Chapter 16
Words That Killed
Lynn
I lookat my reflection in the mirror and run my hands down my sides. The black maxi dress is sexy and flattering to all my assets.
It has cute flirty cap sleeves, it dips into a V at the neckline show a little cleavage. The sides are cutout and the back dips dangerously low as a bow ties just above my behind.
“These should finish the look,” Maggie says as she comes over with a pair of red patent leather heels.
I take them and slip them on. Reaching up, I finger the large curly waves my hair is in. The front is pulled back and up into a little ponytail as the rest hangs down around my shoulders, taking ten to fifteen years off my age.
I asked Maggie to leave my face natural. My lips just have a little gloss on them, and I have on some mascara. If I end up walking away from Trevor forever tonight, he’s going to eat his heart out while I do.
If not, I plan to restart his heart when he sees me in the flesh for the first time in nineteen years. I’m going to see him on my terms. I’m going for the truth.
“You ready in there?” Matthew calls into the room.
I take one last glance and draw in a deep breath. I’m really doing this. Deep down, I don’t want to, and I hope I don’t regret it.
I think back to the words I admitted to Nanna. What if I can’t bring myself to feel safe with any man? What if I panic from Trevor’s touch as I have all the others when I’ve tried to date.
I shake the thought off and shake my hands out in front of me. Elise comes over and squeezes my shoulders. I turn to look her in the eyes. She gives me a smile.
“Don’t worry, this is Trevor. Y’all be fine. This is long overdue. Get the truth, Cakes. Don’t leave that man without getting the truth from his lips.
“If he did write that letter, I’ll follow you anywhere in the world to get away. I’ll book the flight as soon as you get back, but my heart tells me to start looking at Texas listings. It’s time to come home,” she says softly.
“We’ll see.”
“Listen, if you work this out with Monroe, I’ll face my demons and call my husband,” she says.
My mouth falls open. “Okay. That still sounds weird when you say it.”
“Yeah, feels weird but doesn’t make it any less true.”
“You don’t have to do that for me. You guys have been through so much. I don’t want you to force things on account of me.”
“Honey, this has been long overdue as well. I either need to piss or get off the pot. Them old backward folks have lived their lives. It’s time we live ours. That is if he’ll give me a second chance.”
I reach for her hand and give it a squeeze. “He will. I think he’s just been waiting for you to miss him.”
“Enough about me. Go get your man.”
I release a short nervous laugh. I have no idea what I’m about to walk into. To be honest, I could very well be setting myself up for embarrassment and heartbreak.
Maggie and Elise walk me out of the room. Jess’s eyes light up when she sees me. I rub my sweaty palms against my thighs.
“You look so hot. Daddy’s not going to know what hit him. Come on, he’s at the ranch. Cliff says he’s been there all night. I just finished texting with him,” Jess says excitedly.
“Here take this in case you get cold,” Maggie says as she hands me a denim crop jacket.
I take it and tug it on as I feel the chill from the thought of what I’m about to do. Looking at the hope in Jess’s face, I know I can’t chicken out. I’m committed. There’s no turning back now.
Matthew releases a low whistle. I turn to find him and Wilson taking me in. Wilson clears his throat and looks away. “Lucky bastard,” he mutters under his breath.
“Wilson has moved the SUV into the private underground parking garage. We’ll walk you two down there. I want you to keep this tracker with you. There’s a panic button in case you need it.
“Be smart and stay safe, Lynn. When you’re ready to come back, call. We’ll come to you and bring you back,” Matthew says.
“Thanks.”
“Let’s move,” Wilson says.
We file out and move to the service elevator. We ride down to the lot, and Jess and I hop into the SUV. All of her shopping bags have already been loaded inside.
I nervously make my way out of the garage and head for the Monroe ranch. I don’t think Jess or I breathe until we’re at least five miles away from the hotel. Thank God no one is following us.
“You look nervous. You shouldn’t be. This is the right thing to do. I know it is,” Jess says beside me.
“I hope you’re right. You shouldn’t get your hopes up too high. I’m just going to get answers. Nothing might come of this.”
“Or everything can come from this. The truth, your happiness, daddy’s happiness. Understanding,” she retorts.
I sigh but remain quiet. This girl has her mind made up. There’s nothing I can say that will change her mind.
The closer we get to the ranch, the more my heart races. A part of me wants to turn around and forget all of this. Another part wants to hurry the hell up to put me out of my misery.
As we pull up to the ranch house, a red Mercedes comes into view. Jess stiffens in her seat. I glance out the corner of my eye to see she’s frowning.
“What the heck is she doing here?” she mutters to herself as she scowls.
I park in front of the house and wait as Jess gets out. I don’t think I’m going inside. That is until Jess jumps and turns to look at the house. She pushes the door shut then turns and takes off running before I can ask her what’s wrong.
When I step out of the SUV, it becomes clear to me what got her attention. I can hear Trev’s voice from here. I run inside after Jess, feeling like I need to get to him as fast as I can.
With each step that carries me closer to Trevor’s angry voice, his words become clearer. I’m floored by what I hear. This is so wrong.
* * *
Trevor
“You ready to talk?”Cliff asks as I toss back another beer.
“Nope,” I says as I slam the beer bottle back down on the table.
I’ve been here at the ranch drinking my sorrows away. I found this little radio with a CD player, and I’ve been listening to the albums I bought.
It’s almost comical. I’m finally divorced, and Lynn is here in Texas. Yet here I sit shitfaced and lost.”
“Well, you can listen.”
“I don’t want to listen to anything but these albums. I’ve got one more to get through. You can sit and listen with me or leave me be.”
Cliff sighs but he says nothing else. I sit picking at the label on my beer. I’ve listened to two of the three albums I purchased. Something told me to hold the latest album for last. I’m two songs in and I can see why.
This sounds like she’s talking to me. I pick up the CD case and flip it over to look at the track titles. Seeing “There’s a Man I Love in Texas,” I jump tracks to that song.
As I listen, it’s like I fall into a trance. I don’t know if I want to cry or smile. My girl still loves me. I can hear it in her voice. I’m not in this alone. When the next track starts, I reach to repeat the song, but something about this one gives me pause.
I look to see the name of the track and frown. “The Words that Killed.” I listen more intently.
I’m sorry to do this, but I want to consider your feelings and be honest with you.
This is never going to work.
We’re not right for each other.
I never meant to lead you on and give you false hope.
I’ve known for a while this thing between us isn’t going anywhere.
I tried to get that through to you.
I probably should have sat you down and talked to you, but I don’t know if that would have done any good.
So this is goodbye.
Please accept my wishes.
Don’t call, don’t text, don’t contact me anymore.
Those were the words that killed me?—
I never thought I’d hear them from you. But this is the truth. You’re the one who penned the words that killed me?—
My ears are burning. Rage is vibrating through me. What the fuck?
I feel like my head is going to explode. Those words were never meant for Lynn to read. Those are the words I wrote to Donna.
All these years. All this time I thought … no, I had no clue why Cakes blocked me and stopped speaking to me. I let her go because I thought it was for the best. I wanted to see her happy.
“Trevor Monroe, there you are. What’s this shit? How did you get the judge to sign this crap?
“I’m not done. I’m going to fight this. You can’t just divorce me and cut me off.
“Why won’t you answer my calls? I’ve been trying to reach you all day. I’ve searched everywhere for you,” Donna yells as she comes to stand beside me.
Her voice is like nails on a chalkboard in this moment. I turn toward her eerily slow. As I’m turning, everything sinks in. This woman truly has ruined my life.
The switch on my temper flips and I black out. I stand so fast the bar stool scrapes the floor and falls over. I have her by the throat so fast, she yelps before I cut off her air supply.
I turn and push her against the table. I see nothing but red. I feel like I’m having an out of body experience as the pieces come together.
“You, you’re the fucking reason. It was you. All this time you’ve looked in my face knowing what you did,” I seethe and squeeze.
Her eyes grow wide as she claws at my hand. However, when I look at her, all I can see is the hurt she’s caused. Years of pain and lies.
“You hurt her. You destroyed us. What else have you done? Don’t even fucking answer that. I don’t think I can stomach anymore of your bullshit.
“I. Don’t. Want. You. I never have. You took her from me. You took my fucking life from me.
“Why would you send her that letter? What possessed you to take the words I wrote to you and give them to the only woman I’ve ever loved? What did you think you would gain?
“It sure as hell wasn’t me. Losing her broke me. I’ve always belonged to her. I couldn’t love you if I tried.
“And I did. For the sake of my children, I tried like hell. But you’ve always been a bitch. I’m just learning how big. You’re a disrespectful, conniving, heartless, greedy, vile bitch.
“It’s over. The divorce is final. There’s no world, no planet where I’d want to be tied to you ever again,” I growl as I try to choke the life out of her.
“Daddy, no.” Jess runs into the room and tries to wiggle between us. She places a hand on my chest. “Don’t do this. Don’t allow her to take anything else from us.”
“Trev,” Donna tries to choke out.
Jess elbows her as she tries to wedge between us some more. “Hush up. You’ve done enough.”
“Trev, stop. She can’t breathe. Come on. This isn’t you.”
I turn at the sound of that voice. Those brown eyes are looking back at me with concern. I release Donna with a shove and turn to the woman I’ve been longing to see for twenty years.
“Cliff, get Jess home for me,” I say, not bothering to look at Donna again.