four.
I can imagine her checking her texts, the disappointment when there’s no notification one way or another.
She knows I’ve seen the message. She probably thinks I’m just messing with her, teasing and edging her. Not that I’m having a crisis right now.
Bear pushes the phone toward me and juts out his chin behind me. “She’s coming this way.”
She’s walking into the dining area and heads to the soda machine, her face buried in her phone.
She frowns and slips it into her pocket, taps her credit card, and the can rumbles through.
Amber turns to head back inside when she sees me.
Fuck, her whole face seems to smile at once. How is that possible?
She gives me a little wave and starts toward us. Today she’s wearing a gray pencil skirt with a light-pink blouse. Her hair is up in a messy bun and my cock hardens just thinking about digging my fingers into that bundle of hair to guide her mouth exactly where I want it.
It’s Bear who talks first. “Hi, you must be Amber.” Judas! What is he doing?
“I am. And you are?”
“I’m Brandon, but everyone calls me Bear.” He shakes her hand. “I’m the one who’s been cursed to listen to this mother-fucker rave about you constantly for days now.” He pauses and rubs his chin. “But he isn’t doing you justice.”
Fucking asshole. Stop flirting with her. Bear is tall, dark, and handsome in that anime-boy kind of way. His suit always fits and he’s got the swagger that is the root of all my insecurity. Hell, he was sort of the baseline model for Fox in my head.
She turns to me with a smirk. “Oh, you’re talking shit about me?”
“No, he’s the one who’s full of shit. I did the appropriate amount of talking about the woman who thinks hippos could beat great white sharks.”
Our eyes meet and there’s an instant connection. I’ve stared into her eyes hundreds of times, but this is the first time she’s looking at me, really seeing me. Her cheeks redden and she pushes hair out of her face, a reflexive habit of hers.
Bear clears his throat, breaking our moment. “Now, Amber, I have a very important question for you.”
She glances at him with a raised eyebrow. “Yes?”
“Do you eat dinner?”
She grins. “Why yes, I do, almost every day.”
He claps his hands and leans back in his chair. “Fantastic. My good friend also happens to partake in evening dining activities.”
She whips her head around with interest. “Oh, do you?”
Fuck, she has me grinning. “The rumors are true.”
Bear continues to ooze charm. “Would you be interested in consuming a meal together in the twilight time?”
She opens and closes her mouth. “Perhaps, if he were the one asking, and we could do this without the aid of a chatty friend.”
He presses his hand to his chest. “You wound me,” he smirks. “But I am willing to push through the pain if it means my bestie doesn’t starve.”
They both stare at me, waiting for an answer, a witty retort. Something. Instead, I give them, “Do you like food?”
She beams. “Yes, all types. I can find something on just about any menu.” She pauses. “Just don’t judge how I eat a salad. They’re impossible to eat without unhinging your jaw to an ungodly degree and still be attractive.”
This is it. This is my one opportunity. “I’ll pick the place, you pick the time.”
She bounces on her toes a little. “Okay. I’ll be expecting a text.” She wiggles her fingers and walks back in the door she came through.
My arm feels an explosion of pain. Bear flashes me his most annoyed look and grumbles, “You’ve been underselling her.” He reaches across the table. “Give me your sex-club phone.”
“Jesus, that’s not what I call it.”
“Don’t care. Do it.”
I slide it over to him and Bear starts typing. “Problem solved.”
Snatching the phone out of his hands, I’m horrified to read:
Me: Physical only. If you want more, find it with someone else.
My heart stops when I read it. Swells of panic and old fears consume my brain, and I choke out, “What the fuck did you do?”
“Breaking up with Fox and giving Ryan a chance.” He’s so fucking smug with his little shit-eating grin.
He doesn’t get it. He never did. “I don’t want to hurt her. I don’t want anyone to go through what I did.”
Bear dips his head to his chest and leans forward. “You’re going to do it to us anyway. I don’t want to see my best friend’s final days being miserable. Whenever those days may be.”
Fuck. My heart rate skyrockets as I try to stave off the headache. The phone buzzes in my hand.
Kitten: Boundary set. Got it.
Me: Are you ok?
Three dots dance, vanish, and bounce around again.
Kitten: I’m fine.
I doubt that.
Kitten: But if I get an offer for dinner or the movies, I’m taking it.
Panic sets in. The dark recesses of insecurity battle for supremacy in my head. Ryan could have her. I could cut Fox out completely. But what if Ryan is a huge disappointment? I don’t want to lose her.
Me: Don’t fuck him the same nights you fuck me.
I hate myself as soon as I text it. But she’s seen the message
Kitten: I can agree to that. For now.
Bear is staring at me, shaking his head. “Why the hell are you making your life so much more difficult?”
I can’t tell him. If Fox is still in the picture, she’ll never truly fall for Ryan. If Ryan falls for her, it would be real—and a betrayal on the deepest level. At least if Fox is still around, then we both can still have the fantasy.