Chapter 32
Aliena
My blood still boiling from my argument with Seb, I don’t waste time getting back to the dancefloor and grabbing the first dude I see. He’s tall, looking slightly cocky but attractive enough. Most importantly, he seems happy to dance with me.
So I do, I lose myself in the pounding music, moving along and nearly forgetting all about the guy behind me. That is until he restricts my hips’ movement, pulling my ass against his front and grinding into me. My stomach lurches and I jerk at the sudden ballsiness of this stranger.
I quickly scramble out of his hold before he can even think of repeating the motion, refraining from snapping at him by sheer will. Honestly, what is wrong with certain people? There’s a difference between dancing provocatively and straight-up dry-humping someone. What this guy just tried is a big no-no.
I shoot a tense smile over my shoulder and excuse myself, ready to forget about that little incident and the queasiness that lingers in my gut. I debate straying to the other side of the dancefloor, far away from this jerk, but quickly realize that that’s not what I desire. Not really .
There’s no better buzzkill than having someone cross a line, and call me sensitive, but that’s what this guy just did. I can feel proof of it in the itchy feeling in my bones and the growing guilt as my mind drifts to Sebastian.
I can excuse dancing with others since he’s the one so set on not committing to me. I meant what I said about the two-way street between fidelity and commitment, and if he’s set to never lock in with me, why should I wait around? But just because I’m fed up with Sebastian and our situation doesn’t mean I want another man’s hands on me. Not like that. Not only is it vulgar and rude, but the only man I want getting that close to me is still the host of the party.
I swallow the lump in my throat and decide that it’s time to retire for tonight. At least from the party, that is. Maybe I’ll stray by Seb’s room and check if he’s still up. I doubt I could sleep now anyway, not without apologizing for tonight.
I said some things that I shouldn’t have, and I hate parting on bad terms, even if it’s just for the night.
By the time I reach the top of the stairs, I’m sure I’m doing the right thing by talking to Sebastian. The added bonus of knowing I’m being the bigger person doesn’t hurt either.
I’m just passing my room when I become aware of a shadow next to mine. My head flies up, turning to look over my shoulder just in time to see the guy I danced with before reaching out for me, a sick smile playing on his lips. My heart starts thudding painfully.
I open my mouth to yell at him, maybe scream, but his hand covers my mouth roughly as his other comes around my arm, grasping me tightly and yanking me against his chest. I yelp into his palm, shoving against his chest with my free hand .
He merely smiles, sneering, “Hey, beautiful. Missed you too. Such a tease, making me hard and then coming up here so we can be in private.” He starts shoving me toward my room, ignoring that I am shaking my head frantically.
He pushes me the final step inside, following closely behind before he turns to lock the door. When his eyes meet mine again, he looks like a predator, and an unpleasant shiver runs down my spine.
“Get out of my room!” I demand, glad when my voice doesn’t betray any fear.
“I will, don’t worry. Once you finished what you started,” he taunts, leering at me.
“You’re sick. I don’t want you here, get out and look for someone willing!” I snap, crossing my arms to shield myself.
“No. I don’t think I will. Not when you’re right here, so easy and ready for the taking.” His eyes trail over my skimpy dress and for the first time I can remember, the warning about not dressing provocatively ring true.
I can already hear the accusations. She wasn’t wearing underwear. She was asking for it. A cold shiver rushes down my spine, tears springing to my eyes. I danced with him, now he’s in my room with no one around to hear my protests over the blearing music. He’ll do whatever he wants to me, and no one will believe I didn’t want it.
My panic rises as he strides toward me now, pressing me up against the wall and shoving his lips against mine rights as I try to scream. His tongue brushes against the roof of my mouth and I gag and whine, biting down hard just as he retreats. I barely manage to do any damage, and I curse myself for my slow reaction. His tongue is gone, all that is left is the repulsive taste of his last drink .
When his rough hands find the bare skin of my hips, trying to slip beneath the fabric of my dress through the slits, my instincts take over and I lash out, shoving him away with enough force to make him stumble.
I don’t hesitate as I rush past him, trying to get to the locked door and cursing my damn heels for slowing me down. Just a step away from freedom, a hand wraps around my ponytail and yanks me back. I go down hard, the stark change of direction making me fly back.
I cry out, my scalp burning and my tailbone screaming as I land on my ass. Tears blur my vision, but I can still make out the figure of the guy standing before me, palming his dick through his pants now. Like this is turning him on. Like seeing me on the floor before him, crying in fear, is making him hard. I gag again, nausea rushing through my body as I realize just what kind of sick man followed me to my room.
He never misunderstood my intentions when I walked away. He didn’t think for a second I was inviting him upstairs to let him touch me more. He knows I don’t want this.
When he gets on his hunches to come closer, I kick my legs out to bury my pointy heels into his thighs. I’ll be damned if I let him touch me again. Despite my racing heart and frantic mind, I refuse to go down without a fight.
“Get out!” I repeat as he falls back, clutching his thigh.
“Bitch,” he spits as he gets back to his feet. At the sheer rage in his eyes, I grow warier, fear gripping me by the throat. Strength-wise, I don’t stand a chance.
But an angel must be by my side because he takes a step away from me. “Fuck it. You’re not worth the trouble,” he concludes, turning and getting out of my room without another look my way .
I slump on the floor, the gravity of what could have just happened hitting me. My heart is still racing, the tears still streaming down my face, and the aches he dealt me registering fully.
I know I’m a hair’s breadth away from falling apart. Looking around my dark, empty room, I know this is the last place I want to do so. Again. So I force myself to get to my feet, repeating that I just have to walk a few steps to reach Seb’s room.
No matter how angry he is right now, I know he’ll make it better. He’ll make me feel better.
I wobble down the hall, trying to keep my tears in check in case I meet any of my friends. Luckily, I reach the last room without meeting anyone and with great relief, I open the door. I don’t even bother to knock. I can’t muster up the strength.
But I should have because I’m not prepared for what I find inside. The world comes to a halt entirely when I try to take in the scene. Because there he is, the person I trust most despite everything that's happened, holding my gaze while he takes a deep drag from something that certainly isn't a cigarette.
A small, broken sob escapes me. Still, Sebastian's expression doesn't change, his face remaining cold.
He's just standing there, not appearing the least bit chastised at being caught doing drugs when he knows what this means to me. He knows what he's doing with this. I just don't understand why. Our argument wasn't so bad he should want to trigger me like this.
Where did he even get the drugs on such short notice?
What even is he smoking right now ?
If small mercies exist, it's weed, but my nose is already stuffy from crying, and I can't tell if it's something stronger like crack.
Oh God, what am I even thinking about right now. What is happening? I shouldn't have to worry about what drugs another person I care about is poisoning themselves with.
I take a shaky step back, my head spinning and my legs weak. He sees it all happen but doesn't react. Just keeps smoking.
At the sight of his indifference, the shards of my heart only crumble further, disintegrating into nothing. Before another sob can force its way past my lips, I hurl the only words I can think of at him. "What the fuck is that?" I demand, wrapping my shaking arms around myself to hide just how much I'm trembling. My body doesn't feel like mine.
If Sebastian notices it, he doesn't care. He neither acts nor speaks, simply watching me fall apart with his nose turned up. As if I were overstepping and overreacting and he couldn't believe I think I'm in any position to make demands. As if I were dirty.
I feel dirty right now.
"In our room?" I go on, feeling sicker than I ever have. The fact that he is taking drugs is bad enough in itself, but that he had to do it here? Knowing there was a good chance I’d find out. He only did that intentionally to hurt me. He wanted me to find him like this and break me.
"It's my room," he retorts coolly. "Don't get things twisted just because I fucked you here a bunch of times." I recoil at his crude, cruel words but he goes on, sounding less like the man that held me every night to allow me to sleep with every hateful syllable he throws my way. "Don't even look at me like that. If you can fuck the biggest scumbag in my school, I'm allowed to take the edge off with a bit of weed. I had half a mind to find a beautiful woman to spend the night with since I sure as hell won't let you taint my fresh sheets after you let him touch you, but I figured this would do."
Fuck someone from his school? What is he talking about? He can't mean the guy I danced with tonight. He couldn't possibly know what he tried to do to me in my room just now. If he did, he wouldn't be acting like this. He wouldn't be calling me dirty and tainted. He wouldn't act like it was my fault.
But look at what you’re wearing. And you danced with him. I shudder as my fears become truth before my eyes.
Shaking my head, I grasp my stomach tightly, feeling it turn. "I didn't. I didn't fuck anyone," I whisper, more to myself than anyone else. I can't get my voice to be louder. Can't see anything anymore through the tears, and I can't breathe. A sour taste burns the back of my tongue. The nausea I've been fighting all along finally wins and I feel my last meal rising in my throat.
I stumble to the bathroom, locking it desperately when I hear Sebastian's steps beside me. I just barely manage to make it to the toilet before my stomach rolls and expels its contents.
I heave again and again until my throat is sore and there’s nothing left inside of me to throw up. Then, I flush the toilet and slump against the nearest wall, willing my lungs to work and take in the air I so desperately need.
Distantly, I can hear Sebastian scream my name through the door as he bangs his fists against the wood, demanding to be let inside. I don’t move. I can’t move, I realize. I can’t fucking breathe .
I panic, despite knowing that will only make things worse. I have no choice, lost all sense of control over my body as I curl up, gasping for shallow breaths.
The image of that stranger forcing me up against the wall, his nasty tongue down my throat while Sebastian was here, getting high out of his mind wrecking my mind. I don’t understand. Can’t comprehend why he would do this. Why anyone would do this.
“Aliena!” Sebastian calls again, and I can hear the urgency in his voice. Suddenly, I wish I hadn’t locked the door. As my lungs burn and chest caves, I wish I weren’t alone. I don’t want to be alone anymore.
I’m dying. That’s what is happening here, I can feel it. After everything I’ve been through, this is what kills me. This night. All because my lungs won’t obey and do their job.
I sob, pressing my forehead against the cold tiles of the bathroom floor. I don’t want it to end this way. Not when that stranger was the last person who touched me. Not when the last thing I heard was hateful words.
I start dragging myself across the floor blindly, only stopping when I reach the corner of the shower. I turn on the water, not bothering to get out of the way of the ice-cold spray that hits me first, or the too-hot water that comes out next.
I just stay there, letting the water wash away the stranger’s touch and my falling tears.
To think that all I came to this room for was a hug from Sebastian and some reassuring words. I thought his arms around me could make things better, that he would tell me it wasn’t my fault and tell me things would be all right, but look where it got me. I never should have started relying on anyone else than me.