Chapter 16
Sebastian
The girl is smiling again. Thank fuck. For a second, it looked like she was about to cry and I certainly wouldn’t have known how to act then. I’ve never seen Aliena sad before. Sure? I’ve been faced with her anger – a lot of that – fear recently, and most of all joy. Not sadness.
And yet there she was for a second; tired, defeated Aliena who didn’t have her walls up. Meanwhile, I hadn’t been aware those walls existed in the first place. Now I’m questioning how this girl I have a weird infatuation with is really doing.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Your dry streak doesn’t concern me in the least. You must be imagining whatever happiness you’re seeing on my face,” she teases, looking smug as hell.
I’d like to tell her that she has everything to do with my dry streak, that she is the very source of it. Instead, I say, “Yeah, sure I am.”
She downs the rest of her drink and jumps off her bar stool, standing almost up against me. So much so that she has to crane her neck to look at me with that big smile. “If you’re not busy losing interest in a nice girl right now, how about you come dance with your friend? You did well enough the last time, I’d say. ”
What a fucking flirt. Here she is, the little troublemaker, blinking up at me through her lashes, her breasts faintly brushing against my chest with every soft breath she takes. My inner eagerness to tell her yes, that I’d be more than happy to dance with her, is just more proof that she has me wrapped around her finger.
I hold out my arm for her to take, mumbling, “If you insist.”
She takes my arm and starts leading me toward the door. As we walk past the couches, I can’t help a glance in Mattheo’s direction. As expected, his attentive eyes follow his friend and me suspiciously. I try to hide the satisfaction I get from it.
“Stop acting like I’m leading you to the gallows. If you don’t feel like dancing, I’ll go look for another partner,” she finally says as we reach the stairs and I realize I must’ve tried hiding my satisfaction a little too hard.
Great, and now the image of her dancing with another man is stuck in my mind. Maybe that’s why my voice is so urgent when I protest, “No.”
She chuckles and keeps pulling me down the stairs. At the bottom of them, she leans in to speak into my ear since the music is too loud to understand otherwise. Her gentle touch on my shoulder spreads awareness through my whole body.
“But if you’re going to be a bitch about it again once we’re done, you better think again,” she says, then pulls away enough to level me with a hard stare.
So. Fucking. Beautiful.
I nod, then lean down to talk into her ear. My heart starts racing at the close-up of the elegant swing of her neck and the scent of her sweet perfume. “That’s fair. I’m sorry for last week. All of it – other than the dancing. What I did with that woman was petty and I’m sorry for what I said. Especially on your birthday.
“Just know that you drove me fucking crazy with what you did with Mattheo, and I still don’t think I’m over it. Nonetheless, I was a jerk last week,” I say, struggling to find the right words to apologize. I was never good at it. Never had much practice either. I get that from my father.
She pulls away enough to look at me when she asks. “Why? Why did it drive you so crazy, Seb?”
“Why did I make you cry when I followed her into the bathroom?” I shoot back. After a thoughtful second, Aliena nods to herself.
“I don’t understand what we are.” At that, I chuckle. Look at us agreeing on something.
“Neither do I,” I tell her truthfully. She nods again, then smiles. Without another word, she just pulls me into the middle of the crowd and starts dancing again, with her front against mine and her face near the crook of my neck.
“Let’s recap,” she starts, dancing as if it’s all she’s ever known. I can’t see her face now and it makes it easier to talk. She’s so pretty it’s distracting. “It drives you crazy to see me with someone else.”
I lean down to talk back, grinning against her skin. “And you hate it when I pick up girls.” She tightens her hold on my neck and keeps dancing.
Then she pulls away, twirls once, and returns to our previous position.
“But you told me you didn’t want me,” she provides. “And you act like you can’t stand me most of the time.”
“Because you’re infuriating,” I tell her. She shakes her head .
“Because we met at the nursing home and you don’t like that I got an insight into your personal life. Because you feel the same attraction I do but are too scared to act on it,” she counters.
“I am not scared,” I insist.
“Then why would you not kiss me? I know you wanted to the last time we danced. And a few times before that. Yet, you never go through with it.”
“I can’t go through with it. We can’t.”
“Why?”
“Because one kiss wouldn’t be enough. Nor would two, or ten, or fifty. Once I felt your kiss, I’d want to feel it all, Aliena. And we can never go there.”
She pulls away and her eyes meet mine. Once again, her desire is apparent and it’s gnawing at my restraint. “Why’s that?”
I sigh, bringing one hand up to cup her cheek. God, just once. I’d love to touch those lips just once. It seems impossible that I plan not to. Ever.
“For better or worse, we’re forced to spend time with each other since we have mutual friends. We can’t change that. If I kiss you, if I take you upstairs, it’s a one-time thing. I’m not interested in anything serious. Still, we’d be forced to see each other again. It’s too complicated,” I explain.
I can tell she doesn’t agree with me even before she opens her mouth. “Then why not indulge one time at least?” she challenges.
“I’m not Mattheo, A. I can’t be chill about watching you go off with another guy. It would be a bad idea.” She must see that. What I’m saying is logical .
But of course, she doesn’t. “You’re already anything but chill about me being with others,” she argues. “It really can’t be worse than it is already.”
Oh, but it could. What if sleeping with her would feel like touching her does? Just so much stronger. I wouldn’t be able to handle it. I’m afraid I’m already addicted to these brief sparks of electricity. If I slept with her, I’m not sure I could stay true to my words and not try to have her again and again.
And that sort of deal is absolutely too messy to risk with someone you share your best friends with.
“I’m not trying to convince you, sorry. I just think we can’t go on like this. Either we get over this weird stage of attraction and jealousy or we do something about it,” she says.
“The first option is not possible. I don’t see myself ever being happy for you if you found someone else like you are for Mattheo.” At least that, I’m sure of.
“Me neither,” she agrees. Then the beat drops and flashing lights blind the room, disorienting me weirdly. I only see enough to know Aliena is smiling and jumping up and down with the rest of the crowd. Wearing heels and all.
I watch her, allowing myself a moment to do nothing other than look at the way she comes to life with the music.
When the song changes – the hurried beat replaced by a slower rhythm – Aliena finds her way back to me without a problem. Her back fits perfectly against my front and this time when we dance, she doesn’t look at me. As if, maybe, she’s trying to ignore the question lingering in between us like I am.
Or maybe because she’s waiting for me to make a decision since the ball seems to be in my corner. She told me she’d be ready to indulge. I’m the one that said we shouldn’t.
I am seriously questioning my sanity as she keeps rubbing her perfect, lethal body against me. Yeah, no red-blooded straight man would hesitate in my place.
The next time the woman throws her hands in the air, I take one of her hands and twirl her so we’re face to face. She laughs, adding an extra turn before she meets me in the middle. I cup her face and her laughter dies instantly.
“Just one kiss. Tell me you are with me. Nothing more. Don’t let me take you upstairs,” I tell her, practically begging her to keep a clear mind since she stole my ability to do so. Without hesitation, she nods, stepping impossibly closer.
There’s a small, infuriating smile on her lips as her arms lock behind my head. “You better make it count then,” she whispers.
So.
Fucking.
Infuriating.
I crash my lips to hers, nearly toppling us both with the force. Luckily, she manages to hold her own against me and pushes back, tugging at my hair in warning. All it makes me want to do is hold her impossibly tighter.
I was right, kissing her is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. Her scent, her warm skin, those soft lips, they all have my body burning up. I adjust our position, keeping one hand on her face while my other arm snakes around her waist to pull her close. We’re not dancing anymore. We’re barely moving at all.
Still, our chests are both heaving. So much so that I can feel her heart pounding against my pecs.
“Shit, what did I promise you again?” she breathes against my lips when I let her pull away a little. I just shake my head.
“Don’t pull away. I’m not ready for this to end. We said one kiss,” I mutter, keeping my eyes closed. People are still dancing around us and the music is still blaring. Both of those things disappeared when I had Aliena’s lips on mine and both of them are slowly registering again. I don’t want them to register. I want to stay in this bubble with Aliena for a little longer, where only we and our chemistry exist.
She gives my lips the softest of pecks. “Always,” she whispers as she pulls back. Then she gives me another one. “So.” Another kiss. “Fucking.” One more. “Bossy,” she finishes with one more kiss.
I don’t let her pull away again, deepening the kiss instead by softly scraping my teeth against her lips. Her reaction to that is a soft moan, one so similar to those that have been haunting me in my dreams that I’m about ready to snap.
“Make that sound again and I’ll fuck you up against the closest wall. Don’t test me,” I warn her.
“Don’t tempt me,” she retorts, bringing her lips back to mine with a soft sigh. That reaction is almost as bad as if she moaned my name. Fuck, I’m way too attuned to her.
“That’s even worse,” I groan.
“Mhm, am I making you ache?” she teases me while I know she feels how hard I am for her.
“You fucking know you are,” I bite back. Just because she’s the vixen she is, she has to rub her tummy against me once more.
My eyes close more firmly.
“Poor baby. Such a shame you made me promise that I won’t take care of you upstairs,” she goes on, still moving .
“You are a demon,” I mutter. “A fucking succubus.”
When she speaks again, her lips are brushing against mine. “You love it.”
Then she kisses me again, though she never stops moving against me and my aching erection. She doesn’t stop when I tighten my hold on her hips because I can’t decide if the pleasure is torture or heaven. She also doesn’t stop when I pull away, breathing heavily, and whisper, “What are you doing to me?”
“Trying to make you come, currently,” she replies without missing a beat. I’d laugh at that if only I wasn’t afraid that that was exactly what this was leading to.
“You can’t,” I tell her, sounding pained to my own ears.
“Try me,” she retorts but I shake my head.
“I don’t doubt your abilities, Aliena. Everything but that. But you can’t. There are people around,” I try to reason.
“And all they see is just another horny couple that can’t keep their hands to themselves. We’re just kissing, after all,” she says, her movement undeterred. And that’s when the familiar tingle at the base of my spine starts to register and I start to worry that I truly am about to come from just making out. Like a pre-teen. God.
“You’re horrible,” I tell her, then feel her smile against my lips.
“Tell me to stop,” she challenges.
“Please, don’t,” I say instead, my breathing growing harsher by the second.
She hums gently. I can feel the sound reverberate from her chest. “Are you close, Sebastian?” she asks.
“Too fucking close considering you’re not even touching me,” I grit. She laughs again and the sound almost feels too precious to be part of this moment. It’s enough to momentarily question what I’m doing right now.
When my hand tightens on Aliena’s waist this time, it’s enough to stop her movements. I pull away enough to look into her eyes.
“What’s wrong?” she asks when I don’t say anything for a few seconds.
“That’s what I’m trying to figure out,” I reply, confused by the lack of light in those beautiful honey eyes. She looks happy enough, but something just isn’t right about her eyes.
“What?”
“How are you?” I ask instead of reacting to her question. Her eyebrows move up on her forehead and she swallows loudly.
“What are you talking about? I’m good,” she insists. “I thought both of us were more than good a second ago, but I clearly did something wrong if you’re changing the topic this way.”
“You did nothing wrong, Aliena. Other than maybe embarrassing me slightly by nearly making me come in my pants. No, I just came to my senses and realized that I promised you a kiss, not to rub myself against you until I came.” God, that even sounds disgusting.
Aliena smiles. “That’s not what you did. Actually, I rubbed myself against you to make you come.”
“You know you don’t have to do that, though. Right?” I ask.
“Yes, of course,” she tells me, blinking two times too much as she does. No, I feel like something’s still wrong. I lean in to gently kiss her, then caress her cheek with my thumb. That does the trick and she melts against me like butter .
I rest my forehead against hers, keeping my eyes closed. “You know what else I find infuriating about you?”
That has a surprised laugh bubbling out of the girl. “No, humor me.”
“You are so beautiful, it’s hard to believe you’re real at times.”
She pulls away at that, looking at me with furrowed brows. “What are you doing?” she asks.
“Talking to you,” I simply say.
“Why?” She seems so genuinely confused and it sits very wrong with me. My reply was simple enough. How can it be so hard for her to believe that, yes, I’d choose to talk to her over a quick orgasm? It makes me all the gladder that I didn’t let it come to that.
“Because you’re my friend,” I tell her due to a lack of a better description.
“Am I?” she challenges me.
“A friend I am dangerously attracted to and have been treating unfairly. What do you say we try to start over,” I propose, feeling uncharacteristically nervous about her reply.
To my surprise, she says, “No.”
“No?” I repeat like an imbecile.
“I don’t want to try over and erase our history. I like the way we met, and I like knowing that Rosie was very important to you like she was to me. You’re my only tie to her. It’s more than that, though. I don’t hold a grudge for how you’ve been treating me, all I need to know is if you can treat me differently from now on.”
This is the first time she ever brought Rosie up to me and it’s enough to stun me for a second. Thinking about my angel of a grandmother still hurts. Sure, she might not have been the best mother to my father, but she was always great to me. We were close. It’s been a few months since she passed, and this is the first time I hear her name since the funeral.
It’s not hard to believe that Aliena cared about my grandmother. She looked after her nearly every day for over a year, after all. It has just never occurred to me that she made such a strong link between the woman and me.
“Yes, I can do better,” I finally confirm. I can hardly remember why I first acted like a jerk when Lily first brought her along. I think she was right with her assessment that it scared me to have her know such a different, personal side of me. I didn’t like that someone with that kind of knowledge was suddenly at the parties I throw for my peers, who all know me so differently. People who need to see me differently because it keeps me protected and well-respected.
To have them doubt my credibility, worse, my relationship with my father would be to give up the illusion of power I now have at the university.
I was an idiot and I panicked, and she paid the price for it in the months to follow.
“Good, then we’re friends,” she confirms. We shake on it, both ignoring that it’s no solution for the jealousy issues we both have.