11. Chapter 11
What started as a massively inappropriate moment on my part ended up being the turning point of our friendship.
No longer did I have to pine for Sam, wishing and hoping for more with him one day, but I always believed it would never happen and that my wish would always be out of reach.
Yet it fucking happened, and that he felt the same way about me filled me with a sense of hope, calmness, and love… even more love than I had before.
But Sam wasn’t wrong. This was scary, too.
If something happened between us, forcing us to part, it would be the end of me.
Even worse were Sam’s suicidal ideations.
That shit absolutely terrified me. I understood the context of his mental health.
I knew things were bad, but not by how much.
Fuck, I really wish he’d get help. I needed to find a way.
Sam’s life depended on it. If I lost him, I wouldn’t be able to move on.
A life without Sam wasn’t a life at all.
I lay down on the bed and pulled him down with me. “Stay with me.”
He curled on his side and wrapped his fingers in my curls, always needing to be soothed. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“I mean, I don’t want to sleep in separate beds anymore. Sleep with me every night. Maybe being here will help keep your nightmares away better.”
“Maybe. I’d… like that. It doesn’t make me look needy?”
“Sam, I asked you, not the other way around. Even if you’d asked, it wouldn’t look needy. We belong together like this. We always have.”
I scooted closer to him as he gripped my hair tighter, pulling my face to his.
It was pretty bold for Sam, and I loved it.
He was always so tentative and cautious, trying to be careful around others to mask his insecurities and struggles.
But he amazed me whenever he pushed through that and showed a glimpse of all the possibilities. Maybe one day, with help.
My leg draped over his thigh, and my arm slung around to his back. I slipped my hand under his T-shirt, touching his warm and smooth skin. We both leaned our faces closer until our lips hovered only a breath away. Sam ended the distance between us and kissed me again.
God, my stomach never turned into knots so much in my life that it physically hurt me, but it was a good kind of pain, the exciting kind. They made my heart beat so fast, and I hoped the day never came when my stomach stopped fluttering for him.
What started out as awkward, being so new to kissing, soon grew to be more in sync as our mouths explored and tasted.
I eventually got bold enough to slide my tongue into his mouth, and I groaned.
My body was on fire for him as my heart raced so fast I could hear it in my ears.
My brain tried to wrap around the idea that I was actually kissing Sam, that this was real and not one of my fantasies or a dream.
We were in an alternate universe—a universe where Sam and I had always been a couple in love. That we never pined after one another, getting the guts earlier on to tell each other how we felt. In this other world, we’d always been in love.
Despite the years we had potentially lost, we were together now, which was the most important thing. My stupidity put us on the trajectory to where we belonged, no longer living in parallel with each other, but finally converging.
As we got used to kissing and accepting the newness of it all after years of being together only as friends, we started to consume each other.
Fingers dug into flesh, teeth nipped along the jawline, tongues swiped swollen lips, and hips thrust against each other with hard cocks desperate for friction.
It was late, but I didn’t care. We could do this all night and day, and it would never be enough.
“Nate…”
“Sam… my Sam…”
“Can I… touch you?”
He didn’t need to elaborate. I understood what he wanted, not only because I knew Sam so well, but also because I wanted the same thing—to explore Sam in all ways. “Yes,” I breathed on his lips.
His clammy, trembling hand slid down my stomach and into the band of my underwear.
He wrapped his long, calloused fingers around my hard dick and held still as it pulsed in his hand.
“God…” he groaned, burying his face in my neck as my head rested on his.
If my body had been on fire before, now it was nuclear.
No one had ever touched me before, not like this.
My entire body shuddered, and I broke out in a blanket of goosebumps.
My balls and cock ached already, completely touched-starved.
Quick and desperate hands in the shower weren’t nearly enough.
His touch changed everything, and I knew right then I would need more and more, no longer satisfied with rushed fumblings in the shower for relief.
“Sam… please…” God, my voice was stupidly squeaky, but he had me too much under his spell to be embarrassed.
He heard my unspoken words and stroked me. It was rough and dry without lube, but I didn’t care. Sam was actually touching my dick.
“Am I doing it right?” he asked.
“So right…”
It was sloppy and out of sync, but that didn’t matter.
We had all the time in the world to get it all right.
Sam and I were both completely inexperienced sexually, which made it perfect because we would learn from each other and teach each other.
No man had ever touched Sam this way, and no man had ever touched me until now.
I loved that we would be all our firsts.
Sam’s hot breath on my neck made me sweat, but I didn’t dare move. I was so close already. Just the very thought of Sam stroking me was enough to quickly do me in.
“I can’t believe I’m holding your dick,” he rasped. “Fucking unreal.”
I could barely do anything more than nod, incapable of much else, as my balls drew into my body, heavy and ready to nut. My fingers dug into his biceps as I finally exploded all over Sam’s hand and the bed.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck…”
“Holy shit, Nate. I made you come.”
I huffed a laugh, and the blood pounded into my ears as the wave of ecstasy crashed over me. My orgasm was the strongest I’d ever had, all because it was Sam who did it. My eyes grew heavy and watery as the emotions coursed through me, but I shoved them back with a shuddered breath.
I shifted my body to find his mouth and kiss the hell out of him. Our upper lips met with sweat and salt, but I didn’t give a shit. I felt whole for the first time in my life.
I reluctantly pulled away and sat up, yanking my shirt over my head and using it to clean up my cum from his hand.
After tossing it on the floor, I lay back down and looked at Sam, my best friend and now my lover.
A part of me wanted to cry in relief and let go of the pent-up desire and pining I’d held for him for so long.
“Can I touch you, too?”
“God… yes. Please touch me.”
Sam sat up and also removed his shirt before falling back into the bed.
He lay on his back as my fingers mapped out his smooth skin, much lighter than mine.
It looked like ivory with a touch of rose.
His chest had a sprinkle of red hair, and while skinny like me, Sam had more defined muscles than I did.
He didn’t quite have a six-pack, but I felt how tight he was.
I pressed my nose to his skin and inhaled all things Sam, but he had a new scent on him that I’d never smelled before. Arousal dominated my senses, and I took another deep breath of it. Jesus …
When I swiped my tongue over his nipple, Sam yelped and arched his back.
“Is that a bad or good sound?” I asked, unsure, since this was all so new to me.
“Good… so good, Nate. Fuck, I had no idea I’d be so sensitive.”
I continued to swirl my tongue over his nipple and moved on to the next as my free hand cupped his thick dick. I could tell just by touch he was larger than me. One day I would wrap my lips around it, but not tonight. Tonight was all about acceptance and tentative exploration.
My hand shook a little as I touched his body, inching my way down toward the end goal.
Sam gasped as I eased into his underwear and held his length, pulling it out from his briefs.
Fuck, he had such smooth and hot skin. He whimpered, mumbling something before I pulled my hand out, spit on it, and held him again, slowly stroking.
The head was beaded with pre-cum, which I also used as lube, and as soon as my thumb brushed against his tip, Sam cried out and thrust into my hand.
“Oh, fuck, Nate… I need more. Please.”
“Am I doing it right?”
“Hell, yeah.”
I had an idea since I rub one out all the time, but I didn’t know if each of us was different or liked different things. All I could do was pay attention to Sam’s reactions and map out what I liked.
He produced enough pre-cum now that my hand glided across his taut and hot flesh.
His cock grew heavier in my hand, and his fingers dug deeper into my back before Sam came, shooting his load all over my hand and on his abs.
His eyes were slammed shut tight while his body froze with his mouth open.
I continued to milk him until he had nothing left to give, and his body relaxed.
Holy shit. I did that to him. Yeah, he did it to me, too, but to watch Sam come undone because I gave him pleasure got me nearly hard again.
I dipped my finger into the splashes of cum on his skin and swiped up a bit. I looked at it before I ran my tongue over the tip of my finger, tasting his earthy and bitter flavor. It didn’t taste dissimilar to mine, and I’d tasted mine before out of curiosity.
Yeah, I wanted to swallow him down next time if he would let me, but I wanted to do it right. I guess I could ask Stix since he was in a relationship with Stone. He could help me do it right and make it good for Sam.
“Can I taste?”
“Fuck… Hell, yeah.”
I swiped up some more of his cum and dragged it across his lower lip, where he licked it off. “I’ve never tasted myself before.”
“What do you think?”
His smile was tired and crooked. “I’d rather taste you.”
“Next time.”
I grabbed my shirt off the floor and wiped us off again. Then I snuggled next to Sam, whose fingers landed back in my hair, twirling it as his breathing calmed down.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“More than okay.”
“Still afraid?”
“Fuck yeah, but I… don’t want to be.”
“Me neither. But I love that we can do this together, teaching each other. I especially love that no man has ever touched you but me until now.”
Sam stiffened and clung tighter to me, burying his face in my throat. “That’s not quite accurate.”
I also stiffened. “Wh-what do you mean?” I racked my brain, trying to recall if Sam had ever been with anyone or had an interest in anyone.
My thoughts drifted to him taking his break at work, smoking in the alley, and having some asshole stroke him off.
The jealousy that coursed through me unhindered and made my stomach burn.
I had no right to be, but it was there, nonetheless.
Sam hadn’t once mentioned being with anyone else.
“When I was… a kid. You know the gist of what happened to me during my time in conversion therapy, but… I was touched… down there... a lot. Sometimes the nurses would try to get me hard when porn wasn’t working.
Other times, it was the male orderlies who tried to repulse me from a man touching me.
I’m sorry I never told you, it’s just… it was humiliating. ”
“What?” Oh god, Sam . It was so much worse than I’d imagined.
No doubt other things had been done to him he still hadn’t spoken about.
“Fuck… God, if I had been able to, I’d kill them all.
They didn’t try to convert you to be straight, not that it works.
They fucking groomed you in the name of conversion.
They’re fucking liars and perverts. I’m so sorry, Sam. They didn’t do… other things to you?”
“No.”
“Thank fuck, not that what they did to you is any less horrible. Jesus.”
“You’re not disgusted or disappointed?”
“Are you kidding me right now? Never. That wasn’t your fault, Sam. And I’ll stick with loving that no one has ever touched you the way I have. Those perverts don’t count. They never count. It was against your will. Do you understand?”
He nodded and relaxed his body against mine. “Okay. I’ll try.”
We kissed for a while again before drifting off to sleep. At three in the morning, we were going to be tired, but if Sam had a quiet night, we could sleep in for a bit.
My mind drifted off, not to pleasure and comfort with Sam next to me, but to his pain and those who fucking hurt him.
I would’ve burned that entire building down if I had the power.
His story proved once again how strong and brave he was.