Chapter 15
Aliena
I manage to avoid a confrontation with my best friend until eight pm when I finally leave my parents’ house. On my way home, I decide to pick up the phone when she calls again.
“Oh, so she is alive! How good to know! What the hell have you been up to, A? I’ve tried to reach you all day. I even went to your apartment only to find it empty! I thought you were kidnapped!” she immediately chastises.
“I’m sorry, Lily, I was busy. But I told you last night that I made it home safely and I texted you this morning.”
“Yes, but I still haven’t gotten an explanation as to why you snuck off last night. I think I deserve as much, don’t you? You didn’t even say goodnight.” If I weren’t so tired, hearing my friend’s sad, disappointed voice would certainly make my chest ache with guilt. As it is, I think I’ve felt too many emotions for today already. I’m empty.
“I visited my parents today,” I decide to tell her. There’s a pause where both of us are silent. Then, I go on, “I didn’t feel like talking about it on my birthday, you know how it is, but I figured I shouldn’t stay out all night when I went the next day. I panicked and just left, I’m so sorry.” It’s not the truth. Not really.
When I left last night, it had everything to do with Sebastian. I didn’t even know that I’d have to visit my parents so soon. But if there’s one thing I want to talk about less than my parents, it’s Sebastian.
“Do you want to talk about it now? I could come over and bring some snacks,” she offers. Bless her soul.
“I really appreciate it but I don’t think I’m up for it today. I wouldn’t mind a distraction though,” I say, knowing she’ll accept that as an answer for now. No matter how curious she is, she’s never pushed me when it comes to my parents. She knows I need my space.
“That can be arranged. Have you had dinner? We could go to a restaurant with the guys.” Somehow, my stomach knots further at the thought of seeing Sebastian. Despite that, I recognize the anticipation too.
“I haven’t. That sounds great.” I cooked for my parents before I left but couldn’t bring myself to swallow a bite myself. It felt too much like old times and all I wanted to do was get the hell out of that house.
“All right, we’ll pick you up in a minute. Be ready.”
“Aye aye.”
“There’s our little fugitive. How’s it going? Do you feel different now that you’re twenty-two? Other than the urge to retire a lot earlier on a Saturday night?” Andrew teases me when his girlfriend and I sit down at the guys’ table.
Today was one of the rare times Lily used her driver’s license and car to pick me up instead of forcing Andrew to be her driver. I guess she wanted to make sure I was okay before we met our friends.
I just brush off Andrew’s comment with a laugh and hug the man. I really don’t have an answer for him. Do I feel different now that I’m twenty-two? The obvious answer would be no, but I can’t deny that I feel a hell of a lot more tired than I remember having felt in years.
Still, just seeing my friends helps a little. Even Sebastian, who hasn’t looked at me yet.
Mattheo gets to his feet and I notice how he puts most of his weight on his uninjured leg. That reminds me that he still hasn’t told me how he injured himself.
“Hey, Quasimodo. Do you still refuse to tell me how you injured yourself?” I tease him as he pulls me into a tight hug. He holds me for longer than would be appropriate and I have zero inhibitions to make myself melt into the embrace. It still bothers me that I don’t get a reply.
“How are you?” Mattheo whispers in my ear instead.
“Better now,” I tell him truthfully. He doesn’t ask what that means. Just holds me for a little longer before he pulls away and gives me a nod. I don’t miss the way Lily is studying us curiously. Weird.
That makes Sebastian the only person I haven’t greeted, and the moment gets really awkward really quickly. For me, at least. He just keeps scrolling on his phone, still refusing to look at me while I stand between his and Mattheo’s chairs.
It’s awkward because I don’t know how to say hello. We’ve never hugged but it’s always been easy since normally, we meet at his car. He simply never gets out of the driver’s seat to hug Lily and me as the other men do .
But now that I hugged the other two right in front of him, I wonder if I should just do the same with him to complete the circle.
Before I can come to a conclusion, his eyes lazily meet mine and he arches an arrogant brow. “Did you need anything?” he demands.
Wow, I almost forgot what a jerk he was. Despite the uncomfortable feeling of rejection, I force myself to smile sarcastically and retort, “Oh, so he did notice our arrival. And here I thought rich parents taught their children manners. Or had someone else do it, at least. No worries, I’ll give you a crash course. When a friend arrives, you put your phone away and say hello,” I explain very slowly so the pea-brain may understand.
He gives me a flat look, then turns to Lily. “Sorry for my lack of manners, Lil. I was trying to finish an important email, but I should have said hello first.” Then he turns back to me. “Happy now? I said hello to my friend.”
I huff and take my seat between Lily and Mattheo without another word to him. Partially because I’m scared my voice might break if I tried to speak. I’m tired and too vulnerable to keep up with his open hostility. It’s okay, though, all I need is a sip of water to make the lump in my throat disappear. Then, I’ll be fine again.
Mattheo must have a hunch that I’m not as unbothered by Sebastian’s rejection as my expression sure expresses because he places a gentle hand on my thigh beneath the table and gives it an encouraging squeeze.
I smile at him. After a second, my eyes flick to Sebastian’s face as his eyes bore into Mattheo’s arm where it vanishes under the table. God, what is wrong with him? Why does he have to be so fucking confusing?
I try not to focus on him as the rest of my friends try to lighten the mood and fill the air with all sorts of nonsense topics. It becomes clear really quickly that, no matter that they don’t know about what’s going on with my parents, my friends somehow all know that I need a distraction and some cheering up. It makes me wonder what happened last night after I left.
It hasn’t even crossed my mind, but now I can’t help but think that I missed something. There are looks exchanged between them that I don’t understand, and I hate it. Despite being the only one not going to their preppy school and our vastly different financial states, they’ve never made me feel like an outsider. Never until now.
I don’t have an opportunity to subtly ask about it since they all steer clear from the topic of my birthday. That is until Sebastian breaks that rule. “So, Aliena, will you tell us what happened last night to make you leave without saying goodbye?”
The three others at the table immediately shoot him glares so he raises his hands in surrender. “Hey, I’m just asking. I feel like after we spent all that money on the location, a short explanation is the least we deserve. She’s the one that talked about manners. Or lack thereof.”
Before any of the others can reply to him, I beat them to it. “Guys, he’s right. It was rude of me to leave so suddenly and without notice and I’m really, really sorry. Something personal came up and I didn’t want to explain or talk about it. It was selfish and I owe you an apology. I’m sorry if I ruined the rest of your night.”
Now it’s Lily that reaches out to touch my arm tenderly. “Don’t worry about it, Babe. We understand.” She gives Sebastian a hard stare. When I follow her gaze, I find him studying me curiously. Like maybe, despite knowing the true reason for my departure, he believes there’s some truth in what I just said.
“Lily’s right. There’s always another night out to make up for it and prove that you aren’t retiring from being the life of the party just yet,” Mattheo adds with a wink.
“And that next party is next Friday, I believe. Seb hasn’t hosted anything in too long.”
“Yeah, sure, you decide when I open my house to hundreds of people. And why Friday, my parties are always on Saturdays,” Sebastian wonders, though he lacks any kind of rudeness.
“Aly works on Sunday,” Lily provides. Sebastian shrugs like he couldn’t care less and doesn’t understand what it has to do with him, but he doesn’t protest, much to my surprise.
“All right, Friday it is, I guess. You’re right, I have to host again before the students of Hartford U think I lost my touch.”
“Tell me, big guy, are you allowed to dance already?” I ask Mattheo when I join my friends in the private lounge upstairs. I was at my parents’ before to check in on my dad and get some updates. Then I cooked for him and mom, who came home from work suspiciously late as dad tells me she’s been doing for a few days.
He suspects that she’s meeting with an old dealer instead, and when I saw her come home that night, her pupils dilated and her voice chirpy, I couldn’t deny that the suspicion seems likely to be true.
I was almost scared to leave the house again, no matter how badly I wanted to get out. I guess I think that if I just constantly stay on top of things, nothing can go off the rails further. Maybe if I keep a constant eye on my mom, she’ll stop messing up further and pull herself together before it’s too late and she starts withering away like she used to.
But if she already reconnected with her old dealer, I’m not sure things haven’t gone too far for her to bounce back unharmed already. God, it’s such a mess. How could she do this? After so many years of dad taking care of her, she can’t just support him for a few weeks until he’s back to health when he’s in need? No, she has to ruin everything and make shit about herself.
I guess I know where I have the selfish gene from.
It feels like the first time when mom developed a habit. Of course, I was way too young to understand back then, but even so, it felt like she got sick from one day to the other. Too fast for anyone to stop it.
Now I’m scared to confront her about it. If we’re right, she’s in a very fragile place right now and I’m scared that an argument might only make things worse. She’s never been able to handle stress well. And if we’re wrong, she’d take great offense and be upset for sure.
So instead of talking to her, I stayed as long as I could emotionally handle it, which made me late for my friend’s party.
It’s okay, though. It doesn’t seem like I disrupted some natural order or anything. My friends seem to do just as fine without me.
“Two more weeks to wait, Amo.”
“Two more?” I exclaim. That’s just cruel. All I need right now is to get on the dancefloor and forget the rest of the world. Who better to do that with than my charming dance partner ?
Well, there is one other person who managed to make me lose my head and touch with reality just fine, my head reminds me. Maybe even more so than Mattheo ever has. Only that that person is currently flirting with a short blonde on the other side of the room, probably unaware that I’m even inside his house.
“I’m afraid so.”
I pout. “At least tell me how it happened, Mattheo,” I push. It’s ridiculous that I still don’t know the source of my misery. And no, I’m not being dramatic.
“Aliena,” he sighs and brushes a stray strand of hair behind my ear. “It doesn’t matter, okay? I just got into an argument with someone who knew just where to kick a knee to dislocate it.”
I sit up straighter at that, reeling with surprise. “You got into a fight? Why?” I demand. Mattheo is usually so peaceful. It’s hard to imagine him fighting someone, despite his towering height.
I can tell my friend is growing agitated from my constant nagging. His next words are more strained and lack his usual smoothness. “I said it doesn’t matter.”
“It matters to me. Since when are we keeping things from each other?” I demand. Mattheo and I aren’t the types of friends that share every detail of our lives with the other, but I never felt the need to actively hide something when he asked. I just assumed he felt the same way.
“That’s a rich question coming from you,” he huffs. I pull away from him a little more, unused to the gruffness in his voice. Shit, I think we’re having our first fight. In all the months I’ve known him, we never so much as innocently disagreed on something. Why is everything in my life simultaneously going to hell now ?
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I ask.
“Really, you’re playing dumb now?” I’m not. I really don’t know what he’s referring to. It couldn’t be my parents. There’s just no way. Mattheo huffs at my lack of a reply. “Why didn’t you tell me you were attacked on your way home after you declined my ride?”
Oh , that’s what he’s talking about. I’m so relieved I could laugh. At least to that question, I have an honest reply. “Believe me when I tell you that it totally slipped my mind. I mean it. Sure, it was scary when it happened but it’s not like I was really injured or anything.
“Besides, we didn’t see each other again for weeks after that, and I didn’t think to bring it up on my birthday. It would have been so random. I didn’t mean to keep that from you, Mattheo,” I explain. His frown doesn’t soften.
“You could have called me when it happened instead of Seb. You must know I would have come to help in a heartbeat. It was my fault that you were out so late after all.” I frown at the way he practically spits his friend’s name. Something happened between them.
Actually, I know exactly what happened. Me. I came between two best friends, great. Now they treat each other like they can’t stand breathing the same air.
“You offered to give me a ride. I declined. What happened wasn’t your fault. And I called him because my phone was stolen and his number was the only one I could remember.” Mattheo doesn’t look convinced, so I try to change the topic before the mood in the room worsens further. Of course, it’s exactly now that Lily and Andrew are downstairs dancing. For once.
I could use some backup now.
“So, are we done fighting now? I’m sorry I pushed you about your knee and that I forgot to tell you about that night. Now, let’s be friends again,” I beg him jokingly, giving him my most exaggerated puppy-dog eyes.
He nods, though he doesn’t share a smile with me. “Yeah, of course.”
“We’re good?” I prompt.
“Yeah, Aly, we’re good.” He pats my arm softly. Then a red-haired woman strides over with two drinks and a big smile and sits down on the other side of Mattheo. Really close to Mattheo. She hands him a drink and he accepts it with a grin.
“Right. Aly, this is Miriam. Miriam, this is my friend Aly,” he introduces us and no matter how sweetly she smiles at me, I realize I’m interrupting something. Being the good friend I am, I smile back at her before excusing myself.
I get off the couch, intending to go dancing right away, but I linger for a second, glancing at the bar. I’m not usually one for drinking but while drugs are an absolute hard no, I’m more lenient when it comes to an occasional drink. And right now, I feel like I could use one to loosen me up a bit.
I go over to the small bar the private lounge is equipped with and tell the bartender my order. Before I get my drink, I become aware of a presence to my right.
“Looks like your boytoy found a new toy. Poor seductress. Must really sting if you end up at the bar,” Sebastian mocks me. I give him a bored look.
“You know, you’re really not that attractive when you try to bully me. I had a shitty day as part of a shitty week, so if you could just leave me alone, that would be great. And for the record, I don’t mind that Mattheo is talking to that nice woman. I’m happy for my friend.”
Even though I mean those words with all I’ve got, I feel tears prick my eyes. God, this week was awful. I tried to handle work and visit my parents often, but something else had to suffer under the change. Which, in my case, was my sleep schedule.
I was simply so busy worrying about so many different things that it was impossible for me to get any sleep at night no matter how physically and mentally drained I was.
I let my head drop onto my crossed arms on the counter and try to pull myself together. I faintly hear the bartender greet Sebastian as he places my drink next to my arm and how Sebastian tells him the drink’s on the house.
Great, I’m pathetic enough for Sebastian to spare me some decency. I lift my head again, pretty sure that my unshed tears are invisible in the dim light, and talk to him with my best neutral expression. “So, what was wrong with the blonde?”
“Nothing. She just wasn’t able to truly capture my attention and keep it. No one can,” he shrugs.
“Harsh,” I say.
“And sadly true. Believe me, I’m not any happier about it than they are.”
I take a long sip of my drink and no matter how sure I am that I shouldn’t ask it, my next words force their way past my lips. “What about the brunette a week ago?” Do I sound pathetic? Yes, I do. Do I care? Yes, I do. But Sebastian just seems to have a thing for being around when I’m at my worst so here we are.
“She was a good kisser. That’s all I can judge,” he says, studying me closely and even though I have no reason to take his word for it, I can feel a weight lift from my shoulders. I don’t know why I care. I know I shouldn’t. Truth is, I do nonetheless .
My face must be showing my satisfaction because Sebastian rolls his eyes. “Try to look a little less happy about my dry streak, will you?”
I just shake my head, biting back a smile. What a surprise. This interaction took a whole one-eighty.