Chapter 23
Haddy
The computer screen is a series of lines and dots that adjust by fractions every thirty seconds. They show the direction of the wind currents, and I’m comparing the number of cases reported by the Japanese institute to the strength and direction of the storms.
It’s tedious and repetitive and not yielding the results I want, and it’s exactly what I need. Facts. Observable. Measurable.
Gavin’s been distant all week, and I don’t know why it makes me feel guilty. I was trying to extend an olive branch, to tell him I didn’t care about what happened. I really don’t, which is a pretty big step for me.
He’s shown me how devoted and caring he can be, whether it’s for the baby or for me, I can see it’s real.
Whatever happened between him and Karen is their business. I wanted to be honest with him. I didn’t expect him to take it as an insult.
I tried to apologize, but he’s still mad.
Leaning my head on my hand, I squeeze my eyes. Crying is the most ridiculous response to what is going on. Still, knowing he’s angry is a lead weight in my chest.
I was looking forward to sharing his bed that night. Instead, I slept alone and we’re in this place of distance, not really speaking, barely texting, but not technically fighting.
I debate just saying I believe him, it’s all over. But I’m the worst liar. He’d see right through me, and then it would be worse.
Why isn’t it enough that I don’t care anymore?
In the morning, when my alarm goes off, I don’t even want to get up. I want to curl deeper under the covers and cuddle Patsy.
A buzz on my phone makes me jump, and I snatch it up fast, hoping it’s him. It’s not, but it’s something almost as good.
Kimmie
I just found out our moms and our dads have their own group chats Why don’t we have one of those???
Knox
Because you’re my big sister, and that’s weird.
Gina
I love this idea… let’s do it! I do think it should be girls only, tho. Knoxey’s right. We can’t talk about everything with the guys in the group.
Sage
I only text with vets. Otherwise, call if you need me.
Gina
At first I thought you meant the military
Sage
Veterinarians
Mav
You might be a cowboy if you prefer talking to horses instead of people.
Sage
Horses are good, people are crazy.
Knox
I thought it was God is good.
Mav
Why aren’t Austin and Edward in here?
Kimmie
It’s a cousins-only chat.
Gina
Austin’s a cousin! And Edward’s an honorary cousin…
Kimmie
Where’s Haddy? Back me up on this please.
Exhaling a smile, this is just what I need to distract my mind from obsessing over Gavin.
Haddy
Austin’s more of an uncle… Edward, too, I guess even tho y’all are closer in age.
Kimmie
How old do you think I am?
Knox
This needs to be boys v girls. Mav, Sage, we’re getting off this crazy train.
Gina
Our train isn’t crazy! We have puppies
Kimmie
Fine, Sage, Knox, Mav, form your own group… we’ll talk about you behind your backs.
Sage
I don’t mind seeing what the girls have to say.
Gina
You are so Uncle Zane
Knox
Just wait til they start talking about their periods.
Mav
It’s good. We can have a separate chat for the men.
Kimmie
We’ll have a separate chat for the girls.
Gina
The women?
Knox
If the word discharge appears on my phone, I’m out.
Kimmie
What if you discharge a pass?
Knox
I throw passes.
Haddy
Mav could discharge a puck…
Mav
I don’t even want to imagine how that might happen.
Kimmie
Y’all hit those pucks pretty hard… don’t bend over.
Sage
Is that what you call bull hockey?
Haddy
Mav
That doesn’t happen.
Sage
Similar to horse hockey…
Gina
Sage!!!!
Kimmie
Bell rang—time for class. I expect all important information to be reported here.
Knox
I’m being heavily recruited to play for the Saints.
Kimmie
Knoxey!!! Mom is gonna cry
Knox
Don’t say anything... I don’t want to get her hopes up until I’m sure.
Kimmie
See, this is the kind of thing we share. Girls, we’ll have our own chat for periods. The boys can have their own to discharge their duties…
Sage
KJ said doody
Kimmie
Everyone signs off with love yous and hearts, and I put my phone down, feeling better than I did five minutes ago.
It’s time to check in with Daniel before I leave for the day, but I look up to see Timothy watching me pointedly.
“Everything okay, T-man?” I do my best to be very neutral-friendly, no romance.
He’s practically sneering. “You’re really into that hockey guy, aren’t you.”
“I guess we’re getting to know each other better.”
“You know those hockey guys are all players, right? They call their female fans bunnies.”
My cheeks sting, but I won’t let him shame me. “I don’t know if that’s always true.”
“You deserve somebody who’ll treat you with respect, Haddy. Who won’t run around on you.”
Sitting straighter, I think about the way Gavin reacted to what I said about his past with Karen.
“I think Gav would agree with you.” Timothy’s eyes narrow, but thankfully my computer rings, alerting me of my virtual meeting.
“This is Daniel.” I wave my phone at him, not really interested in continuing this conversation.
It’s none of Timothy’s damn business what I do. Putting on my headphones, I’m ready to talk data.
“I really like the idea of a cousins group chat.” Gina has Spanky’s leash, and we’re power walking around the neighborhood before the game tonight. “I don’t know why we didn’t think of that before.”
“Same. It’ll help us keep up with each other, especially with Sage and Knox.” I’m carrying Patsy in a doggie backpack I saw online. It has a little “window” she can stick her head through, and I can swing my arms as we walk. “They’re like ‘same planet, different worlds.’”
“Of course, Knox is a quarterback. He’s Uncle Jack’s son. But who knew Sage would turn out to be a cowboy?”
“Uncle Zane loves working with horses.”
“And he’s so funny, I love it!” She cuts her eyes at me, giving me a sly smile. “Speaking of love, are you going to wear Gav’s jersey tonight?”
My stomach tingles at the thought of seeing him play. He’s so sexy on the ice, flying around the rink. Even when he fights, I hate it, but it’s also a little thrilling.
We only go to the games once a month, so I haven’t had a chance to show my support since our disagreement. The way he’s keeping me at arm’s length is killing me inside. Is it killing him?
“I don’t know about love, but he needs our support, too. He’s the new guy.”
And it might help smooth things over between us.
“I don’t know about that. He’s getting a lot of support from the fans, the female fans in particular.”
A knot twists in my throat. “He is?”
“Well, I mean, they’re into him, but he doesn’t seem interested in reciprocating, which is strange. He’s so handsome, and Mav is always so full of adrenaline after their games. I wonder why Gav never hooks up with anyone.”
I don’t like anything about this conversation. It’s making me itchy and my teeth grind.
“I wonder…” It comes out as a little growl.
“Oh, shut the front door, Haddy!” Gigi yells at me so unexpectedly, Spanky jumps and barks.
I put a hand on my chest. “What?”
“You know it’s because of you! Stop playing it off and confess.
You two have been flirting since Halloween.
He gave you his jersey to wear to the games, and then he flew all the way to Newhope for what?
To see our family restaurant?” She practically groans the words.
“Give me a break. What do I look like? A dumb blonde?”
“I… We…” My mouth drops wider and wider the more she speaks. “Well, technically you’re a ginger.”
Gina shoves a hand on her hip. “Don’t even try to deny it. In fact, I’m pretty sure I heard bumping and muffled sounds coming from the shower a few weeks ago.”
Heat flames in my cheeks, but I can’t deny it. We were fucking in the shower. A word I don’t say out loud, but it’s kind of the best description of how it goes. Gav is excellent in bed… In laundry room… In bathroom…
Her lips twist into a knowing smirk. “Just clean up after yourselves.”
Spanky finally finds a suitable grassy place to do his business, and we stop. I take off my backpack and squat down to let Patsy out. She hops like a little brown bunny after her giant white doggy friend.
“We were going to tell y’all after Christmas, but…” My shoulders droop under the weight of my misery.
Gigi squats beside me, brow furrowed. “What’s wrong?”
“I think I kind of blew it.”
“How in the world could you have done that? I’m telling you, Hads, that boy looks at you like you’re a rib eye steak and he’s on a diet.”
“He does not!” I push her shoulder, and she falls onto her butt with a little squeal.
“He does, too!” She hops up at once, shoving me onto my butt with a cackle.
Then she dives on top of me, and we roll to the side, which of course makes Spanky bound over and jump on us as well. Patsy hops around squeak-barking.
“Ow! Spanky,” I groan, doing my best to guard my midsection. “Seriously, Geeg, he is out of control.”
“No, he’s not!” She sits up, hugging her big white dog, bits of grass clinging to her strawberry blonde hair. “He’s a sweetie.”
Patsy hops around us excitedly, letting out her little squeaky barks. “This is a sweetie. He’s a menace.”
I pick up the little dog, poking out my lips like I’ll kiss her. She happily licks them in response.
“And you didn’t want to foster a dog.” Gigi shakes her head at me. Then she imitates my voice in a high-pitched range that sounds nothing like me. “Oh, Gigi! She’s going to barf on my bed!”
I’m not hearing it. “You know that dog barfed on my bed any time the door was open.”
“He had a nervous condition.” My cousin climbs to her feet, catching my hand and helping me up. “I hate to tell you, but we might have to return the princess soon.”
“No!” I wail, hugging the little pooch to my chest. “She’s so happy here.”
“I know, but that’s the meaning of the word foster. It’s temporary. Peepee’s mommy misses her.”
My heart hurts at the thought of Gav being mad at me and losing my little companion. I don’t think I can take any more suffering on top of trying to keep a massive secret from my best-friend cousins.
“When?” My tone is pouty.
“I’m not sure.” Gigi catches my hand. “But start preparing yourself.”
We hold hands as we walk slowly back the way we came. I cuddle Patsy under my neck rather than putting her in the backpack.
“We’d better hurry or we’re going to miss warmup.” Gigi runs up the porch steps when we get home. “And I know you want to see Gav stretching.”
Heat pushes out the misery, and I chew my lip. I do want to see him so much.