Chapter 23
There was a sharp silence after that.
Blake stood up suddenly, pushing his chair back angrily. ‘And you wonder why I stayed away,’ he said, striding off without a backward glance.
‘You couldn’t let us have a nice day together,’ Bill said with a sigh.
Bronte lifted her shoulders. ‘Sorry, Dad, but it’s true. He acted just like her!’
‘Maybe I should…’ I gestured to where Blake was walking towards their horses.
‘Yes, Daisy, maybe you can ask him to come back and finish lunch. Bronte won’t say another word, will you?’ Bill said firmly.
She sighed. ‘Sure,’ she mumbled, reaching for her lemonade and taking a long gulp.
‘Okay,’ I said, and followed Blake. I walked out to the riding school into the field where the family’s four horses were enjoying the sunshine.
Blake opened the gate and walked on through but I stopped outside and leaned on the fence to watch.
Blake approached his horse, who lifted her head and walked over when he clucked his tongue.
She sniffed him as he patted her and then she nuzzled into his neck, making him laugh.
Watching him greet his horses sent a bolt of affection for him through me.
‘I missed her more than I realised,’ Blake said after a moment. I hadn’t known if he had seen me follow or not. He turned to look at me. ‘It’s probably why I started running in the city: to try to recreate the feeling I have when I’m riding her. It didn’t work, though.’
I nodded. ‘I’ve been trying for years to feel the same way I did when I stayed at Birch Tree Farm one summer when I was young. Before my parents… before life took so much from me… but it’s never worked.’
‘No, because life can never go back to that point. But you can find that joy again. I know it, Daisy.’ He stroked Midnight. ‘I’m sorry, girl. I shouldn’t have left you for so long.’
‘Did you not consider moving her to the city with you?’
Blake walked over to the fence and leaned on the opposite side to me.
Midnight followed and he produced an apple from his pocket to give to her.
I hadn’t seen him take it from lunch. ‘Sarah doesn’t like horses.
That was a factor. As was how much time it would take to look after Midnight, plus she’s only ever lived out here.
I didn’t think she’d like the city.’ He sighed as she ate the apple. ‘Bronte thinks I’m like our mother.’
‘She’s just hurt. She’s missed you. She doesn’t understand why you left and didn’t come back.’
‘Do you?’ He looked at me over the fence.
‘I couldn’t go back to Birchbrook for a long time.
I think maybe I was scared to be happy. When I stayed there after my parents died, every time I laughed with Willow, I felt guilty.
The pain washed over me again. I thought if I stayed away, I wouldn’t get sad but I also wouldn’t feel guilty if I wasn’t sad.
The past five years, I wonder if I’ve only been living a half-life.
Stopping myself from being really happy as well as stopping myself from being really sad. God, does that even makes sense?’
‘It does,’ Blake said reassuringly. ‘But you deserve so much more than a half-life, Daisy.’
‘So do you,’ I reminded him.
‘I think I’m scared of facing the fact that I failed.
Maybe Bronte is right. Maybe I started to wonder why I stayed here in my safe hometown, in the family business, and didn’t dream bigger.
Like our mother did. Maybe I thought she was happier wherever she is.
That maybe I would be too. Maybe I was worried I was like her so I left to almost prove myself right.
Maybe I did fall in love with Sarah or maybe I just wanted to be loved so much, I let her talk me into this new life when there was nothing wrong with the one I was leading.
That maybe I want a safe, small life. Sarah will think I’m crazy though if I tell her that. ’
‘So what?’ I snapped.
Blake turned around to face me over the fence. ‘So what?’ He allowed himself a small smile at my question.
‘Sarah might never understand this,’ I explained, gesturing around us.
‘She doesn’t understand wanting to stay where you grew up.
Being close to your family. Helping out your dad.
Yeah, she probably will think you’re crazy to leave the city and come back here.
But just because you have different dreams to her doesn’t mean one of you is right and the other is wrong.
It just means you’re not meant to be together.
And frankly, the fact she could cheat on you should tell you that too.
If I loved someone, I would be loyal to them.
I would support their dreams. I would want to build a life together that we both wanted. ’
Blake stared at me. ‘That’s what I want too. For us both.’
‘You only fail if you don’t try,’ I murmured, remembering my mum telling me that once. She was nervous about opening her flower shop. But she did it anyway. I knew then what she would say about me being scared to cut ties with Henry once and for all.
‘God, Daisy, I really want to kiss you again,’ he admitted then.
My breath hitched. ‘I want to kiss you again too,’ I whispered back.
My lips remembered the feel of his and my body remembered how good his arms felt around me.
But my mind was still confused. And my heart.
I had no idea what it wanted. No. That was a lie.
But what it wanted was too terrifying to speak aloud.
‘What do we do?’ he asked, leaning on the fence that separated us. If he leaned forward though, he would be able to touch my lips. I both ached for him to do it and wished he wouldn’t. Talk about confusing.
‘I’m sorry,’ I said then.
Blake shook his head. ‘No, don’t apologise.
It’s not like either of us expected to meet each other on the farm.
And you’re still unsure about what you feel for Henry.
I get that. And it’s not like I’m free either really.
Not properly. Sarah is right there with us.
And I have no idea what to do about it.’
‘Bronte is confused about me being here.’
‘Yeah. I suppose I should tell her what happened with Sarah. What’s going on. I hate her thinking I’m like our mother. I don’t want to be like her.’
‘You know what? I think Bronte reminds me of my mum,’ I said with a small smile.
‘She always said things how they were, and had the best advice. Why don’t we go back so you can talk to her?
Sort things out so you can leave knowing you’re both okay.
You came all this way and after all this time.
You should fix it. I mean, if that’s what you want. ’
Midnight gave Blake a nudge then and he chuckled.
‘You’re both giving me the same advice, so I better take it, right?
’ He reached out and tucked a stray hair of mine behind my ear.
My body hummed from the chaste touch. Our eyes connected and they seemed to say a million things that we couldn’t speak aloud.
After a moment, Blake briefly brushed his fingertips over mine.
‘Why didn’t I meet you first?’ he asked.
Then he stepped off the fence and turned to give Midnight a goodbye pat before heading for the gate.
His words echoed through me as we walked back to the garden. I couldn’t help but wonder what path my life would have taken if five years ago, I had met Blake instead of Henry.
* * *
After lunch, I helped Bill tidy up the kitchen while Blake and Bronte stayed outside talking at the table in the garden.
‘Thank you for bringing him here,’ Bill said as he handed me a washed bowl to dry.
‘It was Blake’s idea,’ I assured him.
‘Maybe, but he didn’t come home for the year he was with Sarah. Now he’s met you… he’s here. You know, you’re only the second woman he has brought home to meet us.’
‘Really?’
‘Family has always meant a lot to him. I think he didn’t want to bring anyone here who wasn’t meaningful or special, you know? We were surprised, I’m not going to lie, that he chose Sarah.’ Bill stopped then. ‘I shouldn’t be saying all this, should I? It’s just you seem to fit right in.’
‘I do?’ That really shocked me. I had tried to mould myself for Henry and his family, but here, I was just being myself. And that was enough for Bill. ‘That… that means a lot to me,’ I choked out.
Bill gave me a kind smile. ‘I can see it does. Sometimes, we worry too much about what we want, what the future is going to look like, that we forget to enjoy the moment we’re in, to be happy right here, right now.
So, we don’t recognise what we should be hanging onto.
The things that could become that future we want.
’ Bill grinned then. ‘My kids are always telling me I think I’m a poet or a philosopher, so feel free to ignore anything I say or advice I give. ’
‘I like it,’ I replied with a smile. I think we both knew I was really saying that I liked Bill. He reminded me of my uncle, and my father too. Blake was lucky to have him. I looked out of the kitchen window at Blake and Bronte. ‘I’m glad they’re reconnecting.’
‘You know how important family is.’
‘Yeah. I do,’ I replied with a sigh. I thought about Henry and his parents.
They could be my family. But they didn’t care what I wanted, only what they did.
I’d been so desperate to replace the family I had lost, I’d ignored the niggling doubts I’d had all along.
I didn’t really belong with them. Bill saying that it felt like I belonged here was comforting.
It did feel that way. Which was crazy, wasn’t it?
I turned to Bill. ‘Do you wish Blake would come home?’
Bill was putting the plates back in the cupboard, his back to me and the door.
His back sagged a little at my question.
‘Is that selfish of me? Yes, I do. The shop could be doing better. I maybe lost some of my drive and passion for it the past year. I always saw it as a family business. Bronte and her husband try to help but they have the riding school and their two boys to look after.’ A beat passed.
‘I guess I thought Blake loved the shop as much as I do.’
‘I do.’
We both jumped and spun around as Blake and Bronte walked into the kitchen.
‘I do love it, Dad,’ Blake repeated. ‘I think I believed I should be dreaming bigger. No… maybe Sarah made me think that I should. I feel crap about that. I was worried I’d made a mistake as soon as I moved to the city.
But I didn’t want to admit it. I didn’t want to fail.
I didn’t want to have made a mistake.’ Blake glanced at me.
‘But I know you only fail if you don’t try.
I needed to try, I think. To get it out of my system.
To decide what I want out of life. What I want for my future.
Can you give me some more time? I’ll come back soon. ’
‘Of course, son,’ Bill said warmly. ‘I only want my kids to be happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. I understood why you had to go. And I’d understand if you still want to be there. But if you want to come back, this is and always will be your home.’
A sob rose up in my throat. Horrified, I took off, hurrying out of the room and out the front door into the driveway. It was all too much hearing Blake’s dad tell him this would always be his home. It’s what I desperately wanted but just couldn’t seem to find.
A tiny voice deep down asked me if maybe one day, this could really be where I belonged. But that idea just seemed too outlandish to even entertain.
Blake followed me and placed a hand on my shoulder. ‘It’s okay, Daisy, it will be okay.’
I sucked in some quick breaths, trying not to panic or cry. I looked at him. ‘Promise?’
‘Daisy, you are the strongest woman I’ve ever met. You can do anything you want. You can have anything you want. I promise you.’
I found myself stepping towards him, and Blake opened up his arms. I leaned into his chest as he held me tightly, reassuringly. I hadn’t felt strong for a long time but I knew I had been once. And my mum sure as hell had been.
I wanted to be strong again.
I would be.
‘Let’s go back to the farm,’ Blake said softly into my hair. I nodded against him and sniffed. When we parted, it felt like something in the universe had permanently shifted.