Chapter 32
I didn’t get a chance to be alone again with Blake until just before dinner time.
Willow told me to ask him to come in to eat as he was still out with the ponies in the strawberry fields, so I headed out there.
It had been a busy day and I was tired and hungry.
But I walked with a lightness to my step.
I had a plan for the rest of the summer that I couldn’t wait to tell everyone about.
Just two weeks ago, I’d felt as lost as I ever had been but slowly and surely, I was finding out who I wanted to be.
Who I probably always had been. I didn’t want to hide from living any more.
And Blake was part of that. I wanted to tell him how I felt.
I smiled when I saw him in the enclosure. The ponies were groomed to perfection and he was giving them a strawberry treat, patting and talking to them. His love for animals was something I really liked about him; it was so endearing.
‘How are they doing?’ I called as I walked through the open gate.
‘They’ve been really good today,’ he said. ‘I mean, they’re still mischievous and want a treat in exchange for doing pretty much anything, but they seem to be enjoying living here.’
‘I know the feeling.’ I reached out to pat Jasmine while I smiled at Blake. ‘We haven’t had much time together today. I have lots to tell you.’
‘Oh, yeah?’ His smile showed me his dimples again as he let go of Jasmine and turned to me. ‘Do you want to come to the cottage again this evening?’
I nodded happily. ‘Willow wants you to come in for dinner so let’s go back and then we can—’
I was interrupted by Blake’s phone ringing, making us jump. The ponies both snorted at the noise. He pulled his phone out of the back pocket of his shorts and frowned. ‘It’s Sarah. It might be about the app…’
‘You should answer her,’ I said, although I didn’t really want him to but I knew they still had a lot to sort out. ‘Shall I…?’ I gestured out of the enclosure but he shook his head.
‘Stay. We can walk back together afterwards.’ Blake answered her call. ‘Hi, Sarah.’
I was pleased that there didn’t seem to be a particular fondness in his tone. It was still weird, though – listening to him to talk to the woman he had been about to ask to marry him.
‘What? Wait… why?’ he asked, listening intently.
His eyes widened. ‘Really?… but we don’t know what we want to do.
Yeah, I know we have worked hard. I suppose so…
’ Blake looked at me as he listened to whatever Sarah was telling him.
He frowned. ‘It does sound promising, you’re right.
Okay, okay.’ He paced off into the pony enclosure a little bit.
I watched him, wondering why my smile had faded. I was getting a bad feeling about this.
He listened to Sarah some more. She appeared to be making a long speech. And, suddenly, he was nodding along.
‘Yeah, you’re right.’ He stopped pacing and looked at me again. ‘Okay, I will… I said I will,’ he said. ‘I know. Don’t worry. I’ll call you when I’m on my way.’ As he hung up, my heart sank down to my stomach.
Blake put his phone away, took a beat then came back to me and the ponies.
‘So, Sarah had a meeting in the city with a big tech company that’s interested in investing in our app.
Not only that, but they want to bring it under their company umbrella, which would be a huge deal for the business.
’ He ran a hand through his hair. ‘They want to meet me and pitch their plans and make an offer so I need to go to the city.’ He paused. ‘And… I have to go now.’
‘Now?’ I knew originally the plan had always been for him to leave at the end of the weekend but he’d mentioned staying to see the farm open up for the pick-your-own season.
‘I thought you were going to stick around, though?’ I realised I’d been harbouring a hope that he might stay longer, not for the farm, but for me.
‘This could make us a lot of money. Not only that, but they would take over the creating of the app, we’d have access to resources we could never dream of on our own, we’d get to work with the best in the business and the app would launch with a huge platform behind it.
It could be huge. Sarah said the app could be worth millions in two years.
’ Blake let off a puff of air. ‘I can’t really take it all in, but I can’t say no, can I? ’
I looked at him, wondering if two weeks was long enough to know someone. I was realising it wasn’t at all.
‘I thought you didn’t want to do the app any more?
That you didn’t like what it stood for? That you’d had enough of the city, and maybe you were thinking of coming…
going… home?’ I asked, confused how one call from Sarah was suddenly taking Blake back to the city, back to working with her and back to a life that he’d suggested he hadn’t been enjoying at all.
Blake sighed. ‘I don’t know what to do. I can’t let Sarah lose such a big opportunity. Whatever happened between us, we both put time, money and effort into the app. This could be huge for her. For us.’
‘There’s still an us?’ I could feel myself getting angry and upset.
And he appeared confused as to why I wasn’t agreeing this was a good idea.
‘I thought she was your ex? I said goodbye to Henry and last night, we slept together but now you’re going back to Sarah?
’ I tried to stay calm but it was proving too difficult.
I had taken a chance on Blake and I was rapidly feeling like he hadn’t done the same thing.
I turned around and walked out of the pony enclosure.
‘Daisy, wait, it’s not like that,’ Blake cried, hurrying after me.
‘I’m not saying I’m going back to her as a romantic partner but I have to go to this meeting.
I’ve put money into this app. I’ve worked for a year on it; I can’t just walk away from all of that,’ he said, pausing to shut the gate then striding after me.
He touched my arm. ‘Stop a minute, please?’
I paused but I couldn’t look at him. ‘I thought maybe we were starting something,’ I said quietly. I was hurt. And confused.
‘We knew this was complicated.’ Blake reached for me but I stepped backwards.
‘These two weeks have changed so much; I don’t know what happens next.
But I’ve said I’ll go and have this meeting.
I need to do this. I’m sorry if that upsets you.
It’s the last thing I want. But we didn’t know we were going to meet each other here.
I was supposed to be leaving after this weekend.
You’ve had closure with Henry. Will you give me time to have the same with Sarah? ’
I met his gaze then. ‘What do you want, Blake?’
He’d asked me the same thing. He’d helped me decide what I wanted. But it looked like I hadn’t done the same for him after all.
Blake stared at me for a moment. ‘I don’t know,’ he finally admitted.
And there it was. He wasn’t ready to say goodbye to Sarah completely. Or decide whether he wanted to stop working with her or leave the city.
‘One thing that I’ve realised after all that time with Henry is I don’t want to be in another relationship that neither of us are fully in, with all our hearts. That’s what I deserve.’
I turned and walked on, even though he called me again, I didn’t stop for a second time.
Blake had decided to go and I had to let him.
Like Henry should have done when I left.
Running or chasing after him would do no good.
He had to make his own mind up and follow what was in his heart; I couldn’t do it for him.
Just like Henry hadn’t been able to do it for me in the end.
When I reached the farmhouse, I walked into the kitchen.
‘Where’s Blake?’ Willow asked, looking up from where she was laying the table for dinner.
‘He’s going back to the city,’ I told her.
‘What? Now?’ She looked at Dylan. ‘Did you know about this?’
He shook his head in surprise.
‘Sarah called. She needs him to have a meeting with a company about their app. It sounds like a big opportunity for them.’ I sat down at the table and avoided my cousin’s concerned look.
‘I thought he wasn’t getting back with Sarah,’ Willow said. ‘He clearly wasn’t happy with her. And that app sounds completely dishonest to me. I wouldn’t want to date someone who used technology to write me messages. I’d want someone genuine.’
‘I’m surprised Blake wants to carry on with it,’ Dylan agreed with her. ‘I’ll go and talk to him.’
He walked out and Willow came to sit beside me. ‘Shit, Daisy, I can’t believe it. I thought you two were becoming a thing.’
‘I did too,’ I confessed, ‘but I was clearly kidding myself. Maybe it was crazy to think we could be anything real after how things started. Fake dating to one side… we both were in serious relationships with other people this year. We’ve only known each other for two weeks.
It’s best he goes.’ I looked away from her piercing gaze because although in my head, my words were sensible and made a whole lot of sense, in my heart, I knew there had been something special between us.
A connection that you couldn’t explain or… fake.
That’s why it hurt that Blake was walking away from it.
‘Anyway, I came here to decide what I want to do with my future,’ I said, forcing that hurt away because I had made such progress since being here and I didn’t want to go backwards; I wanted to keep moving forward.
I didn’t want to stop taking chances. Yes, there would always be pain if you really lived.
But there was also a whole host of positive things too: joy, friendship, family, love, laughter, hope and happiness.
I had been living a half-life with Henry.
Even if I had to be alone, I wasn’t going to do that again.
I had to live my life to the full while I could.
‘I’m hoping this is okay…’ I told Willow the idea I’d had to help Mary out in the flower shop.
‘I was thinking just twice a week – one weekday afternoon and a few hours on a Saturday when she’s really struggling.
But only if you think I can do the work you need me to do around it.
I know how stressed you’ve been and I promised to help you this summer but being in that flower shop, it just felt…
right.’ I found myself smiling just thinking about it.
‘Anything that puts that happy expression on your face gets my approval! Everything is almost ready to go now. We have to do something about the ponies…’ She frowned for a moment.
‘But other than that, you’ve done such a great job with the strawberry fields.
I’ve asked Sabrina to let me know some teenagers that could do some weekend work for us.
We’ll all pitch in. As long as Dad keeps to his word and just mans the tills, we can make it work, I’m sure.
It’s only twice a week for a few hours.’ She smiled. ‘Daisy, I am really excited for you!’
‘Thank you. For everything.’ We gave each other a quick hug.
‘You’ll be amazing at this,’ Willow said when we drew back.
I smiled through the sadness of Blake leaving because this was something I really wanted to try. ‘I’ve shied away from finding something I love because of…’ I took a deep breath. ‘…losing my parents but I know they would want me to do something I am passionate about.’
‘I’m so proud!’ Willow said. ‘Maybe we’ll even get to keep you for more than the whole summer,’ she added, winking at me when she leaned back.
I let out a laugh. ‘We’ll see.’
Dylan came back in then. ‘Blake’s packing right now. He said he’ll come over when he’s ready to say goodbye. He says he has to see the app through. But I didn’t think his heart was in it.’
I had hoped I was in his heart but clearly, I was mistaken.
I picked at my food, not really tasting anything.
It would be so strange to be here without Blake.
From turning up in my wedding dress to now, feeling so far away from that woman, he had been by my side and I had been by his.
Blake helped me to see that I’d been hiding for years and that it was okay to be me and to follow my heart.
That’s what I would go on to do without him, and I really hoped he’d do it without me too.