Chapter 8
‘Let’s get the next round,’ Willow said to Dylan then, shaking me from my melancholy thoughts.
I looked down at my glass, surprised to find that it was empty.
The evening was going by quickly. I had spent a lot of nights with Henry and his friends feeling awkward and out of place, longing to just go home.
But this evening, I didn’t feel that way.
Willow and Dylan were fun. And Blake seemed less intimidating with a beer in his hand.
Although when they left us alone to buy more drinks, I wondered if I would feel awkward again.
A phone started ringing then. Blake pulled his out of his pocket and stared at the screen in shock. ‘It’s Sarah. My ex,’ he said, looking at me in horror.
‘You can take it if you want,’ I said.
He seemed to be debating internally. Then he said, ‘Um… excuse me,’ and got up from the table, walking away. I tried not to look but couldn’t help notice that his face was tight with anger as he spoke to her.
Dylan and Willow returned with the drinks.
‘Blake looks tense,’ Willow said when she saw him.
‘It’s Sarah on the phone.’
‘Oh. Did you ever meet her?’ Willow asked Dylan.
‘No, but I saw his sister a few weeks ago and she said the family hadn’t seen him since he moved in with her a year ago and she thought…
’ Dylan abruptly stopped talking as Blake returned to the table so I didn’t get to hear what Blake’s sister had thought about his ex-girlfriend but it didn’t sound like it was going to be good.
‘You okay?’ Dylan asked him gently.
‘That was Sarah. Said I can’t just end things like this. That we need to talk about our business. Which I guess we do. She wants to come to the farm. I said I’d think about it.’
‘It’ll be hard to see her,’ Willow said sympathetically.
‘Yeah. But we do work together; I didn’t really think about that when I left. I just had to get out of there and away from her.’ Blake looked at me suddenly. ‘Have you heard from your ex?’
I shifted uncomfortably at him calling Henry my ex.
I mean, I guessed he was now I’d ditched our wedding but we hadn’t actually said that to each other.
Yet. Plus, his grandmother’s engagement ring was still on my finger.
‘He’s left voicemails and sent lots of texts.
I replied last night to say I’m safe and staying with Willow, and that I need time before I can talk to him properly.
Then I turned my phone off,’ I admitted.
‘Daisy is going to stay for a few days, aren’t you?’ Willow asked me.
‘That would be good. But I know I can’t hide out here forever. Even if I wish I could.’
‘I know that feeling,’ Blake muttered as he picked up his drink and took a long gulp from it.
‘Neither of you need to do anything you don’t want to,’ Willow said firmly. ‘They can both wait until you’re ready to see them.’
‘Let’s change the subject. Please,’ Blake pleaded.
‘Daisy came up with a great idea to make a trail for summer like we did in autumn,’ Willow said, and started to talk about her plans for the pick-your-own opening. We all made suggestions and drank our second drinks talking about the farm and not our personal lives, which seemed to suit all of us.
Once we’d finished, we headed back to the farm.
Dylan and Willow strode on ahead, more used to the slightly uphill walk, while Blake and I trailed behind.
The sun had set now but the night was still warm.
I looked up to see the stars. There was nothing to hide them out here, and they were beautiful.
‘The sky feels like it stretches on forever,’ I said. ‘I remember staying on the farm when I was young; Willow and I camped out in one of the fields. We spent most of the night looking up at the stars. Imagine doing that as an adult.’
‘Maybe they would have some answers for us,’ Blake said. ‘Maybe we should try it one night while we’re here.’ He smiled at the idea. I knew that would never happen.
‘Are you okay after… earlier?’ I asked, not wanting to bring up Sarah by name.
‘I guess I knew I couldn’t just end things for good when I walked out that day.
When I realised she had a man in our bedroom, I just packed a bag and took off.
But we live and work together. God, why does everything have to be complicated?
’ He sighed. ‘You’re right; I wish I could go back to being young and looking up at the stars without a care in the world. ’
I nodded. ‘I feel like that a lot. Especially lately. I think that’s why my first thought when I left my wedding was to come and see my cousin. I’d stayed away because I was worried the farm wouldn’t feel the same as I did when I was a child. But it does. I’m glad I came back.’
‘When I left the city, I thought about going to my family’s home but I wanted space to think and I thought they would just say they told me so about Sarah.’
I remembered Dylan indicating Blake’s sister had thoughts about his ex. ‘They didn’t approve?’
‘I took Sarah home once to meet my family, and it didn’t go great.
My sister made it clear she thought I was making a mistake moving away with her.
My dad said I had to make my own decisions but he wasn’t happy either.
’ Blake sighed. ‘I thought that coming to stay with Dylan would be better for clearing my head. I do feel bad not going home, though.’
Sometimes, I missed my parents so much, it physically hurt.
It was hard to understand wanting to avoid them like Blake was doing.
‘I’m sure they’d want to see you,’ I said, trying not to have another go at him.
‘Maybe you should see them when you know what you’re going to do.
They’d understand about Sarah, and support you, surely. ’
Blake was quiet so I didn’t push it.
‘I’m sorry she cheated on you; it must be rough going through that.’
‘And not just that…’ He looked quickly across at me, scuffing his feet on the path as we wound our way towards the farm. I could see lights ahead from the farmhouse, ready to welcome us back.
‘What is it?’ I prompted as he hesitated to finish his sentence.
‘I had just been about to propose to her,’ he blurted out, shaking his head. ‘What a fool.’
‘God, Blake.’
We were silent for a moment.
Blake looked across at me. ‘I bought a ring and I’d been thinking about how to propose, and what our wedding would look like. Sarah standing beside me at the altar in a white dress…’
‘Oh,’ I said, understanding our first meeting more now. ‘So, when you saw me in a wedding dress…’ I thought about him thinking he might get married soon then bumping in to me running from my own wedding. And despite the fact it was a bad situation all round, I let out a laugh.
Blake looked across at me in surprise and I clamped my hand over my mouth but I couldn’t stop myself from giggling.
‘Sorry, it’s so not funny but I just thought – no wonder you were so shocked.
’ Was I hysterical? Possibly after the recent events.
Plus the wine might have gone to my head.
But our first meeting suddenly seemed absurdly funny to me.
Blake stared at me. And then suddenly, his shoulders dropped and he smiled, flashing those dimples again. ‘It was like I had seen a ghost,’ he agreed with a chuckle.
‘Wow, I’m sorry. No wonder you hated the sight of me.’
‘No,’ he said quickly. ‘I was just shocked, and I guess I did take my anger at Sarah out on you. I thought the universe was playing a sick joke on me. Rubbing salt in my wound. And that you were just like Sarah: jilting your man.’ He dropped his voice.
‘But I know I don’t know anything about you, or your fiancé.
I am sorry I was so hostile to you. I’m not usually like that. It’s been a rough few days, I guess.’
‘It has,’ I agreed. I didn’t want him thinking badly of me.
But I felt badly of myself. ‘I should have said something sooner, and stopped it all before I got to my wedding day. But I thought it was what I wanted. And then my fiancé’s mother started talking about their plans for me after the wedding and it was like I woke up from a dream…
I didn’t want the future they had all planned out for me. ’
‘They planned your future?’ He sounded confused, just as Willow had done. Seeing their faces made me realise how much I had ignored in my five years with Henry and his family, how much I let the fear of being alone blind me to how unhappy I was becoming.
‘They planned everything. I had to leave. I need to find the life that I want. I let myself get swept up because I wanted the security they were offering me, I think.’
Blake was quiet then he sighed. ‘I let myself get swept up too. Sarah wanted us to move to the city and work together. And I went along with it because I thought we were in love. I thought we would be happy. But I don’t think we were.
So, maybe I understand more than most. I feel a bit like I’ve woken up from a dream too. ’
We looked at each other, our situations feeling more similar than we’d realised when we first met. Almost as if we were both meant to be seeking sanctuary in Birchbrook together.
‘But now I am alone,’ I said, my voice so soft, it blended with the summer breeze.
Blake heard me, though. ‘I’m sure you’re not. What about Willow? You have her. She wants you to stay.’
‘Yeah.’ I smiled as we walked through the gates of Birch Tree Farm.
Willow and Dylan had their arms around each other in front of us, talking quietly, proving love didn’t always have to be difficult.
‘That means a lot after I stayed away for five years. A long story,’ I added, because I wasn’t quite ready to talk about my parents with him.
It was nice that he had confided in me about proposing to Sarah, though.
I wasn’t sure he’d ever get past the fact I’d run out on my wedding but it felt like we had come to a truce that would make being on the farm for the next few days together much easier.
‘Can I ask why you are still wearing his ring?’ Blake asked me gently.
‘I don’t know. Maybe it’s the same as you and Sarah. It feels like we haven’t had… closure.’ I looked at him. ‘By the way, what is your business together?’
‘You won’t believe this…’ Blake trailed off with a grimace. ‘We had started up a dating app.’
That was it. I burst out laughing again.
This time, Dylan and Willow stopped and turned around to see what was going on.
‘Yeah, ironic or what?’ Blake said, chuckling along with me.
‘What’s so funny?’ Willow called back to us.
‘My misery, apparently,’ Blake called back, making me giggle even harder.