Chapter 19
CHAPTER NINETEEN
“Are you sure about this?” Alexis gripped onto the door, shifting to face Claire. “I know it was my idea, but I’m beginning to regret suggesting it.”
Hands clammy, Claire rubbed them over the top of her thighs. “We can do it.” Her voice contained a tad too much enthusiasm. “We’ll go in, look around, buy some snacks like we always did with Mom.”
Alexis interrupted her, “But Mom isn’t here.” Exhaling, Alexis stared at the convenience store.
Parked in the gas station parking lot, they spent the last ten minutes getting up the courage to go inside. Anxious energy pumped nonstop through her being. Swiping at the slick layer of sweat on her brow, she willed herself to be strong. What was she trying to prove? Her strength? Because she felt nothing but small.
Claire peered through the windshield. A flood of memories came back, ones which made her ache and miss Mom all over again. She blinked rapidly, pushing the tears away. “Do you remember how Mom always bought Pringles to take to the beach?” asked Claire.
Alexis’s lips twitched with the forming of a smile. “She claimed it was the perfect beach food.”
“Because it came in its own protective can,” replied Claire.
“You could toss it into a beach bag, and it didn’t get destroyed or crushed like a normal bag of chips.” Alexis swiped at her misty eyes. Then she ran a single finger across the passenger window. “She always had an answer for everything,” said Alexis softly.
“She was the smartest person I ever knew,” added Claire.
“I agree,” said Alexis with a slow nod. “She was like a walking encyclopedia. Anything I asked her; she’d spew out random facts about it like an expert.”
“She made everything seem easy.” Feeling brave, Claire opened her car door. “We can do this. Let’s go in, buy the snacks Mom always bought. Then we can eat them on our drive back to Los Angeles.”
Alexis peered at her. “Are we still stopping by Mom’s grave on the way out of Pismo?”
“Yep,” Claire climbed out. “I’ve already bought the flowers. It’s our next stop before driving home.”
“Home,” Alexis scoffed. She climbed out too, shutting the door behind her. “This is home, not Los Angeles.”
Claire slouched, but she quickly tried to straighten her back. “But perhaps someday Los Angeles can feel like a second home.”
“Unlikely,” muttered Alexis.
Claire didn’t know what else to say, so she said nothing. They walked in without stopping. While wandering the aisles looking for what they needed, Claire tried her hardest to keep telling Alexis stories she remembered about Mom to distract Alexis and herself. Claire didn’t want to ruminate over how Mom died or the why, but instead fill the space in her mind with the beautiful memories they shared together.
After purchasing the snacks, stopping at Mom’s grave, and then the long drive home back to Los Angeles, Claire was emotionally depleted. As the view of their apartment appeared in the windshield, Claire wanted nothing more than to crash face forward on her bed and sleep until morning.
Once parked, Claire and Alexis climbed out.
Unloading their luggage from the back of the trunk, Alexis grabbed her bag from Claire. “When do we go back to Pismo?” asked Alexis.
“In a month.” Claire slammed the trunk shut and grabbed her roller suitcase. “I set the appointment for the week before school starts. You’ll get to start at your new school with no braces. I think that’s something positive to focus on.”
“But that’s the last time we’ll go to Pismo for who knows how long,” whined Alexis. She begrudgingly put on her backpack. “I will have nothing to look forward to after we go.”
Walking across the parking lot toward the elevators, Claire replied, “We’ll visit Pismo as much as we can.”
She had no clue how often. They didn’t have a place to stay, and hotel rooms were expensive in the little beach town. Maybe she could promise Alexis one visit a year? It sounded dismal even to her. Hopefully when their lives were more settled and Alexis made friends, Pismo would become less and less important.
“When?” Alexis followed behind her with her own luggage.
Arriving at the elevator, Claire hit the up button. “I can promise we’ll visit once a year.”
“Once a year!” Alexis shrieked. “That’s not enough. I’ll miss my friends too much.”
Her patience was wearing thin. A low grade headache made her neck throb. “You’ll make new friends here. I can’t promise you more than once a year. I don’t have the money.” She waved a hand between them. “We don’t have the money for expensive hotels, gas, and food. I am only a physical therapist. And Mom left us a mountain of unpaid bills. Remember?”
The elevator doors swung open. They shuffled inside. Alexis punched their floor button with a closed fist. “Everything is so unfair.” Alexis crossed her arms, leaning against the elevator wall. “I hate it here.” Her eyes narrowed into tight slits.
The elevator jolted up. Claire sucked in the air. “I thought you liked the new dance studio. You said it was challenging you, and you were improving quickly.”
Alexis jutted her chin up. “I lied.”
Alexis didn’t speak to Claire for the rest of the elevator ride, or the walk to their apartment. Then after dumping her stuff in her room, Alexis returned to the living room and turned on the TV while Claire scrounged around in the fridge for something to put together for dinner. Locating some bread, cheese and butter, Claire decided on grilled cheese sandwiches with some canned tomato soup. When flipping the sandwiches over in the hot pan, Alexis’s phone rang.
Alexis muted the TV and answered, “David,” replied Alexis. Her voice was animated once more.
Claire’s ear perked up. David. Flipping off the gas burner, Claire plated the sandwiches. Alexis continued to chat with David while Claire strained to hear what they were talking about. Besides the carefree laughs from Alexis, Claire couldn’t decipher the conversation. Grabbing two bowls, Claire filled them with the steaming tomato soup. Taking them to the table, along with the sandwiches, Claire waved at Alexis and pointed at the table ready with food.
Alexis turned her back to Claire, covering her face with her hand to no doubt keep Claire from listening in on their conversation. Claire shrugged and settled into her seat and began to eat. A few minutes later, Alexis walked over to the table and sat down.
Holding out her phone, Alexis said, “David wants to talk to you.”
“What?” Claire wiped her face with her napkin, shifting in her seat. “Tell him I’ll call him when I want to talk.”
“No.” Alexis shook the phone, pushing it into Claire’s hand. “We both know you won’t call him back. Just take it and talk to him.”
Exhaling, Claire slowly took the phone from Alexis. She pointed at the food and mouthed, “Eat.” Then she put the phone to her ear and said, “David, what’s up?”
“I heard it was a rough day,” said David with a voice as silky smooth as butter.
Running a hand over the top of her hair, Claire eyed Alexis taking slow bites of her sandwich and eavesdropping at the same time. Claire stood, placing the phone in the crook of her neck. Grabbing her dishes, she walked to the sink.
“Was that what you two were talking about?” Claire flipped on the faucet and quickly rinsed her dishes, placing them in the dishwasher.
“Partly,” replied David.
Claire twirled back to the table, covering the mouthpiece, she told Alexis to eat then shower. Then Claire took her hand off the phone and walked to her bedroom. “And what was the other part about?”
“I promised Alexis I wouldn’t tell,” said David.
Claire plopped herself down on her bed, kicking off her shoes in the process. “What part can you tell me?”
“I can tell you Alexis said today was hard. She misses her mom, friends, and Pismo.”
Claire pinched the bridge of her nose. “That makes two of us, but there isn’t anything I can do about that. We’ve been over this.”
“I know,” replied David.
A long pause. Claire cleared her throat. “Was there anything else?”
“How are you doing?” asked David.
Shifting her phone from one hand to the other, Claire flipped onto her side. “Exactly how do you think I’d be doing?” Her voice cracked, and she hated how quickly David was breaking down her resolve. She knew she shouldn’t be telling him anything. Claire needed to get over him, and talking to him would only do the opposite.
“Not good, I’m sorry,” said David.
His words vibrated around in her brain.
With a long sigh, Claire said, “Everyone is always sorry, but they’re not living my life.” Claire knew she needed to stop complaining. There were plenty of people out in the world who were way worse off. But there was something soothing and calm about telling one person that everything felt hard and difficult. And David happened to be an excellent listener. “I’m barely holding it together.” She blew out a long, shaky breath. “I think our visit to Pismo did more harm than good. Seeing everyone made Alexis miss everything even more, and now Alexis is walking around like she hates me and her life.”
“She’s upset you can only visit Pismo once a year. She doesn’t think it’s enough. If she knew she could visit more, then it wouldn’t feel so heavy,” revealed David.
With a clenched jaw, Claire shrieked, “It’s all I can afford!”
“You can always stay at my place for free,” offered David. “And my parents really don’t mind you staying at their place either. Look, that’s two practical options right there for you.”
“Thanks, it’s nice of you to offer. But your living situation might change. You might find a girlfriend, wife, whatever and I’m sure they wouldn’t appreciate us staying there.” Claire ran a finger across the top of her pillowtop duvet cover. “I don’t want to promise Alexis something and not be able to deliver. It’ll only make things worse between us.”
“I don’t plan on finding a girlfriend or wife for that matter,” stated David.
“You don’t know,” said Claire. “You might wake up tomorrow and fall in love with someone you meet at the supermarket.”
David paused so long Claire worried the connection dropped.
Pulling the phone away from her ear, Claire double checked the connection. “David are you still there?” she asked.
His voice cracked as he said, “I’m still here.”
“Okay,” replied Claire.
“Hang in there Claire. And Claire,” his voice dangled in the air.
“Yeah,” Claire rubbed her jaw.
“It’ll be okay. Just remember Alexis is a teenager who lost everything. She’s struggling. Cut her some slack.”
Claire gripped the phone so hard it made her knuckles turn white. “I’ll try to remember that.” Anger bubbled up in her chest. The last thing she needed was to be reprimanded by him.
“I’ll call you tomorrow,” said David.
“And I might pick up,” Claire snapped back.
Then she abruptly ended the call before David could reply further. She threw Alexis’s phone down on top of her bed and screamed into her palmed hands.