Chapter 21
Haddy
For our fall semester wrap-up, Daniel and I worked together to show how even though we didn’t find any strong correlations, it’s just as important to have data on what’s not happening as what is.
So much science is built on what didn’t happen, what didn’t work. Our study hasn’t failed. It simply hasn’t demonstrated what we want it to… yet, to quote the father of my child.
A flush of heat moves through my chest at the thought. After he and Mav left, Gigi and I stayed in Newhope through the new year.
The guys were playing nonstop, and we were able to watch several games with the whole Bradford clan at Cooters & Shooters. The place was also packed with customers, most of whom were cheering for Maverick as well.
Aunt Dylan did her best to stay busy and away from the big-screen televisions behind the two bars.
The few times we held her in place to make her watch, she stayed beside one of the large posts, ducking behind it and hiding her eyes whenever a fight broke out or Mav got body-checked into the boards.
“Oh, my… Oh!” She’d squeal. “This is worse than football!”
One night, amidst all the uproar, Kim pulled me aside to whisper in my ear. “Gavin is gorgeous!” Her amber eyes twinkled with excitement. “He said he came to see the restaurant and Mav, but it was clear he came for you.”
I chewed my lip and tried to act aloof, but I couldn’t do it. We both fell together in giggles, and it was so good to have her there, knowing about us, at least, as much as she could know safely.
Soon they’ll all know about the baby, but I’m months away from that happening.
Today, I’m hanging out in the waiting room at the New Beginnings Birthing Center in Pasadena.
I couldn’t ask a friend or colleague for a doctor’s recommendation without provoking questions, so I turned to Google and spent hours reading reviews.
New Beginnings is supposed to be one of the best, and Dr. Barry has all five stars.
I’m chewing my fingernail, standing just inside the glass door waiting for Gavin when I see him hustling up the walk. He’s got the hood of his jacket over his head, and he’s wearing dark sunglasses.
Even in that disguise, he’s very noticeable at six-foot-two with his athletic build, messy long hair, and his square jaw dusted in scruff. People will either think he’s an actor or a sports star.
Now I can’t believe I didn’t come up with a sneakier plan, and I grew up with a celebrity dad! See? I’m terrible at hiding things. We’re playing with fire.
He ducks into the waiting room and walks straight to where I’ve scurried to hide behind a Ficus tree.
“Did you check in?” His voice is low.
“Not yet. I was waiting for you.” Again, a total amateur move.
I look around the room. It’s not crowded, and the few women who are here are either preoccupied with their own tiny babies or they’re pregnant. Thankfully, they all seem to be distracted, which means it’s possible we’re safe.
“Wait here,” I whisper, going to the window to sign the clipboard.
I have to fill out a questionnaire, and Gav turns to the wall, keeping his hood up and studying his phone. Thankfully, it’s not too long before they call my name.
The nurse is very pleasant, taking my vitals and getting my weight. She leads us to a small room with a bed and assorted ultrasound equipment and monitors, then she says the technician will be right with us.
When she leaves, I look up at Gavin. “I don’t know why I’m so nervous.”
He pushes the hood off his head and puts his sunglasses on the counter before pulling me into a tight hug. I’m surrounded by strong muscles, the scent of soap and leather, and comfort.
“It’s going to be fine. You’ve been sleeping well, no spotting. These are all good things.” I’ve always been strong, but he’s really good at this. “It helps knowing exactly when conception happened. You should be in the tenth week, which means the baby is the size of a strawberry…”
Pushing out of his arms, I squint up at him. “How do you know all this stuff?”
His brow lowers. “I’ve been reading The Expectant Father on my phone. My dad said it’s the book he read when they were expecting me. I also downloaded From Dude to Dad, but I like the other one better.”
I only blink at him with my jaw dropped. We’ve been home a week, and with school starting and hockey games, I haven’t been paying a lot of attention to his reading habits.
Hell, I’ve never paid attention to his reading habits. I didn’t even know he read. Now, the thought of him studying baby books has me melting inside.
“I didn’t know you were doing that.” My voice is soft.
“You’re not?” The side of his lips rises in a half-grin. “I figured you’d be way ahead of me on all of this.”
Pressing my lips together I climb slowly onto the ultrasound chair. “I haven’t read anything… other than Google.”
“I don’t believe that. You’re the scientist. You study everything in detail. I’ve heard you talk about wind currents and viral transmission.”
“I know!” I cringe. I’m sitting with my legs hanging off the side of the chair, and I cover my face with my hands. “I guess I’ve been in denial? I finished up the semester and visited with my family and set up the lab for spring… I’ve done everything but think about this tiny being inside me.”
He lifts one of the chairs from beside the wall and places it right in front of me. Then he reaches up and takes both my hands in his.
“Maybe it’s too theoretical… or you could still be in shock. The books say it can take as long as the first diaper to feel a connection with your baby.” He holds me so securely, my eyes heat. “They say not to shame yourself about it. You’ll get there when you do.”
“Gavin…” My voice is a whisper, and I don’t know what I’m about to say.
The door bursts open, and a friendly woman enters. “Hello, Bradfords! I’m Dr. Mandy Barry. Yep, just like the Barry Manilow song, easy to remember.”
Her hazel eyes dance, and her blonde hair is streaked with white. Google reviews for the win!
“I’m actually the Bradford,” I nod towards Gav. “He’s a Knight.”
“A white knight. I love it!” She reaches out to shake Gav’s hand.
“Gray night, actually,” he corrects, but I can tell by his response and the tone of his voice he likes her as much as I do. “Nice to meet you, Dr. Manilow.”
“Ha!” Dr. Barry points at him. “Good one. I hope that gray knight thing doesn’t stand for ‘morally gray.’”
Gav is quick to answer. “Not at all. It’s more a mix of Gawain and Galahad.”
“Galahad was the greatest knight ever. I love it.”
She pulls up her sleeves, turning to me. “Ready to get a look at what’s going on in there?”
“Yes.” I smile, feeling more relaxed than I have in a month.
The doctor takes the wand out and squirts warm gel on my midsection. Then she puts the half-moon-shaped wand on my flat stomach, and the large monitor lights up with a grainy, black and white field.
A black hole is in the center, and my breath catches in my throat when the profile of a blurry little baby-looking figure appears. We’re surrounded by the sounds of rhythmic swishing, and my hand tightens in Gav’s.
“This right here is your baby.” The doctor circles the bright white image with her pen. “And that sound is the heartbeat, good and strong.”
She taps on the keyboard, taking pictures, and my eyes fill.
Gavin leans closer to me, speaking softly. “You okay, Princess?”
I nod, blinking tears onto my cheeks and meeting his gaze. “I made it. I’m there.”
He slides a large hand around the back of my neck, pulling us closer as he presses his lips to mine. My heart expands, filling with so much love.
Dr. Barry uploaded our ultrasound pictures and video to our patient portal, and I’ve probably spent too much time gazing at our little boy or girl on the screen. Gavin was right. We’re at ten weeks, the baby is perfectly healthy, and we’re not due back for another month.
When I presented the latest portion of my graduate studies to my committee, both Dr. Cross and Dr. Becker commented on how healthy and glowing I am as we walked back to the lab.
Timothy scowled from where he sat, making notes on one of his tickling videos, which struck me as funny.
Daniel logged on and we discussed our division of labor this semester. It takes a lot of coordination to work with someone on the other side of the globe, but if it’s done well, we can keep a 24-hour surveillance going.
We both agree this semester we’re going to identify the exact tropospheric wind patterns carrying the disease. We’re manifesting. There’s always an increase in cases during the winter into spring months, and the windy season is just around the corner.
I’ve been getting home after dark most days. It’s my last semester, and my last chance to make any sort of contribution to the field, unless I continue and get my doctorate.
I was already on the fence about doing that, and now that I’m going to be a mom, I’m feeling less inclined to do it. Also, I won’t have the income from my scholarship, and I can’t imagine being a teacher’s assistant and a mom and working on a dissertation.
The house is dim when I finally arrive. Gigi left me a note on the counter saying she walked the dogs and put Princess Petunia in her crate. She also noted leftovers are in the microwave.
I step over to find a paper box of Mediterranean chicken with saffron rice and hummus waiting. It smells delicious and my stomach growls loudly. I’m about to dig in when I hear the bumping sounds of someone coming through the front door.
The guys had a game tonight, and I poke my head around the corner to see Gavin dropping his bag on the floor beside the stairs. He looks up, and when our eyes meet, the greatest smile curls his lips.
“Hey, Princess.” He crosses the living room to where I step into his arms.
He lifts me off my feet in a sweep, and my legs go around his waist. Carrying me into the kitchen, he sits me on the counter, leaning down to kiss the side of my neck, my jaw.
“I want to fill your Gavin-shaped hole, but I’ve got to eat something before I die.”
A laugh snorts through my nose, and I lift the box of leftover Mediterranean. “How do you feel about chicken shawarma, saffron rice, feta, and hummus?”
He groans in a way that lights my core. “I feel like put it in my belly now.”
“My thoughts exactly.” I lean over to grab the fork I set out on the counter.
He grabs a fork from the drawer beside my leg, and we fight over who can eat the fastest. At one point, we cross forks, which makes me laugh. The leftovers are gone so fast, I’m not sure we had enough.
Tilting my head, I wrinkle my nose at him. “Tater tots?”
“Please.”
I give his shoulder a little shove, and lean over to hit the preheat button on the oven. We’ll have to wait a few minutes for them to bake, but the edge is off our hunger.
He reaches into the fridge for a beer, nodding at the ginger ale in my hand. “Morning sickness?”
I shrug. “I like ginger ale.”
“That’s cool.” He smiles. “You’re almost to the second trimester.”
“Baby is the size of a plum.”
“You’ve been reading.” He grins, and warmth floods my chest.
It’s hard to remember the fear that gripped me at Christmas. Now all I can think about is the tiny plum inside me, wondering if it’s a boy or a girl, if it’ll have dark hair, blue eyes, be tall or petite, athletic or scientific…
“Do you want a boy or a girl?” Gavin takes out the cookie sheet, arranging the tots on it before sliding them into the oven.
Chewing my lip, I hesitate. I know the correct answer, but I clasp my hands, holding them in front of my nose as I say it. “I want a healthy baby.”
“Cut the crap, Princess.” He straightens, putting both hands on either side of me on the counter, caging me in where I’m still sitting.
I put my hands on his shoulders, leaning closer to his handsome face. “What do you want?”
He kisses my cheek, the side of my hair at my ear. “I’d like a little girl who looks just like you. I’ll get her a crown…”
“There are no crowns in Star Wars,” I counter.
“There are crowns. They’re just smaller.” He reaches over to tap on the face of his phone, and music starts to play.
It’s a slow and sultry song about wanting it all, and he holds out his large hand. “Dance with me.”
A smile curls my lips, and I hop off the counter, going to him and resting my head on his chest. His strong arms surround me, and we sway to the words about falling for someone.
He kisses the top of my head, sending a rush of warmth through my veins, and it’s so perfect.
Those protective walls I’ve kept around my heart are gone. I know what I want.