32. Chapter 32
If there was any doubt or struggle with Sam wanting me, his words squashed them away. Not that I had any doubt—only if I did. His breathless, ‘ need you, ’ was nearly enough to do me in. I wouldn’t last long once I was inside him.
Sam pulled back his legs, and I eased my tip inside his hole. He shut his eyes and bore down on me, allowing me to slide right in. He was completely open to me. We were two puzzle pieces that fit perfectly together.
My eyes shuttered closed, and my body trembled.
His tight and smooth heat wrapped around my dick like a loving hug had my balls drawn up tight already.
No, I wouldn’t last long, and hopefully, one day, I could learn more self-control.
I also needed to learn to be more controlling for Sam.
He seemed to thrive on it. It made him so responsive.
I understood it, yet I didn’t. It helped him stay focused, but also, after what had happened to him, it still surprised me that he’d want to be controlled at all. But he asked for it, so I gave it to him. Anything for him.
To slow things down, I lay on top of him, feeling his heart thumping against mine, and kissed him.
As much as I wanted to rush and pound into him, I slowly pumped in and out instead.
I’d rather make love than just fuck. I waited years to have him and make him mine, so I would never take him for granted.
Sam needed love, patience, and compassion.
His hands tangled in my hair, gently gripping it as our mouths and tongues danced and tasted.
“I love you, Sam,” I breathed on his lips.
“I love you… so much.”
My thrusting slowly picked up as I kissed his jaw and down his throat. He stretched his neck for me so I had complete access where I gently nipped him.
My skin flushed hot as I tried to control the arousal, pushing back my inevitable climax. Even at this slow pace, it was enough to do me in.
Just a bit longer. Hold out for Sam.
He hooked his legs at my back and pulled me deeper inside. My toes curled and my eyes rolled. Fuck… so deep.
“Right there, Star. Keep hitting there.”
I needed to talk to him, to say dirty and controlling things, but I couldn’t find the words, getting lost in his body.
I pushed myself up, picking up speed, and watched my Sam, the most precious person in the world to me, with his eyes closed and his mouth open, panting. His cock was red and leaking, but he didn’t even touch himself as he took me.
I sat farther back and unwrapped his legs, pushing them against his body, watching my cock move in and out of him. I’d never get tired of seeing that, and I hoped I never did.
Sam looked stunning lying there, taking me in. The level of love I had for him nearly suffocated me, and I had to force myself to breathe through it.
I was getting close. So close. The pressure grew too much, wanting to explode out of me.
“Stroke yourself, baby. Come around my cock.”
Sam didn’t hesitate to grab his dick and rapidly tugged on it, panting with his eyes scrunched closed.
“Yes, like that. I want to feel you tighten around me.”
Even after weeks since my accident, my body wasn’t one hundred percent, so I ached a bit and quickly grew tired, but I pushed through the discomfort.
I thrust harder and faster, trying to hit that spot inside him, but I wasn’t sure if I did.
Sweat broke out on my face and back as the impending orgasm hit me.
Suddenly, Sam’s ass turned into a vise, squeezing the life out of my dick as spurts of cum decorated his stomach and chest.
“God… Star,” he cried out.
My body shuddered before I couldn’t take it anymore. The tightness and heat of his ass milked my cock until I came inside him, pumping over and over. I pulsed. He pulsed.
Unable to hold myself up anymore, I fell on top of Sam, his panting breaths making my head rapidly rise and fall. His cum was sticky, but I didn’t care. We would shower together later.
His fingers traveled along my sweaty back, soothing me and pulling sleepiness from me. I shut my eyes and listened to his steady heart rapidly beating like a rock song.
“I never imagined sex could be that good,” he said quietly. “I imagined it with you, but never grasped how much I would love you inside me. It’s also hard not to have flickers of it being wrong sometimes. Only four months was all it took to teach my body the wrongness of sex with a man.”
I pushed myself up by my arms to look at him. “Sam… Shit, if this is too hard, tell me, okay?”
“That’s the thing. Being with you like this isn’t hard. Making love to you is as easy as breathing. You pull me out of my head and teach me the rightness of us and how we’ve always belonged together.”
“We do belong together. I just wish I’d gotten my head out of my ass and tried to stop being afraid long enough to claim you.”
“I think it worked out exactly as it was supposed to.”
“You do?”
“Yes. I was terrified at first, but we needed it to happen at this moment. If it happened while we lived on the streets, I don’t think we were ready for all that. We’d both been such a mess, but we still had each other.”
I laid back down and turned my head to listen to his heart again, which now beat steadily, like it was filled with the confidence of his words.
It was a comforting sound, a reminder of being alive.
My finger swirled around one of his nipples, as his fingers twirled a lock of my hair and he kissed my head.
“Would you ever want to be inside me? I don’t mind being a strict top for you, Sam, if that’s what you want.”
“I want to give you everything, but I’m not sure. When you control the show, you silence my inner voice, giving me direction. I’m afraid if I’m in you, I won’t be able to do that.”
“That’s fine. I can be a bossy top for you.”
Sam huffed a laugh in my hair. “I think we can try it one day because I’m comfortable enough around you to fail. I wasn’t at first, but maybe I am now.”
Always my brave Sam. I kissed the nipple I’d been playing with.
“Nate? I’m going to try to do better.”
I lifted my head to look at him. He was frowning, his brows dropping low as he chewed on his lip ring.
“What do you mean?”
“I’m going to talk to that therapist Alpha found for me. It’s over the phone.”
“Are you sure?”
He swallowed hard, looking a little green.
“Sam, if you aren’t ready, I’m not going to push you.”
We talked about this earlier, but I wouldn’t force him. He had to do this on his own. That he already spoke to Alpha about it was a huge step, and I’d be there for every step he took, whether they were steps back, steps forward, baby steps, or massive leaps.
“I-I think I am. It’s scary, but… I have to do this… not just for me, but for us.”
His cum stuck to me as I sat up, giving him my full attention. “Are you sure?” I asked him again.
He nodded, sucking his lip ring into his mouth. “Can you do it with me?”
“Of course. Absolutely.”
I grabbed his face and kissed him. “Fuck, Sam. Have I told you how proud I am of you?”
He smiled shyly. “Yeah, a few times, but maybe you won’t be so much if I fail.”
“It’s not a failure if you can’t do it, Sam. That you want to try this at all is so brave and strong. Maybe it doesn’t feel like it now, but it will.”
“C-can you ask Alpha to help and set up the appointment for me? I may need reminding, too.”
“You got it.”
We sat in my bed, and Sam clung to me with his head tucked into my chest. I called the number provided to us for the video conference.
Alpha tried to set up an appointment with a psychiatrist who’d just finished medical school and was taking on a couple of pro-bono cases.
It hadn’t been easy since Sam was an adult who had to make his own medical choices.
He had to fill out all the paperwork, sign it, and make an online appointment. I helped him every step of the way.
Sam’s situation intrigued her, and she agreed to treat him free of charge, but we had to be financially responsible for any meds she might put him on.
A woman soon popped up on the screen. She was really pretty and young. Younger than I thought she’d be. I didn’t know what to expect, really. She had blond hair that was wavy to her shoulders, and she wore glasses. But it was her smile that drew me in.
“She’s on, baby,” I said.
“Hi, are you Nate or Sam?”
“I’m Nate.” I pointed the camera from Sam’s phone down at him so she could see he was there.
“Hi there, Sam. I’m Dr. Emma Tucker.”
“Hi,” he said, with his face buried in my stomach. His body was tight, and it trembled.
“She looks really nice, Sam. You should see her.”
He shook his head.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to look at me. Whatever makes you feel safe, Sam. I understand you’ve had some past trauma with doctors. It’s okay to be afraid and nervous, and I’ll do my best to make you feel comfortable. Hopefully, in time, you’ll come to trust me. And I will never betray that trust.”
He nodded his head.
“He says okay,” I tell her.
“Today, we’ll just get to know each other, and perhaps get you a prescription if I feel you need it. Just remember that no one can hurt you over the phone, and you have your best friend with you.”
“Best boyfriend,” he said in my stomach, making me smile. She did, too.
“I stand corrected… best boyfriend.”
God, I hated that he was so afraid and reduced to a nearly child-like status. I hoped this doctor was good for him and finally got him to open up. Sam really needed this.
“You’re very brave, Sam, to do this. Nate must be special indeed.”
Sam finally sat up and looked at the phone, but snuggled into me. “He is.”
She smiled again, and Sam rested his head on my shoulder.
“You two are lucky to have each other.”
“We are,” I said and kissed his head.
“I’ve received the email with both of your backstories. It’s understandable why you would have iatrophobia , Sam.”
“What’s that?” he asked.