Chapter 33
After dinner, Blake came into the farmhouse. I had no idea what he was thinking.
His eyes found me instantly. ‘I’m all packed and ready to go.’ He turned from me to Willow and Dylan. ‘But I had to come to say thank you for having me these two weeks. You’ve treated me like part of the family. When I needed it the most.’
‘I can’t believe you’re leaving us with the ponies,’ Willow said, attempting a joke when everyone looked sombre. She coughed when no one laughed. ‘Good luck, Blake,’ she added more seriously.
Blake looked at me again. ‘I’ll see you then, Daisy,’ he said finally, his voice quiet. I felt all eyes on us.
‘I hope it goes well,’ I said, forcing out a small smile. I did mean it. I wanted him to be happy. I just wasn’t sure he could be if we went back to his old life.
‘Yeah, me too, mate,’ Dylan added, getting up to shake his hand. ‘Let me help you with your things.’
‘I’ll come out too. Come on, Maple,’ Willow said, whistling for her dog.
‘I’m going to go for a walk,’ I said. I didn’t want to watch Blake leaving. Following them outside, I watched Dylan and Blake go into the cottage to collect his things. Willow and Maple stood by his car.
‘Will you be okay?’ Willow asked me then.
‘Yes.’ And I knew I would be. I would just carry around a pinch of regret for the rest of the summer. ‘I don’t want to watch him go, though,’ I added. ‘I’ll put the ponies in the barn for the night; I need to do something.’
I set off and Maple followed me as if she knew I needed her more than the others. I had to pass by the cottages and as I did so, Blake came out with one of his suitcases. Our eyes met but I carried on walking. I wanted to look forward now.
But it wasn’t easy when Blake had been such a big part of my new chapter here.
After a moment, I glanced back to see Blake open his boot and put in his case, Dylan joining him with his other bag.
Willow was saying something to them. I hoped she wasn’t berating Blake for leaving but if she was, I did like that she wanted to stick up for me.
I let out a sigh and headed for the strawberry fields to find the ponies.
Maple ran on ahead, enjoying the run after her dinner.
It was crazy to think what a big impact Blake had had on my life. Maybe I could learn to be grateful for that, instead of sad that he wasn’t choosing me.
Maple started barking then.
‘What’s up, girl?’ I called as I saw the pony enclosure in front of us.
Maple growled, which was unlike her. She turned to look at me and barked again.
‘What’s going on?’ I sped up, confused what was up with her. Then as I approached, I realised what had got her all upset: the pony enclosure was empty.
‘What the fuck?’ I said, breaking into a jog then.
I reached Maple and gave her a quick pat as I stared at the wide-open gate.
‘How…?’ I thought back to being in there earlier with Blake.
Sarah had called and we had had a heated discussion about it before I walked out, Blake hurrying after me.
‘Oh, shit, Maple, he must have forgotten to lock the gate up after him,’ I said, looking around for the ponies.
I walked around the enclosure. ‘Maple, can you see them?’ She ran ahead of me towards the strawberries and let out a loud bark.
I took off after her and once my eyes caught up, I swore again under my breath.
Blossom and Jasmine were right in the middle of the strawberries, eating the ripe fruit and trampling on the plants as they did so.
I froze. For a second, I wasn’t sure what to do. That familiar sinking feeling of panic settled in my stomach like a dead weight. I held my chest where my heart was speeding up and my breathing become shallow. I didn’t know what to do. I was afraid of panicking and that made me panic more.
‘No,’ I said firmly to myself. I looked at things I could see.
The ponies potentially ruining the pick-your-own area.
Ruining our work. Maple distressed as she knew they were doing something bad.
I lifted my face. The sun had just started drifting towards the horizon, casting a dewy glow over the scene, which was at odds with the chaos.
It almost looked dreamlike. But I wasn’t in a dream. I was here. This was happening.
I breathed in and out slowly. I focused. I wasn’t going to panic. I needed to help fix this.
Snapping back to myself, I yanked my phone out my pocket and called Willow. ‘I need you in the strawberry fields now!’ I cried when she answered, then I hung up and pocketed it again.
‘You two are bad ponies,’ I said as I reached them.
Maple joined me, barking as if she knew they’d been naughty too.
Blossom took one look at us and started off at a trot towards the sunflowers.
‘No!’ I called, running after her as Jasmine continued gorging on strawberries without a care in the world.
Maple ran to her and tried to herd her away, but Jasmine ignored the dog completely.
‘Blossom, stop,’ I called as she trampled on the sunflowers.
I heard Willow calling my name and I turned and waved her over, as well as Dylan and Blake, who were jogging behind.
I didn’t wait for them. I headed for the barn to find the ponies’ harnesses and leads as they clearly weren’t going to come of their own accord. They wanted treats, and strawberries were their favourite. Now they had found the supply, they were going to need to be led out.
Blake found me in the barn grabbing what we needed. ‘Why are the ponies out?’
I spun around. ‘You didn’t lock their gate earlier!
Too distracted after Sarah called.’ I knew I was being unfair – obviously, he hadn’t done it on purpose and I could have reminded him at the time – but it was an easy thing to have a go at him about, instead of the fact he was running out on me when we’d only just got started.
‘Shit, I didn’t realise. Here…’ He tried to take their leads from me.
‘I’ll do it,’ I snapped, walking past him and out of the barn.
‘But I’m good with them,’ he protested, following me.
‘You’re leaving. We have to be able to look after them without you,’ I said as I hurried back to the sunflowers and strawberries.
‘I got their leads!’ I called to Willow, who was trying to coax Blossom out of the sunflowers while Dylan and Maple were with Jasmine, trying to both herd her out and tempt her with an outstretched strawberry, but she just carried on eating.
‘I can’t believe this is happening so close to opening! Are we cursed?’ Willow asked, putting her hands on her hips.
‘I’m so sorry I didn’t lock their enclosure properly,’ Blake said as he walked past me and called to Blossom. I sighed and threw one set of harnesses and leads to Willow. ‘You get Jasmine; we’ve got Blossom,’ I said. She hurried off and I followed Blake.
‘God, she’s ruining the flowers.’ I saw flattened and broken sunflowers as she carried on walking right down the middle of them.
‘Come on, Blossom,’ I encouraged her, stepping carefully around the remaining flowers to reach her.
Blake beat me, though and was talking to her, reaching out to stroke her so she finally stopped moving, and snorted as she stood still, her tail flicking like she was the one annoyed.
I supposed she didn’t like being caught out.
‘Come on then.’ I hooked the harness over Blossom as Blake held her steady, reassuring her and being so sweet and gentle, my heart squeezed.
I tried to ignore it and focused on securing the harness and lead on her.
And then with a cluck of my tongue, I gave it a little tug.
Blossom stood firm, eyeing me like I was a pain in her butt.
The feeling was mutual right now. ‘Party’s over, girl,’ I said, clucking my tongue again.
‘Come on, Blossom,’ Blake encouraged, giving the lead an extra tug and finally, Blossom took a step forward.
I gave her another tug and with Blake encouraging her on, she finally started to follow me and I was able to lead her away from the sunflowers and onto the trail.
‘Wait here.’ Blake rushed off to help the others while I stood with Blossom, annoyed at his instruction but knowing it was unlikely I’d get her into the barn without him.
Now I was alone, I thought about how I’d frozen back there and almost given in to panic.
But I had got through it. I hadn’t run away but I had tried to fix the problem. I hadn’t lost my breath or got anxious. I’d pushed through and helped work things out. So, I was proud of myself.
I thought about all the time over the past five years I had panicked. The times I had backed out of things or lied to Henry, saying I was ill, or stayed quiet and not told him or his parents how I’d really felt until it was too late.
It had been like that on my wedding day. I had been so scared of speaking up and having to change my life, I’d left it until the last minute to do so. But now, I could see I was capable of doing that. I was changing my life.
Tonight, I hadn’t kept quiet and pretended to be happy about Blake and Sarah. I’d told him I didn’t understand why he wanted to go back to the city. I hadn’t hidden my disappointment.
And now, with the ponies, I had stepped up too.
‘Blossom, maybe I really will be okay,’ I murmured. She nudged my shoulder in response. I rolled my eyes but I stroked her and she nuzzled me as if we hadn’t just had a huge disagreement.
Maybe I didn’t have to be as afraid any more.
It might have been a strange moment to have an epiphany but somehow, this had all helped me to realise that I could, and would, handle whatever came my way in life.