Chapter 19
Sebastian
Our first stop is at the makeshift bar, where I insist on paying for Aliena’s drink. I was raised a gentleman, after all. Technically. She barely put up a fight and thanked me for it with another one of those fake ass smiles. I didn’t comment on it, but I wasn’t lying when I said I was worried about her.
After getting her the drink, we look for Lily and Andrew, which is no easy feat since there are a lot of people here. After having searched the whole premises, we move on to the small corridor in the back that leads to all the bathrooms. Surprisingly enough, that’s where Lily’s voice finally meets my ears.
She’s laughing loudly about something, trying to speak as she does, and Aliena and I exchange a puzzled look. Then she shrugs and heads straight for the door her friend is behind, entering without knocking. I have a bad feeling about the whole thing but follow her, nonetheless.
The bathroom is spacious, with rosy floor tiles and harmonically matching walls. The lights above illuminate the room much more than the lights in the corridor did, so much so that I have to close my eyes for a second.
“Aly! Seb!” I hear Lily squeal and open my eyes. She’s already holding her friend’s hands, swinging them happily as she nearly jumps where she stands. Her face is bright and she’s smiling. When I look at Aliena, I find the exact opposite. She looks positively horrified.
“Lil? What are you doing here?” she asks slowly, sanding completely still. I don’t understand why she’s acting like she just walked in on her friend murdering someone. Lily seems fine. A little energetic but fine, nonetheless.
“Having fun!” Lily exclaims, then twirls around herself. Then she knocks on the door of one of the stalls and says, “Tip, come out. I want you to meet my friends,” she says. Aliena shakes her head.
“Lily, where’s Andrew?” she asks, trepidation thick in her voice. I take a step closer to her, worried that she might faint any second now. She just turned horribly pale.
“Oh, talking to some friends. I just wanted to come to the bathroom when I met Tip.” The stall door opens and a woman with short, messy hair steps out, smiling charmingly. “That’s her. This is Tip, everyone,” Lily announces happily.
While I look at the stranger, Aliena gasps. Only that she isn’t looking at the woman we were just introduced to. No, she’s looking past her and into the stall, which I now see has small parcels of cocaine lying around.
I look between the drugs and Aliena, who is now slowly backing away, shaking her head and murmuring, “No.” over and over again.
“Aliena?” I say softly, reaching out to her. She dodges my hand.
“What are you doing? Lily, what the hell are you doing?” She clamps her mouth shut and covers it with a hand, looking sick. Meanwhile, equal parts confusion and worry are raging war inside of me. I’m confused as to why Aliena is reacting so strongly to the whole scene. Sure, cocaine is no joke, but Lily is old enough to decide what she wants to try out herself.
On the other hand, Aliena looks like she’s on the verge of death as she studies her friend with a pained expression. Before anyone can say anything more, she turns on her heels and storms away.
“Oh, right. I didn’t mean for her to see that. Oh, that wasn’t good at all,” Lily mutters but I don’t pay her much mind. Instead, I run after Aly. She’s already at the end of the corridor when I exit the bathroom and by the time, I’m at the edge of the dancefloor, I’ve lost sight of her completely.
I start pushing past the dancing people, heading for the exit since that seems like the most plausible place she would flee to. Before I can reach the door, I bump into Andrew.
“Hey, dude, I feel like I haven’t seen you all night. What have you been up to?” he asks me happily. He, at least, doesn’t have dilated pupils. It makes me remember what Lily said about having wanted to just go to the bathroom.
“Dude, go get Lily from the bathroom,” is all I tell him. Then I push past him to get outside.
As soon as I push the door open, I’m engulfed by an icy chill. Fuck, the weather is brutal. I really hope Aly didn’t go too far. She seemed really upset but we’re too far away from her home for her to walk, and I’m guessing she didn’t get her jacket when she stormed away.
“Aliena!” I shout, glad that no people are out here other than me. There’s no reply so I start scouting the perimeter and walk around the house, shouting her name repeatedly.
By the time I hear some nearby bush rustle, I can’t feel my hands anymore. I turn to find the source of the sound, illuminating the ground with my flashlight, and finally, I recognize the purple silk of Aliena’s dress.
I run to her, my heart pounding faster the closer I get and the clearer the scene becomes. What the hell? She’s cowering inside one of the dead bushes, curled up in a ball as she shakes and sobs, rocking back and forth.
“Aliena? Hey, what are you doing? Come on, we have to get you back inside. You’ll get sick,” I tell her, reaching out to touch her arm again.
She doesn’t flinch away, but she also doesn’t react. It’s like she can’t hear me at all as she shakes her head and mutters. “No. I can’t. I can’t do this.” Over and over again does she repeat this. My stomach drops. I think she’s having a panic attack.
I cup her face, desperately trying to get her attention. “Aliena! Come on, listen to me. You have to breathe, sweetheart. Come on, just breathe,” I tell her.
She’s only taking in short rasps, but her eyes finally find mine. She looks crazed, absolutely lost and it tears at my insides. What the hell is happening to her?
She keeps shaking her head. “I can’t. Please, I can’t do this,” she cries, and her breathing grows even harsher. I do my best to keep my voice calm when I talk to her. I have a feeling my own panic would only add to hers.
“It’s okay. You’re going to be okay. You hear me? I got you. Just breathe with me, come on. Just focus on me,” I urge her, making a show of breathing heavily. It takes her a few tries but finally, she seems to understand my instructions and starts attempting to match her breaths to mine.
All the while, I hold her face tightly in my hands, caressing her cold skin with my thumbs. There’s a small, bleeding scrape on her right cheek and it’s driving me crazy. I can’t believe she chose to have a panic attack in a dead bush, of all places. She must have hurt herself as she moved so deep into it.
“That’s it. I got you,” I repeat when she’s finally breathing evenly. It’s only then that I let myself lose the sigh that was stuck in my throat. Good, all I need to do now is get her somewhere warm.
“Sweetheart, do you want to go back inside? You’re going to get sick out here.” She replies by simply shaking her head. “Yeah, no more party. I think that’s reasonable. Do you want me to take you home?” I ask next, confused by the fresh tears that fill her eyes. She shakes her head again.
“Okay, do you want me to take you to my place?” I ask. That’s really the last option I can think of right now. If she says no again, I’ll have to kidnap her. I don’t want to leave her in the cold for a second longer.
Aliena nods and I don’t question her further. I just help her to her feet, wincing at the sound of hair ripping as certain strands get stuck in the twigs. She doesn’t react to it but that does little to ease my worry.
In my car, I instantly turn on the heat, getting a major déjà vu from the time she called me from that creepy booth. Instead of trying to force her to talk here where I can’t look at her or provide any comfort, I just reach over to envelop her cold hand in mine.
Then I start driving home.
Once we reach my penthouse, Aliena instantly heads for the big couch in the living room. There, she wordlessly grabs one of my blankets and curls up in a ball beneath it. It does something funny to my chest, seeing her make herself at home at my place.
I have to stay on track though, since this isn’t some cute moment after a night on. Something is wrong with Aliena. Something bad enough that she just had a panic attack, for Christ’s sake.
Instead of sitting down next to her, I take a seat on my carpet so I can look at her. Before I speak, I take hold of her hand again. She grasps my fingers tightly and shuts her eyes, squeezing two tears from the corner of her eyes.
“Can we please talk about it?” I ask slowly. For a long second, she doesn’t reply. Finally, she sighs deeply and nods, keeping her eyes closed.
“Lily did cocaine,” she says, choking on the words. Then she shakes her head. “Why? Why would she do that? She knows what drugs do. She knows,” her voice trails off.
“Maybe it just happened in the heat of the moment. A one-time thing. It doesn’t have to mean she’ll do it again, Aliena,” I try to console her. It’s clear she’s worried about Lily.
She finally opens her eyes and moves into a sitting position. “No. It never stays a one-time thing. Never. She of all people should know what stuff like that can do to a person.” She tilts her head back as she speaks, trying to keep more tears at bay and it’s killing me slowly.
“Why?” I ask. “Why does she know that of all people?” I feel like I’m missing pieces of the puzzle here but she just shakes her head.
“I can’t tell you. But she knows. She knows I can’t do this. Not with her too.”
With her too? I have no idea what we’re talking about. “Is this related to what’s been troubling you recently?” I ask slowly. A pained sound escapes her and she pulls her knees to her chest but doesn’t reply other than that. I try to silently get the pieces together but I’m still missing something.
I sigh. “I’ll be right back. I’ll get you a glass of water, okay?” I ask, slowly rising to my feet. She nods.
When I return with it, she quickly takes a few sips and then sighs, opening her eyes. “Thanks. My throat hurt so badly,” she tells me.
“I figured.” I put the glass down on the small table behind me and get on the couch next to her, taking her hand.
She understands what I’m asking for without needing to hear the words again. “My mother was an addict,” she finally shares, startling me. Of all the things I was expecting, I never would have guessed that . Aliena quickly goes on. “She’s not dead but she got sober,” she explains but her voice is getting thicker again.
I return her glass to her and she takes another sip before cradling it in her lap. “She was sober. For years. But she relapsed recently. That’s what’s been going on.” She takes her hand from mine and buries her face in it.
“And my dad lost his job because he had a heart attack and I’m pretty sure my mom lost hers now too, and I’ve been trying to help but I can’t do enough. I don’t know how to help my mom and simply being there isn’t working. I’ve been visiting them almost every evening to cook and clean but now she stopped paying their bills and my dad can’t find a new job and I’m trying. I’m trying so hard to make it work but I can’t do it. It feels like I can’t breathe.” She shakes her head, dropping it further forward into her hand.
“I take on as many shifts at the nursing home as they’ll allow but it’s not working. It doesn’t pay enough. God, and you’re right, I lost weight because I can’t afford to eat anymore. I have to buy so many groceries for them that I can’t stock up on my own.
“I don’t know how much longer I can do it. If things don’t change, I’ll have to stop renting my apartment and move back in with them.” She hiccups and bites the back of her hand. “I don’t ever want to live there again.” A tremor takes hold of her, visibly making her quake.
Fucking hell, she’s falling apart, and I have no idea what to do to help. All I know is that I can’t stand the sight of her shaking shoulders anymore, so I lean forward and awkwardly pull her into a hug. She returns it this time, moving to climb on my lap and wrapping her arms around my waist as her face presses against my chest.
My own insides are twisting and turning. I feel fucking helpless.
“I’m sorry,” she mutters when I don’t speak for too long. She tries to pull away, but I tighten my arms around her.
“Don’t apologize. You did nothing wrong,” I assure her, stroking the back of her head gently. When I brush against her unraveling ponytail, I start working on getting the tie out.
“I’m such a mess,” she adds in despair. I shake my head against her.
“No, Sweetheart. You’re just overwhelmed and that’s completely understandable. It’s too much, Aliena. Everything you’ve been doing is way too much for one person alone to handle. I’m so sorry I didn’t know about this sooner.”
“I did it before. When I was a fucking child. If only there weren’t so many bills,” she cries softly. I feel my brows draw closer at that but don’t push it now. I can dwell on every word she said later. For now, I need to stay focused .
“I can help you. You should have come to me sooner,” I tell her.
“I won’t accept your money,” she protests instantly. Stubborn thing. She’d rather work herself into an early grave than accept my help. Good thing money isn’t the only thing I have to offer.
“We can talk about that later,” I tell her but she’s insistent.
“We don’t have to. My reply will stay the same.” She pulls away a few inches to look at me. “I won’t accept your money.”
“Okay. Move in with me then,” I tell her. She recoils almost comically.
“What? You’re crazy,” she exclaims. But at least there’s a hint of life in her voice, her outrage palpable, and it makes me smile.
“I’m not crazy. I have the space, do I not? Plus, you already have a room here. It wouldn’t be a big deal and you could save some money without the additional rent and groceries.” I can tell she wants to keep arguing but I stop her by holding up a hand. “We can talk about all of that tomorrow. For now, just tell me what I can do to make you feel better.”
“You already did too much. God, I can’t believe I cried all over you. If you tell anyone about any of this, I’ll have to cut off your tongue and throw it off the rooftop,” she threatens me. I make a show out of sealing my lips.
“Deal. Now, do you want to eat something? A midnight snack?” I ask. She considers it for a second before shaking her head .
“That’s okay, thank you. But, uhm, could I maybe take a bath? I haven’t had time for one in forever and I can’t shake this weird chill.”
“Yes, of course. Come, I’ll show you everything.”