Chapter 18
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Waiting in his parked car, David spotted Claire walking down the sidewalk leading to the pier. Though it was early evening, with it being summer the sun was still high in the sky. The sunlight cast a heavenly glow, radiating off Claire’s hair. David reminded himself to breathe as he stared in awe of her casual everyday beauty. A gentle breeze made her hair whip around her shoulders, and David watched as she attempted to tame the loose fly aways. After she arrived at their agreed-upon meeting spot at the opening of the pier, Claire settled onto one of the benches which faced out to the water.
She was early. And he was too. Claire was only here for the weekend, and come Sunday, she’d be gone and he would once again be alone. How could he already miss her, and she wasn’t even gone yet? Restless, David climbed out of the car, locking the door behind him. He strode across the parking lot while his insides did somersaults. Then as he approached, Claire twisted on the bench, landing her glance on him. He nearly froze in place as their eyes locked, making him feel perfectly intoxicated. You’re toast. Admit it.
With wobbly legs, he waved at her, reminding himself to smile. “Claire.” He took the remaining steps to meet her. “You beat me here,” said David.
Running her hands back and forth over her thighs, Claire smiled, making the corners of her eyes crinkle. “I did.” David wondered if she was cold or as nervous as him.
Sitting down on the bench next to her, David forced himself to stare out at the vast ocean and not at Claire. He thought again how he loved Pismo, loved the ocean, and its ability to bathe his body in its calming balm. It was the most relaxed he felt in months.
Claire said, “I arrived early on purpose.” Her gaze held steady on the water.
Resting his arm on the back of the bench, Claire relaxed against the seat, only slightly brushing his arm. A fire raged in his gut. If David only moved his arm a few inches, he could fully wrap his arm around her shoulders. His body ached to be close to her again, but he had forfeited that right, so he didn’t move his arm. Forcing his hand into a fist, David tapped it unconsciously on top of the back of the bench.
“And why did you want to arrive early?” David asked, shifting his gaze from the ocean to her, allowing himself to bask in her beauty. “I—I mean if you don’t mind sharing.”
Turning a tad, Claire moved closer. “I wanted a few minutes to think...” Her voice trailed off, and she propped one leg over her other knee. Exhaling, Claire paused.
They were an inch from touching, and the distance was driving David batty. Finally, with a furrowed brow, Claire asked, “Do you think it’s possible to truly forgive someone?”
Without hesitation, David replied, “Absolutely.”
Claire glanced down at her hands then flipped her hair over her shoulder. The strands of her hair tickled his arm. “Alexis and I are trying to move on, to forgive.” Her voice faded away with the waves of the tide. Gazing out at the water, she continued, “It’s a tall order, to forgive. Always easier said than done, but I’ve always believed forgiveness is more for yourself than for anyone else.”
“I agree.” David ached to pull her close, but he swallowed the thought away and continued, “But if anyone can forgive, it’s you.”
Claire’s back stiffened. “I don’t know about that.” Gnawing on her bottom lip, she hesitated then asked, “Do you ever think you’ll forgive your ex-wife?”
The question knocked the wind right out of him. David didn’t see the conversation going in this direction. They were talking about her, not him. He wanted to believe he forgave his ex-wife, Lauren, and more importantly, himself. Every day he remembered how he had failed in the biggest way possible. It ate him alive, kept him from moving on, and from finding happiness with someone else.
David crossed his arms, shifting in his seat. “I thought I had.”
Claire shook her head. “No, I don’t think you have. But you should. You deserve to be happy too.”
Was he happy? David wondered. Claire made him happy, Alexis too.
Abruptly, David stood, wanting the talk of Lauren to be over. “Should we go get some clam chowder?” He held his hand out to her to help her to her feet.
Claire placed her hand into his, standing herself. He held her hand longer than necessary. David only realized it when Claire stared down at his grip. He broke their touch. Claire folded her arms against her body.
Shifting toward Main Street, Claire didn’t acknowledge his quick change of the subject. “Let’s go. I’m hungry. The line is probably already around the block.”
“Yep, but oh, so worth it,” replied David.
They walked to Splash Café in silence, getting in line behind the other customers wrapped around the restaurant and down the street.
Once in the line for a few minutes, Claire, leaning up against the wall of the restaurant said, “I remember the last time I came here with Mom. Alexis complained, because she didn’t want clam chowder. Mom talked her into getting something else. Tacos I think.” Claire’s eyes misted, and she cleared her throat. “Mom had a way with Alexis. She could talk her into anything.”
“And you can’t?” asked David.
Claire laughed. “No way, not even a little bit.” She smiled. “But you have a way with her. She likes you, and Alexis hardly likes anyone.”
David leaned his back against the building too, so they were shoulder to shoulder. Finally touching, he hoped it would squelch the desire within him to draw her close. “I’m around teenagers all day with my patients. I’ve learned a few tricks on how to talk to them.”
Shoving her hands into the front pocket of her hoodie, Claire replied, “Maybe you could teach me a few of your tricks?”
“I’d be happy to teach you what I know.” The line inched forward, and they slid along the wall, moving closer to the beginning of the line. David continued, “It isn’t a lot.”
Claire pursed her lips together. “Come on David, don’t be modest.” She nudged him with her elbow. “What do you text with Alexis about? She mentioned you check up on her.”
David rubbed his jaw. “Ahh…” He didn’t want to reveal they mostly talked about Claire. Alexis brought her up at every turn, feeding him unnecessary intel on how to fix whatever was broken between them. “Mainly, I ask her about Los Angeles. Her dance classes. We’ve talked about which instructors she likes and the ones she doesn’t. That sort of thing.”
Taking a sidestep, Claire moved to face him, leaning a single shoulder against the wall. “What does she say about Los Angeles?” Her brow furrowed.
The line moved significantly forward, so David pushed off the wall and walked to catch up to the end of it. Claire followed him. Once they stopped again, David gulped. “Alexis doesn’t like Los Angeles.” Exhaling, he shoved his hands into his pockets. “But I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know.”
Claire exhaled, making her shoulders droop. “I know, but there’s nothing I can do about it.” She gazed past him, down Main Street toward the pier and ocean. “I wish I could give her everything she wants, including living here, but I can’t.”
“Alexis might learn to like Los Angeles,” offered David. “Give her time.”
With a look of defeat, Claire said, “I hope so. We’ll see.”
They arrived at the front of the line and ordered their clam chowder. After settling into their seats to wait for their food to arrive, David broke the lull. “I’m sorry about how I acted the night of Alexis’s dance performance.”
Her back stiffened, but Claire waved it off. “It was for the best. I was leaving.” She didn’t look at him but kept her gaze on her soda. Fiddling with her straw, Claire continued, “The inevitable was coming, and you helped to rip off the band-aid. We couldn’t be together.” Her gaze skidded anywhere but on him.
“Still,” David leaned forward. “I wish I had found a better way.”
“David,” said Claire, stopping him mid-sentence. She placed a hand on top of his forearm. “Let’s leave the past in the past. We can just be friends.”
The words felt like a sucker punch to the gut. He gulped. “Friends,” repeated David in a nauseous haze.
But is that what he was doing, right? Being friendly. Friends? The word felt like chalk in his mouth. After spending only a few minutes with Claire again, David realized he didn’t want to be her friend. David wanted to kiss her. Love her. Be with her.
They were interrupted by the food arriving at their table. A waitress set down two sourdough bread bowls filled with steaming clam chowder. His mouth watered from the sight. The smell wafting straight off the top.
Plunging her spoon into the thick white chowder, Claire pursed her lips and blew over it. Her hair nearly fell into the bowl, so she flipped it over her shoulder. She caught him staring at her. His body ignited and heat splashed his cheeks. His thoughts were a whirling and thrilling mess. Claire was beautiful. Beautiful in a way where her goodness shone from the inside. She didn’t need to be constantly told, because she embodied what it meant to glow.
Gulping, David glanced down at his food. With a shaky hand, David forced himself to take a spoonful of his clam chowder, shoving it into his mouth without thinking. The liquid was boiling hot, David managed to swallow half of it. Then he coughed and sputtered, trying to get it down without burning his entire mouth.
Claire laughed. “I thought you’d been here before.” She raised an eyebrow, clearly amused.
David wiped his chin clean then took a big gulp of his soda. “I—” he coughed. His taste buds were completely gone. “I—have.”
Blowing on another spoonful of chowder, Claire said, “You of all people should know they serve this stuff like liquid lava.”
“I know. I was a bit distracted.” David plunged his spoon in again, but this time he took the time to blow lightly on his spoon.
Spoon in hand, Claire asked, “By what?”
David shifted in his seat. Unsure if the clam chowder was cool enough to eat, he timidly tested it. Confirming its cool temperature, he ate the entire bite. Once he swallowed, David said, “By you.”
Her cheeks reddened, and Claire’s lips formed a tight line. She didn’t reply but ate another spoonful of chowder.
David tried to remember why he let her go to begin with. She moved to Los Angeles. You flipped after seeing Lauren. But suddenly Los Angeles didn’t seem like a long distance. As for Lauren, he didn’t want her to take one more thing from him.
Shifting in his seat, David filled in the gap of silence. “How is your job going? Are you happy to be back at work?”
Claire shrugged. “It’s nice to be back with my patients and co-workers. The days certainly pass by faster than before, and I find the routine cathartic. It helps me forget about the past five months. I didn’t have anything to distract me, and now I do.”
Nodding, David took another bite of his food.
Once their meal was complete, David walked Claire out to her car. Stopping in front of her car, David lingered. Heart hammering, he finally sputtered out, “Could I call and talk to you sometime?” He shoved his hands into his pockets. He rambled on, not giving her a chance to respond. “I know I already call Alexis, but I’d really enjoy talking to you too. I miss hearing your voice.”
Claire reached into her purse, pulling out her keys. Fidgeting with them, she said, “I don’t know…” Her voice faded away. Claire glanced out toward the pier and ocean. The sound of the waves crashing on the shore distracted her for a moment. She continued, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
His gut clenched tight. “Why not?” David pressed.
Gripping the keys in one hand, Claire tapped it against her other hand. “You know why.” She tilted her head to the side.
Her words gutted him. He had foolishly played with her heart. Why did he think none of his actions mattered? David lost the claim to be anything to her, but it didn’t mean he couldn’t try to right the course.
“Please,” David pleaded. “I like talking to you. I like being your friend.”
Claire scoffed, “Friend.” She shook her head, taking a step toward her car. “I— I?—”
“You’re the one who said earlier we should be friends,” said David.
Claire halted, shifting back toward him. “True.” Gnawing on her bottom lip, Claire exhaled. Slowly, she said, “I did say that.”
And David knew he still had a chance. The thought made him smile. “Then I’ll call you,” he said.
Reaching for her car door, Claire opened it and tossed her purse onto the passenger seat. “And maybe…” she planted a single finger into the middle of his chest, “I’ll pick up.”
Then Claire climbed into her car and drove away.